My Other Car is a Spaceship

by Mark Terence Chapman

  “I know it takes time, damn it, but it’s taking too much time. I want you to put every available person on it.”

  “Do you want me to take people off prisoner processing, or food services, or ship maintenance, or—”

  “Don’t be a smartass, Jern. You know I don’t mean them. But you can call up everyone who’s off-duty and have them help with a door-to-door search. That should more than double your manpower. And upgrade those locks so the calibrator can’t open them.”

  “Yes, sir. It will take weeks to upgrade all the locks, but we will find the prisoners before the day is out.”

  “Damn right you will. The longer the prisoners are loose, the weaker we look—both to the other pirates and to the prisoners. We don’t need any rumors getting started that we’re anything less than invincible. That sort of thing breeds hope, which leads to ideas, and that’s something we don’t need prisoners getting.”

  “You two go down that side, and we’ll go down this side,” a deep voice declared. “Look for anything suspicious.”

  “Suspicious?” a higher-pitched female voice replied. “This is a warehouse. Half the stuff in here has been opened at least once.”

  “So what? Check anything that looks like it has been opened. Do you want to tell Ishtawahl that you missed catching the prisoners because you were too lazy to open a few boxes? I would rather avoid that conversation myself.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Fine.”

  At the first sound of the door opening, Hal, Kalen, Sue, and Merry dove into the crate full of pillows. The crate was two-thirds of the way back in the chamber. That gave them plenty of time to burrow down to the bottom of the meter-and-a-half-high box after Hal and Kalen carefully replaced the lid. Then all they could do was wait in the dark and listen to the sounds of the searchers getting closer.

  “I’m scared,” Merry said.

  “Shh,” Kalen said, pulling her closer to him.

  “I want my daddy.” She began to whimper.

  “We’ll find him just as soon as we can, sweetheart,” Kalen whispered into her ear. “But right now you have to be brave. If they hear us….”

  He started to say that the bad pirates would hurt them, but then realized that might scare her even more.

  “If they hear us, we won’t be able to find your daddy. Okay?”

  He felt her nod against his cheek. “Good.” He put both arms around her and squeezed tighter.

  The foursome huddled among the pillows, straining for the slightest indication of the searchers’ locations. Merry began to tremble in Kalen’s arms. He kissed the top of her head to comfort her and the trembling stopped for the moment.

  Kalen froze as he heard a sound—the scuff of boots. Merry heard it too; she tensed in his arms and emitted a tiny gasp. Kalen slid a gentle finger over her lips.

  “Tekk! Did you hear that?” A raspy voice spoke from close range.

  “Hear what?” The female responded from farther away.

  “I don’t know. A noise.”

  “Where?”

  “Close.”

  “All right, let’s start opening crates.”

  Merry’s trembling returned. Kalen held her tighter still.

  A thump and then another came from the right—someone checking for loose boards. A lid rattled on the left. Merry tensed up.

  Several minutes of rummaging sounds ended with the clunk of the lid being replaced. Seconds later, brilliant light flooded the pile of pillows. The lid fell to the floor with a clatter, eliciting another gasp from Merry.

  Did they hear that over the noise? Kalen felt a warm wetness spread along his thigh. His palm was now over Merry’s mouth. I guess we’ll find out in a few seconds.

  The light filtering between the pillows brightened as layers were cast aside. At last one layer remained. Through a small gap Kalen saw bright eyes amid a shadowed face.

  That’s it, then. They’ve got us.

  Damn. Some escape this turned out to be. All we accomplished was to cower in a box.

  He sighed to himself as the pirate reached for the pillow that separated them.

  “Tekk! Marjen! Over here!” the deep voice called out.

  “What is it?” the raspy-voiced pirate leaning over the crate called back. He lifted the pillow several centimeters, enough that Kalen could clearly see his ugly Melphim face turn toward the other voice.

  “We have movement! Get around over there and cut them off.”

  “Coming!” He dropped the pillow without ever looking down.

  Two sets of footsteps raced away from the crate. Kalen let out the breath he’d been holding and removed his hand from Merry’s mouth.

  They listened to thuds, shuffling, even the crash of a crate falling.

  Kalen frowned. Who else is here, besides the guards and us?

  “Ah, hell!” The third voice called out. “It’s only a sanibot. What about what you were checking out over there?”

  “Nothing. Just a box of pillows.”

  “All right, then. Enough of this crap. Let’s clean up this mess and get out of here. We have plenty of other places to search before we get to eat.”

  “I’m with you.”

  Heavy footsteps neared the crate and Kalen once again put a finger across Merry’s lips. The duo tossed the pillows haphazardly back into the crate and slid the lid back on top. Within seconds, the footsteps receded from hearing. A minute later, a faint hissing and sighing indicated the departure of the pirates.

  Whew! Thanks, Roger.

  Merry immediately began to squirm, but Kalen held her in place. A moment later, another hiss and sigh revealed another pirate’s departure—or was it a re-entry? There was no way to tell from the sound.

  Kalen listened intently for a full five minutes, but heard nothing.

  The only way to be sure is to look outside the crate. But if I do that and someone’s there, I’ll give our position away. The best option is simply to wait a bit longer. But how much longer? We can’t stay in here forever.

  After another five minutes, he decided enough time had passed to venture a glimpse. He gently disentangled himself from Merry with a whispered “stay here” and wormed his way back up through the pillows until his head was just below the lid. Taking infinite care to avoid making a sound, he gradually raised the lid, supported by his head and hands, an inch and then another and then another, until he could just peer over the edge of the crate.

  Nothing moved. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned his head clockwise as far as he could. Still nothing. He reversed the process, looking as far left as possible. The coast looked clear.

  How can I be sure it’s safe?

  He thought for a moment, before making a decision. I can’t. If they’re waiting out there, they can wait a lot longer than we can. If they know we’re in here somewhere, they’ll guard the doors and we’re already as good as caught. We don’t have any way of fighting back—especially not with Merry here.

  We might as well get it over with.

  He stood and lifted the lid off the crate and let it down beside the box with a clatter. “Okay everyone, I think we’re safe. Come on out.”

  Hal stood and stretched with a groan. Sue followed. Kalen felt a tug on his pants and looked down to see Merry standing with her arms raised, waiting to be lifted out. Kalen did so, handing her to Hal, who was now standing outside the crate. Kalen hopped down himself.

  Merry burst into tears at last.

  Kalen knelt and gathered her in his arms. “Hey, it’s all right, sweetheart. The bad pirates are gone. We’re safe.”

  “I-I’m sorry, Uncle Kalen.”

  Uncle?

  “I w-wet myself.” Tears soaked Kalen’s coveralls as she buried her face in his shoulder.

  He smiled and squeezer her tighter. “Was that you? I thought it was me. I was certainly scared enough. But you weren’t. You were the bravest little girl—no, big girl—I’ve ever met.”

  Merry pulled her head back, tears now abated. “Really?”

  �
��Really. I’m the captain of a ship. I know bravery when I see it. When we get back to Unity headquarters, I’m going to see about getting you a medal for bravery.”

  “Really?” she repeated, now with eyes wide and a grin dripping with the remnants of her tears.

  “Absolutely. In the meantime, let’s see about getting you—and me—some dry clothes to wear. Okay?”

  Merry saluted. “Yes sir, Uncle Captain Kalen, sir!”

  Kalen and Hal burst out in a release of cathartic laughter. Merry giggled. Even Sue smiled.

  Kalen dabbed at Merry’s eyes and face with his sleeve. “Good. Now I think it’s time we figure out how we can get back at these mean ol’ pirates.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “Are you telling me you still haven’t found them?” Penrod roared. “You’ve had two entire days. Are you actually saying three prisoners dragging a child around with them are more resourceful than your entire security staff?”

  Ishtawahl bristled. “As I told you earlier, there are thousands of places they could hide. Those miners drilled hundreds of kilometers of tunnels, chambers, side-passages and niches. We have not even explored many of them. Unless the prisoners emerge where they can be seen, we will have to search every possible hiding place. That is a tedious and time-consuming proposition and we have less than infinite resources to devote to the search. We will find them; I guarantee it. However, it may take several days, unless they make a mistake.”

  “I’m not happy, Jern. An ineffectual pirate is a dead pirate, if you get my drift. I want them found!”

  Senior Engineer MilGrensol leaned against the hyperflight drive as Captain Feshen Tro inspected the balky Groltaf relay deep in the bowels of Queen Anne’s Revenge.

  “I see what you mean,” the captain replied. “We need to replace it now. It will not wait until we return.”

  “No sir.”

  “How long will it take? We must be ready to leave as soon as the next nuke is functional.”

  “Only a day or so, Captain. It is tricky to replace, but we have done this several times. We can do it almost as quickly as a refit crew could at a well-equipped spacedock.”

  “Very good. Let me know as soon as it is done. In the meantime, we will begin our other preparations.”

  “Uncle Kalen!” Merry squealed.

  Sue and the others came running, assuming she’d hurt herself.

  “Look what I found!”

  “What’s that?” Kalen asked, taking it from her outstretched hand. It was a folding knife, used for opening boxes and sacks.

  He flicked open the blade and tested the edge and wicked-looking point with his thumb. “Well, well. This could come in handy indeed. Good job, Merry!”

  She stood there, beaming, with her thumbs tucked through the rope belt tied around her waist. She wore only a white shirt someone had left behind, but it came down to her knees. It had been reasonably clean when she donned it three days earlier. Now it was as dusty and dirt-smeared as her face. Across the chest, Kalen had written “Assistant Captain” using a green marker he’d found.

  With the dirty shirt and face, rope belt, and unkempt hair, she looked more like a pirate than a Unity officer, but that hadn’t kept the expression of pride off her face when he “promoted” her the day before.

  “It’s only a three-inch blade,” Kalen said to the others, “so we won’t exactly be dueling with cutlasses in the aisles, but it helps. That gives us a pry bar, a wooden table leg, a pneumodermic, and a knife between us. At least we’re all armed now, to some extent.”

  He winked at Merry. “No, I’m sorry, kiddo; no weapons for you. You’re too valuable. Someone has to take over and be in charge if I’m captured.”

  She nodded in wide-eyed seriousness. “Yes, sir.”

  “Maybe it’s time we expand our horizons,” Hal suggested. We’ve pretty much explored all of this warehouse. We’ve got food, weapons, and other useful odds-and-ends. Isn’t it about time we start looking for a way to fight back?”

  Kalen nodded. “I agree. The third shift should be starting soon. You and I’ll split up and explore some of the surrounding chambers. Sue, you and Merry will defend our home base. Right?” He winked at Merry.

  She nodded vigorously.

  Sue knew Kalen meant for her to keep Merry out of danger. They’d already had to hide several times from pirates entering the warehouse to get various items. Once they’d been too far from their box of pillows to return, and had to play cat-and-mouse with the pirates, trying to stay out of sight and as far away as possible at all times. Merry had gotten separated from the others at one point and was only one crate away from being spotted. Had the pirate turned right instead of left….

  “Good. We’re looking for better weapons, equipment we can sabotage, a means of escape, other prisoners we can release, and so on. Anything that might help us or hurt the pirates. And we have to do it without being seen and leading them back here.”

  “Then tell him—” Penrod froze as the intercom went dead and he was plunged into blackness—not the darkness of the night sky, for that provided enough light to see by once the eyes adjusted, but the inky depths of the deepest mine, so far below ground that light never penetrated. The kind of darkness from which nightmares are made.

  For a moment, Tarl Penrod, chairman of BAE Corporation and leader of an army of murderous pirates, was transformed into little Tarrie, a filthy, starving, five-year-old waif with deep-set eyes rummaging through the trash in an alley near the outskirts of Albezon. He desperately scrounged for something to eat—anything, even moldy bread or maggot-infested scraps of meat. Something to salve the burning void in his belly. Three days with nothing to eat or drink but muddy puddle water will bring anyone to that point.

  An instant later, the alley went dark. Not as black as now, but in the lee of a tall building, on a cloudy, moonless night, the effect was just as heart-stopping for a young child. He’d crawled in darkness to the end of the alley, where he saw sparks jetting from the power station the pirates had just destroyed down the street.

  The ship that hovered overhead, providing covering fire for the pirates on the ground, symbolized power to young Tarrie. As he gazed upward with wide, terrified eyes, he told himself that someday he would be like that: strong, powerful, fearless.

  As the emergency lights flickered and then held, Penrod let out the breath he’d been holding. He assumed a wry smile. Well, two outta three ain’t bad.

  “Jern!” he bellowed. “What happened?”

  Ishtawahl, in the next office, rounded the doorway and stuck his head in. “I have no way of knowing yet, but clearly a junction box or power generator for this part of the asteroid blew. It may have been a faulty part, or a sudden surge—”

  “Or it’s those damn prisoners. You’ve had five days, five days to find them and still you’ve failed. It was bad enough when they were simply hiding, but now they’re going around sabotaging equipment and disrupting power. What’s next, an assault on these offices?”

  “That is highly unlikely, given—”

  “That was a rhetorica—oh, never mind. Just find them and kill them. I’m through screwing around. I thought we might turn a nice profit on them, but they’re not worth this much trouble. Tell security to shoot on sight. Spare the child—we can still sell her—but kill the others.”

  “Yes sir.”

  After a week of exploring corridors and chambers, Kalen and Hal knew their way around much of the fortress. They knew which chambers contained things of interest and which corridors the pirates didn’t use because they hadn’t been refurbished since the miners left. They found changes of uniform, so they didn’t look suspiciously dirty to anyone they encountered. They picked up the occasional tool left unattended, and now each looked like just another workman on his way to or from a repair job.

  “Hey, how’s it goin’,” a bearded pirate called out and waved as he passed Hal traversing an intersection.” Hal had crossed paths with that particular pirate several times
in the past few days.

  “Good,” He replied with a grin and a friendly wave of his own. “You?”

  “Same shit, different day.”

  “I hear ya. Take it easy.”

  “You too,” the pirate called back over his shoulder.

  At this point Hal and Kalen were taken for granted by the pirates they passed and assumed to be like everyone else working third shift—on someone’s shit-list somewhere. As long as they acted like they belonged, and maintained a purposeful stride—no obvious loitering—no one paid much attention. On the rare occasion when one of them spied a security patrol, they simply pulled a gauge or sensor pad out of their tool belts and made a point of looking down and reviewing its readings as they walked. Invariably, the security guards sailed right past them. After all, what prisoner would be so blatant, so nonchalant about walking down the middle of a corridor and past the very people sent to capture them? The fact that they now wore typical worker coveralls and caps helped them blend into the background.

  In fact, Hal was so pleased with his ability to pass as a pirate, he’d joked to Kalen, “Just hand me an eye patch and a parrot and call me Pegleg Pete!”

  In order to keep from being so obvious about when they performed their sabotage, they’d had to find creative ways to have the damage discovered during other shifts: a short that occurred only when someone turned the machine on during first shift or a damaged fuel cell that wasn’t discovered until someone attempted to use the truck during second shift. This kept security from concentrating their sweeps during third shift.

  Now, feeling more comfortable about blending in with the pirates, Hal and Kalen had taken to committing some of the sabotage during other shifts. True, there was a greater chance of being observed and caught, but there were rooms that were locked during off-shifts. That meant if one of the men wanted to enter such a room, either he had to chance taking Sue with him to unlock the doors with the calibrator during third shift, or he had to infiltrate during one of the other two shifts, when people used those rooms. That was how they had disrupted power for several hours earlier in the week.