A Breath of Innocence

by K. A. Merikan

  Mark swallowed. He didn’t want to aggravate the situation any further, but the need to keep Griff safe won. He took a step closer and gave him a hug. The lovely shoulders that could work so gracefully when Griffith danced were now so tense that feeling them made Mark’s own ache in sympathy.

  “Griffith, language!” Griffith’s mother hushed, briefly looking at the ceiling as if she were afraid of someone eavesdropping.

  Mr. Elswood raised his arms in frustration, and it was the most animated Mark had ever seen him to date. “No. Enough of this. It’s a family matter, and regardless of whether you’re gay or not, we will not be talking about it around a stranger.”

  Charlotte shook her head. “That’s your cue, Mark.”

  He stepped back and focused on Griff only, gently pressing on the tense shoulders in an attempt to unknot them by even the tiniest fraction. “What do you want to do? Either way is fine by me.”

  Griffith took a deep breath, looking somewhat defeated, even though so far he hadn’t budged against his family’s demands. In the end, he offered Mark a soft smile. “It’s okay. But stay close, in case they want to take me against my will,” he said with a wink.

  “Griffith, don’t be ridiculous,” said his mother, shaking her head.

  Charlotte rolled her eyes. “I should have known you’re gay. Always the drama queen.”

  Mark had to take a deep breath to not snarl something back at her, but Griffith did it for him.

  “Oh really? You’ve always been a slag, ran off during vacation, smoked pot at parties after you lied to Mum and Dad you were just staying the night at a friend’s house, and now you’re lecturing me? You didn’t even have to own up to your own mistakes, because you only see Allen when you visit Mum and Dad.”

  “Griffith!” Mrs. Elswood yelped yet again and pressed her hand against her chest, as if she wanted to point out that she was old enough to have a heart attack under stress.

  “What?” Griff asked. “It’s true. She always gets away with this kind of stuff. Always had.”

  “I’ll be outside.” Mark made a point of giving Griff a quick kiss before leaving. He knew exactly where those photos came from, and he chose Domenico’s number before he even slammed the door behind him.

  Marching all the way to the door leading into the hallway outside the apartment, he became increasingly agitated as Domenico took his time. When he finally picked up the call Mark was close to exploding.

  “The fuck did you do, huh?” Mark asked, struggling to keep his voice down. “You think my life is a game?”

  Domenico exhaled. “And what exactly is this about?” It was hard to say whether Dom had more schemes up his sleeve or just playing dumb.

  “Sending photos of me and Griff to Charlotte, you ass!”

  “I’m the ass? It’s not me who got a girl pregnant and is now choosing a pretty thing to fuck over his own kid. Someone has to make a man’s decision here, Mark,” Domenico responded sharply.

  Mark’s head was about to crack from the pressure inside and for once he wished this argument could be happening in person, so that he could have Domenico say that shit to his face. “There is no pregnant girl! And if you waited that bit longer, maybe you would have found out in a normal fashion.”

  Domenico went silent before eventually speaking up again, without addressing Mark’s accusations. “She did not abort it?”

  Mark hit the wall with his forehead. “It’s not what’s going on! The kid is two and a half. His name is Allen, and he’s Charlotte’s. I told you it’s complicated. But no! You know better!”

  “What? Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me that you have a child?” Domenico yelled so loudly Mark pulled the cell phone away from his ear.

  “Because I need to figure it out myself first! I’ve had visits set up and everything, and now you’ve fucked it up for me. Thanks a lot, dad!”

  “It could have been avoided if you had just been honest with me. And now look what’s happened!” Domenio said, agitated as if he weren’t the one who started this mess.

  “What happened? You outed my boyfriend, fucked up my access to my son, and you’ve made the whole family think I’m some predator out to steal their precious boy, that’s what happened!” Mark was breathing hard through his mouth, like a dog overheating in a desert.

  Domenio gave an unpleasant laugh. “Really? You started it by chasing down that English girl without telling us.”

  Mark opened his mouth, but nothing came out this time.

  Dom sighed. “That’s what I thought. It all comes down to your recklessness. Not even a peep about your real goal. You made your bed, so now lie in it. You have a son, and that is your priority.”

  Mark was seeing so much red he wasn’t sure if he wasn’t bleeding out of his eye. “I will do what I see fit, and don’t you dare meddle here again! Once I establish what the situation is, I will call you. Until then, fuck off!”

  He wouldn’t give Dom the last word, and quickly turned off his phone. Domenico was right. It was time to make a man’s decision. Mark had made promises, and he would stand by them.

  Chapter 24 - Griffith

  Griffith was spiraling down the rabbit hole, into the kind of wonderland where casual homophobia ran rampant, and his choices were not considered valid. He was about to be ushered to the cells under the Queen of Hearts’s castle seconds after swallowing all the insults that have made him gradually shrink.

  He was an adult. He could no longer rely on others making choices for him. But still, Mark’s absence was a giant void at his side.

  “With all due respect, I won’t just do whatever you tell me to, and that’s that.”

  Father’s brows rose, and he became so red Griffith was almost starting to worry about him. “You are not an adult. You can’t support yourself. We allowed you to live here in the good faith that you’re mature enough to act accordingly. Clearly, we’ve given you too much credit.”

  Mother stepped closer to Griff, making a gesture as if she wanted to hug him, but then changed her mind and just clutched her hands together. “Why are you being so stubborn, Griffith? We just need to know what’s going on here. Anonymous photos sent to Charlotte? This is madness.”

  Griffith swallowed, glaring at his sister with a sense of dull rage swelling in his chest. “I bet she hired the detective herself. Since I moved here, she’s been doing everything she can to mess with my life.”

  Charlotte burst out laughing. “Me? I hired a detective to snoop on you? I was freaking out when I got them. I knew you were dumb, but that’s just really something else.”

  “Charlotte, that’s enough,” Father said in a harsh voice that did make her back off somewhat. “Do you know who could have invaded your privacy this way? Is anyone jealous of you at university?”

  Griffith massaged his temples. He hated Charlotte. Hated her. “I will work it out, but I will not leave. I’m eighteen, and I’m sure you wouldn't have minded if I was seeing a girl. Why is a man such a big issue? It’s the twenty-first century!”

  Father’s thin lips became colorless when he regarded Griffith with silent judgment streaming out of his eyes. “I will not pay for this lifestyle. You moved here to study, not spend time on Grindr.”

  Griffith gasped, and for a moment his lungs were so full he couldn’t speak. “What is it that you think I’m doing here? Do you actually think all gay men do is hook up with strangers? How do you even know about Grindr?”

  Father raised his chin higher, and his upper lip became that much more stiff. “I read The Guardian, Griffith.”

  The door slamming startled everyone so much they looked back, the argument briefly put on the backburner, but when Griffith saw Mark, his heart soared. Griffith was in quicksand and Mark would be his lifeline.

  “We did not ask you to come back,” Mother said sharply, but Mark shrugged and leaned against the back of the sofa, close to Griff.

  “I thought Griffith needed my support. Do you want me to leave?” Mark asked Griff, and Griffi
th shook his head, unable to force himself to deny just how lonely he’d felt facing three people on his own.

  “No, please, stay,” Griffith said and pulled on Mark’s hand. “You all have met on Christmas Eve. Mark is my boyfriend.”

  “So many lies,” Mother said, shaking her head. “You are too young to make those decisions, Griffith. Think about your future. Don’t you have upcoming exams?”

  Griffith’s stomach plummeted, and he squeezed Mark’s hand tighter as he inhaled several times, trying to ease the pressure in his chest. “Law is not for me. I know you think you know what’s best for me, and that you mean well, but I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  Mark put his arm around Griff’s shoulders. Even without saying a word, his support made breathing easier.

  Father frowned, clasping his hands at the front of his body, as if he were Griffith’s boss and expected him to explain a missed deadline. “And what do you imagine doing with your life?”

  “Griffith is an incredibly talented dancer,” Mark said, stroking Griff’s arm.

  Father gave a rather unpleasant laugh. “You’re going to dance for a living? That’s what you think? What if you break your legs? What happens when you’re too old to perform? And why would you assume you could make a decent living out of this in the first place? Do you want to spend your entire life in a flatshare because you can’t afford a house of your own? People even vegetate like this at forty nowadays. Do you not care for job security? I bet you’re assuming your mother and I will be your safety net. Not a chance, Griffith. We will not support such reckless choices. If you think you’re an adult then act like one. That’s what adulthood is—making hard choices that are practical rather than ideal.”

  At least for once Charlotte was silent, but Mother spoke in that annoyingly calm, soft voice, as if she was coaxing a lamb, not talking about serious matters. “I understand studying law took a toll on you, but maybe you should just come home and take a few months to figure things out. Nisha’s parents told us she’s doing great. Maybe business could be a better choice for you?”

  No sound would come out of Griff’s throat, and he was afraid that if he did speak, words could turn into a sob.

  “Griffith also wants to study acting,” Mark filled in. “So dancing wouldn’t be the only option. And if you don’t want to support him, he can get a part time job and live with me. If that’s what he chooses.”

  Charlotte snarled like a wild animal. “You have got to be fucking kidding me! You’re the worst, Mark. Just the worst.”

  Griffith exhaled, and it was as if all the harpoons that had been lodged in his flesh suddenly melted away, and he was once again on safe waters. “You would really do that for me?”

  Mark looked into his eyes with that raw intensity that was so honest Griffith wanted to hide his face against Mark’s chest and never have to look back at his family. “Of course, baby.”

  Griffith’s lips stretched into a smile, and the only thing that stopped him from giving Mark a kiss was the sense that he didn’t need to aggravate matters any further. He faced his father, nervous despite everything having gone his way in the end. “If you don’t want me to live here, I will pack my bags, but I won’t be leaving with you,” he said, as calmly as he could.

  Father crossed his arms. “What kind of job could you possibly do? Serving people for minimum wage? We will see how long you can keep that up, you spoiled brat.”

  “Philip, you can’t let him do this!” Mother hissed, wide-eyed.

  Charlotte snarled in a way that didn’t suit her pretty features. She glared at Mark, even though her words were clearly directed at their parents. “Why not? I think Griff should learn a thing or two about real life.”

  Griffith clenched his teeth in anger but didn’t comment, instead leaning closer to Mark. An arrow of guilt pierced his chest when he realized what this meant for Mark. Charlotte had only agreed to let him see Allen if he disassociated from Griffith. Now that she’d found out the truth, Mark’s relationship with his own child would be once again severed, even though Mark already loved Allen. He never said it in so many words, but every time he drove back from a playdate, he would tell Griff all about it, to the point when the adopted brother with whom Griff never had much connection was all of a sudden interesting. Because he was Mark’s.

  Father shook his head. “This is so disappointing Griffith. I hope you come to your senses sooner rather than later.”

  Mother backed off to the door. “I hate to do this, Griffith, but your father is right. You need to move out and get a taste of the life you think you want. But know that if you change your mind, you are always welcome back home.” From the look she gave Mark, Griff understood that only he was welcome.

  Charlotte threw the empty envelope on the sofa. “And I don’t know whose freaky idea this was, but it at least uncovered your lies,” she said to Mark before following Mum out of the room.

  Griffith sank to the sofa and briefly met Father’s gaze before he too left. Moments later, the key clanged inside the lock once more, and his family were gone, leaving carnage in Griffith’s heart. His family crashed through their peaceful afternoon like a flash flood, and now all that was left was trying to pick up the pieces.

  “Shit.”

  But Mark was there before Griff could even ask for support. He pulled Griffith into his warm, strong arms and kissed Griffith’s temple with such gentleness Griffith felt his eyes itch in response.

  “It will be okay.”

  Griffith took a deep breath and squeezed the front of Mark’s shirt in his hand. “This was so awful. Thank you for being there. I know they were really unpleasant.”

  “It’s fine. I just hate to see you hurting.”

  But now that everyone left, Griffith couldn’t miss how deflated Mark was. He wouldn’t meet Griff’s eyes, and his shoulders were as low as his voice. It was as if a bucket of ice-cold water had been dumped on Griffith, and he snuck his arms around Mark’s chest in a tight hug.

  “You’re hurting too. I’m so sorry. She has no right to keep you away from Allen.”

  Mark rested his chin on Griff’s shoulder with a sigh. “I will fight for it, but there’s nothing I can do right now. The dust needs to settle.”

  Griffith petted his neck in consolation, but his eyes inevitably brushed over the pile of photos, and his pulse jumped. “Oh God, we have a stalker. What if it’s Leon?” he uttered, so deeply uncomfortable he only sank closer to Mark. The thought of Leon following him and likely fantasizing about the things he didn’t get to do with Griff made him physically sick.

  Mark bumped his head against Griff’s. “It’s not him. It’s my fucking dad. Domenico. I told you he’s… ah, never mind. What’s done is done. Fucker thought I dumped a pregnant girlfriend, wanted to pressure me. It’s why I freaked out about that call you picked up.”

  Griffith blinked, staring back at Mark with an empty head. “That’s... an overreaction.”

  Mark groaned. “It is what it is.”

  Griffith picked up Mark’s hand and petted it gently, rubbing his nose against Mark’s shoulder and breathing in his scent mingled with the aroma of cotton. As creepy as Domenico’s move was, that issue was resolved, and there were others to deal with.

  “I’m so sorry. I promise that whatever I can do to help you see Allen—I will.”

  Mark nodded without much energy. “You know, I just… My real family’s been shit, and I always thought that if I ever had a kid I would take care of them, and now I’ve created this mess.”

  Griffith licked his lips and leaned closer, pulling Mark in. The muscled of that normally strong body were now limp, as if Mark’s mood transformed him physically. “Don’t say that. It’s me who spoke to your dad. I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be silly. We can’t turn back time. Only way is forward.” Mark gently turned to kiss Griff’s neck.

  Griffith sighed, looking back at him with a choking sense of encroaching change. Was he ready? They’d dated for less
than two months. What if whatever they had turned out more fragile than he expected? Or worse yet—Mark would end up hating Griffith for invading his space?

  “You know, I’m so grateful for all the things you said, but if you’d rather still live separately, I could work something out,” Griffith said, even though at this point he couldn’t think of a single option. It wasn’t like he had any savings.

  Mark kissed him again. “I meant it, sweetie. We can get more furniture if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “What? No, I just... don’t want to impose. I’m worried you could get tired of me,” Griffith said but didn’t pull away, instead sinking even deeper into the hug that provided all the safety he needed.

  “Never. Besides, I’ve got school, you practice, so it’s not like you’ll be glued to me all the time.”

  Griffith offered Mark a little smile. “I always miss you when we’re apart.”

  Mark stroked Griff’s back in a slow, soothing motion. “Are you okay? After all this?”

  The support Mark was ready to offer was so overwhelming Griffith gave him a gentle kiss, sinking his fingers into the curls on his head. “I’m sad, but I know everything is going to work out. Because I have you, and I know you won’t let me down.”

  “I promise. And your parents will eventually understand just how much you’re meant for the stage. Everyone should see you shine.”

  Curled up on the sofa and hidden from prying eyes with white cotton curtains that pleasantly dispersed the daylight, Griffith felt at ease, despite the traumatizing conversation that had tossed him into the real world before he was ready for it. “Does it make you happy when I dance for you?”

  “Are you kidding me? You’re so beautiful when you dance, and all I can think of is… ‘damn, all that is mine’.” Mark nipped on Griff’s neck and squeezed his ass.

  Griffith chuckled, instantly relaxing as he rolled back into Mark’s lap, sliding his arms around the warm neck. Maybe he couldn’t help Mark with Allen just yet, but he could make him forget, even if for just an hour. “When you watch me, I feel at my best. I want you to keep thinking about the things I can do with my body.”