by L. Wilder
“Then, he’ll take a bottle. Either way will be fine, babe.”
“But I wanted him…”
“It’ll be fine. Promise.”
She nodded, then turned her attention to JT. I watched as she ran the tip of her finger down his tiny nose. “Hey there, handsome. It’s your momma. I’ve been missing you.”
He nestled up next her as if he’d done it a million times, and that’s all it took. Alyssa’s worries about him not knowing her quickly faded, and with a look of complete wonder, she stared down at him as she whispered, “There’s someone else here who’d like to meet you, sweet boy. This is your daddy.” She winced as she leaned over and positioned JT in my arms. “Your momma didn’t tell him she was pregnant with you, so he was kind of surprised to find out about you. But I can tell just by looking at him that he loves you very much.”
“That I do.” I looked down at my boy, and my heart swelled with emotion. Damn, I’d always thought of myself as a pretty strong, tough guy, but as I sat there with JT in my arms, it was all I could do to keep myself from crying like a damn schoolgirl. He was just so beautiful, so perfect, and he was mine. For the first time in my life, that empty void in my heart was completely full. That feeling inspired me to say, “Alyssa, I’ll leave it all behind. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever you want.”
“What are you talking about, Beckett?”
“The club has been my whole life for as long as I can remember, but for you and JT, I’m willing to give it all up. You two are the most important people in my life now, and if—”
“No, Beckett.” She reached over and placed the palm of her hand on my cheek. “I would never ask you to give up your brothers or the club. Besides, I want them to be a part of our lives. I want what you and Hyde talked about. You know, for all of us to be a family.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Her eyes met mine as she said, “I just want us to be together and for things to be like they were before. Do you think we can do that?”
“Absolutely.”
“Well, it’s not going to be easy, especially with a baby in the mix, but I want to try. I love you, Beckett, and I’ve missed you terribly.”
“I feel the same, and that’s why I think you two should move in with me.”
“Wait ... really?” she gasped. “We haven’t even been in the same room together for almost six months, and now you want us to move in together?”
“Sure do. The sooner the better.” I looked down at JT as I told her, “We’ve already wasted too much time, and I don’t want to miss another second of being with you both.”
She thought for a moment, then replied, “Let me think about it.”
“What’s there to think about?”
“A lot.” Alyssa shook her head. “I don’t want us to jump into anything just because we had a baby.”
“That’s not—”
“Beckett,” she interrupted. “I’m just asking for a little time to think about it.”
“Okay, I get it. Take all the time you need.”
We stayed with JT until the nurse came over and told us that visiting hours were over and that we could come back the following morning to see him. Neither of us wanted to leave him, but under the circumstances, we didn’t have a choice. Alyssa looked like she was on the verge of tears as I wheeled her out of the NICU and back to her room. With the nurse’s help, we got Alyssa back in the bed, and it wasn’t long before she drifted off to sleep. Even though I was completely wiped, a storm of thoughts kept whirling around my head, making it impossible to sleep. I just couldn’t seem to wrap my head around it all. In one crazy day, my entire world changed. I was a father. I thought the odds of that ever happening had come and gone, but I was wrong. In a blink, I was handed a real chance of having it all.
The next morning, Jessica, the nurse on duty, came down bright and early to take us to see JT. Unlike the day before, he was resting in his little incubator bed, and Alyssa and I were both surprised to see that there was a small tube in his nose. I could hear the concern in Alyssa’s voice when she asked, “What’s that?”
“It’s his feeding tube.” Jessica tried to reassure us both by saying, “He’s still having a little trouble latching, so his doctor ordered the tube to ensure that he’s getting the nutrients he needs. But don’t worry, it’s not uncommon for preemies to struggle a bit. He’ll catch on.”
“How long will he need the feeding tube?”
“Just until he can take four to six ounces on his own.” Jessica leaned over and picked up JT, then carefully placed him in Alyssa’s arms. “He’s a tough one. I have no doubt that he’ll figure it out.”
“So, does that mean no more bottle feeding?”
“Oh, no. We still want to give him every opportunity to try on his own. You can either try nursing him, or I can go grab a bottle if you’d like.”
“I just pumped, so a bottle might be best.”
“You got it.” As she turned to leave, Jessica told her, “I’ll be right back.”
Alyssa let out a sigh as she looked down at JT. I could see that she was worried. I was too. I felt completely helpless, and that wasn’t a feeling I was used to. I was a man who fixed problems, but this wasn’t something I knew how to fix. All I could do was try and be supportive and pray that JT would figure out this feeding thing so we could take him home. Alyssa looked over to me as she said, “He’s going to be okay, Beckett. I just know it.”
“Of course, he is.”
“It’s hard to think of him being in this place, but at least we know he’s getting the best care.”
“Yeah, they seem to be on top of it.”
Jessica came over and offered Alyssa a small bottle of the breast milk she’d pumped the night before. She leaned down and ran her hand over his tiny head and whispered, “All right, little man. Let’s see what ya got.”
Alyssa placed the tip of the bottle at JT’s mouth, but he quickly turned away. She tried once more, and after the same result, she started to become worried. “He just doesn’t want it.”
“Maybe Dad should give it a try,” Jessica suggested.
“I doubt that’ll make any difference,” I scoffed.
“Won’t know unless we try.” Jessica lifted JT from Alyssa’s arms and carefully handed him over to me. “Maybe you’ve got the special touch.”
“Mmm, don’t know about that.” Reluctantly, I took JT in my arms, and as I cradled him close to my chest, I looked down at him and whispered, “All right, mister. Don’t make your ol’ man look bad.”
I placed the tip of the bottle at his mouth, dabbing a little milk on his bottom lip, and to my surprise, he opened up and tried to latch on. He was mostly nipping at it, but it was progress. Jessica chuckled as she said, “Looks like Dad might have the touch after all.”
“Look, Beckett. He’s actually taking it.”
Not wanting to disturb him, I nodded and leaned back in the chair, gently rocking him back and forth as he tried to take his first real go at the bottle. After several minutes, he’d had enough and pushed the bottle out of his mouth. While he hadn’t drank much, it was definitely progress. I kept rocking him until he drifted off to sleep. I glanced over at Alyssa and found her staring back at me with wonder in her eyes. “You want to hold him?”
“He’s good where he is. Just let him rest a bit.” She smiled. “I’ve been thinking about this whole moving in together thing.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Mm-hmm. If we’re going to do this, I think we need to set up some ground rules.”
“Ooo-kayyy... This should be good.” I chuckled as I asked, “What kind of ground rules?”
“I’m kind of OCD about things being where they’re supposed to be, so no dirty socks and drawers on the floor.”
“I can do that.”
“If I cook, you do the dishes. If you cook, I’ll do them.”
“Fair enough.”
“I’m not going to be the only one
changing dirty diapers.”
“What about the gross ones?”
She laughed as she answered, “I think a big, tough guy like you can handle a gross diaper now and then.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“You know it’s been a while since we’ve ... you know, um ... had sex.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “So, when we’re able, I’m gonna need you to make up for lost time.”
“Freckles, I’m down for that anytime, anyplace. You just name it.”
“Good to know.” Alyssa’s smile faded as she said, “When it comes to the club stuff, you don’t have to tell me everything, but I need to know that you’re safe.”
“I can do that. Anything else?”
“No, I think that just about covers it.”
“Well, I have one rule.”
“Okay, what’s that?”
“We have to go skinny dipping at least once every summer.”
A big smile crossed her face as she replied, “I think I can handle that.”
“Then, I guess we’re all set.”
“All right then. Looks like you got yourself two new roommates.”
“No, babe. You’re both much more than that. You’ll be my ol’ lady and future wife, and we’ll raise our son together.”
“I love you, Beckett.”
“Love you more, freckles.”
And just like that, my girl was back, and I had a son to boot. As far as I was concerned, life couldn’t have been any better.
20
Alyssa
When Beckett asked me to move in with him, I had my reservations. We’d been apart for so many months, and even when we were together, it was only late at night when he’d stop by my place after work. I worried that we were fooling ourselves in thinking that we could just slip back into what we had before, but to my pleasant surprise, things were going better than I could’ve ever expected. After I was released from the hospital, Beckett brought me to his house, and to my utter surprise, all of my things were already there and in place. He’d even started working on a nursery for JT. He’d put together the crib and changing table, and was getting ready to paint. I had no idea how he’d found the time to get it all done, especially with work and all the trips back and forth to the hospital. I think it got his mind off of JT having to stay in the NICU. While his oxygen levels had improved dramatically, he still wasn’t eating as much as the doctor would like, so we had no choice but to be patient.
We’d just finished one of our daily visits with JT and were on our way out of the hospital when we ran into Gus and Samantha. I was surprised to see that Gus was looking really good. In fact, other than the scar, he looked just like he had the last time I’d seen him. Beckett smiled at them both as he said, “Hey, I wasn’t expecting to see y’all today.”
“We just wanted to come by and see how the baby was doing,” Gus replied.
“He’s still got a ways to go in the eating department, but we’re hoping that he’ll be released soon.”
“That’s good to hear.” Gus looked over to me as he asked, “And how about you? How are you making it?”
“I’m hanging in there.” I shrugged. “It isn’t easy leaving him here, but it helps to know that he’s in good hands. The nurses and doctors have been really good to us.”
“Any idea how much longer he’ll have to stay?” Samantha asked with concern.
“It’s hard to tell, but we’re thinking it’s going to be a few more days.” I shook my head. “I really wish it would be sooner, but we’ve been using this time to get things ready for him. We’re almost finished with the nursery, and all that.”
“That’s great to hear. I’m sure it looks great.”
“It does.” I glanced over at Beckett as I said, “Beckett has outdone himself.”
“Well, I can’t wait to see it.”
“We won’t keep you. Just wanted to check in.”
“I appreciate it, brother.” A mischievous smile crossed Beckett’s face as he asked, “How’s that cursive writing going?”
“Don’t even start with me, Bone. I can write just fine, thank you.”
“I knew you’d get it.”
We said our goodbyes, and then, Beckett and I went home to finish up the nursery. Two days later, we got the call that it was finally time to bring our boy home. While we couldn’t have been more pleased to have him there with us, it took a little time to get adjusted to the new routine. I’d read all the baby books. I knew as his mother that I should sleep whenever he did, but that simply didn’t work for me. I was too busy hovering over him like a worrywart, checking every few minutes to make sure he was not only breathing, but had a dry diaper and a full belly—all while trying to recover from a C-section. I was wearing myself out, and Beckett knew it. He walked in while I was in the nursery rocking JT, then reached down and took the baby from my arms. Confused, I asked, “What are you doing?”
“I’m taking over baby duty. You’re going to take a hot bath and get in the bed.” He extended his free hand and helped me up. “And before you even think about arguing ... don’t. You need to sleep, and you know it.”
“But—”
“No buts, babe. You’re getting some sleep.” Beckett leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. “Your hot bath is waiting for you.”
“Okay, okay. You win.”
“Yeah, I usually do.” He teased.
“Hey, don’t push it, mister.”
“What?” He sat down with a smirk and started rocking JT. “I’m just telling it like it is.”
“Mm-hmm. Whatever you say, boss.” I was just about to walk out of the nursery when I stopped and glanced over my shoulder. “Hey, Beckett?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“You got nothing to thank me for, freckles.”
“You’re wrong.” I leaned against the doorframe and yawned. “You moved us into your home and finished the nursery. You’ve been so good with JT, and—”
“Alyssa, I know what you’re doing,” he fussed. “Stop procrastinating and get into the tub before the water gets cold.”
“Fine.” I giggled as I started down the hall. “I’m going.”
When I stepped into the bathroom, I was surprised to find candles scattered around the room and the tub filled with hot water and bubbles. I don’t know why I was so taken aback. Beckett always seemed to know exactly what I needed. With a smile on my face, I slipped off my sweats and dirty t-shirt, and the second I eased into the soothing water, I could feel the tension in my muscles start to subside. I closed my eyes, and it wasn’t long before I was completely relaxed. By the time I was done washing my hair and shaving my legs, I felt like a limp noodle and could barely get out of the tub. After I dried off, I slipped on my pajamas and went into the bedroom. I was just about to crawl into bed when I decided to go check in on Beckett and JT. I started towards the door but quickly stopped when I heard Beckett shout, “To bed, Lyssa!”
“I just wanted to make sure—”
“He’s fine, babe. Just fed him and about to give him a bath.” His tone grew firm as he ordered, “Now stop worrying and get some sleep.”
I giggled as I turned back towards the bed and shouted, “So bossy!” Doing as I was told, I crawled into bed, and for the first time in days, I slept—really slept.
When I woke up the next morning, I rolled over to find that I was in the bed alone. Worried, I threw the covers back and rushed to the nursery only to find Beckett fast asleep in the rocking chair with JT sleeping soundly on his bare chest. It was a sight that made my heart swell with so much love I thought it might burst. Being careful not to wake them, I tiptoed over to Beckett and slipped my hands under JT, gently lifting him from his daddy’s chest and laying him down in his crib. I’d just gotten him settled when I heard Beckett ask, “Did you get some sleep?”
“Yes, thanks to you.” I turned and walked over to him, kissing him briefly before I said, “I’ve got him. Go get in the bed and get some sleep.”
/> “Look who’s being bossy now.”
“What can I say?” I gave him a wink. “You bring it out in me.”
“Mm-hmm.” He got up, and in a sleepy haze, he started towards the bedroom. “Landry and Hyde will be here around ten, so make sure you wake me up in a couple of hours.”
“Sure thing.”
When I heard him rustling the sheets, I checked on JT once more, then headed into the kitchen hoping to clean up a little while I had the chance. I put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, tossed in a load of clothes in the washing machine, and even managed to get dressed before JT finally woke up. Hoping to get to him before he woke Beckett, I rushed into the nursery and quickly picked him up. “Hey there, buddy.”
I changed his diaper before going into the kitchen to make him a bottle. Even though I’d planned on breastfeeding, I didn’t want to take a chance on losing all the progress he’d made by moving him from his bottle. The nurses assured me it wouldn’t be an issue, but after everything we’d been through, I wasn’t going to take the chance. JT was fussy, but as soon as I gave him the bottle, he started to settle. I carried him into the living room and sat down in Beckett’s oversized recliner.
As I fed him, I looked around the room, and it seemed strange how much it already felt like home to me. Maybe it was because so many of my things were scattered around the house, but I had a feeling there was something more to it—like the fact that Beckett was there. As crazy as it might’ve sounded, he was my home, and in his arms, I’d found everything I’d always wanted and more.
When JT finished his bottle, I placed him down on my lap with his back against my legs so I could get a better look at him. I was studying his adorable little fingers and toes when Beckett came into the room. He was still his pajama pants with no shirt, and even though he still seemed to be in a sleepy haze, the man was looking all kinds of sexy. It was just another reminder that I couldn’t have sex for another six weeks, which wasn’t easy considering that it’d been so long since we’d been together. His brows furrowed as he asked, “What happened to you waking me up?”
