Myself (Selfish Series, #2)

by Shantel Tessier

  He stands behind his desk; papers scatter the black top. He holds a paper in his right hand and a cell between his shoulder and his ear. “Yes. I agree, but ...” He nods. “I know,” he growls. “I made the call. Now, I’m just waiting to hear back...” He looks up to see me. His eyes are still bloodshot like last night, and I notice he’s still wearing the same clothes. “I’ll take care of it.” Then he drops his shoulder; the phone falls from his ear and hits his desk with a thud.

  “Bad day?” I ask.

  He lets out a frustrated breath. “Fuck this day,” he snaps.

  I plop down in the chair in front of his desk. “Drank a little too much last night.”

  “Not sure how much I had,” he says honestly.

  “Enough to want to fuck a woman in the bathroom,” I say flatly.

  His head snaps up, and he looks at me wide-eyed. “I did what?”

  I hold up my hand. “You didn’t do it. Just tried.” He falls down into his seat and lets out a long breath. “You really remember nothing?” I ask, leaning forward and placing my elbows on my knees.

  He shakes his head. “I woke up this morning on my office floor with a pounding headache and smelling like booze,” he says.

  I sniff the air and pull my lips back. “You do stink.”

  He snorts. “That’s the least of my worries.”

  I sit back, wanting to tell him about the phone call last night when he speaks. “Then my sister shows up yelling at me about how I should do business.” He huffs. “Like she knows what she’s talking about.”

  “Did she make sense?” I ask him.

  He shakes his head. “No. She doesn’t know what’s going on here, and I don’t have time to explain that to her.”

  I nod, letting that slide. “And Ashlyn? How is that going?”

  “It’s over,” he says again.

  “You didn’t seem that way last night. You were checking your phone every two minutes.” He snorts. “Then you were willing to go to the bathroom with that woman like you were a man trying to forget another.”

  “I’ve already forgotten,” he says flatly.

  “You told me that you loved her.”

  His body freezes where he sits. His eyes drill into mine, his shoulders pulled back and body tense. “Pretty sure you’ve felt that way long before last night. Remember that?”

  He doesn’t answer, and I sigh, needing to tell him what happened. “Ryder, she ...”

  “I don’t wanna talk about Ashlyn,” he snaps, and I close my mouth. “It’s over. I have shit to do. Shouldn’t you be at work as well?” he growls.

  I place my hands on both armrests and press myself up. “Yep,” I say and walk out, letting him fuck himself over.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  BECCA

  I knock on Ashlyn’s bedroom door and take a deep breath. It’s taken me an hour to get the courage to talk to her. I’ve gone over this conversation in my head twenty times, but I know it’s not going to come out how I rehearsed. “Come in,” she says to me.

  She sits on her bed with her phone in her hands. “Hey, are you busy?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “Come on in.”

  I walk in and shut the door behind me. As I sit on the edge of the bed, Harry jumps up on it and crawls into my lap, demanding to be petted. “Who are you talking to?” I ask when I see her screen is lit up.

  “Bradley.” She sighs and then pushes the button on the side, and her screen goes black. “He is still in New York.”

  My eyes widen. “What does he want?”

  “He’s staying at a hotel and wants me to come and see him.”

  “Are you going to go?”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  I nod, agreeing with her. I know my brother may not feel about her like she does him, but I lied to him today when I said she never was his. She never belonged to Bradley either. “I need to talk to you,” I say, swallowing the knot that forms in my throat.

  “Okay,” she says, turning to face me on the bed. “What is it?”

  “I spoke with Ryder toda—”

  “Please tell me you didn’t do it for me.” She interrupts me. “Honestly, I’m fine, Becca,” she lies.

  I run a hand through my hair. “It wasn’t for you,” I say softly. “I had heard something and needed to find out for myself.”

  “What was it?” she asks, frowning.

  I take a deep breath. “O’Kane’s investments is buying Talia’s.”

  Her lips frown, and her eyes search mine. “What do you mean buying Talia’s?”

  “I don’t know the specifics; I just know they are buying it.”

  She looks away from me and swallows. “When?” she asks softly.

  “I’m not sure.” She looks down at her hands in her lap. “I’m sorry I don’t know much. Ryder wouldn’t give me much information about it. He said it wasn’t any of my business. But I guess it’s been in the works for a while.”

  She nods, still not looking at me. “Thank you for telling me.”

  I reach out and grab her hand. “I know this is hard to hear, but it’s going to be okay.”

  She nods and then removes her hand from mine and gets up. “Maybe it’s just better if I go back home.”

  I stand quickly. “No. That’s not why I told you. That’s not the answer.”

  “Then what is the answer?” She turns to face me. I see the tears in her eyes, and I try to hold mine back. I want to be there for her like she used to always be there for me.

  “You’re not a quitter,” I say truthfully. “I know you, and the Ashlyn I know wouldn’t let a man dictate her life,” I say, and she sighs. “Ashlyn, you are tough. You are the woman I’ve always wanted to be.” The first tear falls down her cheek, and I’m amazed that I haven’t done the same yet. “We have time. I will help you find another job. I know you left your family in Seattle, but I’m your family here. And I’m not going anywhere. Please tell me you’ll stay. Tell me that you will not let Ryder get the best of you. Because he doesn’t deserve that.”

  **

  Tuesday and Wednesday went by pretty fast. I didn’t see much of Jaycent; I’m spending all my time with Ashlyn even though she’s not much company. I also haven’t seen or spoken to my brother.

  I was supposed to meet Jaycent for lunch today, only for him to cancel at the last minute. Something about a meeting with a project manager. I didn’t ask questions, and he didn’t explain. So I decided to go to a nearby Starbucks, just a couple of blocks from our apartment building.

  I am standing outside in line when I hear my name being called. I look up from my phone to see Conner walking toward me. “Conner?” I ask, looking around to see if anyone I know is with him.

  “Becca,” he says with a nod as he comes to a stop in front of me.

  “What do you want, Conner?” I demand, still unable to believe he was getting paid to be with me.

  His dark brown eyes hide behind a pair of black Oakleys, and he’s wearing a New York Giants hat. He reaches up and removes his sunglasses. There’s a cut across his right cheekbone, and his left eye is a yellowish-green color, and I know it’s from what Ryder did to him over a week ago. And it makes me think back to the night at the rooftop bar when we saw him with that woman. Did he have bruises then from Jaycent beating him up? I can’t remember. It had been dark, and I didn’t really look at him that closely.

  “You can call off your dogs,” he says, licking his bottom lip. There’s a cut there too.

  “My dogs?” I ask, placing a hand on my hip.

  He nods. “Yes. Not only did your boyfriend put his hands on me, but then your brother also beat the crap out of me.”

  I take a step toward him, knowing that only a month ago I wouldn’t have had this much confidence in his presence. “You deserved what Jaycent did to you, and my brother beat your ass because you put your hands on Ashlyn.”

  He snorts as he looks me up and down with disgust. “And your father?”<
br />
  “What about him?” I snap.

  “Just make sure to tell him to leave me the fuck alone. He’s pretty persistent like your mother.”

  I swallow; that anger I have for my mother is overwhelming. “Fuck you, Conner.”

  He smiles. “No thanks. You weren’t worth the price your mother was willing to pay for you. And now that you’re letting Jaycent fuck you.” He growls his name. “You’re worthless.”

  I fist my hands down by my side. “Then go away and leave me alone,” I say through gritted teeth.

  He smirks. “Tell your father to do the same.” And with that, he turns around and walks off.

  I stand there watching him walk away as he crosses the streets and wish a taxi would hit him.

  “Ma’am ...”

  I look behind me to see the woman pointing ahead of me because the line is now inside the door. I step out and tell her to go on as I watch Conner slip into a cab across the street before it pulls out in front of traffic.

  I stand there for a few seconds trying to figure out once again what is going on. He said he had spoken to my dad a few days ago. But that was before Ryder’s birthday party. Before I knew about my mother. Had my father known all along that my mom was paying him? My chest tightens at that thought. How could he do that to me, too?

  I run over to the side of the street and raise my hand for a taxi. One pulls up. I jump in it and order it to take me to my father’s building. Fifteen minutes later, I’m jumping out and running through the front entrance. By now, the tears have started to fall down my cheeks, and my throat has closed up on me.

  I feel like everything is falling down on me once again. Like I’m suffocating. The elevator doors open on the seventieth floor. I see Kelly, Ryder’s assistant, stand from her desk when she sees me. “Ms. O’Kane, is everything all right?” she asks, coming around her desk. Her big blue eyes wide and stained red lips parted.

  “Is my father in?” I ask softly.

  She shakes her head. “No, ma’am. He and your brother had to go to Philadelphia today for a meeting,” she says, and my stomach drops. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

  I shake my head as another tear falls. “Thank you.” I have to force myself to say the words. She opens her mouth to speak, but I turn around and go back to the elevator. Of course, it’s not fucking there, so I stand there awkwardly for what feels like ten minutes for it to come back up. When the doors open, I get inside and look up to see she is back behind her desk and on her office phone staring at me. Great. She called my dad.

  As soon as the elevator comes to a stop and I step out of the open doors, my cell rings. Dad lights up my screen, and I realize Ryder must have given him my new number. “Hello?” I ask finally answering before voicemail picks it up.

  “Becca, is everything okay?” he asks in a rush. “Ryder’s assistant just called me and said you showed up at the office crying.”

  I sniff as I walk out the front glass doors into the Manhattan madness. “I did.”

  “What’s wrong?” he asks again.

  “I saw Conner, and he—”

  “Are you okay?” he demands, interrupting me. “Did he hurt you?”

  “No,” I say, and I feel the tears come faster. “But he said you spoke with him.” I can’t help but cry out, and a man walking by me looks at me as if I’m interrupting his phone call. “He said you are as persistent as Mother. Did you know, Dad?”

  “What?”

  “Did you know about Mom paying him? Had you been a part of it too?”

  I cry.

  “What? No, Becca.” I hear some guys talking in the background, and I recognize my brother’s voice as one of them. “Excuse me, gentlemen,” my father says, and then I hear a door open and close.

  “Then how did you know about it? Why did you go to Conner?” I demand.

  “Jaycent told me.” I hear him suck in a breath and then mumble, “Shit.”

  “Jaycent told you that Mom was paying him?” I ask, looking down at the concrete.

  “Yes,” comes his simple answer.

  “When?” I ask, and my voice shakes.

  “Last week.”

  I say nothing. My voice silenced at his words. “I had no idea what was going on until then. How could you think I would do that?”

  “Because you do everything how you want it,” I say, grinding my teeth. “Neither you nor Mom cares what I want to do with my life. Hell, why do you think I wanted to keep Jaycent a secret? I still won’t even let him tell Ryder. ‘Cause I’m tired of all of you telling me what I can and can’t do.”

  “Becca, I—”

  “You know I would have stayed in Seattle,” I say, interrupting him. “I loved it there.” I’m starting to think that Ashlyn was right. Neither one of us should have ever left Seattle. “But it was never even a question. You just called and told me that you bought me an apartment and it was time to come back home.” I’m crying so hard I’m having a hard time getting my words out.

  “You hate your apartment?”

  I don’t answer. I just told him that in my rambling. “And then Conner shows up today and tells me that I wasn’t worth what my mother paid him,” I scream, and a woman who could be my mother looks at me in surprise as she walks by on her phone. “You know what that makes me feel like?” I demand. “Do you know what that makes me think of myself?” I cry out.

  “Becca.” He says my name softly. “Please calm down. Sweetheart.”

  I cry harder at his words because he’s never sounded more like a father. “I’m sorry, Dad,” I whisper, placing my hand over my mouth.

  “Don’t apologize,” he says. “Don’t be sorry for letting it all out,” he says, and I nod my head as if he can see me. “Where are you?” he asks.

  I suck in a long breath, trying to calm my nerves. “Standing outside your building. Why?”

  “Stay right there. Okay? Don’t leave,” he orders then hangs up.

  JAYCENT

  I sit in the middle of a meeting with the Manhattan skyline behind me while I look up at a man by the name of Fredrick when my cell rings on the table. I take a look down to see it’s Mr. O’Kane. He’s probably just calling to see how this meeting is going and to see if we have any progress with Hahn’s.

  I stand and walk out of the conference room to take it. “Hello, Sir?”

  “Jaycent, where are you?” he demands.

  I frown. “At the office. I’m in a meeting—”

  “How fast can you get to O’Kane’s?” he asks in a rush.

  “I don’t know. Like twenty minutes.” Give or take fifteen given traffic. “Why?”

  “I need you to go pick up Becca.”

  “Becca?” I ask confused. “What is she doing there?”

  He sighs heavily before he speaks softly. “Kelly called me and said she showed up at the office crying. I called her, and she is standing outside my building. I guess she ran into Conner earlier, and he upset her. She was crying so hard I couldn’t even understand some things, but she doesn’t need to be alone, and I’m in Philadelphia with Ryder ...”

  “I’m on my way,” I say, already walking into my office to grab my suit jacket off the back of my chair.

  “Thanks, Jaycent,” he says thoughtfully. “Ryder is returning tonight, but I won’t be back until tomorrow.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll take care of her,” I assure him, stopping at my assistant’s desk. “Cancel the rest of my day,” I say and walk off before she can question me.

  “Thank you. Oh, and Jaycent?”

  “Yes?” I ask as I run out of the office and come to a stop at the elevators.

  “She knows you told me about Conner.” And then he hangs up.

  Shit!

  **

  I chose the lobby instead of the parking garage, and I chose to run instead of grabbing a cab. Either way, it will take me too long to get to her in traffic, so I decide to run. The O’Kane building is only three blocks from my office. I sucked in breath after breath, and
halfway there, my side started to cramp. “Fuck!” I cuss as I try to breathe. Ryder and I try to make the gym a few times a week, but ever since the girls have come into town, that hasn’t happened. I thought I was in shape, but obviously, I was wrong.

  As I come up to the outside O’Kane’s building, I see her walking across the street. “Becca?” I call out. She doesn’t stop. “Becca, wait!” I shout.

  She keeps going, and I look up to see the countdown timer has three seconds left. I take off running around people. “Becca!” I shout again as I come up behind her. I grab her upper arm and spin her around. Mascara runs down her face, and her green eyes are bloodshot. “Please ...”

  “No, Jaycent!” she screams, making bystanders look over at us. “How could you?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry you got caught,” she snaps then turns to walks away.

  I grab her again. “I needed to tell someone.”

  “Me. You could have told me,” she cries.

  I run a hand through my hair. “There was nothing that you could have done. I needed someone on my side who could scare him off. Obviously, Ryder and I weren’t doing enough.”

  “Out of everyone I know, I didn’t think you would be the one to lie to me,” she says, and my chest tightens.

  “I didn’t lie.”

  “You didn’t tell me the truth either,” she screams. “You saw what my relationship with Conner was like, and you chose the same path that he did.”

  “Becca, I didn’t—”

  She pulls her arm away from my hold, and I let her go. “I need some space. For once, I’m gonna think about me.”

  “Becca, don’t—”

  “I need to be alone, Jaycent,” she snaps, interrupting me again.

  I swallow and nod my head. “For how long?”

  “I’m not sure. But this ... this isn’t what I wanted for us.” Then she turns around and walks off.

  My chest tightens at her words. This isn’t what she wanted for us. Does she think I wanted this either? I never wanted to hurt her. I thought I was helping her.

  I run a hand through my hair as cars honk their horns and people pass me like I didn’t just get my heart ripped out. I pull out my phone and dial her father’s number. “Hello?” he answers, his voice clipped.