I’m so screwed.
“Watch it.” My brother warns him as he pulls away too soon. I fall to my seat and am instantly disappointed when he doesn't choose the free seat beside me. But guilt floods me when I realize that’s Conner’s seat.
“What happened to you last night, man?” he asks my brother, and I choose to tune them out as I look over at the man who I’ve loved for as long as I can remember. He was one of my best friends until I went and ruined it. Twice! The first time was at my eighteenth birthday party. I just wanted a taste. Just to know that if the reality would be as good as my dreams. It was.
I stand in one of the bathrooms at my parents’ pool house. Tears run down my face, and I sniff as I look at myself in the gold trimmed mirror. Conner and I just got into it over alcohol. I asked him to slow down on the drinking, and he told me he could do whatever he wanted to do. That I wasn’t his mother. He started yelling at me in front of everyone and then poured himself another one.
Thankfully, Ryder was in another room doing God knows what with some woman he brought with him tonight and didn’t hear it. He would have made it worse.
I hear a knock on the door, and I quickly wipe the tears from my cheeks and turn my back to the door as I hear it start to open. “I’ll be out in a minute,” I say, taking a deep breath. I stand with my back to the door as I wait for whoever it is to leave. My nose runs, and I can feel my wet eyelashes touching my cheek. I take a quick look up at the white ceiling and wipe my fingers right under my eyes. “I just need a second,” I say when I don’t hear them leave.
When I finally hear the door shut, I close my eyes and let out a long breath. I turn around only to jump in surprise. “Jaycent,” I say, placing my hand over my racing heart. Jaycent stands inside the bathroom with the door shut behind him. His hands are in the pockets of his dark blue jeans. He looks down at me with no expression on his face.
“Why are you in here crying?” he asks softly.
I didn’t see him when Conner and I got into it, so I’m not sure how he knows we got into it. “I’m just ... tired.” I lie lamely.
He takes a step toward me, and I take a step back. “You’re a horrible liar,” he states.
I swallow nervously, and my bottom lip quivers. He knows me too well. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He removes his hands from his pockets and takes two steps toward me this time. I stay where I am now that my back is against a wall. “Why are you apologizing?” he asks with a frown; his light brown eyes search my face, and I wipe my cheeks as he follows another tear falling.
Because that’s what I do. I’m always sorry. I hang my head in shame as the tears fill my eyes once again, but I say nothing.
I suck in a ragged breath when I feel his hand on my wet cheek. I look up at him through my tear-filled eyes and blink so I can see him clearly. The tears fall freely. He places his other hand on my cheek as well, cupping my face. I can’t breathe. He’s never touched me like this before. He’s never touched me at all. “When are you gonna stop letting him do this to you?” he asks as his eyes continue to search mine.
I open my mouth to answer, but nothing comes out. Because I really don’t have an answer.
He sighs heavily and steps into me, pressing the black tulle from my short dress into my legs. Its roughness making my thighs itch.
“Jaycent,” I say, lifting my hands to his chest. I can feel his heart pound behind his shirt, and I lick my lips.
He wipes the tears off my cheeks and leans his head down toward me. He stops halfway as his dark brows pull together. It’s as if he’s confused about what he’s doing in here with me. As if doesn’t know what he wants to do with me. I could think of a few things. And then some more.
“Becca.” He says my name softly, and I can’t take it any longer.
My hands slowly make their way around his neck. He doesn’t stop me, so I begin to pull him down toward me to close the space. He hesitates, stopping only inches from me, and my heart breaks in my chest. “You should go,” I tell him, and my voice breaks.
“I can’t,” he admits softly. He presses more into me, and I can feel his hardness against my lower stomach. The size of him makes my breath hitch. “I won’t leave you like this.”
I whimper, and he groans. I’ve thought about this moment so many times. But I never imagined it would be in my parents’ bathroom while my boyfriend is somewhere nearby. “You look beautiful tonight,” he says as his eyes drop to my chest. The black party dress I chose to wear shows off my cleavage. Conner picked it out. He likes it when I show off what’s his. But at this moment, I belong to Jaycent.
Those words have never sounded sweeter. It’s like that fifth drink that makes you smile and laugh at nothing. “Thank you,” I manage to whisper.
His warm hands move from my cheeks and back into my hair. He tilts my head farther back to where it rests against the wall, and I swallow nervously. “What does the birthday girl want?” he asks roughly.
“You,” I say without thought. “I want you, Jaycent.” My legs shake as that spot between my legs throbs with want.
“Becca ...” He leans in and places his head in the crook of my neck, groaning in frustration as if he’s really considering it. “We can’t ...”
I lift my right leg and wrap it around his hip, pulling him to me. His left hand drops from my face, and he grabs my thigh. His large hand squeezes it, and then it begins to travel up to my hip. My lips part, and I gasp as I try to rock my hips into his. “You asked ...” I say breathlessly. “I want you,” I tell him again. I would never say this sober, but the three drinks I’ve had have me finally going for what I’ve wanted for so long.
His lips kiss my neck, and I secretly beg him to pull my panties down. To lift my other leg and set me on the counter next to us so I can play out my deepest darkest fantasy with him. The one where he can’t wait to take me. Where he moans my name, and I scream out his. Yeah, I’ve thought about it a lot.
I groan in frustration as his lips start to make their way up my neck, my panties growing wetter. “I’m so wet,” I say, sucking in a breath, and he stops kissing me.
I swallow nervously when he pulls his face from my neck and stares down at me with hard eyes. His hand still gripping my hip. “I’m sorry ...” I say as my stomach drops. I shouldn’t have said anything. He is much more experienced with sex than I am. I’ve been sleeping with Conner for about a year and a half now, but we don’t do anything outside the norm. I’m too afraid with him. But with Jaycent, I would let him do whatever he wants with me.
“Don’t apologize, baby,” he says, letting out a long breath.
Baby? I melt at the word and then hold my breath as he runs his thumb over my bottom lip. I close my eyes as I try to calm my racing heart when I feel his lips on mine.
I gasp, and it causes him to kiss me deeper. I’ve only ever kissed Conner. He’s a good kisser, sometimes a little messy, but for the most part, it leaves me wanting something more. Jaycent is that more.
His lips are slick and soft as they work with mine. He takes my breath away as he presses me into the wall. His hand on my hip grips me tightly, and I moan as I press my hips into his. Rip them off! my mind screams.
He moans into my mouth, and he tilts his head to the side as my hands grow frantic on his back. My body tingles, my mind cloudy, and my skin heats up. I pull away, sucking in a breath. “I want more,” I say breathlessly. “I want you. All of you,” I say in a rush. My hands go to the zipper of his pants.
I groan in disappointment when his hands let go of my thigh and my hair to wrap around my wrists. He’s panting as he stares down at me. “Becca ... we... I...” He takes a step back from me, letting my hands go. They fall to my side like cinderblocks. “Can’t,” he says, running a hand through his hair. Then he turns around and walks out, shutting the door behind him. Leaving me right where he found me. Crying and alone.
I snap out of that memory and look at my brother. “So ...” I clear my throat. What have they
been talking about?
Jaycent interrupts me as he looks at Ryder. He is obviously unaffected by anything I have to say or do. Just being this close to him has my mind focused on my eighteenth birthday. And that we had slept together six months later. Things were never the same between us after that kiss. He seemed to stay away from me, and I seemed to long for him more than before. “Come on. I wanna know who she was? Gonna meet up with her later?” He wiggles his eyebrows.
I stare at Ashlyn, trying to figure out what is going on when she takes in a deep breath. “Let me get you up to speed.” Jaycent looks at my brother. I wish he would look at me again. “I was the one who Ryder slept with last night.” His eyes widen, and his eyebrows shoot to his hairline. “We had no idea who the other was. And well, you know the rest.”
“Oh.” He draws out the two letters.
Ryder nods and then crams a piece of pancake in his mouth.
“So what are our plans today?” I ask before we get into any more sex talk. I plaster a fake smile on my face.
Ashlyn is the only one who answers me. “I don’t know about all of you, but I am going back up to the room and taking a very long afternoon nap.”
“Long night?” Ryder asks, the corner of his lips curling slowly.
I don’t want to watch them flirt, so my eyes drop down to my plate, and I push my uneaten food around. My eggs drowning in the ketchup.
“What have you been up to, Becca?”
My head snaps up to look at Jaycent. A blush spreads across my face before I can stop it. “Just work and school,” I respond, trying not to sound winded.
“Congratulations on graduation, by the way,” he says with a smile that makes my heart skip a beat.
“Thank you. I’m so ready to get back to New York,” I say before taking a drink. My mouth feels dry all of a sudden.
His light brown eyes light up with excitement. “You coming home for the summer?”
My eyes shoot to my brother. “You haven’t told him?” Of course, he hasn’t. Why would he tell his best friend that I was moving back? He doesn’t know that I’ve been in love with his best friend.
“Told me what?” Jaycent also asks, turning to face him.
“I told you, dude,” Ryder answers. “She’s moving back to New York after graduation.” Jaycent shakes his head quickly. “Yes, I did. I told you the moment she told me. We were at your house. Some chick was over.” He waves a hand in the air as if her name isn’t that important.
My chest tightens at the thought of him with a woman. But that’s me being selfish. I have Conner. Of course, Jaycent has women. A man like that takes the women who throw themselves at him. I was one of those.
“Oh,” Jaycent says softly then looks back at me. And I think I hear the excitement in his voice. “Well, that’s awesome!”
I just nod my head at him, not knowing what to say, because his tone doesn't match his words. He probably wishes I would just stay in Seattle.
“Conner’s here,” my brother announces to him, and my stomach drops. Conner is mad at me. It’s just one more thing to have to worry about.
His shoulders tense, and his mouth sets in a hard line. “What? Why?” Jaycent demands.
Ryder shrugs a shoulder. “They’re back together,” he admits grimly.
Jaycent shakes his head before grabbing a piece of bacon off Ryder’s plate, obviously not having much to say on that matter.
JAYCENT
I sit back as I chew on my bacon and look over at Becca. Her head is down, and she acts like her cold and soggy food is more important than the elephant in the room—me.
I thought four years would be enough time to get over her, but looking over at her proves it wasn’t. I debated whether to come with Ryder on this trip. On having to face her after what we shared. But the need to see her outweighed any doubt I had. I had overstepped twice with her. Once on her eighteenth birthday and the second time, six months later after a graduation party. No one knows what we did—I haven’t told anyone anyway. I was too ashamed at what I had done. And too hurt from her goodbye.
I have psyched myself up for the past two weeks that I was going to see her smiling and laughing. And how I was going to talk myself down from touching her. But Ryder just crushed that idea. She’s back with Conner? I hate that piece of shit!
And now that I look over at her, I hate him even more. She has this look of pure sadness on her face. Her brother doesn’t see it. I’m not even sure her friend sees it. But I saw it all the time when she lived at home. Her mother would make her feel that way, and then when she started seeing Conner, he made her cry often. It was like she traded in one controlling relationship for another.
She tries to put a fake smile on her face and asks Ryder what he wants to do today on his special day. He answers, but I wonder if she really cares. She does because she is that type of person, but she is dying inside. I can see it. I can feel it. Becca has always been different from the other girls we ever hung out with. We were all spoiled rich kids who would eventually grow older and get access to our trusts funds, but she never cared about the money or her name. She cared about people and their feelings. Even now, you can see it all over her face. She’s hurting, and I hope I’m not the cause of that pain.
I listen to them discuss their plans for the day—how they want to celebrate Ryder’s birthday—and I chuckle and say a one-liner here and there, but she has all my attention. Her dark hair is up, giving me a clear look at her face. Every now and then, her green eyes look over at me, but then they look away the moment she sees me staring. I can’t help it. I haven’t always been drawn to her, but it was like the moment she became legal, she became mine. That was wishful thinking on my part. After the night I kissed her at her party, I swore I would never touch her again. That what we did was wrong, and I should be ashamed. I was. She had a boyfriend, and I had just broken up with my long-term girlfriend. But the worse part was she was eighteen, and I was twenty-five. I should have felt sick to my stomach and ashamed, and both came eventually. But at that moment in the bathroom with her, that was nowhere close to what she made me feel. And I kept my distance for six months when I found myself in an even more compromising position with her, and once again, I couldn’t tell her no.
The sound of her voice is still fresh in my ear from that night we spent in the back seat of my car. The way her smile lit up the night. Her hands were all over me; greedy. I liked it. I remember her riding me, her head tossed back and eyes closed. The way she moaned my name ...
“Jayce ...” she pants as her hips grind back and forth. Her tight pussy wrapped around my cock. She’s so wet.
My arms wrap around her waist, and my hands flatten on her small back. “Oh, God, baby ...” I groan as my eyes look at her perfectly round tits as they bounce up and down. I use my hands to push her forward, and I lick my lips before I open them. I take her hard pink nipple into my mouth and suck on it.
She gasps loudly, and she throws her head back. I bite down on it gently, and she slams her hips into mine. I let go of her nipple and move to the other one, repeating the process. “You feel so good,” I tell her as my hands move up her back and into her hair. Her body slapping into mine as she picks up the pace, pushing me closer to the edge. I grab her hair as the air grows thicker around us. “So good...” I moan as her pussy tightens around my cock.
“I’m gonna come,” she says breathlessly.
I’ve imagined her saying those words before, and not once did it sound that sexy. “Fuck, Becca,” I say, needing more of her. I wish we had more space, like in a bed. I want to lay her down. I want hours with her, not just minutes. “Come, baby,” I say, letting go of her hair and gripping her hips.
She sucks in a breath as I quicken her pace. My hard cock is slamming into her wet pussy. The sound of our bodies slapping and her gasps fill my car.
“Jayce ...” She cries out as I feel her come undone.
Great, now I’m hard remembering that night we shared together. I clear my throa
t and smile at Ashlyn, needing a distraction. “How long have you guys been friends?” I ask, pointing a finger back and forth between her and Becca.
“Four years,” she answers.
I tilt my head to the side and drop my hand. “And you slept with Ryder last night? Her brother.” Her face pales a little. “But didn’t realize he was her brother until this morning? How is that possible?” Do I really fucking care? No! All I care about is that brunette who has made my cock hard. “I’m gonna come ...”
She sighs heavily as if sleeping with him was the worst decision she’s ever made. I look to see Ryder smiling like it was the best night of his life. I know what that feels like. I had that with Becca. “She talks about Ryder a lot, and she has pictures of him in her room, but they are mostly from when they were younger. I mean one of them is a picture of him and her from like ten years ago. He has a bowl cut and sunglasses on as they stand outside in what looks like a park,” she explains, and I laugh, but I don’t find it funny. “I’m gonna come ...” “I didn’t recognize him in the least when I met him last night. He was wearing a hat, sunglasses, and had facial hair. Plus, he said his name was Ry, not Ryder.”
“I haven’t even seen Ryder in four years,” Becca chimes in, and her voice alone makes my already hard cock twitch. “The most recent picture I have of him was four years ago at my high school graduation. And he’s changed a lot since then as well.”
“Plus, it’s not like I paid attention to his pictures,” Ashlyn says with a careless shrug.
“You paid attention to me last night,” he adds. She narrows her eyes and thins her lips at him. “The truth hurts,” he adds, and I laugh again as I’m listening.
“And it’s not like he has any social media pages for me to follow or to grab current photos from,” Becca says, looking over at him. “You really need to join the world and get with social media, Ry.”
Myself (Selfish Series, #2) Page 3
