Fighting Temptation (Men Of Honor)

by LYNN, K. C.

Jaxson walks over to me and hands me my pain pills. “Take these, I know you’re hurting.”

  I roll my eyes at his bossiness, “I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself. Now go with Cooper and cooperate or I’ll be forced to call Gladys for your punishment,” I say, biting back my smile.

  Jaxson glares at me, “You’re such a smart-ass,” he catches me off guard when grabs me and plants a hard kiss right on my lips.

  “I told you to stop doing that,” I try to sound angry but it comes out breathless.

  The arrogant ass just smirks knowing his effect on me and walks away.

  “Who the fuck is Gladys?” Cooper asks as they walk out the door.

  “Ya goodbye to you too,” Kayla mutters under her breath.

  I look over at her and see an expression full of hurt. I grab her hand, “Is everything alright?”

  She lets out a breath, “Ya it’s fine, Cooper and I have just been butting heads lately.” She smiles trying to reassure me but it doesn’t reach her eyes again.

  “I hope it isn’t because of Jaxson and I?” I ask, feeling guilty.

  “No! Really it’s fine. Let’s go pick a movie. Wanna watch it in your room?”

  “Sure.”

  I can tell she doesn’t want to talk about it. She turns to go into the living room but I grab her arm quickly. “You know I’m always here for you right? You can call me day or night.”

  “Ya I know that, thanks Jules,” she hugs me tight and I wince a bit.

  “Shit sorry! Are you going to take the medication?”

  “No! I don’t feel I need them that bad.”

  We pick Dirty Dancing which is a favorite of ours, then make popcorn and walk upstairs to my room. We snuggle down in bed and half-way through the movie Kayla turns to me.

  “We should go out dancing one night, it’s been a while. We can make it a girls night and invite Grace too.”

  “Ya that would be fun. Let’s do it soon. Grace could use a night off, she’s been working herself into the ground. I saw her the other day and she looked ready to fall over.”

  “I know, I’m pretty sure it’s because she needs the money though.”

  I agree with Kayla. Grace just moved to Sunset Bay a year ago. Kayla and I hit it off with her right away and we all quickly became friends. There’s still a lot we don’t know about her, but we can tell something has happened to her. When she found out about my mom passing away she opened up, telling us that she lost her mom too. But she never shared how she lost her and I didn’t want to be rude and ask. As far as we know she’s alone with no other family. I’m hoping she will open up once she gets more comfortable with us.

  “Depending how you’re feeling, how about next weekend?”

  “That works for me. I’m sure I will be fine. I’m surprised how well I’m doing today considering…”

  “I still can’t believe we never knew about Wyatt. Why wouldn’t Coop and Jaxson just tell us the reason from the start?”

  I shrug not having any idea.

  “So fill me in on what’s been happening with Jaxson. Your conversation looked pretty intense when I walked in yesterday.”

  “Ya and you didn’t help by the way, talking about my hot date.”

  Kayla chuckles, “Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I wanted to make sure he knew you weren’t just kickin’ around waiting for his sorry ass. Believe me I regretted it when he came storming over later like the Incredible Hulk.” We both burst out laughing.

  My smile fades and I take a deep breath, “I don’t know Kayla. We haven’t had a chance to talk about it too much. He says he’s going to make things right but he also said he doesn’t regret sending me away. A part of me wants to forgive him, it feels so good to be around him again but that’s what’s scaring me the most. He still affects me so strongly. I’ve worked really hard trying to get over him and all of it just crumbled the moment I laid eyes on him again. What if I forgive him and he leaves again?”

  “Well I guess that’s what you need to find out. I don’t know what the right thing is to tell you Jules. I do believe that in his fucked-up head he thinks he did the right thing and believes he was protecting you. See what he says about what his plans are for the future. If it’s something that includes you then maybe make him work at your friendship, don’t let him off the hook too easily.”

  We get interrupted when Kayla’s cell starts ringing. I hold my breath praying it’s news about Jaxson.

  “Hello. What? I’m supposed to have today off, can’t someone else take them?” Kayla asks with frustration.

  Darn! What’s taking Cooper and Jaxson so long?

  “Fine, I’m on my way,” Kayla hangs up then looks at me, “I’m sorry Jules I gotta go, someone called in sick and I need to take her appointments. It’s only for a few hours.”

  “It’s ok, thanks for staying as long as you did. Come on, I’ll drive you over.”

  “Are you sure? I can ask Coop to come get me?”

  “No it’s fine. I want the fresh air.”

  After I drop Kayla off I decide to go visit my mom for a while. I sit and talk to her about Jaxson being back and ask her for guidance.

  Afterwards I find myself pulling up to the beach. Getting out, I walk to the one place I haven’t stepped foot in since Germany: our spot. I came here often over the years, especially when I was missing Jaxson. After Germany I tried to rid myself of any reminders of him, it was too painful.

  I sit down and lean back against the log and take a deep breath of the ocean filled air. The crash of the waves soothe me and I close my eyes while I try to clear my head. The next thing I know I’m being startled awake.

  “Where the fuck have you been!?”

  My eyes shoot open and I sit up in a panic. Jaxson is standing over me with an expression that looks like he’s ready to commit murder. I put my hand over my pounding heart, “Jesus, you scared me to death.”

  The sun has started to set and I realize it’s visibly cooler out. How long have I been here?

  “I scared you!?” he asks in outrage, “Do you have any idea how long I have been looking for you?”

  I shake my head, a little scared to ask.

  “Almost 2 fucking hours Julia! I checked here before and never saw you.”

  “I visited my mom for a bit then I came here. Geez! Calm down Jaxson.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? I find you sleeping on the beach and you tell me to calm down. What the hell is the matter with you?”

  That’s it! I stand up and grab my shoes. “Screw you Jaxson! I don’t need to listen to this shit!” I start stomping away.

  He lets out a frustrated breath, “Shit! Julia wait!” I ignore him and keep walking. He shoots his hand out and grabs my arm, stopping me. “I’m sorry alright. You scared the hell out of me when I couldn’t find you. All this shit with Wyatt has me going crazy. I thought something happened to you.”

  I soften a bit when I realize how scared he is, “Why didn’t you just call me? My number is still the same, although, I imagine you forgot after all this time,” I couldn’t resist adding in that last part.

  He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, “Julia! I called it about 100 fucking times.”

  “What?” I look into my purse and grab my phone to see 27 missed calls and 18 voice mails, all from Jaxson. There’s also a text from Kayla that says: Hulk Alert! Jaxson’s going crazy looking for you. I turn my phone to the side and see it’s on silent. Oops… I clear my throat nervously, “Sorry, I guess my phone is on silent.”

  He lets out a frustrated breath, “Jesus!”

  I try breaking the tension by changing the subject, “So, how did it go at the station with Cooper?”

  Jaxson is staring at me with a mixture of outrage and disbelief. He shakes his head, “Damn it woman!” he lets out an exasperated breath and pulls me against him, wrapping me in his arms. His heart pounds against my cheek, showing me just how scared he was. “You shouldn’t have fallen asleep on the beach Julia, it’s dangerous. Promis
e me you won’t do that again.”

  “I know, I didn’t mean too. I’m sorry I scared you,” I step back and look at him, “So… how did it go?”

  He nods his head over to our spot and we go sit by each other. It feels almost like it used to and it makes me panic a bit so I move a little away from him. He notices but doesn’t say anything.

  “Well, you were right. Wyatt dropped the charges when Cooper told him you were going to press them if he didn’t.”

  I let out a relieved breath, “Good!”

  Jaxson gets annoyed, “I still don’t agree with it Julia, that fucker should have some consequence for what he did to you.”

  “I think you smashing his face in was repercussion enough.”

  “No it’s not. You need to go in and get that restraining order.”

  I clear my throat nervously, “You know Jaxson, I was thinking about that and I really don’t think that’s necessary.” His face turns savage and he lets out a growl before I can finish. “Jesus! Alright, calm down, I’ll go tomorrow.”

  “I’ll pick you up in the morning and take you to get it done.”

  “I can manage on my own.”

  “I’m sure you can but I told you I will take you.”

  We glare at each other in silence for a moment, of course I’m the first one

  to break eye contact. Things are quiet and awkward now, “Well I should go,” I say quietly. I get up to leave but Jaxson grabs my arm stopping me.

  “Not so fast Julia! No more stalling, it’s time you hear me out.”

  Damn! I knew it!

  “What’s the point? You sending me away in Germany is not something that we are ever going to agree on, no matter what you say to me.”

  “Why can’t you just try to understand that I didn’t want anyone to see me like that?”

  “Cooper did!” I point out angrily.

  “That’s because he was my emergency contact; I didn’t really have a choice. Believe me if I could have prevented him from seeing me like that too I would have. But I also knew he could handle it. You don’t get just how fucked up I was Julia.”

  “Of course I don’t get how bad it was, you never gave me the chance to.”

  “I’m sorry, but it was for the best, trust me.”

  “Well that’s a really shitty explanation. Did you come back thinking it was going to be that easy Jaxson?”

  He shakes his head, “No! I know it’s going to take time for you to forgive me but I’m asking you to at least give me the chance to make it right.”

  I soften a bit, “It’s not just about Germany. Why did you stay away from me for so long?”

  He looks away guiltily. I’m waiting for him to say something, to explain himself, but he doesn’t. I shake my head frustrated, “Was Melissa telling the truth last night?”

  That gets a reaction out him! He whips his head in my direction and glares at me, “What the fuck are you asking me?”

  “Did you leave in the first place because of me?”

  His expression is furious when he answers, “You know better than that Julia. Nothing that bitch said last night was the truth. Do you think I would be back here trying to fix this shit if that were true?

  “Then answer my question! Why the hell did you stay away from me for 6 years!”

  “Because I didn’t think I could keep my dick in my fucking pants alright!”

  I snap my head back in surprise, not expecting that admission.

  “Christ!” Jaxson stands up and starts pacing angrily, “Let’s face it Julia, that night changed everything between us.”

  “So what are you saying Jaxson, that you regret it?”

  Just the thought makes me want to throw up.

  “No goddamn it! I probably should but I don’t. That was the best fucking night of my life Julia,” I can tell he immediately regrets his admission.

  “Me too,” I admit softly. His expression softens as we stare at each other. “You promised me that night that you would stay my friend and you broke that promise,” I look away as tears sting my eyes.

  He kneels down and grabs my face in both his hands forcing my gaze to his, “I know Julia, I’m sorry I fucked up. I thought I was doing the right thing. Believe me if I could go back and change the way I handled things I would.”

  I swallow thickly and try to keep my tears at bay, “Why do you feel differently now, what’s changed?”

  His expression darkens, “Because there was a point when I thought I’d never get to see you again and the thought fucking ripped me apart.” A sharp painful ache seizes my chest and steals my breath. “I swore to myself that if I got out of there alive I’d fix this mess I made with you because I can’t live without you Julia. I will fix this even if it kills me trying.”

  His tortured admission breaks me and I can’t hold in my tears anymore. I slide off the log on to my knees in front of him and wrap my arms around his neck, while sobs hysterically wrack my body.

  “Fuck!” He lifts me up by my hips so I’m straddling him and he holds me tight while all the years of hurt pour out of me. I cry over our loss of years together, I cry for him- that someone hurt him, I cry until the energy to cry anymore has been completely drained out of me. Eventually my tears subside, leaving only the sound of my labored breathing.

  “I’ll get us back to what we had Julia, I promise,” Jaxson whispers in my ear making me believe him.

  “Ok.”

  He leans back and holds my face again, “Ok?” he asks, unsure if he heard me right.

  I nod my head, my throat too tight to speak.

  He lets a relieved sigh, “Ok.”

  He presses a soft kiss to my temple then rests his forehead on mine. I close my eyes savoring the intimate contact with him.

  “Are you going to be ok?” he asks concerned, but there’s also something in his voice that makes me open my eyes.

  I stare into his ice blue gaze that’s anything but cold and become intimately aware of our position. My dress is hiked up to my hips with Jaxson’s warm hands resting high on my bare thighs. I shift a little and realize he is hard beneath me. His jaw clenches and his grip tightens. My labored breathing is for a whole different reason now. He’s staring at me, waiting for an answer to his question. I lick my lips to wet my dry mouth, Jaxson’s gaze follows and he groans dropping his head on my shoulder.

  “Jules this is one of those times where my control is being tested, so I need you to get up before I rip your panties off.”

  I suck in a sharp breath from his erotic words.

  “What if I want you to rip my panties off?” I whisper shakily.

  “Oh fuck. Baby don’t say that to me right now. I’m trying to do the right thing and fix my mistakes, help me out Jules.”

  He’s right, as much as I want him now is not the time. If we ever are intimate again it will be his move and his alone. I will not make the first move again.

  I let out a breath, “Ok.”

  When I start getting up his hold tightens, “Wait, answer my question first… Are you ok?”

  I feel so emotionally drained it takes me a while to respond, “I will be. I’m just tired, it’s been an eventful couple of days.”

  “I know. Come on I’ll drive you home,” he kisses my forehead one more time then releases me.

  “But I drove here, remember?”

  “Don’t worry about it. Coop and I will drive your car back later.”

  I’m so grateful he offers, because the truth of the matter is I’m much too tired to drive. “Thank you.”

  I grab on to his arm as we start walking back to his truck.

  “Whatever happened to your bike?” I ask curiously.

  “I still have it, it’s in storage,” he looks down at me and grins, “Why? Wanna go for a ride?”

  “Yes! I miss it. I haven’t been on a bike since you left.”

  “Good,” he grunts out, “I’ll take you out once you’re better.”

  I give him a small smile, “Thanks.”
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  I look over his truck as we walk up to it. I have to admit it’s a pretty nice truck- black with chrome trim and tinted windows, but it’s way too high. I stare at the door wondering how the hell I’m supposed to get in. “Geez Jaxson, your truck doesn’t quite reach the street light, I think you need to jack it up some more. How the heck am I supposed to get in?”

  He grunts at my sarcasm, “Get over here smart-ass and I’ll help you,” he says opening the door.

  I giggle as I walk over to him. His hands span my hips but before he lifts me up he leans in close behind me, his mouth almost touching my ear, “When you’re lippy like that Julia, it makes me wanna do things to that smart-ass mouth of yours.”

  The combination of his words and his touch so low on my hips send a shiver through my body. Jaxson snickers knowingly as he lifts me into the truck. He walks over to his side and hops up gracefully, the height not being an issue for him. Sexy jerk.

  I lean my head against the window, feeling lighter and happier than I have in a long time. I rest my eyes and the next thing I know I feel myself being lifted. I shoot awake and gasp, my arms fling around in panic till I grab on to something.

  “Shh it’s ok, it’s just me, I’ve got you.”

  I let out a breath and my heart rate slows as I realize it’s Jaxson. I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder, falling in and out of consciousness.

  “Where are your keys?” he asks quietly.

  “The doors unlocked,” I mumble tiredly in his neck.

  He tenses under me and lets out a growl, “Goddamn it woman!”

  I ignore him, too tired to argue. He carries me upstairs and lays me down on my bed gently pulling a blanket over me. I snuggle in and moan, loving my comfortable bed.

  “Jesus.”

  What the hell is his problem now?

  He rustles in my purse and pulls out my car keys, he leans over, “Is your house key on here so I can lock the door behind me?”

  “Mmhhhmmm,” I mumble sleepily.

  He chuckles, “Alright I’ll be back in the morning to take you to the station.”

  He turns around to leave but I grab his hand stopping him. He looks down at me curiously, “Don’t ever leave me again, because if you do… I might not survive it.” I feel vulnerable admitting that to him, but I need him to understand, because it’s the truth.