Yolo: The Lovely Little Lunatic

by Sa'id Salaam

  “Ok,” Yolo giggled since she planned to do all of that anyway. Just not in that order. Big Kodac scowled at Yolo as he passed through on his way out. He ran his eyes up and down her petite frame and cracked a smile. A last minute wink said that he couldn’t wait to get her alone. Yolo winked back because the feeling was mutual.

  “Ouch!” Yolo whelp when an object hit her leg. She frowned down at the toy truck and then the rambunctious little boy who threw it.

  “You gotta come play with me!” the brat demanded.

  “Ok,” she sang along with a fake smile. She followed him into the playroom and strangled him. “Fun ain’t it?”

  The bodyguard was next to go. She fixed him a ham, cheese, and cyanide sandwich and watched as he died. Now it was time to cook dinner.

  Ask any cannibal and they’ll tell you the best meat of a baby comes from the thigh. Accordingly, that’s where the lunatic began. It would have been nice if Yolo had killed the child first before extracting that good thigh meat but she isn’t exactly nice now is she? While she may not be very nice, she isn’t wasteful either. She opened the back door and tossed the screaming child to the dogs. It was just an appetizer; the main course was yet to come.

  “Dinner is served,” Yolo sang proudly when the Kodac couple returned. Again, he devoured her with his eyes while she turned her lips up.

  “Where are the kids?” Mrs. Kodac asked wondering why her annoying son hadn’t swooped in to annoy her the second she walked in.

  “Um…gone? With um…Ray,” she replied.

  “Where they go?” Mr. Kodac asked curiously. Not that he cared, he was just asking.

  “I’m not really sure,” Yolo replied wondering again, where dead people went once they died. “Welp let’s eat.”

  This was another one of those ‘bad to worse’ scenarios. Feeding a child to its parents is bad but adding poison is worse. Mrs. Kodac falling face first into her baby on her plate was bad but Mr. Kodac continuing to eat was worse. He fell out of his chair once he finished eating his baby. Mrs. Kodac dying from the poison was bad but Mr. Kodac waking up hours later was worse, far…far worse.

  “What? Where? When?” Big Kodac stammered as he blinked awake. He looked around trying to figure out his predicament and saw Yolo.

  “You forgot how,” she teased. The taunt was bad but the explanation was worse.

  “Where, is your basement. What is you’re dead, and when is now. Oh and here comes the how,” Yolo said opening the door letting the dogs in.

  “Casper? I’ll pay you whatever he paid you to spare me! I’ll double it if you go kill him!” Kodac pleaded as he strained against his restraints. He was bleeding profusely from the slashes Yolo cut into his legs, arms, and torso.

  “In the words of your late buddy Nano, bitch nah!” she giggled and released the hounds. “Can’t be called man eaters until you eat a man.”

  The dogs didn’t catch the statement but did like the blood. They ran over to the naked man sniffing. One took a lick, then a bite and the rest is rap history. Yolo was so impressed she called Casper immediately.

  “Yolo? What the hell is that!” he yelled to be heard over the yelling.

  “I found some puppies! Can I keep them?”

  Chapter 19

  Casper reluctantly allowed Yolo to keep her man-eaters. Like a good pet owner, she fed them men. It was amazing how many guys got in the car with her even after she told them she wanted to feed them to her dogs. All they wanted to know was if they could fuck afterwards. She said yes but that part was a lie.

  Yolo was not just a murderer she was a big fan of murderers. She spent her free time researching murders around the globe. As usual, all that killer talk got her all hot and bothered so she went to the shower to relieve herself. Nothing spells relief like busting a good nut.

  Casper walked into the den and freaked out when he saw the image on the screen. The face of a suspected killer was a man who was supposed to be dead. A man he paid good money to have killed.

  “Is that the fuckin’ guy? Tell me that that’s not the fuckin’ guy! How the fuck is this fuckin’ guy alive when I paid good fuckin’ money to have this fuck wacked,” Casper demanded in one of his classic hissy fits. “Yolooooooo!”

  Yolo heard the murder in his tone and came instantly. She jumped from the shower and rushed as fast as her orgasm wobbly legs would take her. The Baron twisted his lips and turned his head when the naked girl burst into the room.

  “Yes?” she huffed breathless from the nut and sprint.

  “Go into the city and kill his whole family. His grandmother, the girlfriend, cook the baby. Make it ugly. I want a blood bath! But…put some clothes on first.”

  Killing or no killing Yolo was all girl and wanted to look cute. She selected a short skirt and sexy heels. She was going into New York City after all. You never know who you might bump into. A matching pistol went in her designer purse and off she went. Once she got on the Long Island Expressway, she floored the SUV.

  Killing Killa’s family was just a taste. Casper figured that if he killed everyone around him, he would comply. Crazy right? He sent him out of town on a quick job so he could keep an eye on him. The only time he knew the man’s whereabouts was when he was doing a job. A Richmond, VA mid-level dealer was about to die for absolutely nothing.

  When Yolo reached the housing projects she was disappointed to find out the family was gone. The video of her holding Killa’s son spooked him enough to send them into hiding. She did manage to murder a neighbor and four men who offered to run a train on her. At least the trip wasn’t a total loss. Now it was time to report in.

  Tell me they’re all dead! Lots of little pieces! A real fuckin’ mess!” Casper shouted greedily upon taking the call.

  “No,” Yolo pouted, poking her bottom lip out. “They were already in the wind when I got here. I’m on the way home now…”

  “No! Go to the airport. You’re going to Atlanta!”

  Yolo literally caught the next thing smoking to the ATL. A Black Mob associate met her at the airport and offered her a choice of weapons. She chose a gun and a knife. A big sharp one.

  Instead of going to a hotel Yolo was dropped off at a condo owned by the Black Mob. The same one Killa used. Used for sexing only because they did not live there. Killa and Kitty would stop by and fuck while Yolo watched on the security cameras. It was like he knew he was being watched and showed out.

  Yolo was hot reliving some of the vigorous sex seeing in this same unit. She recalled when Killa bent Kitty over this same sofa and delivered back shots that echoed in the room. That was a fine time for Kitty to walk in with her mother.

  “Well hello,” Kitty’s mom sang sweetly as she stepped inside the condo.

  “Who the hell are you?” Kitty demanded not so sweetly. She often wondered why Killa refused to live in the plush condo instead of the hideout in the boondocks. Was she the reason? Did he have the next chick up in the spot?

  “My name is irrelevant! Well, that’s not my name, I mean…um, Yolo! I’m Yolo damn it,” Yolo spat frustrated at her own confusion.

  “Ok so Miss Yolo, what the fuck are you doing in my man’s condo?”

  Kitty kicked off her shoes so mama did the same. It wouldn’t be the first time they had to whoop ass together. Only problem was Yolo wasn’t the type to take an ass whooping. She pulled her gun, then pulled her knife, and pulled some real bullshit.

  Gunshots to both women’s knees sent them both to the plush carpet below. They howled from the gunshots but when Yolo got started with that knife! She cut them both up into twenty pieces apiece.

  ”Now comes the fun part!” the bloody girl cheered then began putting them back together mismatched. Kitty’s head went on mom’s torso and vice versa. Arms, legs, and feet all switched.

  “K-I-L-L-A and Y-O-L-O,” Yolo sang as she wrote the words in blood on the wall. Once she was done, she showered and changed.

  Yolo was a girl and girls are nosey so she couldn’t help but go thr
ough Kitty’s phone. First stop was the gallery and pictures of her crush.

  “Mm, mm, mmph!” she proclaimed seeing Killa in various poses. Then came the dick pics. “Mm, mm, mmph!”

  “Aww,” Yolo moaned when she read a text from Killa proclaiming his love for her. “He said he loves…wait,” Yolo said then stopped since Kitty’s ears were on her mother’s head. She went over to the mismatched head and relayed the message. She shrugged and texted back, ‘at the condo.’

  His reply of being on the way sent her scrambling from the condo. She didn’t go far though. Just to an adjacent building to wait. When Killa arrived, she watched him through the high-powered scope of a high-powered rifle.

  “Our boy is here,” Yolo said to Casper via Bluetooth. She felt her panties soak on sight but was still ready to fire. “Let me end this.”

  “No! Not yet! He has to make penance first,” Casper whined. “Let him come to us!”

  “Ok,” Yolo moaned and put down the gun. She hung up the call and shook her head. “He gon’ come to us alright, and kill us all.”

  Chapter 20

  Casper was really foolish enough to think that he was safe. He actually believed that Killa would never be able to find their compound. He thought the gated mansion was a fortress against all evil. Evil perhaps, but not Killa. He was worse than evil and he was angry.

  Yolo on the other hand knew he was coming. The question wasn’t if, it was when. In her twisted mind, life was nothing more than waiting to die. After all, death is the only certainty in life. Until the inevitable came she entertained herself playing in her vagina while watching Killa’s porn.

  Casper didn't keep much security besides the tall gates and vicious dogs. The now fully-grown man-eaters were kept slightly hungry to make them even more dangerous. Yolo cut their diet to two men a week and they were starved. Anyone coming over that gate was dog food, literally.

  “Hey big fella,” Killa greeted warmly as he lined one of the dogs up in his scope. The large canine cocked his head and turned as if he heard the sniper in the woods.

  Killa fired, exploding his head with a silent round. The next dog came over to investigate and his nosey ass got the same. The last dog seen all it needed to see and took off. Tried to anyway, because Killa gunned it down as well. I'm not sure if all dogs go to heaven but wherever they’re going, they all went together.

  After scanning the home and grounds through the scope for several minutes, Killa was ready to make his move. He broke the sniper rifle back down and put it back in his bag. He pulled a large pistol and made his approach. Killa had hopped many a wrought iron fence growing up in New York City. The athletic goon had no problem getting over the gate. Assuming correctly that no one would use a moving truck for a getaway; he ignored it and rigged the other vehicles with explosives. This way if he didn’t make it, they wouldn’t either.

  Killa slipped gun first into the doggy door in the kitchen. Once the coast was clear, he climbed all the way in and stood erect. He scanned the house with his eyes and ears as he inched forward. Suddenly the slurpy sound of sloppy dick sucking caught his ear. He quietly crept forward and found his man.

  “Sorry to interrupt but…” Killa announced and shot the pretty blonde girl giving the Baron head right in her blonde head. The large man came as close to speaking then than any time in his life. The disappointment of an interrupted blowjob was etched on his face. That shit hurt, hurt deep.

  The room was quiet as everyone tried to figure out what just happened and was about to happen. Casper went limp instantly inside of his brunette hooker’s head. She took the opportunity to leave.

  “I guess I better go. I see you boys have business,” she said politely.

  “I think you should go too,” Killa agreed just as politely and sent her with her friend with a head shot.

  “Black Mob,” Killa said with a sarcastic scowl as he approached the Baron. The Baron looked over to Casper for help and got none. “You killed my woman? Went after my family?”

  The Baron just sat there mute as ever, which further infuriated the killer. Killa pumped a round into his knee to see if that would get him talking. It didn’t, but he did howl to the highest heavens. The guttural moan echoed throughout the large house.

  “Huh?” Yolo asked when the screech reached her. It was a rhetorical question that she already knew the answer to. “He’s here!”

  There was no time to get dressed so she donned her vest and pulled the dreadlock wig on her head. She grabbed the closet pistol and rushed into battle. Crept actually, as she tiptoed towards the action.

  “Nothing to say?” Killa asked cocking his ear towards the man. When he still didn’t reply Killa shot his other knee. He caught the help creeping towards the door and sent a slug his way too.

  “So sorry!" Casper blurted out from the pain of being shot in his ass cheek. When he spoke, the cat was out of the bag.

  “You?” Killa asked with a confused frown. He looked back and forth between the large man and the man with the voice that called the shots. The voice that made the threats. Killa was as smart as a rocket scientist and quickly figured it out. He couldn’t help but laugh, “Black Mob.”

  “I am!" Casper said suddenly smug. “He’s my flunky, the black face of the Black Mob!”

  “Looks like you’re gonna need a new face,” Killa growled and took off the Baron’s old face with a shot. He didn’t know Casper’s cavalier attitude was courtesy of Yolo’s arrival. Killa didn’t see her but he sure felt her. She raised her gun and shot the intruder in the middle of his back.

  “Ugh!” Killa groaned from the impact. He spun and fired back. He and Yolo traded shots, testing the veracity of their bulletproof vests. They both back peddled from the impact until they both fell on their asses.

  Both killers jumped to their feet and raised their guns. They both pulled their trigger and got the same results. Their guns clicked harmlessly from lack of bullets. Killa quickly exchanged the empty clip for a full one while Yolo twisted her lips. She didn’t have an extra clip.

  “I shoulda shot you in that pretty face,” she quipped.

  “I’m damn sure about to shot you on yours,” Killa replied noticing not only that she was pretty but naked as well.

  “He’s getting away," Yolo said hoping to divert his attention long enough to make a break. If that didn’t work, she still had a trick up her sleeve and she didn’t even have on a shirt. She did have a brand new unused vagina though. That’s gotta be good for something.

  “He won’t get far,” he announced just before the sound of his car exploding reached them. “Not in one piece anyway.”

  “Good! He’s dead. I just followed orders, just like you. It’s over,” Yolo shrugged as if it were really just that simple. Seeing he wasn’t moved, she made her next sales pitch.

  “Yo, we got ten thousand kilos of Columbian cocaine out in that truck. It’s worth millions!” she offered seductively.

  “Bitch they haven’t printed enough money for me to spare you. After what you did to my woman!” Killa growled and delivered a backhand like something out of YUNG PIMPIN’. The blow knocked her down causing her legs to spread slightly.

  “Mmm, that turns me on,” Yolo purred. She saw his eyes dart between her legs and parted them a little more. “I guess I’m dead so at least fuck me first. Don’t let me die a virgin.”

  “A what?” Killa frowned at the foreign word. It actually took him a second to recall what it meant but that didn’t make sense. “Get the fuck outa here!”

  “I’m for real! Just cuz I kill people don’t mean I’m a hoe,” she shot back indignantly then softened. “I was saving myself for my husband but don’t look like I’ma live long enough to get one.”

  Yolo pushed the issue by rubbing her bare box. She then lifted her wet fingers to show off. The look of pure awe on his face urged her on. She crawled over and pulled his dick from his pants. It grew long and hard in her hot mouth and she knew she had him. Until he shot his knee up and knocke
d her over.

  “You wanna get fucked? Well I’m about to fuck you!” he growled. There would be no tenderness; he intended to punish her before she died.

  Killa snatched Yolo’s legs open by an ankle and forcefully plunged inside. He actually felt her hymen give way when he pushed past it. A thin coat of blood confirmed her claims of chastity.

  “Shit! Shit! I love you!” Yolo screamed from the searing pain.

  Killa ignored her screams and pounded away. It was a consensual rape designed to punish, not please. Somewhere along the way pleasure mixed with the pain causing Yolo to moan.

  “Mmm baby this is yours we should be together. Imagine our kids!” she wailed. Killa just kept on pounding. He wanted to bust a nut so he could kill her. His gun was still in hand for the moment he came.

  “You ‘bout to make me cum,” she whined as the sensation increased.

  Her proclamation of pleasure pushed Killa to pound harder. He was determined to get off then off her before she could. He won that race but just barely. He pushed right up against her cervix and exploded. Yolo came a second later with a soft whimper.

  “Stupid bitch,” Killa growled and shot her in the back of her dreadlocked head. She fell face first and he fired again. “Got some good pussy though.”

  He used a throw pillow from the sofa to clean the blood, semen and pussy juice from his still erect dick and tucked it away. Then a slow smile spread as he surveyed the carnage in the room. The Baron was missing his face with a prostitute at his feet. Ironically, the blonde still had her month open. A true cocksucker till the end. Casper’s date was also stretched out and he was in a hundred chunks in the driveway.

  “The fuck I’ma do with ten thousand keys?” he pondered as he pulled the truck from the house. He snapped his fingers as his cousin Cameron Forest came to mind. It was time for the return of the Dope Boy.

  Chapter 21

  When Killa shot Yolo, the bulletproof wig saved her life. She was merely knocked unconscious by the impact. Additionally she had a hairline skull fracture and concussion. She lay there for an hour until she realized that she wasn’t dead. Dead people don’t feel pain but she hurt like hell.