The Knight Behind the Pillar

by John Pateman-Gee

  On the way back to the fort I did not see or heard Merlin or Arthur or anyone else. It was night very quickly and not a clear one leaving me to rely on Ector’s horse’s instinct most of the time to follow the path. Not keen on horses and having to trust one and at night was an experience of facing my fear I did not enjoy. It took longer in my mind to get back than it had to leave Caerleon, but when you are keen to get somewhere it always seemed that way.

  The stables were almost deserted when I returned, except for a couple of night stable lads who begrudgingly took Ector’s horse from me and perhaps others unseen who had decided that tonight the deep hay was their bed. I was not sure how late it was, but could not put off my next job until the morning. I had been rehearsing my excuses the whole journey!

  A little later I stood before a door after having spent a few minutes rushing with barely noticeable results to clean myself up. The door was ajar and I carefully pushed it a little wider, but was careful to avoid opening it any more that I had to in order to enter the room. Kay stood by the fire; certainly the warmth of the flames enticed me towards it. I was frozen to the core after my ride in the dark and having to put my shirt back on to avoid looking oddly dressed. Arthur was perched on the edge of the bed and their father looked relaxed in an old arm chair that creaked as he leaned back in it.

  I had second thoughts about disturbing this scene, but the fire pulled me closer and then Kay spotted me. “Look it’s my missing squire.” He stated loudly drawing my presence to the attention of Arthur and Ector.

  “Sorry my lord, I….” I started to say, as I stepped further into room, but Kay cut me off.

  “No it’s my fault,” He declared leaving the fire and shaking his hands to lose the heat gained as you do when you realised you have been cooking them to long, “I meant to see him today and I meant to sort it out, except I got caught up in other matters.” He continued and was apologetic.

  He held his hands open for forgiveness and yet this made no sense. There was silence as he then expected a response, only I had not rehearsed anything like this in my head. No one had said sorry to me for years. The last time must have been back in Northumberland, the servants back there always said sorry as if it was just a normal requirement at the start or end of every sentence.

  “Eh, I mean, err sorry my lord I don’t understand.” I finally ventured admitting I was at a lost.

  Now Kay frowned and was washed over with suspicious tension, “You got caught by Lord Aries today, didn’t you?” He asked and explained at the same time before looking across to Arthur to check his facts. “That’s what you said.”

  I realised at once Arthur had been making excuses for me. This was even clearer when I looked past them all to the side of the room where I had been working this morning and saw that the last few boots I still had to clean were gone and instead a couple of now clean pairs were lined up to one side.

  Quickly I stepped forward to focus Kay’s attention back to me and jumping in before Arthur was put on the spot. “Yes, yes I was,” I insisted, “I mean I didn’t mean to be so long.”

  I gave Arthur a quick look and he responded with a look that confirmed everything out of sight of both Kay and Ector. Only then I wondered and worried if he knew I had followed him today!

  Kay had circled around and back towards the fire. “I will have words with him tomorrow and ensure he now knows you’re not his squire anymore,” He said solemnly, but then light heartily added, “might even throw in that it’s an order from the king! What do think Art?”

  Arthur just rolled his eyes. “Are you goner be like this all the time now?!” He asked.

  Instead Ector suddenly cut in. “Well, before you two start, again, it’s been enough of a day for me, time to get some sleep I think.” He said, as he stretched out and lifted himself up a little from the chair.

  “At least someone will!” Kay countered with a smile my way as I was being let in on the joke, but I stood still and straight.

  “Nothing stopping you finding another room.” Ector answered sternly.

  “There might be one available if my brother moved out of his.” suggested Kay

  “No chance.” Arthur chipped in.

  “My younger brother, my former squire! You would think I would get a little more respect.” Declared Kay, it was a statement directed to anyone who would listen, the ceiling mostly. “At least you could do me a favour and order someone to move out.”

  “I might be king, but loyalties and this alliance are too fragile for me to boot out someone so my brother has a good night sleep.” Said Arthur.

  Arthur had put it soundly and with some seriousness compared to Kay’s obviously humorous mood.

  Kay smiled to himself with a shrug. “Just as well I borrowed a hammock from the men today, you know; those who still have to obey me,” He said, adding to his father. “If I put it up as far from the bed as I can, perhaps then I can escape your constant snoring.”

  A sound of protest and also astonishment came from Ector before he said “Ah, why don’t you put it in the hallway or outside and do us all a favour.” Ector retorted and all was in jest.

  I had been standing quietly, but I had to admit I was envious of the banter between them. I wanted to join in, be a part of this family, but knew it was not my place. A creeping sadness pulled at me as I was reminded that my own were so distance and no longer cared. Yet this family was still in a state of adjustment, things were no yet entirely right and a keen observer could see it. There was still the shock of the last few days engraved on their faces. Mostly tired expressions except lack of sleep, while a valid explanation, was not entirely the reason for it. This was a family rebuilding as if recovering from a death of a loved one, but of course no one had died. Perhaps, it was more like finding treasure and while there should be joy, it came with a curse at the same time. Not that those things existed, neither treasure nor curses as almost everything it was a good story and never anything more.

  While I suspected with Arthur’s family there was a far better relationship than anything I once had and things would get better, there was still going to be the odd awkward pause. Then there was the need to find words to fill the gap and there was that undefined tension that lingered when no words come. Such feeling could last for days or even a lifetime depending on the extent of the crisis. Just because it was not my place to join in, I suspected that just my presence was an excuse to talk and joke rather than sit, endure the silent gaps and struggle to find the next words to fill them.

  Yet Arthur decided this was now to end as well. “I think perhaps it’s time to go. Good night father.” Arthur decided tactfully and jumped off the bed.

  “Night son.” Ector called with the slightest of pauses, but I may have imagined it.

  Son! This was at the moment such a meaningful word not so naturally spoken. How many times had father and son wished each other well, a farewell or said goodnight with one having knowledge that the other did not regarding their true relationship. I reflected that Ector must surely have found it odd that Merlin was handing him a child. What idle thoughts back then hid any suspicions he might have had? A gift of a child was no small thing, but from a man with the reputation of mystery how did Ector avoid thinking on it. Now with hindsight we all had a better view and understanding of the past thanks to present events.

  “Oh and don’t forget your new sword.” Kay reminded Arthur, pointing to the table.

  I glanced across and recognised at once the wrought iron scabbard with gemstones inset down one side that protected the sword Arthur had taken from the lake.

  “Is there anything more you need my lord?” I blurted suddenly as my need to be dismissed so I could talk to Arthur outside became urgent.

  “Oh,” Kay said taken by surprise by my outburst, “No, unless you have a bed I can have and thus solve my snoring nightmares? Otherwise I’ll see you tomorrow and we will deal with Lord Aries, I promise this time.”

  I did not answer and Kay spun back around to h
is father and continued to talk. Arthur smirked at me knowing full well I did in fact have lodgings that Kay might want and there was room to share, but he stayed quiet. Brothers took any opportunity to tease or have the something over the other; it was yet another one of those rules.

  I bowed my head respectfully, not that Kay was looking or appreciating any of my efforts to be the respectful squire and then turned to leave. Arthur passed me to receive his sword from across the room that I eyed suspiciously.

  Once I was outside I waited and he joined me soon afterwards in the empty hallway.

  “Where were you then?” Arthur questioned as soon as the door was closed behind him, “There was little work left, but why leave it and disappear somewhere?”

  At once I was instantly relieved as he had confirmed in a second that he had not seen me follow him. We slowly headed together along the hall way.

  “I had to go and wait for you at the training ground remember.” I answered without noticeable delay. I realised my excuses I had prepared still could work and I tried to sound slightly cross or at least as cross as I could get away with and not be seen to be overacting.

  “Oh, that,” Arthur considered and a wave of guilt passed over him, “I’d forgotten, sorry. You sure it was to everyday?”

  “I thought we had to train every day, least I have to being just a squire.” I continued pushing the point a little.

  I took some pleasure from his guilt, the same tactic he had used on his brother, admittedly he did so on my behalf. It was also my way of getting him back for causing me to suffer such a long journey and falling out of a tree and the damp mud and seemingly my whole life as a run of burred painful moments of horses and bruising!

  “I can’t remember if honest, but didn’t think it was a fixed arrangement, but then I suppose we should be working to get better now, makes sense.” Arthur considered before a doubt surfaced in his expression. “And you stood there waiting all afternoon?” He asked.

  While tempted to say yes, I knew it was not likely he would believe me and his face told me that immediately.

  I was back to defending myself and the lie got bigger. “No, cause not.” I confessed. “Only a little while and Bedivere didn’t turn up either. Then one of the pages told me they saw you around the stables, but when I got there I couldn’t find you. Anyway instead while I was there I checked on your brother’s horse, after all I guess I should be looking after it now.”

  “But he was out today.” He said and knitted his brow as he interrupted.

  “Yes I know, and having discovered that I also discovered no one had been seeing to your father’s horse. So I exercised and sorted his out instead and didn’t lose it. After that I did have to finish some jobs for Aries, so you did sort of tell your brother the truth.” I was lying so well I was almost convinced myself, it just flowed and I even managed to put myself at the stables just in case anyone mentioned I had taken Ector’s horse.

  “That why you look in a state.” Arthur asked, unaware he was helping me piece the story together. Then he lit up with a sudden thought. “You didn’t fall off again?!”

  In my head I cursed, because I knew what I had to say out loud.

  “No I didn’t.” I answered back at once with so much purposeful innocent vindication that it was as clear as day that I had fallen to Arthur. While completely untrue, I let my embarrassment of being a poor horseman serve me on this occasion, something that may have just cost me the battle in avoiding to admit my shame of having a foolish awkwardness with the beasts that were suppose to serve all good knights.

  Clearly Arthur did not believe me as intended.

  “Well good.” He settled and kept his smug grin in check.

  Still I could not stand to be the loser for long. “Didn’t you just lie to your brother back there, wasn’t that against your vows?” I baited.

  “No,” Arthur quickly denied defensively and drawing back, “I said I would never lie unless it was to protect the innocent and I was protecting you.”

  Once again to my relief it was about him and not me and I could relax with my story established, except I suddenly felt a little bad at being regarded as innocent. Abandoning duties to spy on a king was not innocent, but it was well intentioned and sadly I had found it to be worthwhile.

  Now I could attempt to approach the matter I truly wanted to talk about and hope he would not now avoid the truth, unlike me. “Your turn then,” I said casually, “Why did you forget the training and why did you disappear? Was it some royal duty again, some meeting with another king or his daughter maybe?”

  It was an invitation to tell me what I already knew and saw so I could talk to him about it. I wanted, no needed, to know what Arthur thought he saw so I could work out what to do about it. His face brightened at his recollection of his day and any suspicion of me was definitely gone. It was in fact more of a dream like expression that passed over his face before he lifted the sword still in its scabbard to show me.

  “I doubt you’re going to believe me. I wouldn’t believe it myself if I hadn’t seen it, seen this.” Arthur said beginning his tale, holding the sword before me for my inspection as we strolled and he was obviously pleased with it. “Merlin and I, we went riding, he wanted to show me something and we travelled for a good distance northwards before we got to a lake. Middle of nowhere and no one around either, only there was an old boat. I was surprised it had no holes being just left to rot. Merlin insisted we get in it. Then he called forth a woman he called the lady of the lake, she was a spirit of the water or something like that. And then the most amazement thing, she did arrive; her hand came out of the waters holding this sword…”

  “A hand,” I interrupted, thinking it was likely to have been the moment where I would have interrupted if I were truly unaware of Arthur’s adventure, “With a body or was it just a floating hand somehow?”

  “No!” Arthur pulled a face to say I was just being daft. “Nothing like that. I could just make out a woman just below the surface of the water when I took the sword. Merlin said it was a gift and I should take it as the destined king and owner of it.”

  He stopped and stared at me for a response, perhaps hope that I was as in awe as he was.

  “You’re telling me you found this sword in some lake and a woman handed it to you!” I stated bluntly. “Why do you have a habit of finding swords in strange places, I mean, first a rock and now in some lake?”

  Arthur’s shoulders dropped in disappointment at my obvious disbelief.

  “I didn’t think you would believe me.” Arthur simply put, crestfallen and looking to the floor.

  “Look, it’s not that I don’t believe what you saw, but can you…..” I started to say, but Arthur looked away.

  I also stopped because I was becoming very conscious this was not as easy as I thought it was going to be. He had just lied for me to Kay and I had just lied to him now, while a minute before I was so pleased with myself for covering my tracks and was not as impressed with my wit now. If I wanted to admit I knew exactly what happened today I realised I had just entrapped myself! Yet again I just did not plan ahead.

  “Merlin said people would take time, guess I hoped you wouldn’t.”

  Now I was feeling awkward as I was without an answer. “I…” I began to stammer not sure where it might lead.

  “No don’t.” Arthur dismissed me shaking his head, saving me, and he then seem to rally back. “Just listen that’s not all of it. He asked me which I liked the better, the sword or the scabbard.”

  “Strange question.” I commented, please to be guided to an easy reply for once without risk of something else being put in jeopardy.

  It was safe to decide to just let him talk for now, I needed time to think and be cross with myself. Thoughts of telling him everything, the whole truth, one second were mixed with doubt and I changed my mind the next. Except I knew what I was like and wondered if I ever would make a decision!

  “I know,” Arthur agreed, “but I answered the sw
ord and he said I was unwise. He told me that the sword while great and powerful, the scabbard was worth ten of the sword! He also said that while I wear the scabbard, I shall never lose blood nor never be mortally wounded!”

  I stared at him with meaningful disbelief. I was astonished, shocked, stunned! Not by the magical properties nonsense of the sword and scabbard, but by him. Merlin had said Arthur would be a great king. If he was this gullible, enough to believe not only in some water spirit and magic, but there was a sword that stopped death as well, he would not been know as a great king at all. He would be the most foolish one in history!

  “And you believe him!” I found myself saying, again very bluntly. It was better than what I could have said. So much control was needed just to hold myself back, but my feelings on the subject of magic and all was stated clearly.

  I wanted to tell him the woman was just someone Merlin had found to help him; she just dived in the lake a moment before he came around the bend to see! Did he not even suspect foul play for himself!

  “I saw it, I did for myself Tor, I’m telling you this is real.” Arthur said defensively, his eagerness to embrace this gift was clear. “I know you doubt him, you perhaps don’t believe in such things, but it was amazing I wish you had seen it.”

  I looked down to look at the sword, I needed to retreat and think of a better way to tell him the truth rather than crush his ill conceived belief. Then just for a moment I attempted as ridiculous as it might sound to consider he was right. After all he deserved that respect, he was king and supposed to be right all the time.

  Shaking my head still shocked by Arthur the fool I asked, “Does it work?”