In Her Boss's Special Care

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  ‘This is a tough decision to make.’ She tried her best to sound light-hearted, even as her very bones ached and creaked with disappointment.

  ‘I would have thought someone with your sort of progressive background would have jumped at the chance of a no-strings affair,’ he said.

  ‘Yeah, well, strange as it may seem, my parents’ example has had a sort of reverse psychology effect. I can think of nothing better than settling down with someone, building a life and family with them and working for common goals, just like your parents have. You said they’ve been married for close to thirty-five years. Doesn’t that prove that long-term relationships do sometimes work?’

  Joel was relieved with the waiter arrived to take their order. It saved him having to tell Allegra his parents had lived in misery for the majority of that time, linked together by tragedy. He gave the waiter his order after Allegra gave hers and deftly changed the subject, inwardly sighing with relief when she spoke animatedly of a movie she’d seen recently. Fortunately it was one he’d seen as well, which meant he could continue to steer the subject away from his personal life—that had to remain private for as long as he could keep it that way.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  AFTER their meal was over they took a leisurely walk along the waterfront, stopping to listen to a particularly entertaining busker who was playing a banjo with great enthusiasm and mediocre skill. The night was still warm but a light breeze had taken the sting out of the February heat and the pitch out of the banjo. Allegra found it a slightly strange but delightful experience, walking hand in hand with Joel, their footsteps in time, although she was very much aware he’d shortened his long stride to accommodate her shorter one.

  They hadn’t spoken much during the rest of their dinner together. Allegra had sensed that she had stepped a little too close in remarking on the pain she felt surrounded him. She imagined it had something to do with his time in the Middle East. One of her former colleagues, who now worked in Brisbane, had spent six months in a war-torn town and had suffered post-traumatic stress pretty much indefinitely afterwards. Even the mention of the country was enough to stimulate painful memories.

  Joel hadn’t returned to the subject of their relationship either, and she hadn’t pressed him on it, somehow sensing he was keen to take things one day at a time. She knew that was more or less the pattern of modern relationships these days. The term used to describe such arrangements was a crude one, but essentially boiled down to having a no-strings sexual partner on call whenever you wanted company. It wasn’t what she wanted but she did want Joel, and if that was the only way to have him then she would settle for that and try to be content with it.

  ‘I should get you home,’ Joel said, once they had walked back the way they had come. ‘It’s getting late and we’ve both been up for far too many hours.’

  ‘Yes, I guess you’re right. Are you on early tomorrow?’

  He glanced at his watch. ‘It already is tomorrow.’

  Allegra looked at her own watch and groaned. ‘How could it possibly be one a.m.? Last time I checked it was nine-thirty.’

  He linked his arm through hers and led her towards the rear of the boardwalk where his car was parked. ‘You know what they say—time seems to fly when you’re having fun.’

  ‘Did you have fun tonight?’ she asked, looking up at him.

  He held her gaze for a long moment. ‘Yes.’

  She slipped into his car and breathed in the scent of leather and his aftershave, wondering if he would take their relationship to the next level tonight. Her body came alive at the thought of being possessed by him, all her nerves leaping inside her skin, the blood in her veins beginning to pump with increasing fervour.

  Joel walked her to her door and when she asked him to come in for coffee she knew the only thing that was going to be boiling was the passion she could see reflected in his eyes as they locked down on hers as the door closed after they’d entered her apartment.

  ‘This is the part when you say “Thanks for a lovely evening” and send me on my way,’ he said, looking down at her mouth.

  ‘OK…I’ll give it a shot,’ she said, moistening her lips. ‘Thanks for a lovely evening. There, how did I do?’

  He pulled her closer until their bodies were touching all the way down. ‘That was good. Now this is the part where I give you a goodnight kiss.’

  ‘Sounds good,’ she said, watching in mesmerised fascination as his mouth came down and covered hers. It was a very soft brushing of lips, stirring every single sensitive nerve of her mouth into a wanton craving for more.

  He lifted his head and stared down into her eyes. ‘How was that?’

  ‘Not bad. So what happens now?’

  ‘Well, theoretically I should get my butt out of here within the next four or five seconds, otherwise I suspect the sleep we both need is going to be temporarily postponed.’

  Allegra stood silently before him, her body pressed against his as she mentally counted the seconds, one million and one, one million and two, one million and three, one million and four, one million and…

  Joel’s head came back down and a deep groan escaped from his mouth just as it connected with hers again, this time in a searing kiss of out-of-control desire, his arms wrapping around her tightly. His tongue entering her mouth set off a fiery explosion of need throughout her body.

  Somehow through a series of stumbles and furniture-knocking on the way, they made it to her bedroom, falling in a tangle of limbs on her bed. His weight on her was a blessed burden, their clothes a barrier that was soon dispensed with in hurried, almost frenzied movements of hands and fingers. Hands dealt with buttons and zips, shoes thudded to the floor, along with the softer landing of clothing being tossed aside in order to gain access to naked skin.

  Allegra had never felt so swept away by desire before. She’d had two lovers previously but she could not recall ever feeling this incredible wave of longing with either of them. It made her feel as if her whole body was collapsing with it, the hollow emptiness that longed to be filled gnawing at her like a savage hunger she’d never experienced before. She had no control over it. Her body ached from head to toe with the need to feel Joel inside her. She didn’t care that they hardly knew each other, she didn’t care that he was the one person in the way of her achieving her goal with her project—all that mattered right now was his touch, the heat of his mouth, the raspy sexiness of his tongue and his hardened arousal probing her in its quest for the liquid warm sheath of her body.

  His mouth found her naked breast and sucked on it hard. She arched her back in pleasure as his tongue rolled over her engorged nipple, the feel of his moist heat almost too much for her to bear. She whimpered in rapture as he moved to her other breast, one of his hands splayed over her flat abdomen, his long fingers reaching for the short, neatly cropped curls that housed her femininity.

  ‘Oh, my God…’ she gasped as she tried to hold back, but there was no way of stopping the storm of feeling that crashed over her as he continued his caressing movements against her. She felt herself lift off and soar, floating for a moment before tumbling down in a splintering of sensation that felt as if the skin of her scalp was lifting with the sheer ecstasy of it all.

  ‘You are so very responsive,’ he said against her mouth.

  ‘Not usually…’ She tried to get her breathing under some measure of control. She stretched like a languorous cat who had over-indulged on the richest cream.

  ‘You’re not getting sleepy on me, are you?’ he asked, tipping up her chin to look deeply into her passion-slaked eyes.

  ‘No,’ she said, smiling as she traced a fingertip over his upper lip. ‘It’s your turn, I believe.’

  ‘Only if you’ve got a condom handy,’ he said with a rueful grimace. ‘I’ve somehow got out of the habit of carrying them.’

  Her eyes went wide and her chest slammed with panic. ‘You’ve been having unsafe sex?’

  He shook his head. ‘I’ve been celibate for e
ighteen months. Not by choice, more by circumstance.’

  ‘Well, thank God for friends like Kellie Wilton,’ she said, as she rolled towards her bedside table and opened the top drawer. She took out a packet of condoms and dangled them in front of him. ‘What do you think?’

  He took one from the pack, his dark eyes alight with purpose. ‘I think you’re right—it’s my turn.’

  Allegra sighed raggedly as he possessed her, his body rocking with building momentum, taking hers along with it in a rush of feeling that gave her no choice but to respond. He carried her along on the tide of pleasure she could hear in each of his deep, rumbling groans. She felt the delicious pause that signalled he was hovering precariously on the edge, his whole body tensing momentarily before he fell forward with a thrusting plunge into paradise, his raw groan of release triggering a wave of pleasure through her as his body jerked urgently against hers until, finally spent, he went limp in her arms in a way she found touchingly vulnerable and trusting—again, a new experience for her.

  ‘How many condoms did your friend give you?’ Joel asked, after they had come back to earth a few moments later.

  Allegra propped herself up on her elbows and gave him a sultry smile. ‘Enough to wear out the average man.’

  His dark eyes flickered with unmistakable desire as he pressed her back down on the bed. ‘Perhaps I should have warned you earlier—I’m not the average man.’

  Allegra smiled as he settled himself between her thighs. ‘I knew that.’

  ‘Was it my aura that gave me away?’ he asked with a teasing smile. When she smiled up at him he felt himself go over the edge with a plummet of feeling that made him forget about everything but the mind-blowing experience of being with a woman he was rapidly falling in love with.

  That in itself was a first—allowing himself to feel an emotion so deep and consuming that it threatened the high wall of resistance he had constructed around himself for most of his life. Allegra Tallis with her way-out ideas but deeply caring nature had, almost from the moment he had met her, been systematically demolishing his barriers, brick by brick, until if he wasn’t careful she would finally see him for who he really was.

  He had nothing to offer her.

  What woman would commit to his responsibilities once his parents could no longer cope? They were heading inexorably that way as each day passed. The brief phone conversation he’d had with his mother the previous day had confirmed yet again that time was running out. He had sensed the desperation in her voice and yet again the craggy fingers of guilt had clawed and scraped at his insides.

  Allegra deserved much more than he could give her. Her life would become burdened as his had become when fate had chosen its victim, leaving Joel with the crushing weight of survivor guilt that would never go away, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it or rationalise it away. Even thousands of kilometres had done nothing to separate him from it.

  Allegra wriggled back up to snuggle close and a clamp tightened around his heart. He placed his arms around her and held her close, one of his hands going to the back of her head, his fingers stroking through the silky strands of her hair.

  There was so much he wanted to say but the words were locked in his throat. The irony wasn’t lost on him.

  After all, wasn’t Jared, his identical twin, exactly the same?

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  ALLEGRA woke to the sensation of Joel’s mouth pressing a soft kiss to the naked skin of her shoulder. She dragged herself upright, her eyes adjusting to the light from the struggling sunshine at war with some storm clouds that looked very much as if they were going to win in the end.

  ‘I’ve got to leave,’ he said, regret in his tone as he looked down at her.

  ‘What time is it?’ She peered at the clock by her bedside but her eyes were sticky and blurry from lack of sleep.

  ‘Five-thirty. I’ve got to get back to my house and shower and be back at the hospital in time for the intensive care and anaesthetic registrar tutorial.’

  ‘You work too hard.’

  He dropped a swift kiss to her soft bow of her mouth. ‘So do you. See you at the unit.’

  ‘Joel?’

  He turned at her bedroom door to look back at her, his heart squeezing at how adorable she looked all mussed from sleep and sex, her mouth swollen from his kisses and the fragrance of their intimacy lingering in the air between them, linking them in a way he’d never felt before.

  He hid his reaction behind an emotionally distant one-word response. ‘Yes?’

  ‘I enjoyed last night. I know you’re not ready for a long-term commitment but I just want you to know that I really enjoy your company.’

  He allowed his guard to slip a fraction as a smile softened his features. ‘I enjoyed it, too. But I wonder how long it will be before the whole of Melbourne Memorial is in on our secret relationship?’

  ‘Is that going to be a problem for you?’

  ‘No, but it’s going to be a problem for you when I have to review your project.’

  Allegra stared at him, wondering what to make of his comment. Had last night meant nothing to him? Would he still—in spite of their relationship—put an end to her study?

  ‘I just want some more time,’ she said. ‘Surely you owe me that?’

  His expression hardened. ‘The first thing you should get straight in your head, Allegra, is that it is always a fatal error to sleep with the enemy.’

  ‘What are you saying, Joel?’ she asked. ‘That you’re my enemy? That what occurred between us last night meant absolutely nothing to you?’

  ‘What I’m saying is that if you think by offering your body as a means to sway me into your way of thinking, you have definitely deluded yourself. My assessment still stands. The decisions I have to make in ICTU have nothing to do with whatever relationship we conduct outside work hours. If I feel it’s appropriate to pull the plug on your study or advise either Keith Lowe or whoever else happens to have a relative classified as brain dead, I will make those decisions on professional grounds and stand by them, irrespective of what happens between us privately.’

  ‘Then perhaps it will make things a whole lot less complicated if we put an end to this right now,’ she said. ‘I can’t see the point in having a relationship with someone who is so determined to play God.’

  ‘Fine,’ he said. ‘I guess I’ll have to clock last night up as a one-night stand—my first, in fact. You should feel honoured.’

  She clutched the pillow with white-knuckled force to stop herself throwing it at him. ‘I don’t feel honoured. I feel disgusted.’

  ‘So I guess this is the part where I leave and say thanks for the memories?’ he said, unable to remove the mockery from his tone.

  She threw off the covers and, wrapping the sheet around herself, stomped over to him and wrenched open her bedroom door, her green gaze glittering up at him with rage. ‘No, this is the part where I tell you to go to hell and that I never want to see you again.’

  ‘Which, of course, would work if not for the fact that we still have to work together,’ he said in the same mocking tone.

  ‘I don’t think that is going to be a problem for too much longer,’ she threatened. ‘Because if you put a stop to my project, I swear I will resign the very next day.’

  ‘There are plenty of other anaesthetists who will gladly take your place,’ he said, knowing it was lie and that no one could ever reproduce her particular mix of skills. What she brought to the unit and indeed to Theatre was clearly going to be hard to replace, but his pride would not allow him to admit it.

  ‘Then go and find one who will work the hours I do and care for people everyone else has given up on,’ she threw back, tears spouting from her eyes. She scrubbed at her eyes but it was too late—he’d seen them.

  He took a step towards her but she held him off with a raised hand. ‘Get out. I mean it, Addison. Get out or I’ll call the police and have you physically removed.’

  He held her challenging glare f
or a tense moment before he turned on his heel and left. It was better this way, he consoled himself on his way out to his car. Better to put an end to it now before the hurt became more permanent. But as he drove away the ache inside felt as if it had lodged itself in a place that wasn’t going to be so easy to remove.

  Maybe it was already too late.

  Joel had finished his tutorial and the morning ICTU round when his pager beeped. He unclipped it from his belt and read the message. Drowning: due in TRU 10 minutes.

  He took a breath to prepare himself. The trauma reception unit, with the intensivists involved as early as possible in the management of incoming trauma, was one of the main advantages of the unit. He’d always maintained that hospital management should be involved in clinical decisions and not become isolated from patients. He had seen the all-too-familiar pattern of decision-making by managers who had lost touch with the real issues of patient care. That’s why he had put himself on the standard roster of duty for intensivists and today he happened to be the floor co-ordinator for the whole complex.

  He finished the medical entry in the last patient’s notes and made his way to Trauma Reception.

  As he arrived, an ambulance was backing into the ambulance bay and the TRU consultant, Rod Banks, and his registrar, Justin Denby, were busy setting up bay one with the help of nursing staff.

  ‘Dr Addison,’ Rod greeted him quickly. ‘The patient’s just arrived.’

  ‘Do we have any preliminary details?’ Joel asked after he’d replied to the greeting with one of his own.

  ‘A guy in his mid-thirties found floating face down in a swimming pool in Toorak. Apparently has a head injury, unconscious, intubated. That’s about it until the ambulance crew fills us in.’