She Broke Up, I Didn't: I Just Kissed Someone Else!

by Datta, Durjoy

  ‘So what is going on these days?’ he asked us. He opened three bottles of beer and handed one to each of us.

  ‘I am slogging my ass off … and he is getting fatter by the day,’ Malini said.

  ‘So you actually live here?’ he asked me.

  ‘Yes … I mean, just a temporary thing till I leave for the job.’

  ‘That I know, but this is where you live?’ he asked again.

  ‘Yes. Why?’ Malini asked.

  ‘No, I mean … is the Avantika chapter closed?’ he asked.

  ‘Not really. He will patch up in a few days,’ Malini said.

  ‘Anyway, you two continue with your male bonding thing. I have to leave for office.’

  ‘Bye,’ we echoed.

  ‘Is that what you wear to office?’ Mittal asked and pointed to the short skirt that Malini wore that day.

  ‘Yes, why?’ she asked.

  ‘Is there a vacancy in your office?’ he said. ‘Because I don’t give a shit about sexual harassment cases.’

  ‘You have not changed.’ She smiled. ‘Bye, Deb. I will be late,’ she said, kissed me on the cheek and left. Mittal saw that and I saw the expression on his face change.

  Ideally, ‘the college Mittal’ would have given me a high five, but this Mittal shot me a sceptical look.

  Malini called later that evening and told us she would be late because a petulant client wanted the presentation urgently, and she bid Mittal goodbye on the phone. Mittal was not staying over for the night since he had an early morning flight and his hotel was closer to the airport. He told me how his new job ‘sucked elephant balls’ and how murderous he felt while in office, and said he missed his college days like hell. He had just bought a new car and a new place but he said nothing would beat the bike rides and the tiny hostel room; I concurred. We drank and discussed the embarrassing and the hilarious bits of our college lives, ran through a montage of incidents in those two years in our heads, and at the end of it, we were drunk.

  ‘You have a slight thing going with Malini, isn’t that true?’ he said.

  ‘Nope. She has feelings for me, but then she says I need to go back to Avantika. She thinks Avantika is my soulmate or something.’

  ‘What do you think?’

  ‘Malini … I mean, she is an awesome person. But I would always be unfair to her and she knows that. I would never forget Avantika, and even Malini has made me realize this repeatedly. But, who knows, I might just get over Avantika some day. Then, Malini and I—’

  ‘I think you should shift out as soon as possible,’ he said solemnly.

  ‘Are you all right? I thought you would ask me to go out and sleep with her every night,’ I joked.

  ‘If a girl sleeps with any guy for more than four times, she will fall in love with him,’ he said and his voice cracked. ‘It’s the thumb rule and no one is immune. Not even girls who sleep for money.’

  ‘Mittal? What are you saying?’

  ‘Yeah …’ He looked away, blinking away tears.

  ‘Is everything fine?’

  ‘Nothing is fine, man,’ he said as he got up and took a huge swig at his bottle.

  ‘Tell me,’ I said, fearing the worst, fearing that he would tell me a sob story and I would have to share his depression and loneliness as well.

  ‘She got married last week, man.’

  ‘She?’

  ‘Nidhi.’

  ‘Nidhi? Who?’

  ‘You don’t know her,’ he said.

  ‘I know that I don’t know her,’ I said. ‘Wait! Is this the girl you used to talk to in MDI? She was, wasn’t she? What happened?’

  ‘I broke up with her when I came to MDI,’ he said, almost crying. I wished Shashank were there; he always knew Mittal was hiding something.

  ‘So?’ I said.

  ‘I broke up for no reason. She was getting too close to me. Things were getting serious and I chickened out. I went away. I did not have the courage to take the final step. I was so young and I thought I shouldn’t get stuck in all this,’ he said and held his head. He almost cried now.

  ‘So this was the girl you talked to? I do not understand. What happened?’

  ‘I loved her but her parents started looking for a guy for her. They asked her if she had a boyfriend; I asked her to say no. She wanted to get married to me, but I did not know whether I could be with her forever. I didn’t know that losing her would affect me so much.’

  ‘But didn’t you have other girlfriends?’

  ‘I did. I was trying to run from the fact that I loved her. I wished I hadn’t.’

  ‘Why didn’t you do anything about it?’

  ‘I tried. After she was engaged, I realized what a fool I had been. I told my parents and they thought I was crazy. But they slowly understood that I was serious about her. It was already too late. She said she couldn’t leave the guy she was engaged to. She gave me a million chances and I had let all of them go to waste. Not a day passed in college when she didn’t ask me if we could be back together. She waited for two long years. I was a fool.’

  ‘What did she say later?’

  ‘What would she say? She made her parents wait for two years. Now, that the ball had started rolling for her wedding, what could she have done? I asked her to come, run away with me, but she said it would be unfair to her parents, and I do not blame her. I was at fault. I was so fucking wrong, man … I should have listened to Shashank.’

  ‘Shashank knew?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘You were not in a state to be told anything like this. You had your own problems, and moreover, you’re usually of no help,’ he said.

  ‘Who else knows?’

  ‘Avantika,’ he said.

  ‘Avantika? What? When did you tell her?’

  ‘I have met her a couple of times. She lives near my office in Mumbai. In Bandra.’

  ‘Anyway, we’ll talk about that later. So what happened?’

  ‘What? Nothing, man. I am just ruined. What else?’ he said and smiled.

  ‘Are you fine?’

  ‘I am fine. I will just go, screw a few girls, end up alone and die.’ He smiled again. ‘I hate to say this, but I miss her. Maybe, I will get over her some day, but right now, it kills me.’ He continued, ‘You know that we are all assholes, right? Except Shashank, of course. We will look everywhere else, and we don’t look where we should really look. I mean, she was right there all the time. I mean, are we so fucking selfish? I slept with countless women and she never raised an eyebrow. She never said anything to me. All she wanted was that I should go back to her.’

  ‘It will be okay,’ I said. I did not know what to say.

  ‘Deb, I am losing my sleep. To think of her with another guy is killing me. I should have been that guy. I gave it all away. I didn’t deserve her. Maybe, it is for her own good. I am sure her husband will love her,’ he said and shut up.

  Tears streaked down his face and he looked away. Love brings great men to their knees; Mittal was no different. We did not say a word. I am sure we were both thinking about the loves of our lives—Nidhi and Avantika.

  I did not want to end up like Mittal. I had seen Avantika with another guy and it felt like death. Suddenly, I wanted to be with her. I wanted to have her in my life and never let her go. Mittal was stronger than me; if he was going through so much pain, I could only imagine how I would react.

  What if Avantika finds another guy and I become just another ex-boyfriend in her life? It was a scary thought. I needed Avantika.

  Mittal left that day with a smile on his face as he always did. But this time I could see what was behind that smile. Regret. Regret that he would find hard to shake off. He told me about Shashank, too; he told me Shashank was trying to convince his parents to let him get married to Farah. Farah’s family, on the other hand, was already reconciled to the idea. Shashank would come through, Mittal had said, and he was rarely wrong. Shashank had called me a few times over the
last few months but I had ignored his calls. After the break-up, I had lost interest in anything around me.

  ‘What did he say?’ Malini asked as she served dinner.

  ‘Nothing much,’ I said as I dug into the parantha, which smelled heavenly yet was surprisingly healthy.

  ‘It is okay, if you don’t want to talk about it, but I know what is bothering you.’ She walked away from the dining table and sat on the sofa.

  ‘What?’

  ‘It’s Avantika, isn’t it? … What if she finds another guy,’ she said as a matter of fact.

  ‘It isn’t that,’ I said.

  ‘Yes. Sure it isn’t,’ she said sarcastically. I wondered if she was pissed because I was with her, but not really with her. Why would a girl like her fall for me? It was just stupid and made no sense at all. I tried to steer the topic away from Avantika and talk about something else though it really didn’t work. I just shut up and ate the delicious paranthas which weren’t as appetizing as before. Soon after, Malini said she was sleepy and went to her room.

  Needless to say, neither she nor I could sleep. I knocked at her door.

  ‘May I?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said. She was reading a book—a thick one, I think it was The Lord of The Rings or something.

  ‘I thought you were sleepy.’

  ‘I was,’ she said and closed the book.

  ‘Malini?’

  ‘Yes?’ she said.

  ‘If Avantika wasn’t there … we would have been—’ I said and stopped midway.

  ‘Deb? You think I am sad because of her?’

  ‘Are you not?’

  ‘No, it’s not her. It’s just that … you will leave in a few days. You will join your job and I will be all alone,’ she said wistfully.

  ‘…’

  ‘It will be tough for me, you know.’

  ‘It will be tough for me too,’ I said.

  She continued, ‘I have gotten so used to seeing you around. Just thinking that this place would have just me in it makes me sick in the stomach. You know, coming back from office and not seeing you, not seeing the mess around you, not bugging you to go take a bath, forcing food down your throat. I will miss all this.’

  ‘Get a roommate,’ I said when I should have hugged her. I wanted to hug her.

  ‘It will not be the same. They don’t make cute guys any more.’

  ‘I am cute?’

  ‘The best I have seen,’ she said, put her arms around me and pecked me on the cheek. ‘I am so spoilt now.’

  ‘You? What on earth have I even done to spoil you? I am the spoilt one here. You need to get your eyes and your mind tested. There’s certainly something wrong going on there.’

  ‘You have done nothing. But I guess people just get too used to the idea of you. And the idea of you is brilliant, Deb …’

  ‘You are being too—’

  ‘Shut up.’

  ‘If you say so.’

  She clung on to me. ‘I will miss you,’ she said.

  ‘I will miss you too. And I will come and visit often.’

  ‘That you know will never happen,’ she said. ‘And it should not.’

  ‘It will. I can’t live without you.’

  ‘Thank you. You are being so—’

  ‘Shut up.’

  I hugged her until she dozed off. I left her seeing her sleep like a baby. It was one of those days when you ask yourself, ‘What have I done to deserve this?’

  I rarely thanked God for anything those days. But I did that day, for giving me Malini. While she slept peacefully, my mind became a battleground of conflicts. Malini and I. Was there a possibility? She was the sunshine that shone on me when I found myself deep in despair. I liked being around her.

  What would it be like not to have her around? I shuddered to think. I tried not to.

  48

  ‘You have to pack eventually!’ she said.

  Over the past week she had been saying this over and again, and I had been delaying it for as long as possible. My going away would have seemed real had I started packing. I wanted it to be an illusion and not accept it for as long as possible. I did not want that to happen soon. I loved this life. This life was good. Being alone would be crazy and depressing and I would feel like clawing my eyes out. I had got used to living with Malini, and hence I avoided packing up my life—it meant I would have to leave soon. Living in denial was a better option. The fact that I would be entering an empty flat without Malini sucked. A new city where I would have to build a life of my own from scratch was not exciting. It was saddening and depressing.

  Malini and I had been going shopping every day for essentials, bed sheets, and blankets, everything that she thought I would not be interested in buying on my own and would start living without. But more often than not, we ended up shopping for each other. In the last week itself I gifted her perfumes, numerous pairs of footwear and some other small things that I don’t remember. Seven days. Just seven days and I would be miles away from her. The time I had spent with her would be history. I felt sad.

  ‘I will. There is still time! Seven days. It will hardly take one day to pack everything. Moreover, we are not wasting your sick leave in packing.’

  Malini had taken the week off since it was the last one with me. I loved her for doing that. I wanted her to do so. I told her that this would make it harder for both of us, but she did not listen. She wanted time with me and so did I. We wanted to make the most of the time we had.

  ‘Come here,’ I said.

  She came to the couch and held me close. We had spent hours in the past few days like that.

  ‘Deb?’ she said. ‘Now that I won’t be there to distract you, mend it with her.’

  ‘She doesn’t care. No calls, no messages even now.’

  ‘But you do! You are miserable without her and you will be even more miserable when I won’t be around.’

  ‘I will come to visit you. You will make it all better, won’t you? I need you.’

  ‘Every day?’

  ‘As if I could be with her every day!’

  ‘It is not the same. She can be around you even when she is not. I can’t.’

  ‘You are underestimating what you mean to me.’

  ‘No, I am not,’ she said and clung to me harder. I thought she would cry out but she did not. I was sure she cried in her heart. Because I did.

  ‘Why do you keep pushing me towards her? Maybe I don’t want to go.’

  ‘If it was to happen with you and me, I would have sold my soul for that to happen.’ She smiled and kissed me. Maybe this was what was meant to be. I didn’t have to leave her.

  49

  ‘I know you love this place,’ Malini said. She had booked us a place at the most ridiculously expensive resort some fifty kilometres from Delhi where the rich kids of Delhi would drive off to throw lavish parties other rich kids attended. It was a huge fortress lit so brilliantly I was sure it was visible from far-off alien pods. There were pools the size of football fields, huge banquet halls with dinosaur-sized chandeliers, handsome staff which could be passed as models, buffets that served everything that you might have ever eaten and more; even at sixty grand a night, this place was worth it.

  ‘I don’t love this place. I have never been here. I just have heard about it … and this is so awesome.’

  ‘I knew you would like it,’ she said. It was Malini’s farewell gift to me.

  ‘But you shouldn’t have spent so much. Had you gone totally nuts? It’s so expensive. What did you do? Sell a kidney?’

  ‘How did you know?’

  ‘I checked the price listings,’ I mumbled.

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ she said and clung to my arm as we walked past a pool, and picked up a wine glass each on our way.

  ‘Are we going to have sex today?’ I asked.

  ‘You want to?’

  ‘It would be a shame to waste a room which costs that much.’

  ‘Oh, the room? That’s why you want to do it? I
thought it was something to do with me.’ She punched me.

  ‘Obviously, it has to do with you! Or I would have a random girl for it!’ I smiled and added, ‘Who wouldn’t want to sleep with you?’

  ‘Oh yeah?’

  ‘Sure. Let’s do it.’

  ‘We will see,’ she said.

  I had asked the question in good humour but the fact that she had not totally shot it down had me in tingles. We were not even drunk. Somehow, that night I wanted to make out with Malini. I blamed it on the overwhelming emotion that flowed in the air that day. It was our last day together.

  ‘Isn’t the food just awesome?’ I told her as we found ourselves a huge comfortable couch near the pool.

  ‘Yes it is.’

  ‘Why are you starving yourself then?’ I asked.

  ‘I just don’t feel like it,’ she said.

  ‘Hmm …’ I kept the plate aside and held her hand.

  ‘Last night together, Deb,’ she murmured.

  ‘Why? We have tomorrow night?’

  ‘You have a flight.’

  ‘It is at 2 a.m.! We have the whole night,’ I reasoned.

  ‘It’s 2 p.m., stupid. Only God knows what you will do there alone?’

  ‘I will be fine. Moreover, I will call you every day! So you can guide me all the time.’

  ‘If you insist,’ she said solemnly.

  ‘Don’t be sad, Malini. I told you, I will be around … We will call, message. You are always on Google Talk or Facebook and so am I. It will not be so bad. We can fly down to meet each other once a month … even twice a month. We can afford it.’

  ‘I don’t know. Just take care of yourself over there. I will be so worried about you,’ she said.

  ‘C’mon, don’t be such a mom!’

  ‘Shut up and don’t spend days without bathing.’

  ‘Will you stop that already?’

  ‘Okay, just one last thing. Please, please shave on your first day at office. I will call to check.’

  ‘Okay, Mom,’ I said. ‘I will also floss and brush and wipe the toilet seat clean and not let food rot in the fridge. Fine?’

  We laughed a desperate laugh, hoping it would hide the sadness that we would not be together any more.