Niki Slobodian 03 - Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

by J. L. Murray

  “Is she still alive?” I said.

  “She was when I left her,” said Janis. She looked at Sam. “I was going to bring her here, but I thought Michael would follow her and kill her. He isn't allowed to kill in Limbo.”

  “You did the right thing,” said Sam.

  “We should go to her,” I said. “Try to help her.”

  Sam raised an eyebrow. “Have you forgiven her?”

  “It doesn't matter,” I said. “It's the right thing to do. She's just a little girl.”

  “What about the Creator?” said Sam. “ And Sasha?”

  “Sasha can wait,” I said. “We have to go to Limbo.”

  Sam breathed hard out of his nose. “We have two days to find the Creator before nearly everyone on the planet is eaten alive,” he said. “Do you really want to waste any time on this person? She helped to start the war in the first place. She lied to you, hurt you, broke your heart. And don't tell me you're not heartbroken, because I can see it on your face whenever her name is mentioned.”

  “I know,” I said. “All of that's true, whether I like it or not. But we have to go, Sam. You know we do.”

  “I know no such thing,” he said.

  “Please,” I said. “For me.”

  He looked at me hard. “Fine,” he said. Sam looked at Janis, shaking and practically glowing with silver. “Stay here where you're safe. Wash up in the washroom, if you like.”

  “The washroom?” Janis said. “We have a washroom now?”

  “Niki added them,” said Sam.

  Janis looked at me. “Maybe you're okay after all,” she said.

  “I have my moments,” I said.

  Fourteen

  Limbo was as I remembered. The stale wind whipped at my hair. I began to walk across the barren landscape, in the direction Michael and Natalie had come from last time I was here.

  Niki, her voice echoed in my head. Help me.

  Then I saw her. A crumpled heap on the ground in the distance. As I walked I felt the weight of the gun tucked into my pants. How long had it been since I left my apartment? I didn't seem to need sleep or food quite as much as I used to, so it was hard to measure time. I raced toward the lump on the horizon.

  She was still alive. The silver that had soaked through her clothes looked a dull gray here. I could see her form barely moving as she inhaled and exhaled. Her hair was caked to her face with sweat. I crouched down to look at her. She was lying on a woman's jacket, which was presumably placed there by Janis. Natalie's midsection was dripping with silver. Bracing myself I pulled her robe aside to look at the wound. I had to turn my face away, suppressing a gag. Her stomach had been sliced on the left-hand side. There was no way she was going to make it. Natalie was dying. The jacket underneath her was soaked with silver blood.

  I sat down and gently lifted her head into my lap, stroking her hair. Her eyes fluttered and then opened. She was such a pretty girl. Her dry lips opened as if to speak, but her face crumpled with the pain. She closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again there was a determined look on her face.

  You came, she said into my head.

  “Yes,” I said aloud.

  Why?

  “I don't know,” I said. “I guess I couldn't let you die alone, no matter how I feel about you.”

  How do you feel?

  “Sad, angry, betrayed.”

  I made you feel like that? she said.

  “Of course you did,” I said. “You lied. To Sasha, to me, to everyone. And for what, Natalie? What was so important that you would let the world die for it?”

  He told me that if I did it, if I did everything that he said, he would make me a princess. Not a pretend one, like Dorrance made me. But a real one, with a castle and a crown. I just wanted to be a princess, Niki. She coughed a wet cough. She didn't have a lot of time.

  “A princess,” I said. I looked into her face. She was only a child. A child that had been given extraordinarily powerful abilities. She had been conditioned since birth to be a force of destruction. How was she to know the difference between right and wrong? The Blood had kept her in a bank vault her whole life. All she wanted was what every little girl wanted. Natalie just didn't realize it was make-believe. Michael told her she could be the real thing, and she had believed him. And all she had to do was tell a few stories. “Oh, Natalie,” I said. “I always forget that you're just a little girl.”

  I just wanted to be a princess, she said again. I'm sorry. Tears were falling heavily down her ashen cheeks.

  “I forgive you,” I said. “Just try to rest. You're hurt really badly.”

  I went inside Michael's head, she said. It was all scrambled in there. I just wanted to feel what he was like in there. But it scared me. He was all hunger, but not for food. I didn't like it. I tried to get out before he woke, but he felt me there. Natalie started crying silent tears again. I didn't know it wasn't allowed. But he's not God, Niki. He says he is, but he's so hungry and empty and tangled up. He's not God, Niki. He's not.

  “Shhh,” I said. “It's okay. I know he's not. We're going to find a way to stop him. Don't worry.”

  Did I make things bad? Did I ruin things? When I was a princess, I was going to make you a queen. Even if we're not really sisters, I wanted that for you. Because you're already like a queen. Natalie arched her back as pain coursed through her body.

  I looked at Sam. He was crouching next to us, watching the seemingly one-sided exchange with a helpless look. “Can you help her?” I said.

  His eyebrows suddenly went up. “Michael has left Briah,” he said. “He's coming.”

  “She's a child, Sam,” I said. “Do you know why she did what she did? Michael told her she could be a goddamn princess.”

  “A princess,” said Sam. He rubbed his forehead. “Every little girl's dream.”

  “Can you help her?” I said.

  He lifted her robes and looked at her shredded abdomen skeptically. “I'm no healer,” he said. “Cuts and bruises, maybe. And I can absorb magical energy. But this? I can't help her, Niki. I'm sorry.”

  “If it were me, you would find a way.”

  “Yes,” he admitted. “But she is not you. By all accounts she shouldn't even still be alive. The experiments the Blood did on her, her need for angelwine to survive, she shouldn't have lived as long as she did. It's made her insane. And given her too much power for one child to have.”

  “Please,” I said. “Try. Try to help her.”

  There was a ripping noise. I saw a figure materialize a hundred yards away.

  He's here, said Natalie. Her breathing was fast. Her pulse racing. I could see it beating a weak rhythm in her throat. I don't want to die, Niki. Do you think I'm going to?

  I looked up at Michael, who was walking toward us, his steps determined. He was swinging a sword that suddenly burst into flame.

  “What is that?” I asked Sam. What does he have?”

  Sam stood up. and quickly walked toward Michael. “I'll try to give you some time,” he said over his shoulder.

  Why don't you answer me? Natalie said. Am I going to die?

  I looked down into her face. A child's face. I remembered the boy that had died in the street. That child had been innocence. Natalie was older, but her mind seemed younger. She hadn't been taught enough. The people around her were too afraid of her power to do anything but agree with her. If they disagreed, she might kill them.

  I decided she deserved the truth.

  “Yes, Natalie,” I said. “You're going to die.”

  She didn't cry or panic. She just nodded slowly and blinked at me sleepily. Sam met Michael in his path to the girl, but Michael only stopped for a moment before barreling around Sam and continuing toward us. He held the fiery sword in front of him with both hands. I felt for the power in my chest, but it was gone. Or subdued, at least.

  “Damn. Limbo,” I thought.

  Natalie's breath was coming fast. Her blood had soaked into my pants where I sat.

 
; I can't do much, said Natalie, but I can try to help you before I go.

  “Wait,” I said. “No one can die here. I remember Sam telling me.”

  You don't know about the flaming sword, said Natalie. It's justice. Punishment. It can do whatever Michael wants it to. He told me so. I've made a mess of things. I can't fix things, but I can try and help.

  “No,” I said. “It wasn't your fault. You're a child.”

  I was selfish. I think I know what the hunger was in Michael's head. Because I've felt that hunger too. But it wasn't like his. I wanted people around me. I wanted to be loved. I thought being a princess would do that. But I really just wanted a family. A father. A sister.

  Sam blocked Michael again and Michael pointed his sword at Sam's chest. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Sam seemed to be doing most of the talking. If the sword really could kill in Limbo, Sam was putting himself in a great deal of danger. Michael suddenly removed the weapon from Sam's chest and pointed it right at me.

  He loves you, you know, said Natalie. That death angel. He loves you so much it hurts him.

  I nodded. “I know.”

  How does that feel to have someone love you so much?

  “Scared,” I said. “Nervous, helpless, and just a little bit angry.” I looked at Sam who was gesturing at Michael, who lowered his sword. “It feels a little bit like dying every time I look at him, but in a good way. It's like, if I can just reach the other side, if I can break through, it'll be Heaven. Not Briah Heaven, but the real Heaven. The one they say exists. So I keep trying to break through. And I keep dying over and over again. And I'm afraid every time, but I do it anyway. Someday I'll get to the other side and I won't be scared anymore. But it's strange. With him, I don't mind dying. As long as we're together.”

  Natalie sighed. She smiled and her teeth were silver with blood. That's what I thought it would be like. Promise me you won't get scared and run away from him?

  “What?” I said.

  Promise me, Niki.

  “I promise,” I said.

  Natalie nodded. This might be very loud for you, she said.

  Michael was coming. Sam was calling after him, but the wind was loud in my ears. I couldn't make out the words. He swung the burning blade in front of him as he walked. And then Natalie's voice was screaming in my head. It hurt, like Michael's message to the Abbies. It took me a moment before I recognized words in the stream of sound.

  Slobodian! Natalie shrieked. Slobodian! Don't trust the angels, the only one you can trust is Slobodian! Slobodian! Slobodian!

  There was a flash of light in front of my face and the screaming stopped. I blinked. Something was wrong. Natalie was silent. Michael was standing over us, panting, his sword at his side. I smoothed Natalie's hair and her head moved. I looked down and for a moment couldn't process what I saw. Natalie's head still lay on my lap, her eyes faraway and glassy. She was dead. And her head was no longer connected to her body. She stared up at the nothing sky, her eyes as dead as Limbo felt, and I screamed.

  I only stopped when I saw her appear over her own body. A paler, transparent version of her. She looked at me sadly before she disappeared in a swirl of dust and spirit.

  “This is blasphemous, Michael,” Sam was saying. “She was a child. How dare you sully this place. The Creator made this place in the interest of peace.”

  “I'm the Creator now,” said Michael. “And you, Samael, are the traitor. Besides. I did as you asked. I spared the one you care about. Though I should have her head as well. She destroyed my lightning.”

  “You're insane,” Sam said, his voice low and taut. I looked slowly up at them. Sam was in Michael's face arguing almost nose to nose. Michael had a pompous, imperious look on his face. “Lucifer is unleashing the Scourges in less than two days, and all you think of is killing a little girl? You're sick, brother. What will you do if Lucifer succeeds? The Scourges cannot be barred from Briah. They will attack your city as well as the world.”

  “Good,” said Michael. “It will save me the work of rooting out those who are disloyal.”

  “Disloyal to you?” said Sam. “Or the real Creator?”

  “The Creator is dead,” said Michael. “You may as well get used to obeying me. To rebel could be hazardous to you, Samael. And to whatever your female is.” He nodded towards me.

  I looked down at the head in my lap. Natalie's eyes were already filmy. My clothes were wet and soaked through with blood. She was just a little girl. All she wanted was to be a princess, but men had made her a slave, shaped her to their own desires, made her a monster that didn't understand how to control her own destructive whims. The Blood had called her the Morrigan, their goddess of death. Michael had used her to manipulate everyone. No one had ever asked her what she wanted.

  I stood up, cradling Natalie's head in my arms. Sam stopped yelling and looked over at me. His eyes widened. I ignored him. My focus was on Michael. I stood up straight and looked at him. His eyebrows went up. I looked down at Natalie's face. I clenched my teeth. I lifted her head and turned it so her face was looking right at him. He stared at me.

  “Do you see her?” I said through my clenched teeth. “Look at her! Do you see this little girl?”

  His eyes flickered to the head, then back at me. “Calm yourself before you get hurt,” he said, his voice a low warning. He leaned on the sword. I smelled the scorched earth as it burned the ground beneath it.

  “You killed my sister,” I said. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

  “I am the New Creator,” he said. “I am your God, girl, and the same fate awaits you if you do not hold your wicked tongue.”

  “You're not anyone's God,” I said.

  “It is not something you can choose.” Michael was glaring at me now. Sam had moved next to me.

  “Niki,” he said softly. “I think you should put her down now.”

  I looked at the head I still held in my hands. Michael looked at it too, curling his lip in repulsion.

  “She's not your sister,” said Michael. “Even you must know that.”

  “No,” I said. “Not by blood. But I held her when she died. When you killed her.”

  “She deserved to die,” he said.

  I went cold. I looked at Michael. “You're not a god,” I said. “You couldn't even live up to your brothers.”

  Michael's eyes flashed. “I am warning you for the last time, girl,” he said. “Watch. Your. Tongue.” He looked at Sam. “Control her or she dies, brother.”

  Sam glared at Michael. Then he turned to me. Gently, he reached out to take Natalie from me. I held on at first, but I let him take her. I touched her hair as Sam took the head away. He lay it down tenderly with her body. Then he stood by me. “We haven't much time,” he said softly to me. He touched my arm soothingly.

  “I know,” I said. “I won't be long.” My eyes didn't leave Michael. He looked back at me angrily, but there was uncertainty in his eyes. I made him uncomfortable. He was no different than the men and angels and demons I had seen in the city. No different than the people in the market in Erebos. He was just a guy with a sword. He stood up taller as I stared at him, raising his chin slightly to look down on me.

  “Sam?” I said. “You said no one can die in Limbo. Except by the flaming sword. Right?”

  “That's right,” he said slowly.

  I took a step back and Michael smiled. He thought he had won. I reached for my gun and leveled it at Michael's chest. Michael's smile slid from his face and he raised the sword, but he was out of reach.

  “What do you think you're doing?” Michael snarled.

  “Are you a god?” I said. My voice was cool.

  He frowned for a moment, confused.

  “Niki, be very careful,” said Sam.

  “I know what I'm doing,” I said.

  “I know,” said Sam. “I trust you.”

  My eyes flickered to him for a moment. I was accustomed to people trying to stop me. Sam nodded. I stared at Michael.

/>   “Answer the question, angel,” I said. “Are you a god?”

  “Yes, of course I am,” he said haughtily. “If I were not, the men of Briah would not fight for me. They die for me. What mortal could make that happen?”

  “You haven't spent much time in my world,” I said.

  “Your world disgusts me,” he said.

  “And you disgust the hell out of me,” I said. “You say you're a god. Tell me. Do gods bleed?”

  Fear passed behind his eyes. “Do they what?” he said.

  “You heard her,” said Sam. Michael looked at him and narrowed his eyes.

  “You must hate that world, brother,” said Michael. “If you cross me, nothing will be the same again.”

  “The world is lost if we don't find the Creator,” said Sam. “You are small, Michael. You are meaningless. You quiver under a mortal weapon.”

  “I am not small,” said Michael. “I am God.”

  “No, you're not,” I said. “Did the Creator ever bleed?”

  “No,” said Michael. “And neither shall I.”

  There was a ripping noise. Beyond Michael I saw three large men emerge. I recognized one as Sam's brother, Camael. They came walking toward us. Michael looked at me triumphantly. “You will pay for what you have done on this day,” he said.

  “If you're God,” I said. “Take this gun away from me.”

  “I will dismember you in a way that makes the child's death seem kind,” he said. He raised the sword and held it high in front of himself.

  “The Creator didn't need a sword,” I said. “Did he?”

  “No,” said Sam, looking bitterly at his brother.

  “Can you take the gun from me?” I said.

  “I do not wish to,” said Michael. The other men were almost to us. Twenty feet away. Fifteen. Ten. “Your weapon cannot harm me.” He turned, suddenly aware that he wasn't alone. He looked back at me. “I am all-powerful,” he said louder.

  “Good,” I said. “Then this won't hurt at all.” Michael suddenly raised the sword and came running toward me. I squeezed the trigger and felt the gun recoil. Michael stopped. I squeezed again. The shots were dull in the thick, dead air. No echo. I squeezed again. The men had stopped. Michael stared at me, his face a mask of shock. He dropped his sword on the ground where it sizzled and burned the ground black. He looked down at his chest and touched the two holes I had opened up, looked at the silver blood on his fingers. Blood oozed from wounds in his chest and abdomen.