Chances Are Omnibus (Gender Swap Fiction)

by P. T. Dilloway

  I raise my head. “You aren’t?”

  “No. This is a special batch I’ve been working on. It’ll help make you older.”

  “It will?”

  “At first you might get a little younger, but not much. Then the aging process will kick back in. Kind of like jumpstarting a car.”

  “Is that really gonna work?”

  “I hope so.”

  “You haven’t tried it?”

  “No. Dr. Palmer wouldn’t let me. If I give this to you, you can’t say anything to her about it, all right? It’ll be our secret.”

  I think about that for a minute. If I don’t take the shot I’ll be stuck at twelve and have to grow up the rest of the way naturally. With the shot I might get younger, but then if Dr. Nath is right, I’ll get older, maybe into my twenties. In the dim light of the flashlight I can see pictures I drew of Mac and I getting married. Dr. Nath’s shot is the only chance I have to make that happen.

  “Let’s do it,” I say.

  She nods to me. “I’m going to give you just a little poke in the arm, OK?”

  “OK.” I put my head back down and let Pinky absorb my whimper as the needle goes into my flesh.

  ***

  Some time later, I don’t know how long, I start to wake up. Once again my throat is parched, but there’s something else as well, a metallic taste. I feel around with my tongue, and touch something metal on my teeth.

  I’m still trying to figure that out, my eyes not even open, when I hear Dr. Palmer say, “Good morning, Stacey.” It’s not in a friendly way either; it’s the flat tone someone takes when they’re trying not to scream at you. Despite that I still have my eyes closed, I know Dr. Palmer is pissed.

  I finally open my eyes. There’s not much I can see at first, until Dr. Palmer shoves my glasses onto my face; she almost takes out one eye in the process. Now that I can see her face clearly, I know she’s pissed. “Here’s what you want,” she says and thrusts a mirror at me.

  My cheeks have become covered in pimples. The irises of my eyes are blue again, though they still have the same football shape as before. My hair is the medium brown it was when I was first Stacey Chance. My skin is lighter, like a white girl who’s spent a couple hours at the beach to get a tan. When I smile, I see the metallic taste in my mouth is from braces. That couldn’t have come from the FY-1978. “You put brathes on me?”

  “I thought it would be best to make sure your teeth don’t get crooked. It will be a lot harder to fix them later.”

  “Oh.”

  I angle the mirror a little to see I have breasts again. They’re still just nubs, but at least it’s something. I hand the mirror back to Dr. Palmer and then look around the room. “Where’th Dr. Nath?”

  “Suspended.”

  “Thuthpended? For what?”

  “You know what.” Dr. Palmer shakes her head. “Do you think I’m an idiot? Did you two really think I wouldn’t notice the readings going down and then back up?”

  “How much up?”

  “Fourteen-point-three right now. You’ve been asleep for three days.”

  “Oh.” It takes a lot of effort not to grin. It’s working! I’m a teenager now, on my way to being an adult again. Another few days and I’ll be there. Then I can show Mac. I can run to him, throw my arms around his neck, and shower him with kisses like before.

  “Don’t sit there looking so smug,” Dr. Palmer scolds. “This is serious. What you two did was dangerous. It violates every ethical regulation in the book.”

  “How ith it more dangerouth than giving me the firtht thot?”

  “You need to focus on your pronunciation. You sound like that goddamned cat in Looney Tunes.”

  “Thorry. I never had braceth before.”

  “You probably won’t have them very long. Our computer models show you should be old enough to remove them in a day or two.” She continues to glare at me for a moment. “To answer your question, the serum I gave you was a batch we had already tested. That one Dr. Nath gave you hadn’t been tried before. It might have killed you.”

  “But it’th working.”

  “For now. We don’t know what else it’ll do to you.”

  “The jutht wanted to help,” I say. “Yourth wathn’t going to work. I would have been thtuck at twelve.”

  “You’re as goddamned pigheaded as a normal teenager. Don’t you realize the danger she put you in? It wasn’t much different than what Ling did.”

  “The athked me. I gave my permiththion.”

  “That doesn’t matter!” For emphasis, Dr. Palmer smacks an open hand on a rail of my bed. “We have a certain code of conduct in here, especially regarding our interns. We can’t have them running around playing mad scientist.”

  “You’re jutht jealouth. The did it and you couldn’t,” I say. I try to sound like Mac, but I still sound more like Sylvester the cat. “You feel inferior to the original Nath and now you’re worried the new one will take your plathe.”

  “Who I’m worried about is you. I’ve seen you go through too many changes already. Every time I have to worry about what’s going to happen to you.”

  I see the pain on her face. That finally dents my smugness. “I’m thorry. You’re a good doctor,” I say, “and a better friend.”

  She gives me a hug and then brushes hair from my face. “I’ll have someone bring you some food. No hot fudge sundaes until those braces come off.”

  “OK.”

  I watch Dr. Palmer go and make sure she’s gone before I collapse onto my bed with a contented sigh.

  Chapter 13

  Two weeks later, I’m packed and ready to go home. At the end of the first week I plateau at eighteen-point-four. We wait another week to make sure it doesn’t change. Only then does Dr. Palmer call Jake and tell him I’m ready to go home.

  I’d rather go home with Mac, but Dr. Palmer doesn’t want to subject me to the stress of all that wedding talk yet. “You need to relax for a few days,” she says.

  “All I’ve done is relax for a month now,” I say.

  “You need to take it slow. Let Tess baby you for a couple of days, put some meat on your bones,” Dr. Palmer says. Over that final week I went from a little chubby to supermodel thin. In part it’s because I shot up six inches, to three inches more than I have been for the last four years. I’m still below average height, but not by as much. “And get a damned haircut,” she says. She swats the brown hair that’s down to my waist, hair that’s so thick I worry it will pull the rest of my scrawny body down.

  “I will.” I give Dr. Palmer a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll call you the second anything changes, OK?”

  “You’d better.”

  “About Dr. Nath—”

  “You won’t see her again.”

  “You fired her?”

  “We mutually decided she would be better-served to intern somewhere else.” Which is a fancy way to say they fired her. At least she might be able to get another internship this way.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to ruin her future.”

  “She did that herself. You’re just an accomplice,” Dr. Palmer says. She won’t let me off the hook too easily.

  “I know.”

  “She’ll be fine. She’s got offers pouring in already. It’s you who you need to worry about.”

  “I know,” I say again.

  She escorts me through the front doors, to where Jake waits with his rebuilt Ford Fairlane. The front end of it got smashed four years ago when Mac crashed it into the landing gear of Dr. Ling’s private jet before it could take off. Mac paid for most of the repairs and even came over to help Jake by handing him some tools and such. That still didn’t help make them best friends, much as I would like them to be.

  “Is this her?” Jake asks. He gives me a light slap in the ribs. “You look like a walking skeleton.”

  “Thanks. I missed you too.”

  He takes the suitcase with my clothes in it. The toys and other stuff will be shipped back l
ater. I suggested Dr. Palmer keep them for the next time FY-1978 makes someone into a toddler, but she didn’t find that funny. I know she’s still sore at me, even now as she watches me get in the car. I betrayed her when I let Dr. Nath experiment on me.

  But in the mirror I can see the results for themselves. I’m me again! Or mostly. I can always dye my hair and put on a few pounds. The height I can’t do much about except to slouch a lot, as if I’d want to.

  While Jake drives, I fiddle with my hair. It’s a little frizzier than before. I’ll definitely have to go to a beauty parlor to get it taken care of. “I don’t suppose you could drop me off at Mac’s?” I say.

  “No. We’re going straight home, young lady.”

  “Please? Just for a few minutes? So he can see me?”

  “Not a chance. Your grandmother is waiting for you. She’s been worried sick.”

  “What about Mac? He’s my fiancé,” I say. Dr. Palmer gave my ring back to me, though it needs adjusted to fit my bony finger. For now I have it in my purse, safely in a box.

  “He’ll be fine. He’s a shrink, ain’t he?”

  “What about Maddy? She’s probably worried too.”

  “We’re going home and that’s final,” Jake snaps. I look over at him. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a month. There are dark circles around his eyes and his skin is sallow and loose.

  “Maddy still riding you about the Vollmer thing?”

  “She’s about the only one who isn’t.”

  “You should go talk to a shrink about it. I’m sure Mac knows someone.”

  “I don’t need his help.”

  “What are you pissed at him for? He didn’t do anything.” I flash Jake a smile with my white, straightened teeth. “Or is it you don’t think he’s good enough for your granddaughter?”

  “Five years ago you would have knocked out that guy’s teeth if he’d even asked you the time.”

  “I keep telling you I’m different.” I look into the mirror as I say, “I’m not a man anymore.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” Jake clams up after that. I find my phone in my purse so I can send Mac a message, to tell him I’ll be home soon.

  ***

  Tess’s reception is a lot warmer. She crushes me in a hug and then gushes, “Look at you! You’re all skin and bones.” She runs a hand through my hair and clucks her tongue. “I like the color, but you really should get this cut.”

  “I know, Grandma. Can I go upstairs and lie down first?”

  “Of course, dear. While you do that, I’m going to make up a batch of cookies for you. We’ll get some meat on those bones.”

  “Thanks.” I kiss her cheek and then run upstairs. I really am tired from all this excitement. And it was just over two weeks ago that I still slept with my thumb in my mouth. I take Pinky from my suitcase so I can snuggle with him while I nap.

  I wake up later to the smell of chocolate chip cookies. I follow the smell into the dining room, where Tess has a plate out for me. Before I can eat any, she hugs me again. “I thought we were going to lose you this time.”

  “You did?”

  “I thought you had changed your mind about the wedding. Cold feet, as it were.”

  “Oh, no, of course not. I love Mac.” I clear my throat. “I actually need to see a jeweler about the ring. I’ve lost so much weight it doesn’t fit.”

  “We’ll get that taken care of tomorrow.”

  “And go to a beauty parlor, right?”

  “Certainly, dear.” She stares at me and her eyes narrow. “You look different.”

  “It’s just from the weight I lost.”

  “That must be it,” Tess says. She kisses the top of my head. “You enjoy those while I get dinner started. I hope I’m not too rusty at cooking for you.”

  I let out a sigh after she’s gone, glad she hasn’t noticed—or has chosen to ignore—the slight differences of my body. Then I dig into the pile of cookies like Cookie Monster on Sesame Street.

  ***

  I take advantage of three days with my surrogate grandparents to get myself back in shape. It starts the second day with a haircut. Some shampoo and conditioner take out the frizziness after weeks in Dr. Palmer’s drafty lab. I get it cut about halfway down my back. The stylist even restores my bangs to their former glory. I look almost the same as a month ago, except I leave my hair brown, at least for now.

  By the time I’m done at the beauty parlor, the jeweler has my ring adjusted. It fits perfectly again on my finger, though it looks bigger against my more slender fingers. Tears come to my eyes when the jeweler puts the ring on me as I think of Mac doing the same. It’s only a couple of weeks until I’ll be married at last.

  With the extra three inches in height, my naughty schoolgirl outfit doesn’t fit well anymore. I get out the rest of the clothes I wore five years ago when I first became Stacey. This includes the expensive stuff I bought with a dead man’s credit card. For my reunion with Mac, I wear a strapless lavender dress that cost five hundred dollars. The lavender pumps that go with the dress are a little tight, but I can squeeze into them.

  “Do I look all right?” I ask Tess when I come down the stairs.

  “You look wonderful, dear. Very grown up.”

  “Thanks.” I’d look even more grown up if I ditched the red glasses. I need to get some new contacts before the wedding.

  Over the phone I arranged to meet Mac at his office. He took half a day off so we can meet for lunch—and then have dessert back at his house. Tess insists on driving me. I haven’t seen much of Jake since I got out of Lennox Pharmaceuticals’s dungeon. Tess says he’s on a case, though I figure it’s more likely he’s getting skunked down at Squiggy’s while he dodges the press about the Vollmer case.

  Tess escorts me up to Mac’s office. As we get into the elevator, a young woman gets off. We bump shoulders and her phone tumbles out of her hands to land by my foot. We bend down to get it at the same time and almost knock our heads together. We giggle at the same time. Only when I hand the phone back do I recognize Jamie, Stacey Chang’s best friend when she was ten.

  Jamie looks about as old as I do, though she’s only fifteen. Her hair is the same color as mine, though cut short. Her face has escaped the ravages of acne, but when she opens her mouth to smile, she hasn’t escaped the braces. “Thanks,” she says. “I should watch where I’m going.”

  “It’s my fault,” I say.

  She squints at me and her smile widens. “Stacey, right? You were going out with Darren’s uncle, weren’t you?”

  “We still are,” I say. I hold up the ring.

  “Holy shit. You’re married?”

  “Engaged. The wedding is in about a month. I thought we sent an invitation to Miami.”

  “We aren’t in Miami. We’re back here for the summer. Daddy’s got some important work up here, or so he says.”

  “That’s great. We should hang out sometime. I’m sure Darren would love to see you again. He still talks about you.”

  “That would be awesome,” she says. “How is Darren? I’d check up on him but he’s such a technophobe he doesn’t even have a Facebook page.”

  “He’s good. He’s really excited about the wedding.” We let some people by us into the elevator. When I think of the wedding, I remember the way Grace and I left things. I’ll need someone to fill her shoes as a bridesmaid. Why not my former best friend? “I was actually thinking that if you aren’t too busy, maybe you could be a bridesmaid.”

  “Me? Holy shit. That’s awesome!” Jamie surprises me with a hug.

  Once I manage to pry Jamie off, I say, “I’ll text you later. I got to go see my fiancé.”

  Then I get into the elevator.

  ***

  There are no patients in the waiting room. Cheryl, the receptionist, is still at her desk to type some reports. She looks up at me and smiles. “Hi, Stacey,” she says without missing a beat. It’s probably the glasses and bangs that give me away. “You can go right in.”

  “Th
anks.” I leave Tess in the waiting room and then go into Mac’s office.

  Any hopes of a great romantic moment are spoiled when I see he’s behind his desk. He doesn’t even get up as I enter. “You’re back,” he says.

  “Yes I am—”

  “Why don’t you have a seat while I finish this paperwork?”

  “Oh, sure.” I go over to one of the white armchairs where he talks to his patients. I sit there and watch as he works; he seems to ignore me. “Are you mad at me?”

  “Why would I be mad? You only vanished off the face of the earth for a month.”

  “You always say sarcasm is a shield people hide behind to avoid expressing their true feelings.”

  “I know.” He takes his glasses off and tosses them onto his desk so he can rub his eyes.

  “Don’t you want to talk about it?”

  “In a few minutes. I need to get these finished so Cheryl can go home,” he says.

  “Fine.” I take out my phone to play a game on it while I wait.

  After about fifteen minutes, Mac finally goes out into the waiting room to drop off his reports. Then he comes back for me. I can tell by the look on his face that he doesn’t want me to run into his arms.

  He sits in the opposite chair and then crosses his legs as if we’re having a session. “Do you want to tell me where you’ve been for the last month?”

  “A treatment center. To lose some weight.”

  “Where?”

  “I’d rather not say.”

  “Did they give you a nose job while you were there?”

  I touch the end of my nose. “Oh, that, um—”

  “Stacey, marriage is supposed to be a partnership. We have to be able to trust each other. If you can’t trust me enough to tell me what you’ve been doing for the last month, then perhaps we need to reevaluate things.”

  I look down at the floor and then nod. “I wanted to tell you, but it’s been so weird, I didn’t think you would understand.”

  “I wouldn’t understand? Stacey, I know all about your past and I still love you. Why do you think I wouldn’t understand now?”