Fighting Temptation (Men Of Honor)

by LYNN, K. C.

  Most people would have been intimidated by Jaxson but not Sawyer, he just seems amused. I can tell he likes bugging him. If he only knew Jaxson wasn’t jealous, just protective, I’m sure he’d stop. I wish it was because of jealousy.

  “Whatcha drinking tonight Julia?” Sawyer asks.

  “Um,” I pretended to think about it but I really don’t want to drink.

  “Don’t worry about it, I’m getting it for her,” Jaxson says getting up to order our drinks. Sawyer goes around the table introducing me to everyone. The girls aren’t friendly at all, but I realize they aren’t girlfriends they’re just hitting on some of the guys, so I don’t let it bother me. All the guys seem nice and they’re all extremely attractive. Sheesh! What the hell is in the water here?

  I look over at Cade, staring at his drink with his typical hard expression. “Hi again Cade,” I say softly. I worry he didn’t hear me but then his head jerks up in surprise. Is he surprised that I acknowledged him? Does everyone just ignore him? That thought makes my heart squeeze.

  His expression softens a bit, “Hi Julia.”

  I give him a big smile, appreciating I got words this time and not just a nod. He stares at me confused, as if trying to figure something out.

  Jaxson comes back with our drinks and when I take a sip I realize it’s only soda. I smile at him showing my appreciation when he gives me a wink.

  Conversation flows well and as the night goes on I start feeling more relaxed. I get a lot of glares from the girls every time one of the guys asks me a question but I just ignore them and am as nice as I can be about it. Lots of the guys were ribbing Jaxson on his special recognition, which pissed him off, but I knew it was because he was uncomfortable about it. I tried not to laugh but a few giggles slipped out here and there which, in return, just moved his glare in my direction. When he gets up to use the bathroom Sawyer leans over to me.

  “So what is it with you two?” he asks nodding over in Jaxson’s direction.

  I look at him curiously, “What do you mean?”

  “I’m trying to figure you guys out. Are you friends or more? I’ve tried asking Jaxson but he’s closed mouth when it comes to you.”

  I shift in my seat feeling uncomfortable. “There’s nothing to figure out, we’re just friends. Actually he’s my best friend,” I say the last part softly.

  “I didn’t know best friends carry pictures of each other with them,” he says with a smirk. At first I wonder why he thinks I have a picture of Jaxson when I realize he’s talking about Jaxson.

  “Jaxson has a picture of me?” I ask in surprise.

  “You didn’t know? I thought you gave it to him.” Now it was Sawyer’s turn to be surprised. “Unbelievable,” he says chuckling, shaking his head.

  “Leave her alone man and shut up.” Sawyer snaps his gaze to Cade looking shocked by his little outburst.

  “What? I’m just asking about the picture. You’re my best friend and I don’t carry a picture of you,” Sawyer jokes, but shuts up fast when Jaxson returns.

  I look back at Cade giving him a kind smile, to thank him for sticking up for me, even though he didn’t need to. I know Sawyer didn’t mean anything bad by asking and was just curious. Heck, I’m curious now about this picture. I wonder what picture it is?

  I’m brought out of my thoughts when Jaxson leans in close to me: “You wanna get going soon?”

  “Sure,” I say easily, acting as if I don’t care either way. When I actually want to say ‘hell yes’.

  “I didn’t even ask, what hotel are you staying at?”

  “At the Delta. It was just a few minute cab ride from the base.”

  Jaxson nods, “I know which one.”

  We are just about to say goodbye when I see a girl stumbling towards us. Clearly she’s had too much to drink and her dress leaves nothing to the imagination; it makes me wonder why she even bothered with clothes at all. I quickly realize she’s walking up to Jaxson. I feel him tense when she runs her finger along his arm.

  “Hi Jaxson baby, I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight. Lucky me.”

  I immediately stiffen and feel like I’ve been slapped. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.

  Jaxson quickly stands, pulling me with him.

  “Kat. We were just leaving,” he says easily, when I know he’s feeling anything but.

  We turn to say goodbye to the group when she yells: “Who the fuck is this whore?”

  I whip my head and glare at her. Who is she to call me a whore? I hear the other girls at the table laugh then both Sawyer and Cade tell them to shut up. Before I can say anything to stand up for myself Jaxson steps in front of me, getting in her face.

  “Back the fuck off Kat! You don’t know anything about her. You gotta problem with me fine, but you fucking leave her out of it,” his voice is low and dangerous. I can tell she’s scared by the big swallow she takes.

  “I’m sorry Jax, I’ve just missed you. I was hoping you would come home with me tonight.”

  Did she just call him Jax? That’s it, now I’m pissed. I’m mad that I’m caught up in this embarrassing scene and everyone is staring. I’m mad that she called him Jax because no one calls him that but me. I’m mad that I’m jealous and most of all I’m mad that Jaxson is nothing but a big man-whore.

  I turn to the table of guys: “Well it’s been fun, nice meeting y’all and good luck with your new career,” then I quickly get the hell out of there.

  As soon as I make it outside I breathe in the fresh air and try to calm my pounding heart. When Jaxson comes bolting out the door I quickly pick a direction and start walking as fast as I can.

  “Julia wait!”

  I keep my pace, ignoring him.

  “Goddammit Julia. Get your sweet little ass back here.”

  Oh, if he thinks by calling my ass sweet that I’m gonna come strolling back he’s got another thing coming.

  When he catches up to me he grabs my arm and swings me around to face him, “Where the hell are you going?”

  I rip my arm out of his grip: “To my hotel!” I snap and start walking again.

  “You’re not even going the right way dammit!”

  Darn! I stop and turn back around then start walking in the opposite direction.

  “Why the hell are you mad at me?”

  He’s so oblivious it makes me wanna hit him. Instead I stop and turn on him fast, “Did you screw her?” Ugh, why did I have to say that. I put my hand up at his stunned expression: “Never mind, don’t answer that. I already know the answer because you’re a stupid man-whore! I’m glad to see how easy it’s been for you to start a new life.” I know that isn’t fair to say and I’m acting ridiculous but I can’t seem to stop.

  “What the fuck does that mean!?”

  “It means that all of you have moved on but me. For the longest time it was always the 4 of us: Kayla and Cooper, you and I. Kayla still has Cooper. You move here and make new friends and a new life so easily. I just had it thrown in my face that what happened between us 6 months ago means nothing to you. While back home I can’t move on because I can’t stop thinking about you and missing you. I know it’s not your fault that you don’t care for me the same way I care for you but it still hurts dammit!” I can’t stop the small sob that breaks free.

  “God Julia,” Jaxson pulls me roughly against him, wrapping me in his arms. “I’m sorry, but you’re wrong. Yes I’ve moved on in some ways but don’t think for one second that I’ve moved on from you. I think about you every goddamn day. That night, with you on the beach, fucking haunts me and that bitch means nothing to me just like the rest of them. I know you don’t understand that but it’s the truth.”

  “She called you Jax,” I whisper tearfully in his chest.

  “What?”

  “I said she called you Jax? What’s with that? Only I call you that.” I know I sound immature but it really bothers me.

  “I didn’t even notice; she’s someone I went home with months ago when I was drunk
er than shit and she hasn’t left me alone since. You know I don’t repeat women. She means absolutely nothing to me and she knows now to stay the fuck away from me.”

  “I’m so humiliated.” I’m wondering what most of them think about me. I know I shouldn’t care but I can’t help it. I’ve always cared what people think about me.

  “I know, I’m sorry, but the only one who should be embarrassed is her, not you Julia.” It feels so good to be held by him that it’s hard to stay mad.

  “I’m sorry I called you stupid Jaxson. You’re not stupid, you’re the smartest person I know. And I’m sorry I called you a man-whore, even if you are, I shouldn’t have said it. I was just jealous,” I say crying into his chest again.

  Chuckling he rubs his hands up and down my arms, “It’s ok Jules. Believe me you have nothing to feel jealous about, no one will ever mean more to me than you.”

  I wish he meant it the way I want him to but I know he doesn’t.

  “I knew you liked me more than Cooper,” I say, hoping to lighten the mood.

  He grunts, “Believe me Jules, what I feel for you is completely different than what I feel for Coop.”

  Before I have a chance to think about that he puts his arm around me and kisses my forehead, “Come on, let’s get the hell out of here.”

  We arrive at my hotel 15 minutes later. I go into the bathroom to freshen up and wash my tear-streaked face. I look terrible. I’m exhausted from the flight and the emotional roller coaster that came from seeing Jaxson after six months. I’m still a little upset about what happened at the bar but I know I don’t have a right to be angry with Jaxson. I decide to put it aside and enjoy the rest of our time together. I wish I was staying longer, I’m not ready to leave him in the morning and I’m hoping he’ll stay the night. My heart races at the thought but I tamp it down.

  Just friends Julia, just friends, I repeat the mantra to myself. Hopefully one day my heart will start believing it too.

  I change into my typical shorts and tank that I sleep in. When I walk out I turn off the main light but keep the lamp on, leaving a soft glow in the room, hoping to mask some of my exhaustion. When I look up, Jaxson is pacing, looking edgy.

  “What’s wrong?”

  His head snaps up and he sucks in a breath when he sees me, “Why aren’t you wearing any clothes?”

  I stare at him like he has 2 heads… “What are you talking about? These are my pajamas.”

  “Maybe we should go downstairs to the lounge to catch up?” he looks around wearily.

  “Why?” I ask in confusion, but he doesn’t answer. “Jaxson I’m tired, I just want to stay here and relax.”

  When I crawl on the bed to get under the covers I hear a pained groan. I whip my head in Jaxson’s direction to see him staring at my ass. Oh boy, the fierce expression on his face causes my stomach to clench.

  I look at him now with confusion; turning on my knees to face him I ask the one question that’s been burning inside of me since our scene outside the bar tonight.

  “Jax, you say I mean more to you than any other girl, but then why do they all get a part of you that I don’t?”

  His gaze snaps to mine and before he can say anything I continue, “It’s no secret I’d give myself to you. I’ve wanted you for so long that some days I feel like I’m going to die a virgin because you’re the only one I want to be with. It’s you who doesn’t want me.”

  “Julia! Are you fucking crazy? I want you more than I want anything in my life but I won’t do that to you, you deserve better. You ask about those other girls and it’s because I don’t give a shit whether they can do better. But with you, I care, I care too fucking much.”

  My heart squeezes painfully at his tortured admission. I shake my head sadly, hating the pain I see in his eyes, “I’m not better than you Jaxson, I’m better with you.”

  Do I push this? I’ve wanted him for so long and now could be my chance. Who knows how long it will be before I see him again. Can we have this night and still have our friendship? I feel like our friendship has already shifted anyways. With that last thought I make my decision. Standing slowly I walk towards him. He glances at the door nervously as if he’s going to run out any second. Once reaching him I wrap my arms around his waist and look up into his heated gaze, “I want my first time with you Jaxson, right now.”

  He clenches his jaw and closes his eyes briefly before staring at me with so much torment. “Fuck Julia, don’t do this. You don’t know what you’re asking and I only have so much control.”

  “I know exactly what I’m asking. I don’t want to be a virgin anymore.”

  “What’s wrong with being a virgin?” he asks gruffly.

  I glare at him, feeling irritated now, “Fine!” I say, unwinding my arms, the moment broken. “I’m not going to beg you, I’m not that pathetic. I guess when I get home I’ll just have to find the first willing guy to take me home,” I say sweetly.

  I know this will get under his skin which is what I want. When I start walking back to the bed he comes up behind me, grabbing my hips roughly, pulling me snug against him. I suck in a startled breath feeling how hard he is. He locks one arm around my chest and the other around my waist. “Be careful Julia, you’re playing with fire. I’ve tried hard for a long time to do the right thing but you’re about to make me throw it all away.” His deeply aroused voice has shivers breaking out across my body. My breathing starts to speed up in anticipation for what’s about to happen.

  Turning in his arms I stare up at him, “I want it to be you Jaxson, not someone else. I know you can’t give me forever but you can give me who I want it to be with.”

  I see a war raging in his eyes and I pray I know what I’m getting us both into. With shaking arms I grab the hem of my tank top and pull it over my head dropping it to the floor. He sucks in a sharp breath and his eyes burn with desire as I stand before him in my lilac lace bra. I feel the urge to cover myself but don’t. Jaxson’s been with many girls and I hate wondering how I measure to them. I don’t get much time to think about it before he curses, jerking me to him, and crushes his mouth to mine. Jaxson’s taste mingled with beer floods my mouth and I moan from the erotic taste. I decide the next time someone asks me what I want to drink that’s what I’m going to get. Our kiss is desperate, one that’s hot and demanding. It consumes us both right from the beginning and causes my knees to go weak with need. Prying my fingers, that have a death grip on his belt buckle, I slide my hands under the hem of his shirt, gliding them over the smooth hard plains of his stomach. I swear his 6-pack turned into a 10-pack these past 6 months. I whimper, needing to feel more of him, needing to feel his skin on mine again. I start pulling up his shirt when he breaks his mouth free, whipping the shirt over his head and getting rid of it in record time. Before he can kiss me again I gasp. Oh my god! I slide my shaking hand up his hard chest and grab the St. Michael pendant my mother gave to me.

  “You’re wearing it?”

  “I promised you I would.”

  Wrapping my arms around his waist I press my body against his and place a tender kiss on the pendant, then another right over his heart feeling it’s fast beat on my lips. I hear his quick intake of breath when I run my tongue along his chest; loving the salty taste of his skin. He groans when I graze his nipple with my teeth. He leans down, grabbing my ass, then lifts me up. My legs wrap around his waist and my arms around his neck.

  We stare into each other’s eyes while passion and need escalates between us. “Be sure about this Julia, because once we start I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. I’ve been restraining myself for far too long and I can’t anymore. I know I don’t deserve you but the thought of someone else taking this from you makes me fucking insane.”

  I rest my forehead against his, “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. I need it to be you Jaxson. This is right, we are right.”

  I kiss him tenderly as he starts walking us back to the bed. Laying me down he leans over me with his
hands on either side of my head and stares down at me with an emotion that captures my breath, “I’m sorry, I know you deserve all that romantic shit. Like flowers and candles, everything that I don’t have right now, but I swear I’ll be good to you Julia. I’ll take care of you.”

  My throat becomes painfully tight, “I don’t need any of that stuff. I just need you Jaxson.”

  Shaking his head in disbelief he leans down, kissing the swell of my breast causing goosebumps to break out over my body. I sigh and thread my fingers through his hair, loving the feel of his soft lips on my skin. He trails his mouth over my taut nipple and grazes it with his teeth through the lace of my bra. I moan wanting more, wanting to feel to his mouth on my bare skin. Reaching around my back he undoes the clasp of my bra and pulls it slowly from my arms. He stares down at me with a fierce hunger that leaves me feeling breathless.

  “You make me feel beautiful when you look at me like that.”

  Jaxson’s gaze intensifies, “God Julia! If you only knew how beautiful I think you are you would never question it again.” He leans down and kisses me passionately till we are both out of breath, gasping for air. A soft moan escapes my lips when he cups both of my breasts.

  “Jesus baby, your tits are fucking perfect. The memory of them torture me when I lay in bed at night, remembering how perfectly they filled my hands.” He rolls my nipples between his fingers creating a sharp ache between my legs. “I remember how good they felt against my tongue,” he leans down licking my nipple then closes his hot mouth over it, sucking roughly. I whimper, my body burning with so much need it’s almost painful.

  He slides down my body, trailing wet kisses down my stomach and grabs the waist band of my shorts. Lifting my hips he pulls them down slowly, baring my matching lavender lace hipster panties.

  “I think purple is my new favorite color,” he groans out roughly.

  He pulls them all the way off then throws them behind him and kneels on the floor. Grabbing my hips he drags me to the edge of the bed and places a hot open mouth kiss to my shaking stomach. I run my fingers through his hair holding him to me tenderly, not wanting this moment to ever end.