Hold Me

by Baker, LJ

  Just before Janet died, she really started to open up to me. It was like having a big sister for the first time, and after spending my life as an only child, that was a really big deal. I got a twinge in my chest every time I thought about Janet. Her death was one of the hardest things I'd gone through since the death of my own parents. Well, besides almost losing Will, but I wasn't going to let myself think about that. Letting those memories creep into my mind was like getting punched in the liver by a heavyweight champion.

  Back at the military base I had exactly two friends. Jack, a seventy-five year old, one-legged, grump-ass, old man, and Hadley, an odd, little waif who claimed to be some sort of psychic. They weren't exactly the most typical choice of friends, but I wouldn't trade either of them for anything. I was glad we left the base— except for the fact that Janet might still be alive if we hadn't, and I really did miss my friends. As I watched Will and Dan bond over guy junk, I missed them even more.

  "Dude, you're totally right about that." Dan slapped Will on the shoulder and laughed.

  "About what?" I asked as I walked into the room and sat in the chair across from them.

  "Nothing you'd understand." Will laughed and Dan joined him

  "Whatever. Are you two going to play with that thing all day? I'm frigging bored." I glanced down at what appeared to be some sort of motor in pieces across the coffee table.

  "Probably. Don't you have a book or something to read?" Will asked, without even a glance in my direction.

  "Ugh, you guys suck." I kicked the leg of the table with my foot and huffed.

  Dan elbowed Will in the side and tossed his head in my direction. "I got this mate, go give your girl some attention."

  Will looked over me with my arms folded across my chest and my bottom lip pushed into a playful pout. "You need some attention?"

  "No." I turned my head and let my inner brat shine through.

  "Mmhmm. I see that. I guess I'll just go back to work then."

  "Will!" I grabbed the throw pillow and tossed it at his head.

  He caught it just in time and laughed at me. "That's abuse ya know?"

  I poked my tongue out at him. "What are you going to do about it?"

  He wiped his hands off on his jeans and stood. "You sure you want to know?" The side of his mouth came up in a crooked smile and I suddenly wanted very much to know.

  I nodded.

  He walked over to me and grabbed both my ankles to pull me half out of the chair. Then he slipped both hands under me, lifted me up and tossed me over his shoulder. "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you."

  I pretended to hate being carried, as he brought me into the bedroom and tossed me onto the bed. He stood over me with his hand up to his chin in mock thought. "Hmm Now what should I do with you?"

  I had a whole lot of thoughts on that and I was positive he had even more. We hadn't gotten to spend enough time alone and after waiting as long as we did, it was pretty much the only thing I could think of when we were alone.

  I smiled and blinked my eyes a few times. "I think you can come up with something."

  Hopefully something that involves getting you out of those jeans.

  He reached for my hands and pulled me up in front of him. When he pushed a stray bit of hair behind my ear and licked over his bottom lip, it sent shivers up my spine. "I think I'd like to start with this." He slipped one hand up behind my head and dipped his head down to kiss me.

  He pulled back far too soon and I moaned my protest. "Hey."

  "Don't be greedy. You'll get plenty more." One corner of his mouth curved up and his eyes glazed over with lust.

  I swallowed hard as my stomach fluttered the way it did when he looked at me like that and I did my best to take slow breaths. With one touch, I was lost in sensation, a tingling ball of 'ohmigod', unable to form coherent thoughts or use rational thinking skills.

  I slid my hand up to his hair and tangled my fingers into the strands, using them to pull his face closer to mine. "Please?"

  A small moan escaped his lips as he pressed them against mine and lifted me up against him.

  "How can I say no to that?"

  ***

  Being cradled against Will as he slept was one of the best feelings I could imagine. I wanted to spend all of eternity laying there next to him. After nearly losing him, the feeling was stronger. When he stirred, my heart jumped and I hoped he wasn't about to get up. There was a desperate need to keep him close, feel him against me, and cram a lifetime of moments into each minute we spent together, because I never knew if it would be our last.

  His eyes fluttered open and he stretched his neck down to look at me. A lazy grin spread across his face as he pushed his sleepiness away. "Hey beautiful."

  "Hey." I beamed back at him and brought my hand up to brush over his face. The rough stubble scratched my skin and sent tingles up my arm.

  "Still bored?" He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

  "Actually yes." I faked a yawn. "I think washing my socks would have been more exciting."

  "Is that so?"

  "Mmmhmm." I nodded and tried to keep from laughing.

  "Okay then, how about this?" He grabbed both my wrists and pulled my arms over my head with one of his hands and used the other to tickle me until I screamed.

  "Okay, okay, stop! Please!"

  Dan knocked and called through the door. "Uh you two gonna take a break any time soon and come eat? Dinner's ready."

  Will released my wrists and looked down at me. "Hungry?"

  "Starving." Even though I hated to move from that bed, my stomach grumbled its opinion.

  He leaned down, kissed me, and sighed. "I supposed we need to get up then."

  "Just for dinner though, right?"

  Will smiled and shook his head. "You're completely insatiable. You know that, right?"

  ***

  After dinner, I cleaned up the mess while Will helped Dan with the motor for another hour or so. He faked a few yawns and winked at me, but Dan caught on to his act and sent him to bed. I knew it had to be hard for Dan to see us together like that, but he did a good job of keeping it to himself and not acting jealous.

  Will headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth and clean up while I sat with Dan and waited for him.

  "Things are good between you two, I see. Or I hear, I should say." He chuckled and stuck various tools back into their place in the toolbox.

  I rolled my eyes and felt the warmth of a blush creep up my cheeks. "Whatever."

  "I'm happy for you guys. I want you to know that." His eyes stopped on mine and lingered. "I want you to be happy. That's what I care most about, love." He took in a deep breath and let it out slow.

  I reached over and placed my hand on top of his. I wasn't even sure what to say. I could tell him I was sorry, that I wished things were different. I could tell him I loved him and that in another life, I knew we could be happy together. But none of it mattered and none of it would make it easier for him. So I smiled and nodded, the words left unsaid.

  Will stuck his head in from the hallway and looked over us. "You ready, or you wanna stay up a bit still?"

  I looked back at Dan who pulled his hands back from mine and I felt torn. I didn't say anything for a moment, then Dan got up and stretched.

  "Well I'm beat. I'll see you two in the morning."

  He leaned down to kiss the top of my head and patted Will on the back as he walked past him to his room at the end of the hall. A small piece of me wanted to tell him to stop, stay there with me, but then I looked over at Will waiting for me with all the love and patience in the world, and I knew where I belonged, no matter how difficult it was to leave Dan behind.

  CHAPTER NINE

  "Look what I found sneaking around outside," Dan called out, as he opened the basement door and thumped down the steps. He'd been out hunting and wasn't gone long at all so I was a little suspicious when I heard him come back in.

  Behind Dan came Derek and a very excited Hadley. She hopped over
the steps and past the guys and threw herself onto me. We stumbled back and if not for the couch blocking the way, we would both have been on the floor.

  "I am so happy to see you again, Andi." Hadley wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and cut off my oxygen.

  I was glad to see her again, so I squeezed her back, but then had to pry her arms off to take a breath. "What are you guys doing here? I didn't expect Derek for a couple more weeks at least."

  Derek promised he would come back when he was leaving and I actually believed him. I just never expected it would be so soon. I didn't expect Hadley to be with him when he returned. The girl did have a way of showing up places though.

  "I wasn't planning on coming back so soon either, but Hadley doesn't let up. I had an errand to do not far from here and I had the truck, so I figured we'd stop in for a visit before heading back." Derek dropped his pack and some bags down on the chair and gave me a hug, lifting me off the floor.

  "We cannot stay long." Hadley turned and poked her tongue out at Derek. "Only until morning, but I could not pass up the chance to see you and there is much for us to talk about." Her smile was so huge it must have hurt her face.

  "Well, Hadley can stay until morning. I actually have to get going, but I'll be back for her. If that's all right?"

  It was fine with me, but I looked at the boys to make sure they didn't have a problem with it. Dan shrugged and Will took a step forward and mussed her hair playfully.

  "Fine with me." Will smiled and took a seat on the arm of the couch.

  "Okay, well I'm out of here. I brought a few things in those bags there, so help yourself. I'll be back in the morning." He gave me a hug, nodded to the guys, and up the stairs he went.

  Dan followed him out to finish his hunting and Will went back into the other room to finish working on something. I wasn't sure what, but I doubted it was anything exciting. He took a lot of enjoyment out of taking things apart and putting them back together. A hobby I did not share.

  When we were finally alone, I led her over to the couch to sit and catch up.

  "So how are you feeling? Derek said you were on some new medication for the seizures." I looked her over and she looked a little thinner.

  "Yes. The seizures have been a problem. I do not like the medication. I was sad that you did not come back to the base. I have missed you there."

  "I've missed you too. Like a lot. But, honestly, I just needed some time away from that place. Especially after Janet…" I still couldn't get the word out of my mouth. Hearing it out loud made it more permanent than I wanted it to be. "Well, since Janet, I just didn't want to go back."

  "I understand that. I am so sorry about what happened to her. I was afraid you would blame me." She looked down and spun a bracelet around her wrist.

  I pulled her hand off the little trinket and took it into my hand. "Of course not. Why would I blame you?"

  "If I had not come along, Derek would have been there to protect her." Her big eyes looked up with guilt.

  "Hey, it's not your fault. We have no idea what would have happened if Derek was there. Maybe they both would be dead. Anyway it's done, there's no reason to worry about the what-ifs."

  "But I should have known." She burst into tears and buried her face into her hands.

  There was so much guilt going around, so much regret. Since the outbreak it was the one thing we all had in common.

  I pried her chin from her hands and lifted her face up to look at me. "You couldn't have known. It's not your fault. Please don't think that."

  "But…" Her voice hitched between sobs. "I should have seen it. My visions, I… I did not know. I am so sorry."

  I'd almost forgotten about Hadley's supposed psychic powers. I still wasn't sure how I felt about that, but she clearly believed it. "Well, even a psychic doesn't see everything, so it doesn't make it your fault."

  "I do not like that word. I just know things." She sniffled and started to calm down a bit.

  "I'm sorry. I forgot, but you do realize that seeing things in the future, and having visions, is kind of the definition of being psychic, right?"

  She nodded, her long lashes flapped up and down over her eyes, and for a moment, she looked like a small child. She wasn't like other sixteen year olds. Hadley was special. She had an undeniable innocence about her that made you want to protect her, but at the same time, she had a fire inside her that warned you not to cross her.

  She sat back and wiped her eyes on her sleeves. "I am sorry. I only have a short time with you and I do not want to waste it with such depressing nonsense."

  "Why don't you just stay?" Without even thinking, I blurted the words out.

  Her eyes lit up and she smiled. "I would love to." Then her smiled faded and her head slumped down. "But I cannot. I have to return to the base for now. But maybe I can come back when they are finished?"

  "Finished with what? What's going on over there?" There were so many unanswered questions and I felt like Hadley had some of the answers.

  She tugged the neck of her shirt down and showed me a port in her neck, taped up and ready when needed.

  "How long has that been there?"

  She shrugged. "A while. They were using my arms but this is easier."

  "Hadley, what are they doing to you?" I should have asked her that the first time I noticed the gauze taped to her arm.

  "I am not supposed to talk about it, but I guess it does not matter anymore since you do not live there. They are using me to find a cure because I am immune."

  "So they do experiments on you?" Visions of horrible, painful procedures flashed through my mind.

  "Oh do not worry, it is not all bad. Mostly they just take my blood now. Then they give me presents. I do not mind it."

  "How can you not mind that? It's wrong. They shouldn't be experimenting on a child. You aren't even old enough to consent."

  Hadley let out a little laugh and patted me on the arm. "Oh Andi, do not worry about me. I am old enough to understand what is going on. They are using my blood to find a cure and that is a good thing. I want this outbreak to be over, as I am sure you do too. They have other people too, but the doctor says I am his favorite."

  "Do they do anything else to you?" I couldn't shake the images of Hadley being strapped to a table and being poked and prodded like some alien abduction scene in a bad movie.

  "They did at first. Scans and tissue samples, but it is just blood now. I think they are close to a breakthrough. I had a vision that there was a cure, and we all lived together, but it was not here or at the base. I have never been to the place, but we were happy there." She gave me a reassuring smile.

  "Do you really think your visions will come true?"

  She giggled and tilted her head to the side. "I had a vision just the other day that you told me you were sorry for not believing me before, but you now you did. I guess we will see if that comes true." She winked just as Will came into the room.

  "I'm gonna run upstairs for a minute to see if I can find a part I need. Don't have too much fun while I'm gone." He kissed my head and disappeared up the stairs.

  "You two seem to be getting along well." She pulled her legs under her and turned to face me. "Are you going to have babies?"

  "Oh my God, Hadley. Did you seriously just ask me that?"

  "What?" Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand. "Is that not okay to ask? Sometimes I am not sure what things are all right."

  Her innocence and lack of social skills were actually one of her endearing qualities. It sure beat her refusal to use contractions.

  "I guess it's okay to ask that with me, but you probably shouldn't be going around saying that to just anyone."

  "Why is it different to ask you?" Her head tilted and she looked back and forth between my eyes searching for some understanding.

  "Because we're close friends."

  Hadley's lips turned up into a grin as she realized the meaning of what I said. "Are we best friends?"

  Dan's
face flashed into my mind and I knew I'd never have a better friend than him. "You're my best girlfriend." I patted her arm and smiled.

  "So no babies then?" She giggled and looked down. I hadn't realized how much I missed that girl.

  "I'm sure someday. So tell me more about what's going on at the base. I don't really like them testing on you, but I guess it did kind of save Will's life."

  "Derek told me about that, but there are some things he does not know about." She looked away and her smile fell.

  "Well, you can tell me. I know you always seem to be holding on to secrets, Hadley, but you can tell me anything."

  "I overheard the doctors talking. They do not pay much attention to me because they think I am stupid. They say I am austistic."

  "Autistic." I corrected her.

  "Right, that. Well that means I am not smart, but they are wrong."

  "They're very wrong. Being autistic doesn't mean you're stupid at all. It just means you are different, in your own special way. And being different doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, Hadley. You're perfect just how you are."

  She tossed herself forward and wrapped her arms around me for a tight hug. "I love you Andi."

  "I love you too, Hadley." The girl was not only one of my best friends, but she was like a little sister and I wouldn't change a thing about her.

  Once she was finished squeezing the oxygen from my lungs she leaned back and crossed her hands in front of her. "So," She took a deep breath and a serious look spread across her face. "The doctors said they were close to a real cure, something much better than what they already came up with. And, they said they had a vaccine. They were going to start trying it on people. I did not want them to try it on me, so I ran out of there."

  "You don't need a vaccine. Those are for people who aren't already immune. It's what will give others the immunity that you have. That's exciting news though. I mean, if they are planning on giving it to everyone. I'm not really sure I trust them that much."