Death on Deadline

by Robert Goldsborough

  The plant room schedule is adhered to, and the meal schedule. The meals are gourmet feasts. On one occasion Archie taxis home so as not to be denied oyster pie; on another, when he must be elsewhere at lunch time, he has Fritz reserve his portion of sweetbreads. Delectable new dishes are concocted, though why Archie, dining with Lily at Rusterman’s, settles for something as pedestrian as veal marsala is hard to fathom. Despite events of huge urgency, as usual business is not discussed at lunch time. In Murder in E Minor, Wolfe’s fee from one client is a year’s supply of his favorite beer. The gold bookmark is periodically seen. And, mystery of mysteries, clients and visitors, as usual, always find a place to park in front of the brownstone. All the regulars are in place—Lily, Fritz, Theodore, Saul, Fred, Cramer, Stebbins, Rowcliff, and even Geoffrey Hitchcock. In Death on Deadline Bill Gore is briefly acknowledged, though Rex dropped him because “apparently he bored me.” Goldsborough drops him, too. For the same reason, one supposes. But we may need him, now that Orrie is gone.

  In addition to the necessary touches, there are some pleasantly surprising ones, quite acceptable though post-Stoutian. On one occasion Wolfe, with evident approval, quotes Dorothy Sayers. He watches The History of the Jewish People on Public Television. He reads some excellent new books, Zdzislaw Najder’s Joseph Conrad: A Chronicle and J. Bernard Cohen’s Revolution in Science, but shudders at a mention of People magazine. He shudders also when he hears that an evangelical minister wants to add the Gazette to his Christian network. At one point he flabbergasts us when he declares: “The monumental misadventures of my life, and I’m chagrined to say there have been a number, all have centered on women.” For amplification we must await further books in the series. Similarly we are left to wonder whether Wolfe ruminates on cases when he is in the plant rooms. He says he doesn’t. Archie thinks otherwise. We do learn, at a mealtime conversation, that he thinks Tocqueville’s Democracy in America the greatest book ever written on America by a foreigner, and that he favors abolishing the constitutional amendment limiting the President to two terms, thus, by merest chance, taking sides with Ronald Reagan, surely something that does not happen too often.

  In Death on Deadline Saul Panzer is given plenty to do and performs up to standard. Lon Cohen also has a strong role, as well he might, since the Gazette itself provides the story line, a powerful plot that surely would have appealed to Rex Stout. Goldsborough’s use of a rare Archie Goodwin “Foreword” to underscore the esteem in which Wolfe holds both Cohen and the Gazette is well justified. As a professional journalist, Goldsborough knows how to handle this material for maximum impact. Certainly, in using it he has played an ace. If readers don’t take to the resumed saga after reading Death on Deadline, the fault is not his. It couldn’t be done better. BG, we might say, follows AG as naturally as the night the day, and he gives us a night resplendent with shooting stars.

  Timidity never has been a hallmark of the Nero Wolfe novels. Each, in its own way, broke new ground.

  Even as he entertained us, Rex Stout attacked a wide spectrum of social evils. And so it is here, Wolfe’s target being a celebrated czar of the tabloids. Goldsborough spices this challenge with several characteristic Stoutian surprises. Cramer, in an episode reminiscent of the milk carton scene in The Doorbell Rang, visits the plant room to deliver to Wolfe a vital bit of information. Wolfe is nonplussed when the newspaper overlord tries to buy him off with an offer to put him on the payroll as a columnist syndicated worldwide. Wolfe places a sensational, full-page advertisement in The New York Times and threatens to submit a second one. Fritz gets to announce one of the major developments in the case. Archie is observed wearing a digital watch!

  A few things in Death on Deadline might have been handled differently. For example, in both Goldsborough novels an attractive ex-wife snows up midway through the book. Should it happen in the next book, I for one shall want an explanation for this hang-up. Goldsborough’s villain, Ian MacLaren, is namesake of the amiable author of the inoffensive Beside the Bonnie Briar Bush. Was this intentional irony or did Goldsborough simply forget? Rex Stout loathed the word grimace, used three times here. But how was Bob Goldsborough to know that? I know it only because Rex once chided me for using it. On one occasion Archie said he had never seen Cramer light a cigar. He did see him light one, in The Rubber Band. In the opening stages of his interview with Harriet Haverhill, the Gazette’s principal stockholder, Wolfe seems a touch too deferential. But then, Harriet is a true Southern lady, so probably she merits this unusual notice. There’s a scene, too, in which Archie, in the line of duty, gets roughed up. Wolfe could have shown more solicitude on that occasion than he does. I see nothing else to complain about.

  One can fondle the same phrases and mannerisms just so many times. Bob Goldsborough realizes that. He confronts honestly and openly the limitations and protocols which Rex Stout set for Nero Wolfe’s world, yet he sees to it that Wolfe and Archie achieve freedom and self-expression within those limitations. We hope that he will continue to be circumspectly innovative. The knowledge he shows of Rex Stout’s intentions and methods would, in an earlier era, have caused him to be burned as a warlock. Yet we are confident that he will continue to enlighten us. Surely we want to know what Wolfe thinks of Maggie Thatcher, Bishop Tutu, and the Liberty Weekend. And maybe Archie’s opinion of Roger Clemens. As it is, his handling of his commitment thus far revives an interest in metempsychosis which I haven’t acknowledged since I left India forty years ago. As curator of Rex Stouts papers I thought I had been through them thoroughly. If it weren’t for references that clearly relate to the present day, I would suspect that Death on Deadline was an overlooked Stout manuscript. Goldsborough is about the age now that Rex Stout was when he created Wolfe and Archie. Rex wrote about them for the next forty years. I wish Bob the same period of tenure. I have only one reservation. What if Bob is recruited into the evangelical movement? Or joins the Hare Krishnas? Or accepts an offer from Rupert Murdoch to do a daily column syndicated worldwide? Would he try to enlist Wolfe and Archie to serve these new masters? I’m not really worried. Neither Wolfe nor Archie lends himself to easy manipulation. They would tell Bob where to get off.

  John J. McAleer

  Mount Independence

  7 August 1986

  FOREWORD

  Nero Wolfe doesn’t have a lot of friends—by choice. But he’s plenty loyal to the ones he has. And one of those friends is not an individual but an institution—the New York Gazette, which, usually in the person of Lon Cohen, has helped us a lot through the years, as you may know. Not that the relationship has been one-sided, mind you: Wolfe has done more than a few favors for the paper, too. But the point is, he cares deeply about the Gazette and its well-being. This may help to explain why he was willing to take the following case without either a client or a fee (although he eventually got both). I mention this because I don’t want to make him seem more eccentric than he is.

  —ARCHIE GOODWIN

  ONE

  I’ve done my share of grousing over the years about Nero Wolfe’s obsession with routine: his insistence on lunch promptly at one-fifteen and dinner at seven-fifteen, not to mention the sacred hours of nine to eleven in the mornings and four to six in the afternoons in the plant rooms up on the roof playing with his orchids. Almost nothing will get him to vary that schedule, although one day a few years back, when I was needling him about it, he put down his book, glowered at me, and sucked in a bushel of air, letting it out slowly.

  “All right, Archie,” he said. “Today is Thursday; I will show my flexibility by forgoing my appointment in the plant rooms if in turn you will call Saul and inform him you are unable to play poker tonight.”

  He had me, of course, and I backed off. For more years than I’m going to admit to here, I have played in a poker game every Thursday night at Saul Panzers apartment on East Thirty-eighth near Lexington with Saul, Lon Cohen, Fred Durkin, and one or two others— the cast varies. I think I’ve missed once in the last five years,
and that was because of a virus that knocked me so low that Lily Rowan, so she said later, was going to send over a priest to administer last rites.

  Saul Panzer, in case you’re new to these precincts, is a free-lance operative Wolfe uses frequently, but just saying that doesn’t do him justice. Saul isn’t much to look at, what with the stooped shoulders and the permanently wrinkled suits and the usually unshaven face that’s about two-thirds nose. But don’t be fooled by that or by his size, which makes him look like an aging and only slightly overweight jockey. When you buy Saul Panzer’s time—and he doesn’t come cheap—you’re buying the best eyes and legs in Manhattan and probably in the country. He could tail a cheetah from the Battery to the Bronx during the evening rush hour without losing sight of it, or he could worm his way into the vault at that bank down in Atlanta and get back out again with the secret formula for Coca-Cola. And I mean the old— make that classic—formula.

  You’re probably wondering why I’m going on about Saul and his Thursday-night poker game. I could say it’s because this is one of the best parts of my week, which is true, although the real reason is that this story had its beginnings there. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

  It was a Thursday in early May, one of New York’s first bona fide spring days. Five of us sat around the big table in Saul’s dining room. On my left was Lon Cohen, who has an office next door to the publisher of the Gazette and doesn’t have a title I’m aware of, but who knows more about what makes New York tick than the city council and the police department combined. Next to him was Fred Durkin, thick and balding and a little slow, but A-one when it comes to toughness and loyalty, another free-lance operative Wolfe has used regularly through the years. On Fred’s left was Saul, and between Saul and me was Bill Gore, yet another free-lance we use on occasions.

  The game had been going for about an hour and a half. As usual, Saul had the biggest stack of chips, and I was up a little, with Fred and Bill more or less even. Lon, consistently the best player after Saul, hadn’t won a hand, and it was easy to see why. He’d folded at least three times with what I’m sure were the winning cards, and once he stayed in the game with a pair of jacks against Fred’s obvious straight. He was off his game and playing badly, and when we cashed in a little after midnight he was the only loser. “Tough night, Lon,” Fred said as he slipped his profits into his wallet and left humming. For him, it was probably the first winning night in months.

  Because Nero Wolfe’s brownstone on West Thirty-fifth over near the Hudson is more or less on the way home for Lon, we usually share a taxi after poker. “Not your night,” I told him, after we’d flagged a taxi on Lexington. “Seemed like you were a million miles away.”

  “On, hell,” Lon said, leaning back against the seat and rubbing his palms over his eyes. “I’ve had a lot on my mind the last few days. I guess it shows.”

  “Care to talk about it?”

  Lon sighed and passed a hand over his dark, slicked-back hair. “Archie, things are up for grabs at the Gazette. Nothing has gotten out about this yet, so what I’m telling you is confidential.” He lowered his voice to almost a whisper, even though a plastic panel separated us from the cabbie. “It looks like Ian MacLaren may get control of the paper.”

  “The Scotsman?”

  “The same, damn his sleazy, scandal-mongering hide.”

  “But how? I thought the Gazette was family-owned.”

  “It is, basically. Various Haverhills control most of the stock. But the way this bastard from Edinburgh is throwing dollars around, some of them are getting ready to take the money and run. The weasel’s always wanted a New York paper, and now he’s just about got himself one.”

  “How can he be so close to a deal without any publicity? There hasn’t been a thing in the papers or on TV. unless I missed it.”

  Lon was so upset he ignored a very flashy hooker who yelled to us when we stopped for a light on Fifth. “Everybody on both sides seems to be keeping quiet, really quiet. And that even includes the ones who don’t want to sell. MacLaren apparently does most of his wheeling and dealing long-distance, from London or Scotland or Canada or wherever he happens to be at the time. I don’t think he’s even set foot in the Gazette building yet. But the day he comes in as owner is the day I walk out, Archie. For good.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding. That paper’s your whole life.”

  “Nothing’s ever your whole life, Archie,” he said, leaning forward as the cab pulled up in front of the brownstone. “If I was lucky to end up in heaven and MacLaren bought it, I’d request an immediate transfer downstairs. If he gets hold of the Gazette, it won’t be the same place it is now, nowhere near. And it sure won’t be a place where I’d want to work. I almost feel like I’m done there already, and so do some others who know what’s going on. What the hell, my profit-sharing and pension will take care of my wife and me just fine for the rest of our lives.”

  Since I couldn’t come up with anything intelligent to say to that, I just left it at good night, handed Lon my share of the meter, and climbed out. As the cab pulled away, I saw him leaning back again, eyes closed and hands laced behind his head.

  TWO

  The next morning, I was at my desk in the office typing a letter from Wolfe to a Phalaenopsis grower in Illinois when he came down from the plant rooms at eleven. “Good morning, Archie,” he said, going around behind his desk and lowering himself into the only chair in New York constructed to properly support his seventh of a ton. “How did the poker game go last night?” It was his standard Friday-morning question.

  “Not bad,” I said, swiveling to face him. “I came out a few bills on the sunny side. It was a grim night for Lon, though. He’s really knocked out by what’s going on at the Gazette.”

  “Oh?” Wolfe said, without looking up as he riffled through the mail, which as usual I had stacked neatly on his blotter.

  “Yeah. Seems the paper is about to be sold. To Ian MacLaren.”

  Wolfe looked up and raised his eyebrows. Now he was interested. “I’ve seen no report of this in the Gazette or anywhere else.”

  “I said the same thing when Lon told me about it last night. He says negotiations have been kept hush-hush by both sides.”

  Wolfe scowled. “I sympathize with Mr. Cohen. Without doubt, he would find it difficult, probably intolerable, to work for a newspaper owned by that miscreant.”

  “That’s about what he said last night. I told him I couldn’t believe he’d walk away after all these years, but he seems pretty well resolved to do just that.”

  “Archie, what do you know about Ian MacLaren?”

  Wolfe’s expression surprised me. It’s the one he usually puts on when he’s about to take a case—call it a pout of resignation, accompanied by a sigh that would register on the Richter Scale. But of course we didn’t have a case, let alone a client.

  “Not a lot,” I answered. “He’s Scotch. Has newspapers in a bunch of cities around the world. London’s one, although don’t ask me where else. And I think maybe he’s in two or three U.S. towns, too. Lon calls him a sleazy scandalmonger.”

  “He puts it well,” Wolfe said, ringing for beer. “Mr. MacLaren is an opportunist who indulges in sensationalist and irresponsible journalism and runs his papers solely for profit.”

  Wolfe paused as Fritz Brenner, whom you’ll hear more about later, walked in carrying a tray with two chilled bottles of beer and a glass. This occurrence, which takes place up to six times a day, is as much a part of Wolfe’s routine as the plant room visits. After Fritz left, Wolfe opened one beer, poured, and flipped the bottle cap into his center desk drawer. About once a week he takes them out and counts them to see if he’s gone over his limit, although I’ve never figured out what that limit is.

  “Ever seen any of McLaren’s papers?” I asked.

  “No, I only know him by reputation and by what I have read,” Wolfe said, dabbing his lips with a handkerchief. “But the point you’re trying to make is well taken. Is ther
e a place nearby that sells out-of-town and foreign papers?”

  “Just a few blocks from here,” I said. It still amazes me, even after all the years of living under the same roof with him, that someone whose head is crammed with so much knowledge of history, philosophy, anthropology, food, orchids, and most of the other subjects in the Encyclopedia Britannica, can be so ignorant about the city he lives in. But then, Nero Wolfe hates to leave the brownstone as much as he detests deviating from his daily schedule. For him, getting into a car, even with me at the wheel, is an act of downright recklessness. And when on rare occasions he is forced to venture forth into deepest Manhattan or beyond, he balances his fundament on the edge of the back seat of the Heron sedan he owns and grips the strap as if it were a parachute.

  This is not to suggest that he was planning to go out now. No, I was to be the intrepid adventurer. “Find out from Mr. Cohen the names of newspapers owned by Ian MacLaren,” he said as he finished the first bottle of beer and stared pensively at doomed number two. “I would like to see as many as are available.”

  “Quite a change of pace in your reading habits,” I said.

  Wolfe grunted. “Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised, although I doubt it. Also, when you talk to Mr. Cohen, invite him to join us for dinner tonight. If the notice is too short, perhaps he can come tomorrow. Or early next week.”