He shrugs. “That shit is nothing but drama.”
“Oh.” Ashlyn places her elbows on the table and locks her fingers together as she smiles at him. “Sounds like you’re talking from experience.”
“He is,” I answer. I take another piece of his bacon, and he shoves my hand away. I look at Becca, and she isn’t looking my way. “He pisses off women, and then they try to get even—”
“Let’s not talk about Ry’s love life at the moment,” Becca interrupts me. “I wanna get back to planning your birthday today,” she says, looking at Ryder.
“We don’t need to do anything for it,” he tells her.
She waves that off. “How about we go out tonight and hit the bars to celebrate?”
“It’s supposed to pour down rain today and tonight,” I tell her.
“Really? I thought it looked cloudy outside.” She pouts, and I love the way she looks when she does that. I wanna take that bottom lip of hers and bite it ...
“We can stay in,” Ryder offers. “Have a party up in our room.” I smile at that thought. Ryder is obviously gonna be up Ashlyn's ass, so that will leave me some one-on-one time with Becca.
“That’s fine with me. You okay with that, Ash?”
She nods. “Sure.”
“Fuck!”
I look at fuck-face Conner when he plops down in his seat. The empty one right next to Becca. “That elevator takes forever,” he bitches.
“Why did you go back up to the room?” Becca asks him as she puts her hand on his shoulder. He shrugs it off, and I hate the way he dismisses her. For some reason, she cares about that fucker. I wish she cared about me that way.
“I told you he peed his pants,” Ashlyn answers, and I wonder what I missed.
Conner looks over at her. His dark eyes narrowed and an angry look on his face. She just smiles at him. I like her. Because she seems to hate him. He fists his hands on the table, and I decide it’s time to let him know I’m here.
“Conner,” I say his name flatly.
He whips his head back to look across the table, and his face goes as white as a ghost, his shoulders fall, and his hands unclench. “Jaycent.” His voice actually squeals, and Ashlyn can’t cover her laugh fast enough.
“I’m surprised to see you here,” I declare, sitting back in my seat.
Conner clears his throat and shrugs his shoulders. He’s nervous. He should be.
I storm out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I lean up against it and take a deep breath. I can still taste her lips on mine, and all I can think about is what her pussy tastes like. Is it as sweet?
Fisting my hands down by my side, I can hear her crying behind the door, and I have to walk away. I can’t go back in there. If I do, I’ll do something wrong. As if what we did wasn’t already wrong. This night is just so fucked up. I broke up with my girlfriend at this party maybe an hour ago, and then I saw Becca and Conner fighting, and I follow her to the bathroom and make out with her. I’m fucking up. Is she crying now because of me or ‘cause of Conner?
I fist my hands down by my side and push off the door. I make my way through the large group of people. Most of whom she doesn’t even know. Most don’t know her, either; they just came for the free alcohol. They all know Ryder knows how to throw a party. I suck in a deep breath, trying to get the smell of her off me.
I told Ryder this party was a bad idea. It was Ryder’s idea to throw her this surprise party, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Conner had told her about it beforehand. He likes to ruin everything for her.
I don’t see him, so I walk out the front doors and stand on the wraparound porch until I finally spot him over by a big walnut tree with a cigarette in his hand. I walk over to him, and he spots me. “What up, Jaycent?” he asks, giving me a head nod like we’re buddies.
“Becca’s inside crying,” I inform him as I come up to him.
He sighs and shakes his head. “When is she not crying?”
I grind my teeth. “Maybe she wouldn’t if you weren’t such a dick,” I snap.
He chuckles. “Taking up for her, are you?”
“Someone has to do your job.”
He stops laughing and tosses his cigarette to the ground. Stepping on it, he looks up at me. “You would like to, wouldn’t you?”
I say nothing. I have never come off as anything more than a friend to Becca. Until tonight. She was underage and just my best friend’s little sister. But tonight, she walked in, and she just looked different to me. She had this black dress on that made me think of nothing but ripping it off her. It showed off every part that said I’m a woman—short enough to show off her long, lean legs. Her perfect, perky tits. It was like the devil calling to a sinner.
He smirks. “Does Ryder know how you feel about his sister?”
“I feel nothing for her,” I growl. And up until tonight, that wouldn’t be a lie.
His smirk grows to a full smile. “Yeah, well, I’ll remember that when I’m fucking her later.”
I punch him in the stomach. He doubles over, grabbing his stomach, and coughs into his hand. I grab him by his neck and lift him to stand upright. I shove him back against the tree and look into his watery eyes. “Ryder may not touch you, but I have no problem breaking every bone in your body,” I shout in anger. I don’t know if I’m angrier that he’s going to be fucking her later or the fact that I can’t really break his nose right now. I went for his stomach ‘cause when he walks back in the party, no one will see the mark left by my fist.
I let go of him, and he continues to cough as I turn and walk back inside. I refuse to leave her alone with Conner while she’s upset. I’ll stay back in the shadows because I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. I’d never forgive myself if I left and something happened to her.
CHAPTER TWO
BECCA
We finish breakfast and make our way back up to our room while the guys go to theirs. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my still shaky nerves.
As soon as we walk through our door, Ashlyn heads to her room. “I’m going to take a nap. Wake me up in an hour.”
“Okay,” I say although I don’t want her to go to sleep. I don’t wanna be left alone with Conner. He’s pissed. As soon as her door closes, he turns to face me.
“What the fuck, Becca?” he demands.
“What Conner?” I say with a sigh, starting to feel tired myself.
“First, your brother, and now, Jaycent,” he growls. “You know I hate that guy.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know either one were coming.” Why did I just apologize to him?
He snorts. “I highly doubt that. I’m sure you just didn’t wanna tell me.”
“Why would I do that?” I ask, trying to understand what is happening. “If you don’t like it, then stay down here,” I say, raising my voice.
“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” he snaps. “So you can go up there
and do whatever you want with Jaycent.” He takes a step toward me, but I’m not gonna let him intimidate me.
I swallow the lump in my throat but manage to lift my chin. “How would it be any different than what you did with that girl last night?”
He places his hands on my shoulders and shoves me backward; my back hits the wall hard. My eyes shoot to Ashlyn’s door, hoping I don’t wake her. Jaycent would be the last person he needs to worry about if she saw him right now. “I didn’t do anything with her,” he growls. “But you sure as hell did with Jaycent.”
I sit on my shower floor, crying, the water from the showerhead falling down on me feels like a thousand knives. I cheated on Conner again. But this time, it was more than just a kiss. I slept with Jaycent. “I’m sorry,” I say as I bring my legs to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
Conner says nothing. His silence making it worse as he stands outside the shower.
“I’m so sorry...” I sob. “I—”
“So was it as good as you hoped it was going to be?” He interrupts me.
> I look up at him wide-eyed. “How can you ask that?”
“It was never a matter of if. It was a matter of when,” he snaps.
I sniff. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not fucking blind. I’ve seen the way you look at him. Every time you wanna go somewhere, he seems to show up. As if you knew he was gonna be there.” I shake my head quickly, but what he’s saying holds some truth. “But honestly, Becca, I never thought you could be such a whore,” he says with disgust.
My throat suddenly tightens. “It was a mistake,” I say, trying to hold back a sob.
He snorts. “Easy to say that now that you’ve already done it.”
“It’s not gonna happen again.” I had finally slept with Jaycent. After what happened at my birthday party had me thinking he would never even come around me again. This time, we went all the way. I love him now more than I did before I slept with him, but us being together would never work. We both have to go our separate ways for different reasons.
“I know it won’t happen again because he got you out of his system.” Even though I feel bad for what I did, that statement hurts. It makes Jaycent sound like he used me. Like it meant nothing when I know it did. I just chose to let him go because I knew it was the right thing to do given the circumstances. If I had known the truth beforehand, I would have never made a move.
He bends down by the shower and says, “I’ll forgive you, but I’m not gonna forget. We’re gonna go to Seattle, and you’re never gonna talk to Jaycent again, understood?”
“That was four years ago,” I say softly.
“Doesn’t mean you wouldn’t fuck him now if given a chance.” He goes to walk away, but I turn around and stop him.
“And what chances have you had, Conner?” I demand.
“Don’t make this about me.” He growls. “This is about you and your lies.”
“I’m not lying,” I say, holding my hands out wide. “I may have cheated, but I was honest.”
He laughs darkly. “Yes, because being honest makes it better. Just makes you unable to lie.”
“So you admit to lying to me?” I ask angrily.
“This isn’t about me,” he shouts. “This is about you and you bringing me on this trip only to make me look like a fool.”
“You do that pretty well on your own, Conner.”
He steps up to me. “And you seem to do a pretty good job at being a slut. Guess neither one of us are perfect.” And with that, he walks past me to our room. I take a deep breath and swallow that lump that continues to rise in my throat.
I pull my phone out of my back pocket with shaky hands and pull up Ryder’s number. I go to text him that I’m not gonna be coming up after all, that I need a nap as well, but then I delete it. I want to see my brother. He came all this way to surprise me, and it’s his birthday after all. I refuse to let Conner dictate my life like my mother always did. Not this time.
JAYCENT
I’m sitting on one of the couches up in our suite when I hear a knock on the door. I don’t look up from the TV that I pretend to watch. I know it’s her.
“Come in,” Ryder says, greeting them. “Where’s Ashlyn?”
“Don’t you mean Sasha?” Conner asks, and I frown. Who the hell is Sasha? But I don’t ask. I continue to watch the TV.
They come in and sit down on the other couch. Ryder speaks to them and gets them drinks. I sit back and listen to her voice as she answers questions here and there, and Conner bitches about the rain that falls outside the windows.
I lift my beer to take a drink and realize that it’s empty. Standing, I avoid looking at her and make my way to the kitchen for another one when I hear Ryder speaking. “Well, I’m glad you like it there, but it’s gonna be awesome to have you back in New York. Especially since you’ll be in the same building as I am.”
The beer slips out of my hand and falls onto the tile floor, shattering in the process. “Dammit.” I look over at everyone in the living room and find all eyes on me. “I’m okay. Just dropped my beer,” I say and grab a towel off the countertop. I drop to my knees and try to push it all to one spot as I hear her talking to him about how excited she is to move to New York.
I can’t believe I didn’t know she was moving there. I don’t remember Ryder ever telling me that. I mean that’s not something I would forget.
“And it’s gonna be even better since it will be the three of us,” she says, and my jaw tightens. I shouldn’t feel this way for her. I should be happy she’s happy, but she’s not. The woman I fell in love with four years ago is slowly dying. Her bright smile and bubbly personality are gone. God, I would give anything to see it again.
“Three of us?” Ryder asks the question that I’m already thinking.
“Ashlyn. She’s coming with me,” she replies, and I let out a long breath.
Picking up all the glass from my shattered beer bottle with the towel, I dump it in the trash. Grabbing another beer from the fridge, I make my way back to the couch. I can’t help but look at her, and her eyes catch mine. She quickly looks down at her bottle of water as she places her hand on Conner’s leg. He brushes it off, and she shifts in her seat as disappointment shows across her face.
I stand for a second, wanting to say something to him. Maybe even punch him. Scream in his face to wake the fuck up. Do you know what you have sitting next to you? Why do you treat her like shit? But I don’t. Instead, I sit down and take a sip of my beer. Looking back at her, I feel a little piece of my heart break for her. I want to be selfish; I want to demand she leave his sorry ass and give me another shot. I want to see that fire in her eyes and not this worn down, submissive woman who seeks the rejection. The woman I fell in love with was on fire. And I miss the way she made me burn.
I walk into the house where the graduation party is being held. It doesn’t take me long to find her standing in the kitchen where the alcohol is. I silently watch her—my best friend’s little sister. Normally, I wouldn’t come to a party like this, but Ryder asked me to come keep an eye on Becca tonight. He has been working in Hawaii and was only able to fly in for her high school graduation and then had to fly back out. When he asked me for the favor, I felt guilty because I was going to do it for myself. I wasn’t going to miss this opportunity to be alone with her. The chance to feel like she belonged to me and only me.
She stands over by the makeshift bar as she sways on her feet. She’s had way too much to drink already. And I’m thankful that I got here just in time. I take a quick look around for Conner but don’t see him anywhere.
I watch the girl standing beside her take her keys out of her purse, and I straighten my back. She leans over and says something to Becca, and she nods her head. Becca’s tossing back what’s left in her Solo cup, and then they’re walking toward the front door.
I walk across the room and move to stand in front of her. “Whoa,” I say, reaching out to stabilize her as she sways on her feet.
“Jayyycennnt.” She slurs my name as she looks up at me. A smile tugging at her pink lips.
I ignore the pain in my chest at the way she said my name. As if she was truly excited to see me. I haven’t spoken to her since I left her in her bathroom crying after I kissed her. “What are you doing?” I ask.
“My new friend and I are leaving,” she says, lifting her hand and pointing at the woman now making out with some guy over by the front door.
I shake my head. “I’m not letting someone I don’t know drive you home.”
She tilts her head to the side. Her brown hair falling and shielding half her face. “Then ... how am I gonna get home?”
“I’ll drive you.”
She steps up to me and wraps her arms around my waist. I suck in a long breath and pat her on the back awkwardly. “Come on, princess.”
We make our way out of the house, and I help her into my BMW. As I slide into the driver’s seat, she turns to face me. “Where are we going?” she asks.
I laugh as I back out, noticing that she
already forgot what I had just told her. “I’m taking you home.”
I take a quick glance at her, and she’s frowning. “What’s wrong?” I ask, placing my attention back on the road.
“I thought we could go to your house.”
My head snaps to the right to look at her. “What?” is all I can manage to say.
She undoes her seat belt and scoots closer to me in her seat. I look back at the road for a second and then my eyes are back on hers. “Becca ...” I shift in my seat as she places her hand on my thigh. “What are you doing? Put your seat belt back on.”
She doesn’t answer or do what I tell her as her hand travels up my thigh. Her fingertips graze my hardening cock, and I tighten my hands on the steering wheel. So many times, I have thought of this moment, but it’s not possible. For a hundred different reasons.
I push her hand away and say. “Becca ... we can’t.”
She falls back into her seat and lets out a long sigh. “No one wants me.”
I ignore the pain in my chest. If only I felt that way about her. It would make this so much easier.
She falls silent as I pull onto the highway, heading to her parents’ house. And I think back to when I saw her at a house party Ryder and I threw at his parents’. I had been kissing my girlfriend when I looked up to see Becca run off toward her room. I was afraid something had happened to her, so while Ryder was busy with his girl, I followed her up to her room to make sure she was okay.
“Becca?” I say her name.
She looks over at me, her eyes glazed over. “What?”
“Do you remember that party Ryder and I had back when we were seniors?”
“What about it?” she asks, turning to look out the window.
I swallow. “I followed you up to your room and heard you crying.”
“Why?” She snorts as if she doesn’t believe me. “Not like you cared.”
I sigh. “I did care then. And I care now.”
“Is there a point to this story?” she asks.
“The point is I read your diary.”
“What does my diary have to do with tonight?” she asks carelessly.
I hate that I’m doing this. That I’m getting ready to bring up something from so long ago. “I saw where you said you loved me.”
Myself (Selfish Series, #2) Page 4
