Lasting Fate

by Charisse Spiers

  I pull out my hand just enough to grasp the band in each hand on her hips, pulling her shorts down just enough to reveal the place I need to see. "Tell me how much you've missed me touching you."

  "The absence of you obliterates me, in all context. I need your touch to survive, just as much as I need you alive. Please, don't stop. I've dreamed of this day since the day you left." Bloody hell. I feel like an animal about to feast on my prey. I kiss the pink ink, licking in a horizontal line along the font.

  This is something I've dreamed about since I left. She has no fucking idea. I will have no mercy on her body ever again. I need to remember each time I touch her that tomorrow is no guarantee. The only way I'll ever live from now on is as if it's my last. I run two thumbs down her folds and spread them apart, revealing the spot that I know is throbbing for contact. I place my tongue at the bottom and swipe up her slowly, torturing her.

  On reflex, she bucks her hips closer to my face. She lets out a whine. I narrow the tip of my tongue, hardening it into a point. It's time I remind her who owns her in every possible way. I place my tongue centered over her clit and begin flicking up and down, slowly at first, then increasing speed. She fists my hair adding to my crazed state, furthering my assault. Her taste is driving me wild, addicting me. I place my lips over the small, sensitive button and suck, causing her to scream out before slapping her hand over her mouth.

  That's my girl.

  She's exactly where I want her. I look up when she begins to tighten her muscles, knowing she's about to come. I want to watch the face of the woman I love when nothing but pleasure consumes her. I want to engrain it in my memory. Never again will I take being able to memorize and recall on command for granted. She arches her back as I go back to flicking in a rapid motion. I can feel her orgasm building, because she's squeezing my head with her legs. I never let up as I hear her moan out and halt all movement, letting her ride out her orgasm. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever watched.

  When it's over, I neatly pull her shorts back in place. My dick is throbbing for release, but I ignore it. I lift to my knees and kiss her, allowing her to taste the mixture of us, as did I. She grabs my dick through my jeans before I even register what she's doing. Damn, it feels good. I want to sink inside her, but I have no choice but to wait. I've waited this long, what's a few more weeks? "I can suck you off," she says, and I feel like I could blow my load just by hearing such a filthy phrase exit her pure lips. I consider it, but Bryce interrupts my thoughts as he begins to cry, reminding me that it's no longer just the two of us, but three.

  "Another time," I say, rubbing my thumb across her cheek. "Today was about you. We have the rest of our lives for you to worry about me." I kiss her again, not able to resist those beautiful, full lips. I can't explain it, but when I kiss her it's no longer ordinary, but extraordinary. My heart feels so full that it consumes all of my oxygen to sustain it. "I'll get Bryce. You start packing. Let's go home."

  She smiles when I say the last word, home. That does have a nice ring to it. I stand to my feet when she speaks. "Breyson?"

  "What, beautiful girl?"

  "I love you. Always have, and always will. Don't think for a second that I ever stopped loving you, because it's not possible. I've tried. I was meant to be yours. I was born to love you." I bite my tongue to inflict pain. It's better than crying. Maybe now that we're moving forward I can get my balls back and stop feeling so emotional. So many emotions are a little degrading to a man, but never will I tire of hearing that she loves me. It keeps me going.

  "I know that now. I just needed to be reminded. You're it for me, Kinzleigh. This: you, me, him, us, it's all I'll ever need. Nothing in this world could ever make me happy if you're not a part of it. I need you to always remember that. When times get hard, when I piss you off, or when you start to question if we moved too fast, remember that this is what life is all about. We've both confirmed through other people that we're meant to be together. Young or old, Fate chose me to be your mate and you mine. It's only right that we always stand side by side."

  She closes her eyes and I turn to Bryce whining in his crib. I reach down and pick him up, bringing him to rest against my chest, underneath my chin. I walk over to the visible changing table in the room and lay him across it, preparing to change his diaper, or at least try.

  These two people are what I would die for if I had to. Nothing is, or will ever be, more important than them. The most important thing in life is to never give up on the things you want most. Never turn your back on the woman meant for you. If I would have given up another man would be calling her his wife and trying to raise my son. Time can be a friend as well as an enemy, and because I kept pushing for her, I'm now taking them home. My family.

  Chapter 6

  Kinzleigh

  We've been back in Mississippi close to a week now. It's strange to think that my life has changed so dramatically in such a short amount of time. That day I packed what I could fit in my largest suitcases and had the movers pack up everything else that belonged to me. They delivered it to our home two days later.

  I stand in the small house we are renting from his grandfather, still full of moving boxes. It may not be but a tenth of the size that I'm used to living in, but it's ours, and that's all that matters. Looking back at my life I realize how different I am today than I was. I'm a much more thankful person as well as a better one. I have realized exactly how valuable people are that you care about. This was almost the worst year of my life, but there is still time to make up for it, and that's exactly what I intend to do.

  Bryce starts to cry, signaling it's time for him to eat. I smile and begin walking down the hall toward his room. As soon as we returned Breyson had me consult with a colleague of his mother about my depression. She confirmed that along with a large percentage of new moms I'm struggling with postpartum depression. She made it clear that I'm not alone and that there is a way to fight it, so now I take a medicine that is safe for breastfeeding mothers. Each day is a little brighter and better than the one before.

  I walk in his room, actually enjoying the sound of his cry, because it means I hear it. Only a very short time ago it was that I couldn't say that. "Hey, buddy, Mommy's here."

  At the sound of my voice his cry quietens down. I reach over the railing of his crib and tickle his tummy, making him smile, or what I call a smile. He’s too young to be sure. "What did your daddy dress you in today, huh? Is that a deer on your onesie?" Bryce's mouth broadens as much as he can open it, and it melts my heart.

  Breyson has done so much to help with Bryce that I actually feel bad. I try to do more, but he claims he's making up for lost time. I don't even try to argue. What kind of person would? The man has lost enough without trying to take more. We've been back barely any amount of time and already he's trying to southernize our son. It's adorable. His onesie has a buck on the front with the catch phrase, Daddy's little hunter.

  Grabbing Bryce underneath his arms, I pick him up and cradle him in my arms. He looks more and more like Breyson each day that his features continue to develop. It was confirmed when we took Bryce to meet the rest of his family and his mom pulled out Breyson's baby photos. The resemblance is unreal, even with Bryce being a newborn. Bryce's eyes are still in question, because they haven't changed yet, but they are starting to look more green than blue to me.

  Immediately Bryce starts rooting, looking for food. I can't be any more thankful that in my lapse of mental health my milk didn't dry up. Nursing him has formed a bond that I can't explain to someone that hasn't experienced it for herself. This is something only I can give him. "Okay, little boy, I know you're hungry."

  I sit in the rocking chair in the corner of his room, preparing to feed him. Once he begins eating, I take in his room. It's finally finished. Breyson has been working on it since we got here when he isn't working with Pops at the ranch or figuring out options for school, which is usually in the evening and well into the night. I try to help when I can, but he do
esn’t let me do much. It’s cute.

  I rub Bryce's cheek with my thumb. "I don't think you're going to be able to escape it, buddy. I hope you like football, because you were born and bred to play. Based on your room I would say that your daddy is already planning it. I will admit you get it honest from both sides. Football is in your blood."

  "Damn right it is." I hear the voice that will always give me butterflies and make me weak at the knees. I can't help but to slightly laugh at his abruptness, though I try to hold it in.

  I look up to the most beautiful sight in the world. Most people spend thousands of dollars to travel for views like this, but I somehow get to wake up to it every morning and go to sleep next to it at night. He's leaned up against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest, looking sexier than ever. Holy crap!

  "You know what is does to me seeing you in Wranglers and boots, Mr. Abercrombie." His white tee shirt is fitted over his muscles, and because of his stance his biceps are flexed.

  He pushes off the doorframe with a huge smirk on his face.

  Now is not the time to get hot and bothered, Kinzleigh!

  He walks across the room, stopping in front of me. My eyes are level with his crotch. My cheeks start to heat. You would think by now that I wouldn't get this bashful around him, but I'm assuming this will be the case forever. "And here I thought you just wanted me for my personality," he teases.

  I visually scan up his body and he's slowly pulling his shirt up, revealing his sculpted stomach, and toying with me.

  Like Dad always said when nervous, just visualize him naked. No, no, no. Bad idea. Bad idea. Stop it!

  I'm screaming at myself mentally, trying to get that picture out of my head. That just amplified the way I feel, not reversed it.

  He reaches his chest and removes his shirt all the way. His stomach is glistening with sweat.

  Damn.

  He grabs my only free hand that is currently clutched onto the arm of the chair, placing it against his abs. He tightens his stomach, making them more defined. My face feels like it's on fire. He slides my hand along the ridges, downward, towards the waistband of his jeans.

  Breathe. Just breathe...

  He pushes my hand under the waistband of his jeans, slowly, but continuously. "The way I make you feel when I'm wearing Wranglers, boots, and walking around shirtless, is only an eighth of the way you make me feel on your worst day. When you wake up with messy hair, morning breath, and not a speck of makeup, you still have me hard as a fucking rock, and don't you ever forget it," he says in a husky voice as he cups my hand over his shaft, hardened and ready to go.

  I close my eyes. This no-sex thing is so not fair. How do you avoid getting turned on when the love of your life says things like that? It's not possible. It also doesn't help that it's been over half a year since he's made love to me! That's like a century when you feel the way I feel about him.

  I remove my hand from his pants. My mood has just become volatile. I don't look at him as I change Bryce to the other side to finish eating. "It's not fair to tease me, Breyson. Why is waiting not hard for you? Is it because you're more experienced?"

  I feel like such a mood sucker, but in times like these when I feel like I'm on edge and ready to jump and he's calm and collected, that I'm completely out of my league. Sex probably isn't that big of a deal to someone that's had it anytime they wanted for years.

  When Bryce is situated I look up to find him bent forward with his face directly in line with mine, but in a mirror image. "Baby, as soon as we hit the six week mark you won't ever have a chance to ask that question again. It takes every ounce of strength in my body to keep me from attacking you like an animal, but the thought of hurting you is enough to keep my hormones in check."

  He presses his lips to mine and like a junkie getting a fix all the previous worry vanishes. I'll never get used to the way I feel when he kisses me. It's like walking through the twilight zone. He breaks free sooner than he normally does. "Kinzleigh, I may be more experienced in some things than you, but looking back in hindsight I would take it all back if I knew I was going to stumble upon you. No amount of experience in the entire world could have prepared me for making love for the first time. Everything prior to you was meaningless, and it wasn't even enjoyable now that I know what the term becoming one actually means. The emotional connection we shared when we had sex was indescribable and that was before we had to live thinking we lost each other. Imagining what it will feel like after experiencing the loss of you, possibly forever, makes waiting one of the hardest things I've ever done alongside all of the others that also involve you..."

  I feel so stupid now. Why do I have to be such a whiney girl? I don't know what happened to my confidence. Maybe experiencing pregnancy and childbirth was one of the causes, but I feel like it has dissipated. He looks down at Bryce as if he's thinking about something. Meanwhile, I stare at him. It's hard not to.

  He looks back up at me. When he starts to speak his tone softens. "If you ever start to second guess how you affect me or how I feel about you, look at him. He wouldn't be here if I didn't get completely lost in you, not able to process anything else. We complete each other, Kinzleigh. When you feel, I feel. When we're together the world is in alignment, and it's as if no one else exists. No word that exists in the human language comes close to properly defining how I feel about you."

  My heart is no longer a solid or continuous force. It has transpired into a wild, liquid chemical, so potent that it has to be handled with care. I just keep falling deeper and deeper into the Breyson hole. "I feel like we've lost so much time," I say breathlessly.

  "Oh, but baby, we gained so much more than we lost." I'm completely done for. I reach behind his neck, cupping my hand around it, and pull him in to kiss me. I need more. I always will need more from him, because nothing is ever enough.

  Bryce releases me and starts making little noises. We both break the kiss at the same time and look down to him staring up at us with a small smile on his face. Breyson picks him up with a grin from ear to ear. "I missed you, little buddy. I think Hendrix is going to love you, just wait and see. You ready to go see Grandma and Grandpa while Mom and I go to the football game tonight? It's time for Daddy to take Mommy on a date. It's long overdue, so Grandma is going to watch you. I know she said she's too young to be called Grandma, but I think it'd be funny if you just stuck with it. Gigi just sounds funny. What is a Gigi anyway?"

  Breyson is walking around the room talking to Bryce as if no one is listening. I can't do anything but sit here in this chair and watch in complete awe. How did I get this lucky? I heard somewhere that you fall more in love with someone once he becomes the father of your child, and in this moment I would have to completely agree. Nothing this world could ever offer would compare to this, not even a life spent professionally cheerleading.

  ***

  We pull into the parking lot of the school. I can see the football field lights overhead in the distance from Breyson's truck as he parks. Being in here gives me deja vu. It seems like just yesterday, yet it seems like an eternity since we were just two high school kids making out in his truck. Now, we're just out of high school, living together, and parents to one beautiful little boy.

  We have no idea what we're doing and it's going to be one bumpy ride, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I can only thank God each and every day that he spared Breyson's life. Now, I get to spend the rest of my life with the man that owns my heart and my son doesn't have to grow up without his father.

  My nerves are starting to get the best of me. I haven't been to school since I ran out of prom, left with Preston, and never looked back. "Are you sure you're ready to do this," I ask.

  I look over at Breyson and he's squeezing the life out of the steering wheel, looking straight ahead through the windshield. "We don't have to go in there, Breyson. We can just go to a movie or something. Give yourself more time."

  I grab his hand in mine, lacing them as he releases his hold on t
he steering wheel. He looks at the two connected, and then up at me. "It's time I face the crowd. I got a second chance to live, to have my girl, and to build a life. I'm not going to hide in the shadows anymore. I'm just nervous how everyone is going to act around me, that's all."

  He kisses my left hand and I notice his eyesight linger on my ring finger longer than normal. There are so many things to say yet I don't know how. I want to apologize for giving up on us when I went back with Preston. I want to scream that I'll never accept an offer of forever with anyone else but him. I want to promise him that he is my beginning, middle, and end, my forever. I just get lost in my thoughts and don't have a clue what to say. I know they are roaming around in my mind, but I can never execute them properly.

  I start to open my mouth when he cuts me off. "You look beautiful tonight. I know I forgot to tell you when we left the house, because we were getting Bryce ready, but you always stun me speechless; you always have, but now when I look at you it's hard to breathe for long periods of time."

  I don't know what to say, because it’s hard to believe I still have that affect on him. "You still find me beautiful even though I still have stretch marks and some baby weight? You can tell me the truth. I know my body looks different."

  "You want the truth, huh?"

  My nerves just amplified, but I want to know. I nod, now too nervous to verbalize my answer. He exits his truck and walks around the front until he's standing at my door, opening it. Grabbing my hand he helps me out and guides me to the tailgate, lowers it, and lifts me until I'm sitting on the edge of it.

  He places each hand palm down on the outer edge of my thighs. The cold front coming through makes it chilly enough to wear my short denim jacket. Breyson's bent forward, looking down at my thighs. I have no idea what is going to come out of his mouth, but I'm going over and over in my head the absolute worst. What finally exits, though, I never saw coming.