by Kim Loraine
“Who is Justin?” Sloan asked.
“Paula Stone’s son. He’s a firefighter.” Meg shook her head, sympathy written all over her. “I guess he fell through a roof. I’m sure Paula’s a wreck. He’s all she’s got since her husband died five years ago.”
The thought of Carson in a dangerous situation made Sloan’s stomach clench. Was it really that dangerous?
“Do you think it was another case of arson?” Amy glanced at the clock and back at the two of them.
“No way to know. I’m sure the fire department is already investigating.” Meg tapped her chin with the tip of a finger. “There are a few hot, single guys at the station. Maybe Valerie can introduce Sloan and me to them. We could get the inside scoop . . . and have a little fun, too. What do you think, Sloan?”
Sloan’s cheeks burned at the implication. She needed a way to change the subject and take the focus off her. She took a sip from her mug and grimaced. “Ugh. I think we have to get some better beans in here.”
Megan laughed, the mood in the room lightening immediately. “You’re preaching to the choir.” She went curiously quiet as the door opened and Beckett strolled in. “Hey, Becks.”
He offered a gentle smile and made his way to the coffeepot. Sloan didn’t miss the appreciative glance Amy gave him before she snuck out of the break room.
“Drink it at your own risk,” Sloan joked.
“Oh, I’ve developed a tolerance. I need caffeine too much to let the taste get to me. And,” he pulled open the refrigerator door and grabbed a bottle marked Don’t even think about using this, “I’ve got my own way to fix it.”
She frowned as he poured the white mixture into his mug. It smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. “Creamer?”
“Not just any creamer, Sloan. This is the creamer to beat all creamers. I make it myself.”
“Becks used to work at Cups. He’s a coffee master,” Megan piped up, her big brown eyes wide and a little glazed as she stared at Beckett.
He winked at Megan and poured a generous serving into Sloan’s cup. “Hey! I didn’t say I wanted you to tamper with my beverage.”
“Trust me, you want it.”
The instant she tipped the drink to her mouth, sweetness hit her tongue. It was damn good. “I think you might be a wizard.”
“I’ll never tell,” he teased before putting away the concoction and striding out of the room.
Megan sighed. “He let you have his cream.”
Sloan couldn’t hold back her laughter. “That doesn’t sound the way you intended.”
“Oh my God, Sloan. You’ve got a secret dirty mind!” Sloan almost walked back her joke, but Megan laughed out loud. “I think we just became best friends.”
That felt good. All of her old high school friends had either moved on or, in Livia’s case, ostracized her for reasons she couldn’t control. She’d had nothing to do with her father’s fall from grace and she highly doubted her high school breakup would cause this kind of treatment. Although, that all depended on what they knew. She didn’t want to think Carson would share their personal history and contribute to people treating her like a pariah.
“Sounds good to me.”
“Okay, bestie. We need to do something together. Do you like yoga?” Megan’s megawatt smile had Sloan unable to deny her.
“Sure.”
“Perfect. Saturday, sunrise on the beach.”
“Sunrise?” She tried to keep the worry from her voice. Early mornings weren’t her thing.
“Yep. It’s perfect. Oh, and Phoenix, the instructor, is really hot. He’s got a boyfriend, but there’s no harm in enjoying the view.”
There wasn’t anything to do but laugh.
~ ~ ~
Sunrise on Saturday morning arrived entirely too early for Sloan’s liking. As she parked her car outside the yoga studio and grabbed her mat, she fought a yawn and glanced around, searching for Megan. Dressed in bright pink yoga pants and a loose tank, her friend stood at the edge of the lot. Sloan called out her name and headed in her direction. The petite brunette waved and offered a wide smile as Sloan approached.
“Sloan! You made it. Come on, we won’t get good spots if we don’t get out there.”
“There’s a bad spot on the beach?” She couldn’t imagine that being possible.
“It depends on what you want to look at.”
They laid out their mats and sat, legs crossed and backs straight. Letting herself relax into the stillness of the early morning, Sloan closed her eyes and focused her breathing, willing herself into a meditative state. She hadn’t done this in a long time, but she’d loved yoga for many years. The hushed sounds of people settling around her melded with the crash of waves and occasional call of seagulls overhead. Everything was right and calm. Until a familiar voice broke through her concentration.
“Shit,” Carson muttered.
He was close, but she refused to open her eyes. She had as much right to be here as anyone else. He’d have to be a grown up and deal. The masculine scent of his body washed over her and she felt his presence like an electric charge.
“Why are you here?” His voice held a hint of frustration and a lot of hurt.
She sighed, eyes remaining closed. “I’m meditating right now, Carson.”
“Sully.”
Opening one eyelid, she risked a glance at him. All she saw was his long, tanned leg in her periphery. She opened both eyes and her head fell back as she let herself take in every glorious inch of his tall frame. His arms were crossed over his chest and that chiseled jaw was set in a firm line.
“Excuse me?”
“No one calls me Carson. At least not if I can help it.”
Before she could stop herself she repeated words she’d said to him when they’d first met. “That’s not the name your mama gave you.”
He flinched. “Don’t talk about my mom like you know her. You barely spent any time with her. You could have known her. But you left.”
The venom in his words struck a chord, making her wince. She didn’t want this. “Carson, it’s been fifteen years. Can we please move on? I have.” Liar, liar. She hadn’t moved past everything that she’d lost with him, because of him.
“Fine, you know what? I’ll leave. Have a nice class.” She stood and gathered her belongings before she stormed off, not caring who was watching her as she made a scene. To her credit, Megan scrambled to her feet as well.
Righteous anger and humiliation burned through Sloan. She’d been so naive. All she wanted was to start her life over in the place she’d called home. Instead, she’d walked into a trap filled with emotional pitfalls. She’d nearly reached her car when Megan caught up with her.
“What on God’s green earth was that?”
“A mistake I made a long time ago.”
Her friend chuckled. “He’s a fine-looking mistake.”
“We . . . uh . . . we dated in high school.” She kept her face turned toward her car to hide the angry tears pooling in her eyes, she made a show of searching for her keys.
“It was a hell of a lot more than dating, Sloan.” Carson’s voice slid over her, making her feel as though she were a caged bird. She had nowhere to go. “Meg, can you give us a minute?”
No. No. Megan had better be immune to the man’s charms.
“Oh, sure, Sully. No problem.”
Damn.
Sloan finally faced him and let her gaze connect with his. All she saw was determination in his eyes. He had something to say. As soon as Megan was out of earshot, Sloan beat him to the punch.
“I’m leaving, Carson. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
He ran a hand over his closely cropped hair. She liked it best when he let it grow longer, those tawny strands always curled at his ears. “Fuck. I don�
�t know. Can we . . . let’s go somewhere we can talk.” His tone had changed from angry to exhausted.
She took her lower lip between her teeth in a poor attempt to buy herself some time as she contemplated how devastating a conversation with him could be. She had done everything she could to put their history away in a box and seal it up.
“I—”
His expression softened and his warm palm was on her cheek before she could finish, cupping her face just like he used to. “Give me a chance?”
With a heavy sigh, she gave in. “Where?”
“Meet me at our place under the boardwalk in fifteen minutes. I’ll bring coffee.”
Her chest tightened. Their place. So many monumental things in her life had happened in their place. She nodded and had to work to calm her racing heart as he offered her a soft grin.
“I’ll see you there.” He started walking away, but cast a glance over his shoulder. “Sloan?”
“Yeah?”
“You look amazing.”
Shit.
Chapter 5
Fifteen years ago
The screech of bottle rockets flew through the air, punctuated by the pop-pop-pop of each one exploding. Sully walked along the shore with his toes in the water and Sloan by his side. He only had six weeks left with her until her family made the move to California. He didn’t know what he was going to do without her.
“The Fourth of July is always so noisy,” she said, staring up at the afternoon sky. “It’s clear, though. The fireworks will be awesome out here.”
“I’m so used to the clouds and rain of Seattle. It’ll be nice to get to see the show without a raincoat.”
She leaned into him as they walked, her slight weight a comfort. They didn’t talk about her leaving. He thought maybe they both consciously avoided the topic in hopes that something would change or that maybe, it wouldn’t be real if they didn’t mention it. But the move hung over their heads like a blade about to fall. She was only seventeen and there was no way she could stay.
“Did you hear back from any of the colleges we talked about?” she asked.
His shoulders stiffened and he shook his head. “I didn’t apply.”
“What? Why not? Carson, you’re so smart. You could get a scholarship easy.”
“I have to be here to help my mom. Dex is in the officer program with the Marines, so we won’t see him for much other than occasional visits for probably the next year. Who knows when my dad’s going to be sent out to sea again. Mom needs me.”
She sighed. “There’s so much more out there for you. You could have—”
All he heard was that his plan wasn’t good enough. She wanted more for him because deep down, her future was brighter than his. “Stop it. What’s wrong with being here, in Golden Beach?”
She let go of his hand and stepped back. “Why are you so mad all of a sudden?”
“Because you’re leaving me. I love you and you’re going away. I can’t follow.”
The anger in her expression faded and was replaced by sadness. “ I wish I could change it.”
“We don’t have to break up. We can do the long-distance thing. Maybe after you graduate, we can move in together? You could go to school somewhere here in Virginia.”
A soft smile turned up her lips at the suggestion. “I could live with you? You’d let me?”
“If I could wake up with you in my arms every morning, I think my life would never be anything but happy.”
They rounded the corner of the beach, the boardwalk jetted out until it became a dock and Sully took her hand again, pulling her under the shade of the bridge. They didn’t stop until they were seated back far enough away that they couldn’t be seen. No one came out here. It was too secluded and too far away from the shops and entertainment.
“We won’t be able to see very well from under here,” Sloan said.
He took off his backpack, Sully pulled out a blanket and the bottle of cheap wine he’d snatched from his mom’s supply. “I only want to see you.”
They lay together in the soft sand, talking and sipping the wine from the bottle. As the sun set, a chill spread across the beach and Sully pulled her close to his warmth. Soft kisses gave way to deep and passionate ones, until she was on her back, her soft moans and cries urging him on as he explored her farther than he ever had before.
When the first bursts of light from the fireworks crackled through the air, he slid inside her, the sensation nearly more than he could bear. He loved her. He’d love her forever. She’d be his first and last.
~ ~ ~
“Tall hot chocolate and a tall cinnamon latte,” the barista called over the morning crowd.
Sully grabbed his order and willed his hands to stop shaking. When he’d seen Sloan at yoga he had no doubt avoidance wasn’t going to work. Maybe they’d never get over what had happened between them. Some things never fully healed. But their path could still continue. Scars are part of life. They serve as constant reminders of struggles—and strength.
With a deep breath, he bolstered his courage and followed the familiar path toward the little cove at the edge of the boardwalk. He hadn’t been there in years, but he’d never forget the way.
His heart caught in his throat as she came into view. Leaning against the support beam, her long hair blowing in the breeze, she looked so much like the girl he’d loved so long ago. They’d shared so many firsts under this boardwalk. They’d had their first kiss as the sun set on her seventeenth birthday. He’d been so nervous he hit her forehead with his twice before he got it right.
He almost dropped their drinks as she turned sad eyes on him and snapped him out of the past.
“It looks the same,” she murmured.
He crossed the shady sand and handed her the latte. “So do you.”
A blush crept up her cheeks as she turned her gaze away from his. “Carson, I’m so—”
“Stop. You don’t need to say anything. I’ve got an idea. You’re right. We could spend the rest of our lives avoiding each other. We could never try to repair things between us. Or, we could try to be friends.”
She blinked rapidly, her bright blue eyes shining with tears. “I think I’d like that.”
He extended his free hand and waited for her to shake it. A weight lifted from his chest the moment she touched him. “Hi, I’m Carson.”
“Sloan.”
They held hands, staring at each other as the waves hit the shore. Somehow they ended up sitting shoulder to shoulder, watching the tide move in.
“So, you’re a firefighter?”
He grinned, proud of his job. “Yeah. I’ve been at Station 31 for twelve years.”
“That’s . . . Isn’t it dangerous?” The fear in her voice sent a wave of warmth through him. The idea that she’d be worried about him meant more than it should.
“It is. Sometimes. But, someone has to be willing to help. That someone is me and the rest of the crew at the station.”
“Is there a lot of risk? Have you ever been hurt?”
His gut clenched. How could he talk to her about this? They’d seen more line of duty deaths at his station than most career firefighters ever experience. He’d lived through his own injury and had just come from the bedside of one of his brothers. “I . . . I caught a falling beam with my back a few years ago.”
“Oh, God.”
“Cracked a vertebra and had to do a shitload of physical therapy, but I’m practically good as new.”
“Were you burned?”
With a shrug, he grinned and tried to play it off as nothing to worry about. “Not badly. We wear a ton of protection. Turnout gear isn’t just for calendar shoots, you know.”
Her lips quirked up in a smile and he caught himself wishing he could kiss her. “How a
bout you? What are you doing?”
She sighed. “I got divorced a few years ago. I don’t know, I guess I needed something more meaningful in my life. I never really put down roots after we moved. Everything was surface level. When Brent and I broke up, I suddenly had no connections, no friends. So I went back to school, got my master’s and teaching certificate.”
Cold jealousy curled in his stomach. She’d gotten married. Some other man had promised to love her forever and hadn’t followed through. He controlled his expression and focused on her as she continued.
“So, now I’m a teacher. Second grade.”
That was so perfect. Sloan had always loved kids. A pang of regret sliced through him but he pushed it away. “Do you know Valerie Miller?”
She shook her head and frowned. “I’ve heard her name. She’s not coming back until October.”
“Her husband is on my crew. Donovan’s a good guy. You’d like them.”
“I’ve heard she’s really great.”
After he slipped his feet out of his shoes, he slid his toes back and forth in the sand. “So, you were married?”
She nodded, but didn’t look him in the eyes or answer.
“Do you have any kids?”
Her face blanched and she whispered, “No. No kids.”
Shit. That was a fucked-up question to ask. Here of all places.
“You know, I think I should go. Thanks for the coffee.”
She stood as though she couldn’t get away fast enough.
“Sloan, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—”
“It’s okay.”
The pain in her eyes said it wasn’t. He got to his feet before she had a chance to run again. “It’s not. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m sorry.”
She looked broken as she stood there. Unable to keep himself from her, he pulled her into his arms. It was the wrong decision. Everything came flooding back as her tense body loosened and she melted into him. This was going to be impossible. He couldn’t be friends with Sloan. Deep down, he’d understood that from the moment he saw her in the library.
