Because of Liam

by Erica Alexander

  “Hold the brush. Keep doing it,” she instructs me and then she bends down to pick up another brush from the ground and her ass grazes my groin. When she stands up my free hand goes to her hip and I pull her against me. She freezes.

  I nuzzle the back of her head, inhaling her scent. “I like the way you smell.”

  I pull her harder against my body. I know she can feel me on the small of her back. She sucks in a breath and I watch over her shoulder as her breasts heave. The first few buttons of her blouse are open, giving me a peek into the smooth skin of her cleavage. I let the brush drop to the floor and turn her into my arms, pulling her closer still. He eyes lock on mine. This close I can see flecks of green and gold in her hazel gaze. Her lips part and I lower my head to hers, never losing eye contact until the very last moment, and just as my lips graze hers . . . the beast lunges and bites me.

  “Son of a bitch!” I call out as I step back and out of reach, dragging River with me. The horse snorts, whinnies, and kicks his feet on the ground.

  I look at River and I can already tell she snapped back to her bitchy mode, but I can’t help to be concerned and I want to make sure she isn’t hurt. “Are you okay? Did he get you?”

  She pulls away from me. “I’m fine!” She spits the words at me. “What was that about? I told you he gets jealous! What were you trying to do?”

  “What am I trying to do? I’m trying not to get mauled by that beast!” I look at myself and the shoulder of my sweatshirt is ripped. He got a piece of me!

  River looks alarmed for a second as her eyes see the same thing I see—my ripped shirt.

  “Did he get you?”

  “No, just the shirt.”

  “Then it serves you right! Provoking him like that!”

  “Provoking him? How?”

  “By kissing me!”

  “I didn’t actually get to kiss you, did I?” And before she can reply, I continue, “And I only did it because you so blatantly wanted me to, rubbing your ass on me and grabbing my hand.”

  “I did not!”

  “Did too!”

  “Did not!”

  “Did too!”

  “Did not!” She stomps her foot.

  “Did too, but don’t worry, I won’t do it again. Unless you beg me and beg me you will.”

  “I will not!”

  “You will.”

  “I will not!”

  “You will. One day you’ll say the words. You’ll beg me to kiss you. And I just might give in.”

  “Will not!”

  “You will.”

  I smile at her and walk away. I worked up an appetite.

  I don’t walk straight back to the house. I go around the barn first and up to the fenced pasture that houses several horses. I have to get my head on straight first and walk off the raging hard-on in my pants.

  What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I try to kiss her? I don’t even like her. She has a foul mouth, and she’s too cocky for her own good.

  Okay, I reason. She’s beautiful. And hot. And she was rubbing her ass on me. Had I read it all wrong? No. I don’t think so. I saw it in her eyes. She was surprised at first, yes, but I saw how her gaze dropped to my mouth and how she licked her lips in anticipation. She may not even know she was doing it. It was not the studied seductive move I’ve seen so many times from the girls I knew in school and the preppy neighborhood I grew up in.

  As free as River voices her opinions about everything and as much as she talks the talk, there’s a certain innocence about her that’s at odds with her words and her behavior. It’s . . . intriguing.

  I’ve been an ass, too. I admit. I’ve been an ass from day one if I’m to be honest about it. I didn’t set out to be an asshole. It wasn’t my default mode, but that first meeting set the tone for all our meetings afterward. In the beginning, I was just angry. Not at her, but that day she dumped her drink on me, she became the target of my anger. Had it been a guy, I’m sure I would’ve knocked him out cold. I haven’t been back home long and adjusting to a normal life seems impossible for now. But each day I push myself to move forward and leave all that happened in the past. They say the hardest part of coming back home is leaving the war behind. It follows you. In your thoughts and your dreams. I’ve been back stateside for five weeks. Sometimes it feels like seconds, sometimes it feels like years. It’ll change. I’ll change. I have to go back to being me again. I’m tired of the man I’ve become and I don’t like him very much.

  Chapter Twelve

  What happened? I’m still dazed by the last couple of minutes. How could so much happen in such a short amount of time?

  Deegan’s whinny reminds me I didn’t finish brushing him. I pick up the wire brush again and resume grooming his ebony coat with firm strokes.

  Liam had been charming and not at all his usual jerk self, and I’d been drawn to him. I would have kissed him. I want to kiss him still.

  Fuck! That’s not good. Not good at all. I have to cool off. I have to calm down.

  I can’t—I won’t hook up with him.

  Yes, he’s hot. Hell, he’s hot as fuck. Yeah, I have noticed. More than once.

  One would have to be dead not to notice how hot he is. And more than that. Liam has a certain air of confidence about him. Like he knows who he is and makes no apologies for it. Maybe he was always like this. Maybe it’s a marine thing. Guys in the military are sexy.

  Whatever this is, it’s not good for me to get any ideas about him and I can’t avoid him altogether.

  I mean, his brother and my sister are madly in love with each other. Skye fell hard and fast for Logan, and he’s just the same. Skye’s a different person since meeting him—different in a good way. She has always been quiet and reserved. She’s such an introvert. Logan’s love for her makes her more self-assured, confident, and even more adventurous.

  I’m the opposite. And I don’t want to change or be changed by a guy. No matter how hot said guy is.

  I think of his hands on my hips, the feel of his hard body and his lips almost on mine—a shiver runs down my skin and I rub my arms to shake it off.

  I like my snarky, in your face personality. I don’t want to change.

  If falling in love with someone does that—changes people—I want nothing to do with it. What would love do to me? Make me coy and insecure?

  Fuck that noise! And then that little voice in my head speaks, ‘Love makes you a better version of yourself.’

  Does it? I’m not so sure.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It’s Saturday and we have two more days here. We’re leaving on Monday morning. What the heck am I supposed to do? I have no problem being an ass when it’s just the two of us together, but I don’t want to come off as a jerk in her home and in front of her family. The thing is, biting my tongue has never been a skill I mastered. It’s going to be a very long weekend.

  Once I get back into the house, I find everyone gathered in the kitchen and just about to sit down. I’m instructed to wash my hands by Serena and comply before taking my place at the table, the only free spot between River and her mom.

  Long weekend indeed.

  I really like her parents, Serena and David. They are the complete opposite of mine. They make me feel at ease and as if I belong. As if I have as much right to be in their home and eating their food as they do. It’s a welcoming feeling and a troubling one too. I’ve been adrift too long, without a real home or a place to belong to.

  Up until this moment, I had no idea this was something I was missing. That I needed this. The thought scares me. It tugs deep into my chest. This unnamed thing that has always been there but I didn’t have a name for. But now I do—longing.

  Longing for a life I’ve never had, longing for what I see around me at this table. I glance over at River. Maybe I can have it too.

  When I look up, Serena’s eyes are on me and a small, sad smile graces her face. I can almost swear she knows what I’m thinking.

  Logan’s voice gets my attentio
n back to the conversation.

  “You’ve been married for twenty-five years? That’s great! Not a lot of people make it that long.”

  “True,” River says. “Most of our friends have divorced parents.”

  Skye nods in agreement as takes a bite of her omelet.

  “What’s your secret?” Logan asks Serena.

  Serena grins. “Men are simple to please. You keep their bellies full and their balls empty and they’re happy.”

  “Mom!” Both Skye and River protest while I choke on my orange juice and Logan’s face turns red.

  David, their dad, jumps in.

  “Agree one hundred percent. Already worked on the latter, now I’m working on the former,” he says, pointing to his almost empty plate.

  Breakfast is interesting to say the least.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The last forty-eight hours have been the most exasperating and intense of my entire life. Having Liam around and being on my best behavior in front of my parents has been a challenge. Every time Liam and I occupy the same space, which happens quite often since Mom has us working together and we are sharing all meals, not to mention our Saturday movie night, a tradition in my family for as long as I can remember.

  We had to share a love seat. His thigh pressed against mine for the entire two hours and thirty-three minutes of Armageddon. Plus, the trailers of six other movies on the DVD. At five-foot-seven and one hundred and twenty pounds, I’m not exactly tiny, and he’s a big guy, six-foot-two and two hundred and twenty pounds easily. We were nearly glued to each other’s sides. Add to that the fact he’s sleeping in the room right next to mine and I can hear him moving about and can smell his scent every time I step into the shared bathroom across the hall. Yeah, I’m batshit crazy with pent-up anger.

  Yes! That’s what I’m calling it. Anger. Deal with it!

  He’s not making it easy on me either, the bastard. I swear last night while we were watching the movie, and he put his arm around the back of the seat, he was playing with the ends of my hair. And earlier today when we were loading bales of hay onto the back of the truck to feed the horses out in the back pasture, he kept brushing against me on purpose and every time he took a bale out of my hands, his finger grazed mine. The fucker is teasing me and I caught him staring at my ass more than once.

  I don’t know what his game is, but I’m not playing it.

  No way.

  No how.

  Fucker!

  Liam

  I’ve nursed either a semi or a hard-on for nearly three days. Three fucking days of discreetly trying to adjust myself. I think River’s mom caught me at least twice. I can’t even look at her straight anymore. That woman sees and knows everything, I swear.

  Logan and Skye are working with her dad. They have it pretty well-organized. I enjoy the work. It’s not hard. I relish the physical exertion. After so many years in the marines and the last year backpacking through Europe and working on small farms much like this one before I decided to come back home, I kind of miss the physical demands of daily workouts.

  I’ve been running and sparring with the punching bag Logan has hanging in the garage, but I think I’ll join a gym when we get back home.

  That’s a bittersweet word for me, home. I haven’t had a home for so long and I’m starting to think of Logan’s place as my own. Well, it has always been ours, Grandma made sure of it. She made sure neither of our parents would ever have any stake in the house she grew up in and she transferred ownership of it to us years back. My thoughts go back to River.

  She’s been around me for most of our waking hours. We’re either helping her mom with some of the chores that are normally done by employees—they got Sunday off to spend with their families—or eating every meal together. We even have to share a bathroom. And I may or may not have jerked off with River’s conditioner. What the fuck is wrong with me?

  River

  Dad is making burgers for lunch while the boys clean up. They worked up a sweat and said some cooling off is needed. I’m in the kitchen with Skye gathering chips and drinks. This will be a light lunch. Just enough to hold us off until five-thirty when we have our traditional Easter dinner. Pies have been baked, veggies are cleaned, cut-up, and ready to go. And Dad has a slow cooking roast in the smoker outside on the kitchen porch.

  I bring the pitcher of lemony ice tea I just made to the table while Skye gets the rest of it set for lunch.

  “Skye, I’m checking to see if Dad needs help with anything,” I call out to her before leaving the kitchen through the backdoor. I take two steps down the stairs when I hear a sound to my right and I see Liam less than six feet away.

  A shirtless Liam with the water hose and he’s washing himself. He’s bent at the waist and has the water over his neck and head. It’s running down his back, arms and chest. That water has to be freezing. It’s no more than fifty degrees out. He doesn’t seem to mind it at all.

  He finally notices me standing here when he rights himself and turns off the faucet. I’m stuck in place, my eyes glued to the tiny drops running down his chest and getting caught in the hard ridges of his stomach. The first thought that pops in my mind is that I want to lick those little drops.

  Lazily, he reaches over to a bush and picks up the blue and gray flannel shirt he was wearing and pulls a white T-shirt from the inside of it. He must have been wearing both before. I tried really hard not to look at him all morning.

  So much for that because I can’t stop staring at him now.

  He’s drying himself, very poorly I may add, with the white T-shirt. He tosses it back on top of the bushes along the porch and puts his flannel shirt on, buttoning only the three middle buttons, leaving the top and bottom open. I’m staring and I’ve forgotten my words. All of them are gone. If I thought he was hot that first day we met when he was also shirtless, now, shirtless, wet, and smirking at me instead of glaring Liam is even hotter.

  Yeah, I’m so screwed.

  Liam

  The way River is looking at me right now is not helping matters one bit. Matters being the bulge in my pants. So much for the attempt to cool off with the freezing cold water I dumped over my head. I guess it was the wrong head. Should have doused my other head in the freezing water, the one farther south and currently holding hostage all my blood supply.

  She’s looking at me like I’m a tasty meal and she’s been starved for months and my dick loves it. If I’m to be honest, I love it too. We are at a stalemate. Neither saying a word, neither able to move. I should say something, do something, but if I make a move right now, it will be to push her against something solid and kiss her until I can’t feel my lips anymore. I don’t think that would make for good family lunch entertainment.

  My feet start moving toward her I realize, but I’m saved from doing something really stupid by the voice of her mother calling River to help bring the burgers inside the house.

  River

  Holy crap! Saved by burgers and a call for help. I’m not sure what’s going on, but whatever it is, I would have been down with it. I would have been one hundred percent into whatever Liam was offering and I’d be doing it right here on the back porch.

  My mother’s voice and her imminent approach has me crashing back into reality, gathering my wits and rushing to meet her before she can take one look at us and figure out just what was happening.

  Mom is one of those people who can read a person or a situation in .000003 seconds flat. Skye can attest to that. And Mom has been keeping a sharp eye on me for months now. Living far from home may have bought me some time and cover, but I know eventually she’ll figure me out. The only reason she hasn’t yet is because I, myself, don’t actually know what happened.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The rest of yesterday was surprisingly uneventful. Lunch was fine, and dinner was great. I felt comfortable for the first time in over a year. Logan is right about his girl’s family. He’s one lucky SOB for finding not only the girl of his dreams but also the f
amily we never had.

  The entire meal, my eyes kept straying to River sitting across the table from me. Serena had rearranged the seating, I was sitting directly across from River and her mom was at one end of the table. Skye, Logan, and David filled the other spots around us. I swear she did it so she could watch us and gather intel.

  I’m not entirely sure she’s not secret service, FBI, or something like that. I’d like to introduce her to my commander. She’d have everyone pegged in seconds. I wouldn’t be surprised if she announced she can read thoughts and proceeded to tell me all of mine. Of course, they would be extremely embarrassing since eighty percent of it involves all the things I’d like to do to River. The other twenty percent is what I want River to do to me.

  We’re on our way home now, loaded with leftovers, enough for days. Logan is driving and Skye is shotgun. River and I are in the back as before.

  She’s not sitting as far away from me as possible this time. She’s closer to the center of the seat, a leg curled under her. She’s wearing leggings and a big hoodie. A guy’s hoodie based on the size, perhaps stolen from an ex. I haven’t seen her with anyone or heard anything about her going on a date. The thought of her with someone other than me pisses me off. I glare at the hoodie. It should hide her slim body, but instead, it makes her look sexier.

  River leans around Skye’s seat and her hair brushes my knee. Knowing the long hours of drive ahead, I’m wearing track pants, which are more comfortable than jeans but way more difficult to hide a hard-on in. Day four and counting.

  “Skye?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Did you borrow my conditioner?”