Lasting Fate

by Charisse Spiers

  I have a feeling that last sentence doesn't only apply to me. "What happened between you and Presley?"

  I notice his jaw steel at the sound of her name. I told myself I wasn't going to ask, but we've always been straightforward with each other. There is no reason to change now. "What are you talking about?"

  "I know you slept with her, Konnor. Don't lie to me, you never have."

  "Did she tell you that?"

  "No." My face flushes remembering last Christmas morning. "I kind of accidentally walked in on the aftermath and possibly the beginning of round two."

  I hang my head in shame and close my eyes. No matter who I'm telling, it never gets any less embarrassing. I saw more of my brother that morning than I ever wanted to see.

  I peek through one eye and he is silently laughing. In fact, it starts to become verbal the longer I sit here. "What's so funny?"

  "I'm just visualizing how horrified you must have looked. You were kind of a prude when it came to anything sensual back then, no offense. I've got to give it to Breyson. I don't know how the hell he broke your shell when so many failed, but I'm glad he did." He is totally teasing me. What an ass.

  My mouth is hanging to the floor it feels like. I hit him on the back of the head. "Ouch. What was that for?"

  "That's what you get. I was just holding out for the best and I’m so glad I did. It was totally worth it." His mouth turns into one of disgust. Maybe next time he won't mock me and I won't have to resort to physical violence and implanting pictures in his mind of his sister that he doesn't want.

  "On a serious note, though, what happened with you and Presley?"

  "It should have never happened. It was a mistake."

  "Konnor, do you really expect me to believe that?"

  "We both know it shouldn't have happened. It's fine. Just let it go."

  I narrow my eyes at him. I'm really getting angry. "Really? Because it sure didn't look like nothing when I saw her last. She isn't the same. She was my best friend and now she's distant. Why is that, Konnor?"

  He sighs and looks down at Bryce. "Kinzleigh, Presley deserves better than me. She deserves a guy that hasn't been tainted. Sophia ruined me. My heart will never love a girl again. I had to force Presley to see it, so that I could protect her...from me."

  "What did you do?" I whisper. "Please, Konnor, tell me you didn't hurt her."

  "All you need to know is that I did what was best for her by making her see the asshole that I really am. I'm not the guy she thinks she has a crush on anymore. Leave it alone, Kinzleigh. As much as I love you this is one of those situations you don't need to stick your nose in."

  My heart is aching. The look on her face that day in my room, her moving to Miami, and her not being here for my birthday which is something she's never missed, it's all building and killing me. She's my best friend. What has he done? The worst part is that I can tell he wants her. One mention of her name and it takes all he has to keep everything hidden, but the eyes don't lie.

  I want to kick and scream, to demand for him to tell me what he did, but for some strange reason I think I already know. If I'm right that is the ultimate betrayal, the one thing you can't undo. I think that is what he's counting on...

  A knock sounds at the door and it opens. Breyson peeps inside. "Baby, you're missing your own party."

  He looks between Konnor and I. "Is everything okay?"

  As much as I love my brother I can't be around him right now. I know that he was hurt, but sometimes that's part of life. We all get hurt at one point or another. I even get living lost for a little while, and doing things you wouldn't normally do, but there is no excuse for intentionally hurting people that you have loved and cared about your entire life.

  In life we have a choice. We can choose to be like the haters or to go against them. He's letting the evil people like Sophia win by becoming just like her. Presley didn't do anything wrong besides loving a boy that is trying to get revenge on love, and all because he got his heart ripped out. The problem is that love is the most powerful emotion there is; it's pure. Revenge is a quality of the weak and it'll never win. When you try to fight love, it only ends one way: destruction.

  I stand and take Bryce out of his arms. "Yeah, everything's okay." I never take my eyes off of Konnor. "I'll always love you, Konnor, but I don't approve of the person that you're becoming. I really hope you get your shit together before it's too late. I miss the passionate person that you were. Someone can only steal from you if you let her. Maybe you should think about that."

  I turn and walk toward Breyson, passing him. I can hear him say something to Konnor, but I don't stick around to listen. Now, more so than ever, I'm worried about Presley...

  ***

  Breyson lifts me by the waist, putting me on Divinity. He mounts her and sits in the saddle behind her, pulling me to sit halfway on the saddle and halfway on his lap. She's the bigger of the two horses, so he chose to ride her.

  The party was a success. This is by far the best birthday a girl could wish for. What could be better than having the boy you're hopelessly in love with ask you to ride into forever with him, a healthy baby boy, a path laid out for success, and family by your side? Not. A. Damn. Thing.

  Not long after our talk Konnor said he needed to be alone for a while and that he would see me tomorrow, kissed me on the cheek, and left. I don't even know where to start with him. I never would have seen him become this. He's always been the one with a solid head on his shoulders, and not to mention the biggest heart.

  "What's bothering you, beautiful?"

  I cannot let him ruin my perfect day. I will not. Like he said, we're grown. He has to fight his own battles just like I did. I didn't like anyone trying to tell me how to live. He'll either fly or he'll fall on his face. The choice has to be left to him.

  I lay my head back against Breyson's shoulder, holding the flashlight until we make it back to our tree for a little while to end the night. Bryce is sleeping soundly. There wasn't a chance Breyson was letting us ride separately after earlier. That's okay with me. This is so much better.

  Divinity begins walking through the pasture, towards the path that runs through the wooded area. "Nothing that needs to be dealt with today," I say.

  "Did you enjoy your birthday?"

  "It was epic."

  "Good."

  "No, really. It was amazing. Thank you for today. I've lived and breathed sadness for so long. I needed a day like today. I'm just glad we got a second chance at this. No allotment of time with you will ever be enough, but I'll settle for a lifetime."

  He has his arms around me, securing me from falling, and holding onto the reigns. "You know, every time I think that I can't love you any more, I do. It's as if my heart is on a tangent of proving that I am wrong over and over again. I'll never grow tired of hearing how you feel, Kinzleigh. Promise me you'll never stop. After spending half a year apart I need to hear it each and every day."

  "I promise. With all that I am. You'll always know how I feel about you, because now I know how precious time is. If anything were to ever happen to me I don't want you to ever question how I felt about you."

  He remains silent for a moment as we ride, now through the thick stretch of pines. "I won't. If you go, I go. There are no other options."

  We ride the rest of the way in silence, pondering anything and everything. Sometimes I find myself wondering what he's thinking, because I'm in awe of him.

  We finally make it through the clearing to our tree. The stars are burning bright, mapped out across the sky. Breyson gets off first and helps me down. Wrapping his arm around me, he leads me to the blanket he has made. He lays down, patting the blanket for me to join him, so I do.

  The leaves of the tree are spaced enough that you can look at the sky and enjoy it. He pulls me closer into his arms. "You know what this reminds me of," I ask.

  "That night at my house after the game," he states.

  "Yeah. It seems so long ago."

  "But it
also feels like yesterday."

  I have to agree with him there. It's strange how that works. We lay here, nestled in each other's arms, and enjoying the cool wind blowing across our faces. I had to wear a hoodie with the cooler weather starting.

  I often find myself wondering meaningless things, things that have no justification for being answered, but merely a result of the brain being at a peaceful standstill. Like right now, as I look at each twinkling star just like I have so many nights before. Does each one serve a purpose? Why are each new created? Could it be that each one represents a person, there to guide its assigned member to the places in life they’re destined to be? I know each person has a path, but what happens when human nature detours off the predetermined path? Is there some kind of invisible force, like a star, that bumps us back onto the right path? Surely, God put them there for something other than to glimmer in the night.

  Breyson begins playing with my ring by twirling it back and forth on my finger, now pulling me out of my thoughts. "Will you tell me about the dreams? I want to know."

  Honestly, I had forgotten about that until now. How do I really explain them? When I look back on them they seem crazy, but crazier things have happened. Can paranormal circumstances really exist?

  "Do you remember everything about that week you spent in California?"

  "Yes. I'll never forget it..."

  "Well, the night that me and Presley came over to watch movies, you know, when you and I took a dip in the pool..." I squeeze my legs together as those visions become active in my mind. "That was also the first night Preston kind of hit on me...."

  I wait, not sure if I should have left that small piece of information out. He tightens his hold around me, pressing me closer to his side. "When you were wearing my clothes?"

  "Yes," I say, treading lightly.

  "Did he kiss you?"

  I think on that topic. Did he kiss me? No, he didn't, not that night anyway. Then, it dawns on me...I did let him kiss me on the yacht. Does that count? I'm starting to slightly panic. "When?" My voice is a whisper, now scared to tell him.

  As if he can sense my mood change he rolls over on top of me, holding his weight above me. "I was referring to that night specifically, but now I'm curious to any of that week."

  I can see his eyes deepen under the white lights. They do so when his emotions start to spike, such as when he's angry or upset. "Only the day of the pool party after the whole Lexi thing happened."

  He doesn't say anything. He just lies above me, holding my attention without any attempt. I'm starting to worry. Maybe I should have mentioned this earlier. I never thought it was relevant to be honest. I had actually forgotten about it. That is what happens in the presence of Breyson. I forget all other things.

  The silence is getting to me. "Breyson, I'm sorry. We weren't like we are now. Besides, it really wasn't like you think."

  "I just want to know one thing. I'm not going to live in the past. We will never move on if I do. I've accepted that Preston will always be a part of our lives as much as I don't like certain aspects. I can't be mad anyway. I did allow Lexi to kiss me after that, but only to embarrass her. I didn’t let her enter my mouth. It wasn't a proud moment, but I was pissed off. You had just stormed out of my life and I knew it was a significant loss then even though I had just met you."

  "What do you want to know?"

  "Was there ever a point when you wanted him more than you wanted me? I want honesty, no matter what the answer is."

  Is he really serious? I thought that was completely clear. It hurts me to know that question would even cross his mind. "Never," I say with everything in me. "There was never one single second that I wanted anyone more than you, nor was there a moment when I missed you less than the one before. Even when you were gone you were still here with me."

  He rubs the back of his hand over my cheek and along my lips, becoming familiar with the softness. "I know what you mean."

  He presses his lips to mine so soft that I can barely tell they're against mine. He positions on his forearms and knees so that he can continue to look into my eyes. "Now, I want to know about those dreams."

  My insides become vapor at the sound of his voice. When you feel this strongly for someone there is no going back. "That night I stayed with Presley after the pool house I had the first one."

  I close my eyes so that I can properly describe it. Breyson has a way of making me forget what I was thinking or what I wanted to say just by looking into his eyes. He controls me in a way that I want to be controlled. "We were standing on a beach; just the two of us. I remember it was so vivid that it felt real. I could even tell that it was warm out, but not too hot, and the breeze was blowing. The water was crystal clear, bearing all it's secrets for the viewer."

  "What were we doing?"

  "First, we were just standing in the bright white sand at the shoreline. I was wearing a white swimsuit. You came up behind me and wrapped your arms around me. We were wearing wedding bands." My voice lowers. "Mine was the exact ring I'm wearing now. Every detail is the same. You picked me up and when you turned around is when I noticed a white canopy bed in the sand. The linens were white and sheer, blowing in the wind. You carried me over and laid me down, then took your shorts off and got in the bed. I remember you slowly removed my swimsuit. The detail was incredible. It was almost as if I could actually feel it, like I was really there. Right before you pushed inside me I called you my husband."

  I open my eyes and he is looking directly into mine. "It's why I went running. I went into a panic. I had just met you, only kissed you a couple of times, and there I was having dreams about a honeymoon. It freaked me out. Then, as if it wasn't weird enough you pulled up."

  A grin starts turning up on his face. "You were dreaming about me naked, huh...and having sexy dreams about me. Interesting."

  I playfully slap him on the shoulder. "This is not the time to make jokes. It was weird, right? I mean you didn't do anything like that..."

  He bites his bottom lip, trying to keep his smile from spreading.

  Guilty, guilty, guilty!

  "Did you?"

  "Something...like that."

  Oh, no he's not. He is not getting out of this. One embarrassing story for another. "Tell me."

  He slides his hand under my back and rotates us until I'm now straddling him. He runs his hands down my body, stopping on my butt. I can feel him hardening underneath me. It's starting to look like we are going to be at this all night. I'm not complaining. I never want to go another day without him. When he makes love to me it fills a physical void. When we got back together the emotional one became permanently fixed.

  "Do you really want to know?"

  "Yes."

  "The day I met you on the beach..."

  I can feel his erection getting more prominent as he goes on.

  "I sort of relieved myself in Ryland's shower that evening...thinking of you. You had my hormones going crazy. Let's just say it had been a really long time since I had done that."

  What do I do? I burst out laughing. I'm talking almost cannot breathe laughing so hard. Why? Well, the irony really. Back then I probably would have turned into a tomato had I known that information, but now, it's so flattering coming from a guy as sexy as Breyson. I'm really not exaggerating to that fact. He's that hot.

  I make a line down the center of my face with my hands in a praying position. "You think that's funny, huh?"

  "I'm. Sorry. I...."

  Still laughing, he bucks upward, pressing his hardness into me.

  All laughter halts.

  With me only wearing a dress I can feel it even more than if I were wearing jeans. Shamelessly I begin rubbing against it. "You want it?"

  Oh, damn. I love when he talks to me like that. Maybe it has something to do with his accent and his deep voice combined, but it does crazy things to me.

  "Yes."

  "Tell me about the second dream first."

  "Can it wait until later?"

>   "No."

  Talk about a sexy time mood kill. I look down at him from the aroused state I was quickly climbing to. I huff. Yes, like a child not getting his way. "Fine."

  "I think I need to know more than I want to."

  Well when you put it that way...

  "It was when you were gone. That day was one of my worst days. I did some things I'm not proud of, because I was pregnant and I knew it."

  Talking about this chills the air. It takes me back to a dark time in my life. "Like what?"

  I'm staring straight ahead in the dark. "Well, I had been crying all day. I could barely eat or function. It was the day of your memorial service. I can't explain it. I felt you there. You were speaking to me, telling me to wait for you. I was breaking down mentally. I told you I was pregnant that day, standing at your headstone. I even buried an ultrasound photo. I came home and found your shirt peeking out from under my bed."

  It always hurts me to remember those days, even with him here beneath me. I was living in a world void of color. It takes no effort to shed a tear going back to that time in my life. "I remember my clothes feeling like they were suffocating me. I stripped down into nothing and put your shirt on. I got in bed and let every memory of you flood through me. I cried until I fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and had to leave. I couldn't bear to be in there anymore, so I snuck out."

  I feel him tighten his hold on my hips. "I got in my car and just drove. I ended up at one of the tattoo shops close to the university. That's when I met Riggan."

  "Who's Riggan?"

  His voice spiked. Jealousy.

  "He's the one that did my tattoo. He could tell when I told him what I wanted that I was going through something. He also could tell because he had gone through it too, I found out later. We had that in common. He gave me a shot of liquor. I didn't tell him I was pregnant. It didn't matter to me then. The pain and you mattered more. Riggan is also the one that saved me from the car; the reason Bryce and I are both here. I was with him that night, but that's a story for another day."