The Knight Behind the Pillar

by John Pateman-Gee

  Clegis nodded allowing my words to sink in. He looked grave, almost upset and gave a deep sigh. The lost of a stable income I guessed. My money had been good for him over the years. I also now remembered I had not even gained any benefit from him renting my home out to others recently, but it was not important.

  “Good,” He suddenly sniffed and looked away, “Good, and bout time, good.”

  I was unclear. “Good?” I questioned, “You’re please I’m going.”

  I had amused him somehow and he gave a low chuckle. “My boy, Tor, I have known you for some time now. Must be a few years from the day you arrived. Ahh, just a boy then you were, lost I think. Wandering around these parts lookin for something and we met my boy. And you always wanted one thing from the day I met you, to be a knight. I’ve never seen the appeal of wanting to be an armoured clad thug myself, never liked armour, not much of a market in it round here. Now mind you these days I…”

  “Clegis! The point?” I interrupted impatiently.

  He looked like Clegis, but I had growing doubts of late. This was a stranger who could not normally string a sentence together without pausing for a sip of ale every second word.

  “But, but the point my boy is you seemed determined to do it, worked hard for it. You must see that Aries will never give you what you want, he’s like me and knows a good deal when he sees one.”

  “He’s not like you.” I was impelled to state quickly and screwing up my nose.

  Clegis was amused and taking the compliment grinned. “What’s important is you might have a chance now and to get what it is you want. Go for that dream of yours my boy.” He continued, speaking with enthuse vigour, like a pot of gold had sudden landed before us. “Go be a proper squire and to the brother of the future king no less, that’s not a bad deal, certainly worth taking.”

  “I have Clegis, I’m already Kay’s squire.” I corrected him as I realised he had somehow lost track or maybe I had. Perhaps stinging a sentence together or stricken to the right point of the conversation and being sober was asking a little much of him.

  His arms threw themselves into the air. “Exactly!” He boomed loudly and slapped my shoulder supportively.

  “And Arthur’s is already king now, there was a Coronation.” I added ensuring Clegis was with me still.

  “Even better, missed it, but who cares.” He set aside, but with second thoughts asked. “Was it a good feast?”

  I could not now help but smile back at the large excited man before me, my friend in the damp cold part of the world. It dawned on me Clegis was someone I did not expect to find, I had found someone to miss when I was gone.

  “I’m sure it will be some time yet before I need to go, there’s a lot to do.” I said, but my words faded to nothing and I had to look away and his laughter also died away.

  Clegis was a loud, larger than life and drunken fool, but loved living and everyone seemed to like him as well. When I arrived and after that first day he welcomed me, allowed me the hayloft, at the right price of course. I always knew I should have appreciated what he did for me, not just the bed for a night. He always had a spare seat at the table and a spare drink. He was the reason for my first real sore head having so much to drink the night before, but I am not sure I should thank him for that. The man was the reason for some great celebrations in the town and more than I care to remember he was responsible for some truly embarrassing moments as well. I now realised this, a little late perhaps, just as I decided there was nothing here to think fondly of.

  “Well, when you do my boy, make sure you see me before you do go, got it!” He insisted.

  “Yes Clegis, I will. I promise.” I said sincerely nodding and meant it.

  In his eyes this moment seemed important and then he reached out and patted my shoulder before deciding that was not enough and he unexpectedly pulled me close and hugged me. Buried by Clegis I was at a lost to how to react, I settled on reaching out and gently patting the large man’s arm. It was just long enough to allow a little awkwardness to take root before Clegis felt it was time to free me. I stood a little stunned, but Clegis seemed pleased.

  “Well then, best be off with you then, bed my boy.” Clegis instructed gently.

  Struggling I thought to compose himself he then took a couple of steps back. It had been a while since anyone ordered me to go to bed, but that about summed up my day.

  Thinking too hard I decided I needed to lighten the atmosphere. “I’m sure you won’t miss my coin that much,” I said with a smile, “You’ll have to see if any other squires want to stay here.”

  I regretted my words at once seeing his face drop and expression darken and I wished I could have taken them back. As usual there were too many emotions; I always coped poorly with them and had to find humour instead. And as usual my mouth had opened and not allowed my head to catch up.

  “Do you think that’s all this is my boy, that I’d miss your money!” He growled angrily, the change in his disposition and expression was dramatic and sudden. “You’ll be wanting to remember what we’ve done for you, what Florie has done! We’ve been there for you when ever we’ve been needed, your highness! That’s right, we know!” Clegis declared and my eyes widened in surprise. “You think we didn’t know your title? Found that out a couple of years ago, but you made no mention of it and we respected that.”

  “No Clegis I didn’t mean…..” I attempted to interrupt him as he stepped towards me.

  “None of it matters,” Clegis continued loudly over the top of me. I was backing up as he approached, but I had nowhere to go with the ladder behind me. “Go, go be a knight my boy and go get yourself killed and think that only your coin will be missed. Just go!”

  Clegis appeared to reach a conclusion to his outburst and sharply turned to go. I was a little panicked now, I needed to stop everything going wrong. It was late, I was tired and really did not want to deal with this on top of everything, but needed to.

  This time it was my turn to reach out, despite fear of getting hit back. I gripped his arm to stop him going. “No, no please wait! I was trying to be funny and it wasn’t meant.” I implored wanting him to stop walking and was rewarded by him not pulling away further. He just stood there like a huge rock, except for deep breathing. “You know I am, well was, might be that is, a prince?” I asked with care.

  He nodded slowly. “A nobleman seeing how us humble pheasants lived no doubt!” Clegis said with a hint of distain as he accused me, but it sounded a little like he was quoting someone else.

  I let go of his arm. “I never thought that.” I exclaimed with concern, “And you think that, do you?”

  Clegis gave a loud purposeful sigh and shoulders seemed to drop and relax again. Returning to face me again, I knew his rage was normally short lived. Mostly the result of drink when it happened and that was rare as he was mostly a good drunk. This was the first time I had been at the other end and considered later I did well to avoid a fight.

  A hand at his forehead, he shook his head. “No, no I guess not, not really my boy. I didn‘t meant that. It’s been said I admit, but after a few years you were considered, well, it’s said you’re one of us and still are.” Clegis answered slowly. “Back then you were a youngling, alone, lost and needed a home it was all I saw then. And now, well now I see you my boy, at least as near as I guess.”

  Touched I found a beginning of my smile and was relieved. He nodded sincerely in response.

  “I am grateful.” I said, “For everything and I mean that.”

  Another moment of time, but one I would always remember for being a genuine unsaid appreciation of affection of something a father to a son would share, something that I had up to now been completely blind to. I had always been glad of Clegis help, often eating with him and his family and friends, but realised I had just taken it all without thinking of it. I may be his tenant, but the coin I had given never increased from year to year and if I thought more about it then it was like I was just contributing a little to the
family fund than strictly paying rent. As I always thought, time was a strange thing. This was a moment that was forever and not one that was gone without being noticed.

  Luckily Clegis had decided he had enough of being so exposed emotionally and settled for another pat on my arm. “Right then, get off with you then.” He said sort of shaking himself down and I knew I was forgiven.

  “Goodnight Clegis” I said warmly with a broad smile as much as tiredness would allow.

  I quickly turned and climbed the ladder before I said anything else I would regret. At the top I looked back, he nodded and left. After he was gone I turned back and looked towards my hayloft bed. The little moonlight from the far window reflected in the embedded precious stones that lined its length and I could do nothing but stared at the scabbard awaiting me.

  Chapter 5: 2478 Knights and Men

  Night was short. All too quickly the morning had come and I wished it away. The world had changed. Every day of the last few days had lead to aches, bruising and pain, but now a new feeling, a different agony. I preferred the aches and pain rather than face this new world where healing was doubtful. Optimistically I considered that I had not been caught and the alternative outcome would certainly have involved pain. I had also slept the short night a free man. Except the sleep part was missing if I was being truthful and actually this was the same as not being caught I concluded glumly.

  So I had one positive that was at least something to hang on to and wake up for! Dreading what today might bring resulted in numerous negative thoughts as well and these soon fought against the lonely positive. It was quickly outnumbered and did not give much of a fight. I just groaned for a while and mourned its defect.

  Facing Arthur was the chief concern and would be hard. Not to see him would be an admission of guilt. Blame I found was almost always passed onto the missing party when being given out. I had done nothing wrong to be guilty about I knew as I had saved him, not least from his own gullible and overly trusting nature. Set aside my good intentions, my actions were still wrong perhaps and would seem that way to everyone else. At the same time I did not want to get to see Arthur or even Kay too early. I stared at the underside of the hayloft thatch and tie beam above lit by the end slit window. I stared for some kind of simple and brilliant answer to my problems to reveal itself. None came.

  Not long afterwards and walking through the fort, I found it was clear that the robbery had been discovered as guards and others were rushing about in a panic. I had to push pass some to get into Kay’s room and finding no one there I knew they would be in Arthur’s room. Shortly I found Ector, Kay and Briant and yet more guards stood outside the open door of the King’s room. The corridor had suddenly got very cramped with so many people. Kay spotted me instantly and at once moved to met me before I reached them first. I knew it was time to act bewildered and confused, unsure about what was happening or probably just appear stupid.

  “Where have you been?” He snapped, not looking pleased his face distorted looking uptight and anxious.

  The humour of the night before was plainly forgotten.

  “Sorry, my liege.” I addressed him formally as I should being his squire now, except at the back of my head I wondered if Aries still did not know. “Some soldiers wouldn’t let me pass for a while, eh what’s going on?”

  Some guards were checking who was entering the tower, but it was a lie to say they delayed me in anyway. They knew me and had as always ignored me appropriately. I was in fact as late as I had planned to be. I did not want to risk being around when the robbery was first discovered.

  Kay’s face could not get any tighter. “Someone has stolen Arthur’s sword and some other things.” He said quickly in disgust. “Stay here I might need you for something.”

  I was about to express my rehearsed shock at the news I had been practicing in my head all night. Asking about Arthur would be the first question and then I might have even risked asking how it might have happened, but before I could begin my performance Kay had already turned away. Somewhat unsure what to do I stepped back as I was seemingly dismissed for a moment. I did what was expected and attempted to fade into the stone wall behind me.

  Kay’s attention had been pulled away from me by Alain stepping out from Arthur’s room. He was obviously cross. Cross was an understatement given his normal calm pale face was now a blistering red colour. “Any sign of that annoying blundering rat Morvid?” He asked Ector nearby.

  Ector shocked his head, but as he unfolded his arms to my horror he added. “But Tor is here now, Kay’s squire. He was here last night.”

  Alarmed I concentrated to keep my composure and recalled my previously prepared words ready for the moment. Blending into stonework was a bit harder now as all eyes glanced my way. Guilt was ripping apart my insides and I hoped it was not showing. I could feel the pit of my stomach pulling me down. I had to get through this!

  “Squire, I thought he was the son of King Pellinore?” I heard Alain comment in a low voice, but it was not aimed to me or anyone directly that I could see.

  Well at least he remembered me this time and Arthur’s plan to ensure I was memorable had worked. When we were next on the training ground I planned to show my King some appreciation.

  “You can be both, Sire.” Kay answered in my defence.

  “Of course, course.” He dismissed the inconsequential point, but I imagined how any status I held had now altered in his mind. Alain finally acknowledged my presence as he approached me and I accepted that my time to avoid being involved had ended. “Tor wasn’t it?”

  So it had changed. A simple questioning of my name was full of meaning. It shouted to the world you are not important enough to remember, in fact it was worse than that. He did know my name, had said my name, but did not want to directly concede the verity. Yet a moment ago he knew I was the son of Pellinore, it was as rude as you can be without being so. Discourtesy perhaps unnoticed by most, but I was once a prince. I knew some ways of the court and especially a large one. The subtle messages that said more or went beyond actual words spoken was a skill to know.

  “Yes my lord.” I had to answer, but granted him less esteem than Kay had given him.

  I told myself that I had to sound confident and this was no time for being weak as Alain would see it at once.

  “Tell me young man, did you see anything suspicious last night? You’re aware there was an intruder in Arthur’s chambers?”

  As he spoke despite his words his eyes narrowed and in the pleasantness he interrogated me. I returned the stare with an innocent frown of concern. I also noted at once another undermining clue as for my status. In his eyes I was now young. Arthur would never be young or at least he would never use the term to describe his status as a man. Arthur would be a young king, but never a young man to mean less of a man, to hold less experienced or to have lesser value.

  Right now I was a squire; I had to keep reminding myself. I had act as I had for years and for once ignore the game of word play as there was more at stake.

  “I was speaking to his highness here last night, we spoke for a while before he retired and I then returned to my lodgings.” I said positively. I made the point that I addressed Arthur formally while Alain had not and while I might be a squire I still took the opportunity to remind him that I was on clear speaking terms with Arthur as a friend. I went on to add, “I regret to say I saw no intruder or anyone suspicious my lord.”

  The last point was true. After all it was a rare thing to see yourself in this life without a puddle of water to help and except for me there was no other suspicious person to have been seen. Confidence was growing as I was now sure that no one saw me and suspicion was not being directed my way that I could perceive. Even if there was someone who saw me, it was unlikely that they could say when I left Arthur to when I left the fort for the hayloft.

  Alain looked away and I could breath.

  Unexpectedly and without any warning Merlin spoke from a distance shadow behind me along the
corridor. “Well that’s not the entire truth now, is it Tor?” He said. I jumped out of my skin, but I was not alone as he caught everyone off their guard. As we all turned to look at him he went on to add as he stepped forward into the light. “You also saw me last night.”

  His voice was light and unconcerned with the fact he had just ruined my life! My mind already working overtime battling fear, I needed to get it thinking about what I should do and what to say now. How did I fail not to think that Merlin might say something about me and how stupid was I to assume he would not! I needed a hole to swallow me whole or even an early attack from King Lot or raiders would be welcome at this second. These simple thoughts were all I had against the haze of my overworking head. The haze being instant and terrible fear, sheer panic of now being discovered that I had committed a robbery, treason and for what!

  “Err yes,” I said without much certainly now. I had a choice, but it was limited to being forced to either admit my visit to him or risk a lie and then need to persuade everyone Merlin was lying. Eyes returned from Merlin to me to seek explanation as I added, “Just briefly.”

  Merlin stepped to my side. I knew I was showing some nerves now, biting my bottom lip, needing to screw my hands into a ball to stop probable shaking. I could not help it as I knew this moment was going to be deciding the rest of my life.

  Luckily for me Alain’s own opinions of Merlin meant I was not his focus. “What business would you have with this boy?” Alain barked.

  From man to boy, Alain’s devaluation continued and again had not gone unnoticed. Except I could only hoped his little regard for my worth would help me now. Merlin carried with him that knowing smile and placed one hand on my shoulder. For support or to stop any escape I was not sure. His hand was just a weight and I hated it being there, except I did nothing having been rendered somehow helpless. I had no control and knew I was at the mercy of Merlin’s next few words. I despised this man with a passion I had not experienced before since leaving home and I fought the impulsion to run. Kay looked close to bursting with frustration in the corner of my eye. I was sure he wanted to say something yet remained quiet. Maybe to him I appeared disloyal having just admitted speaking to Merlin without his permission or knowledge, but he was the least of my problems.