Belonging

by Maria Bernard

  “I don’t want…” she started to protest.

  “Hurry up, before I change my mind.” Just to make it easier, he leaned into her ever so subtly, resting his hands on either side of her head, his face hidden into her neck. He closed his eyes in waiting and fought hard against feeling… anything.

  With trembling hands, Gwen slowly wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He was ultra-tense and as stiff as a board and she almost stopped herself. But when she gently ran her fingers over his smooth warm skin, she felt him sigh, a sigh bordering on a sob and it broke her heart. It was all she could take before tugging him in tight and smoothing her hand over his wavy hair. For the briefest of moments, he resisted, but then he hugged her back so fiercely, so tightly, it almost hurt. Before she might complain, not that she would dream of it, he released her, spun away from her, and faced the wall.

  “Why does it pain you so?” she asked him after a few seconds of silently staring at his back. Her fingers itched to comfort him, but she wouldn’t dare. She didn’t want to push her luck.

  “I’m tired, Gwen. We’ve had a long day. Go to sleep.” Was all he said in response.

  “Good night, Crispin,” she pressed a kiss to his shoulder before turning away, allowing him his space. But before she drifted off to sleep, she promised herself one thing. Tomorrow, before the day was done, she was going to find out everything she could about her mysterious travel companion.

  Chapter 22

  The next morning, Gwen woke up to the sound of the shower running. With a languid smile, she turned on her side and figured she would stay there until Crispin was done. In her sleepy state of mind, she thought back to the night before. The tender ache between her thighs served only to remind her of the incredible sex she had experienced. Never before had she felt so connected to another person, or such intensity during the act.

  The few sexual experiences she’d had in the past, she had always felt more like a voyeur than an actual participant. Each time would start out great but somewhere in the middle, her mind would often wander. Her anxieties would then creep in and take over. She had often been accused of appearing bored. That didn’t always go over well with the fragile male ego. Yet another reason, her relationships never lasted. At the time, she had blamed herself. Now, she couldn’t help but wonder if being with the right person made all the difference. And if so, what did that say about her relationship with Crispin?

  Was it just a case of pure physical attraction and lust? Gwen was not naïve or deluded enough to deny the very real possibility of this being a case of pure animal magnetism. After all, he was the embodiment of the perfect male specimen in her opinion. But she also couldn’t let go of the idea that it went beyond the purely physical. Was it because he sparked her intellect? He was smart, educated and well-spoken for a young twenty-something male. He did have that old-world charm she found so fascinating. Was it because he reminded her of her favourite book boyfriends like he had suspected?

  Or, better yet, could she have actually found her soulmate?

  Wouldn’t that be wonderful? She certainly felt stronger about him than any other of her past boyfriends… boyfriend… Could Crispin become her boyfriend? Would he want to be? Oh, wouldn’t that be awesome?

  The more she lay there, the more her mind filled with endless possibilities of what might come of this unique arrangement of theirs. Sadly, it wasn’t long before a heavy dose of reality and self-doubt kicked in. Surely, he was only making the best of this situation. After all, she had indeed hijacked his vacation. And he had suggested that this was just a trade-off of sorts.

  Yet… he’d been so sweet to her. Dare she say… loving? Oh, dear lord, she was losing her mind. Worse yet, she was quite sure her heart wasn’t far behind.

  Suddenly she was wide awake and couldn’t get her mind off Crispin and their tryst from the night before. Being with Crispin was unlike anything she could have imagined and his quirky bedroom eccentrics only made him hotter. It wasn’t long before the dull ache between her thighs turned to a newly sparked tingle, a tingle that refused to be ignored.

  Dare she? Unable to resist, despite her fear of rejection due to Crispin’s unpredictability where affection was concerned, she padded her way into the tiny bathroom and hesitated just inside the door. Watching him through the gauzy shower curtain, the pesky tingle between her thighs turned into a painful throb. The man was everything she had ever fantasized about and more. After a second or two, she almost felt bad for staring. He had his back to her and she was reminded of his less than receptive reaction to her hug last night. She was about to leave the room when his voice stilled her.

  “Wanna join me or are you just gonna stand there, staring at my ass?” Speaking over his shoulder, he startled her, catching her completely off guard. When he turned around and winked, she lost all reservations and nodded like a sex-starved schoolgirl. “Come here, you.”

  Unable to keep away, Gwen took his hand and stepped in with him under the streaming hot water. “I wasn’t sure we’d fit in here together.” She giggled when he spun her around, stood behind her and hugged her into his chest. She realized then she had worried for no reason. Whatever Crispin’s aversion to being held was, he certainly made up for it by keeping her well within the fortress of his arms.

  “On the other hand,” Crispin said with a deep sigh. “I had no such doubts about us fitting together.” Whatever doubts he did have did not include those of a sexual nature. From the moment he had laid eyes upon this little bookish woman, he had wanted nothing more than to claim her over and over again. With that in mind, he ran his hands over every slippery wet inch of her supple flesh. When she shuddered and threatened to collapse, he held her firm, one arm around her chest, the other down under between her thighs. Before she knew what hit her, he had himself buried deep inside her with one hard thrust of his hips.

  “Oh, yes, yes…”

  “You’re telling me,” he growled in her ear. Normally, he would have ordered her to place her hands against the tiles, but oddly, her fingernails digging into his arm proved quite pleasant. Pleasant enough for him to ignore that nagging feeling in his gut. Putting it out of his mind, he buried his nose in her hair and lost all logical thought and gave into his baser needs. Hers too, from the sounds she was making.

  “Oh, Crispin, yes…” It was all she could manage. It was all she needed to say. The more she called his name, the faster and more purposeful his thrusts, never mind the magic his fingers were weaving between her legs where their bodies met.

  When she angled her head around for a kiss, once again, he did not deny her. He couldn’t if he wanted to. “Aw… Gwen.” It was pointless to try. “You’re fucking sexy as fuck.” He kissed her with near animalistic ardour. When she tensed around him and cried out his name, announcing her orgasm to the world, he held her tight, steadied his pace until she came down from her high. He then pulled out of her heavenly heat and spilled his seed all over her lovely round ass cheeks.

  Seconds later, they both gave into a giddy case of the giggles. Forgetting himself for a moment, he spun her around, kissed her again, and held her to him. In this state of euphoria nothing else mattered.

  Sadly, though, it was over too soon. The moment Gwen raised her arms to hold him, he stiffened and shook himself off.

  “Go on, get yourself cleaned up.” He spun her away from him once again. “We’ve got lots of sightseeing to do.” Rinsing himself off, he placed a kiss on top of her head, gave her ass a playful smack, then exited the shower and left her standing there staring after him.

  “Yes, sir…”

  Chapter 23

  Following breakfast, the plan was to spend as much time outdoors as possible since it was a beautiful, sunny day. The inn was within walking distance to Buckingham Palace, so Gwen and Crispin made it there in no time. Not surprisingly, it was quite the popular tourist attraction and the crowds of people should have been expected but as they approached the ticket line, Crispin hesitated and turned to Gwen.
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  “What do you think? How badly do you wanna catch a tour of the Palace?” Crispin asked, staring at the huge lineup.

  “I sort of feel obligated, but at the same time, we’d spend most our time in line.”

  “Yeah, and such a shame to spend the day touring a stuffy old palace when we could hang out in the garden.”

  “Really? I’m surprised you’d rather be outside in the sunshine, in a garden of all places, especially wearing all that black.”

  “Are you kidding? Goths love gardens. Well, this one does, anyway. The sunshine, well, I suppose all I can hope for is a little shade here and there. Plenty of trees as far as I can tell.”

  “All right then, deal. We can always come back another time when it’s less busy.”

  “Perfect, let’s get strolling.”

  With her hand in his, they took in the sights in front of Buckingham Palace, snapping as many photos as possible. After a while, Crispin led the way towards the Victoria Memorial Fountain and sat on the steps facing the greenery.

  Standing by his side, Gwen spun around and took in the views. On one side, sat the famous palace, on the other was St. James’s Park. It was all so beautiful and grand. Right around the area were so many sights to see and things to do. It was overwhelming and it showed on her face. While she was excited, she was also at a loss and that’s when it all came crashing down around her. Unwittingly, she squeezed Crispin’s hand almost painfully so.

  After a moment of watching her spin aimlessly, Crispin couldn’t help but smile. Unaware of her inner turmoil, he found her expression endearing. Everything was just so monumental in her eyes. It was hard not to get caught up in the moment. Even he was impressed with it all. But what impressed him most was her and all else paled in comparison. Yes, he was a goner and he knew it. So much for his plans to be alone. Accepting the fact that he was fighting a losing battle, he gave his head a shake and shrugged it off.

  Unable to endure the intensity of her death grip on his fingers, he tugged her down next to him, gazed into her eyes and waited for her to focus on him.

  “Earth to Gwen.”

  Snapping out of her stupor, Gwen frowned, released his mangled hand and stared at the ground, embarrassed. As much as she was excited to be there, she was also overwhelmed. This was just another aspect of her anxiety kicking into high gear.

  “Hey, what’s the matter?”

  “I think I’m going to be sick or pass out or something.”

  “Good lord, well, whatever you do, don’t throw up on me.” He was joking but his concern was plain to see. “Gwen? Maybe you’re thirsty? I should’ve brought some water, damn…”

  “I’m sorry, Crispin. This always happens. I just need a moment.”

  “What do you mean? Is this your anxiety kicking in?”

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  “Come on, let’s walk it off, get away from the crowds.”

  “Yes, please.” She accepted his hand and followed him blindly, focusing her eyes on the blades of grass as they passed. After a few moments, Crispin found a shady bench in front of St. James’s Park Lake.

  “There, just relax, and watch the ducks.” Tucking her under his arm, he ran his fingers over her hair and waited. “Look at all these different types of waterfowl. Ducks, geese, swans…”

  Gwen smiled at his attempt to distract her. At the same time, she could tell he was genuinely impressed with the variety of creatures swimming about in the gated off area of the lake. “Sorry, Crispin, I just get overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to run and hide. It’s so hard to explain. I want to be here, yet I don’t. It all just hits me at once. My heart starts racing. I start to sweat. I feel like I’m having a heart attack even though I know I’m not.”

  He nodded in response before adding, “You’re excited and overwhelmed. You want to see it all but don’t know where to start. You’re afraid of missing something or making the wrong decision and then something terrible might happen.”

  “How do you know all that?”

  “I’m an art major with a minor in psychology. Who would have thought it would come in so handy?”

  “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

  “Not crazy at all. No worries, you’re perfectly normal but with enough quirks to keep you from being too mundane.”

  “It’s not funny.”

  “Aw, Gwen, I’m not making fun. I quite like you the way you are.”

  “You’ll get sick of me soon enough,” she whispered.

  “Strange, I was just thinking the same thing.” He chuckled when she fought to get up and wrestled her back down. “Fuck, sorry, I meant you’ll be sick of me soon.”

  “Why would you say that?” she asked, looking up at him.

  “Because it’s the truth.”

  Gwen was about to object when a familiar buzz sounded from his coat pocket. She watched him check his cell phone. He studied the message, frowned at first, then his frown gave way to a little smile before he tucked the phone back into this pocket. “Silly dormouse,” he grumbled absently.

  “Your concerned housemate again?”

  He nodded in response. “Sneaky little dormouse must have gotten my number from Kell or Dorian. Now I’ll never hear the end of it.”

  He made it sound as though he were annoyed but Gwen could tell he was quite pleased with the message. “What’s a dormouse?”

  “A tiny creature that shows up and takes over. It’s what I call Becky. A nickname I guess. It suits her.”

  “You’re quite fond of Becky.”

  “I suppose…”

  “How fond of her are you?

  “Why? Are you jealous?” He gave her a playful nudge.

  “Should I be?”

  “No.” He winked and slowly shook his head. “I don’t think of her that way.”

  “What way?”

  “The way I think of you.” He leaned in and stole a kiss, causing her to blush.

  “Then you should call her.” She giggled at his affectionate nature. It never ceased to impress her. She half-expected him to cool it now that they’d had sex, but she was wrong. If anything she might even describe him as a tad clingy. Not that she was complaining. She actually quite liked it. She found it reassuring. Yet it made her wonder, even more, why he didn’t like it when she reciprocated the affection. By the end of the day, though, she would find out. She was determined to get to know him better today, this mysterious companion of hers.

  “Call who?”

  “Becky.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to.” He sat up and turned his attention to the ducks again.

  “Well, then why don’t you just turn your phone off?”

  “I don’t know, I kinda like getting the messages. It’s nice to be missed, go figure.”

  “That’s cruel of you.”

  “I can be quite cruel at times,” he said with a sigh. “Best you know that now.”

  “Well, I certainly hope I’m never on the receiving end of that cruel streak of yours.”

  “You’d have to stick around long enough…” He paused, watching a family of mallards swim by, the mama and her ducklings scrambling up behind her. “Anyway, I’m sure you have seen a hint. You’re just too enamoured with my persona to acknowledge it. Won’t be long now, though…”

  Gwen couldn’t help but crack up. “Well, aren’t we the well-adjusted pair of individuals?” she teased. “Maybe you should try some of that psychology on yourself.” When he furrowed his brow and slowly stood, Gwen thought she had gone too far. “Sorry, I was only joking…” But following his concentrated line of vision to what held his attention, she suddenly realized he hadn’t heard her. He was staring at a tiny duckling that had gotten caught up in a tall bunch of reeds. “Oh… poor little thing,” she whispered, watching as the mama duck circled back for her lost duckling. Try as she might to encourage him out, the little guy just couldn’t seem to get through. “Should we call someone?”

  “I have a better idea.” Befor
e she could stop him, Crispin stepped over the fence and a within seconds reached the duckling. Careful not to slip on the muddy slope, he crouched down and held the reeds apart. Seizing the opportunity, the tiny duck squeezed through and swam towards his desperate mother, who was now quacking up a storm. “Go on, your family’s waiting. Lucky you.” By now, a smallish crowd had gathered to watch and clapped as Crispin hopped back over the fence.

  “Aw… how sweet of you!” Gwen exclaimed when he came back to her side.

  “Oh, come on.” He brushed by her, grabbed their things from the bench and started walking. “It was nothing.”

  “Nothing?” She scrambled after him. “For a guy who claims to be cruel…”

  Refusing to acknowledge her accolades, he took purposeful steps towards a nearby café. “You thirsty? I am. How about a drink?”

  “You are such a contradiction!” Unable to resist, she caught his arm, causing him to come to a full stop. Before he could complain, she grabbed him around his shoulders and kissed him on the lips like the hero he was. Still watching, the small crowd behind them clapped again.

  For a mad moment, he held her to him and kissed her back with a vengeance. Seconds later, he came to his senses and pulled away. “Good lord, woman,” he gasped between her repeated attempts to kiss him. “Get a hold of yourself.”

  “Come on already.” She smiled at his indignation. “I’m dying of thirst!” When he scowled at her, she scrambled ahead of him, laughing over her shoulder.

  Chapter 24

  “Here, you go, chicken for you, ham and cheese for me,” Crispin said, placing down the tray of recently purchased sandwiches from the café in the park. “I’ll be back with your tea.”

  Gwen smiled her thanks but he had turned away before he noticed. She had offered to help, but he insisted she grab the only available table on the patio while he got the food.