by Kim Loraine
~ ~ ~
Sloan frowned at the sweatshirt she’d worn to yoga six days earlier. It still smelled like Carson. Just one long embrace and he’d infiltrated her senses. All she had to do was wash the stupid thing, but every time she picked up the dark blue fabric she ended up bringing it to her face and letting her heart win out over her head. Her phone rang, clattering across her dining room table and tearing her attention away from thoughts of him.
An unknown number flashed on the screen. Tempted to let the call roll to voicemail, she waited a few more rings but quickly remembered she didn’t have any of her new friends or colleagues programed into her contacts.
“Hello?”
“Sloan? It’s Becks.” His tone was warm and friendly, but she knew behind his unassuming demeanor was a man who wanted the possibility of more with her. Daily, he went the extra mile to talk to her, to have lunch or coffee with her. He even had his class come in to read with hers during library time. If this had happened a week ago, before she and Carson had begun their path toward friendship she might have been more willing, but as it stood right now, she wasn’t certain how far she wanted something with Beckett to go.
“Hey, Becks. How are you?”
He cleared his throat. “Good. Great, actually. Listen, I wanted to ask if you’d like to have drinks tonight. I was going to ask after school, but I had a parent request a conference and couldn’t get over to see you before you left.”
“Oh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“It’s not just me, if that’s what you’re worried about. Meg is coming, and she’s bringing a friend. There’s a great bar about ten minutes outside of town. They’ve got karaoke.” He sang the last word as though karaoke would be the deciding factor.
“Well, when you sweeten the pot with public embarrassment, how can I refuse?” She laughed, despite her reservations about being social in a town where her family wasn’t particularly liked. “What time?”
“I’ll pick you up in an hour.”
He hung up before she could assure him she was capable of driving herself. She huffed in frustration, she glanced down at her comfy leggings and baggy shirt. “So much for a Supernatural marathon,” she muttered, trudging through her grandfather’s sprawling house. It was too big for one person, and stifling at the same time. The quiet emptiness had begun to feel less like a sanctuary and more like a prison. She should be glad to be going out.
An hour later, her hair was brushed, makeup done, and she’d found a pair of tight fitting jeans and a pretty green top that showed off her figure. Her mom would say the low neckline was just a tease. If she was going out, she was going to do it right and not hide in the crowd. Things had changed around town. There were less whispers and stares, more people took the time to talk to her. She hoped soon she would be out from under the shadow of her father’s actions. Going out and being visible was the only way to do that.
Her doorbell rang as she shrugged on a light jacket. Beckett smiled as soon as she opened the door, his perfect teeth reminding her of a movie star. “Ready?” he asked.
“Sure.” She didn’t take his offered hand, choosing to follow him instead.
“You’ll love this place. It’s been around for at least thirty years and all the teachers like to blow off steam there.”
She had a feeling she knew exactly where they were going, and wondered if Beckett realized she’d lived in Golden Beach her entire life until her rapid departure before her senior year began. She hadn’t shared her past, but people talk. Her dad’s scandal had followed them across the country, and had even been on the national news. If Beckett had that information, he was purposely avoiding the topic. Either way, she was thankful they didn’t have to talk about it.
When they pulled up to Pete’s Tavern, she grinned. She’d been right. She told herself this would be fun. A step forward to building the life she wanted. But her stomach clenched when she spotted three cars with the firefighter emblem displayed on their license plates. Was Carson here? Did she want to see him?
“You okay over there?” Beckett asked.
With a nod, she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car before he could get around the car and open the door for her. “I’m good. It was a long day.” She pasted on a bright smile, she let him take her hand and followed his lead.
The bar was loud and too warm, smelling strongly of beer and fried food. Her stomach growled as the scent hit her. She hadn’t eaten dinner yet and the thought of French fries had her mouth watering.
Beckett leaned close, his breath on her ear. “Want a drink?”
She shouted over the group singing a Garth Brooks song, “I’ll have whatever amber they have on tap.”
He grinned and placed a hand over his heart. “I think you might be the perfect woman.”
She let out a laugh and watched him walk away, scanning the people for Meg. A crowd was gathered around one of the pool tables, loud cheers coming from the corner every so often. Curious, she drew closer, wanting to see what all the excitement was about, and stopped dead in her tracks when she caught sight of Carson. He was laughing, holding a pool cue in one hand and a pretty brunette in the other.
Humiliation washed over her. Of course. He hadn’t spent all these years pining for her. Hell, she had tried to move past him. She’d gotten married to try and move on. How could she expect him not to do the same? Even with their conversation last weekend, that embrace under the boardwalk, the depth of emotion written all over his features, he’d never promised her anything other than friendship.
His endlessly blue irises locked onto hers from across the room even as the woman in his arms nibbled his ear. Sloan offered a weak wave and nearly jumped out of her skin when Beckett handed her a beer.
“Man, that guy is everywhere. Small towns. You can’t escape,” he muttered.
She forced her attention to the man next to her and beamed up at him. “I don’t need to escape. Come on. Let’s go sing something.”
He laughed and took a big gulp. “I’m warning you, I am legitimately tone-deaf.”
“Well, I’m not. I’m feeling like some Carrie Underwood tonight.”
“I’m not going to lie. That sounds hot.”
She might have added a little swish to her hips as they walked away, but she didn’t want to admit it was for anyone’s benefit. She didn’t have to worry about Carson’s feelings. Now that she’d seen him in his element, with his girlfriend, she could let go and give Beckett a chance.
Linking her fingers with Beckett’s she let herself just enjoy the feeling of being with a nice man.
Nice was safe.
Safe didn’t break your heart.
Chapter 6
Fifteen years ago
Sully hadn’t talked to Sloan in over a week. She wouldn’t answer his calls, wouldn’t come to the door. She was leaving in five days and he couldn’t stand the silence. He hadn’t been the easiest guy to be around since she started packing, but this was ridiculous. He needed her. Ever since they made love under the boardwalk, he’d felt her pulling away. When his phone rang and her name displayed on his caller ID, he nearly dropped the damned thing.
“Sloan?”
She sniffled and his heart lurched. “Carson.”
“What’s wrong, baby? Are you okay?”
“I need to see you. Can you meet me in our spot?”
“Of course. I need to see you, too. Why have you been so quiet? Did I do something?”
Another sniff came over the line. “I’ll see you in half an hour, okay?”
“Sure.”
Dread curled in his gut. Something bad had happened. He rushed through his morning chores and grabbed his keys, calling out a quick, “Bye, Mom. I’ll be back later,” as he headed out the door. Sloan needed him.
She was waiting under
the boardwalk like she’d said. Their place. She looked like an angel with the morning sun shining on her golden hair, making her white skirt glow as it floated on the breeze. But her cheeks were tracked with tears and the heartbreak in her eyes sent his own heart plummeting.
Without hesitation he pulled her to him, held her tight, needing to breathe her in, to know she was still his.
“Sloan, what’s going on?”
She turned her face up to him and her chin trembled. “I’m pregnant.”
Everything stopped. His breaths, his heart, his world. “What?”
“I’m pregnant, Carson. Pregnant.”
“But . . . It was just once.”
She sighed. “That’s all it takes.”
Reflexively he ran his fingers through his hair, then he stepped away from her and paced. Panic took away all rational thought. Words fell from him without anything to stop them. “What are we going to do? This is going to ruin everything. We can’t have a baby right now.” Flashes of his mom living a life without her husband because he was always out to sea, working herself to the bone so they could have food and clothes, giving everything and taking nothing for herself. No. He couldn’t repeat his parents’ mistakes.
“Ruin? This is a baby. Our baby. It’s not going to ruin anything.”
“How are we supposed to live our lives with a baby? You’re moving to California. I’m barely keeping my head above water as it is. I can’t just pick up extra hours at the grocery store and support a family.”
“I—” she started, but didn’t seem to be able to finish.
“Tell me how you think this can work. You’ve got one more year of high school. I just graduated. How could we have been so stupid? God, I wish this had never happened.”
Anger blazed behind her eyes. “You know what? You’re right. How could I be so stupid to think you’d support me in this?” She reached up and unclasped her necklace before tossing it in the sand. “Infinity? You’re a liar, Carson Sullivan. I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry. I won’t bother you with my stupid problems anymore.”
She turned on her heels and bolted away from him. But like the coward he was, he didn’t go after her. Instead he let fear and indecision take control. He sank to his knees in the sand and let the hurt wash over him like the tide rushing in.
~ ~ ~
Sully stood on Grace and Drew’s front porch, flowers in one hand and a six-pack of beer in the other. Even now, it seemed weird to be here. But Gracie had been part of the fire family once upon a time, and just because she’d moved on after John had died in the line of duty, that didn’t diminish her importance to the crew. John Oliver had been their brother in the fire service. Family takes care of each other. So, here he was, ready to celebrate her homecoming at her new home with her husband and kids. The fact that her husband was the identical twin brother of John still made it hard for him to talk to the guy, but that wasn’t Drew’s fault. It just took Sully a second to rewire his thoughts and remember that he wasn’t talking to his longtime friend.
The sound of a car door closing followed by Michael and Alex Oliver’s gruff voices had him turning around with a grin. “Hey, assholes. You’re late.” The brothers were followed by their wives, who were chatting and laughing together.
Alex shook his head. “So are you.”
“And I see you didn’t even bring good beer,” Michael observed, gesturing toward the six-pack.
“Come on. Don’t hate on my beer.”
“Cheap beer should be considered a crime.”
Sully cocked an eyebrow and rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man. It’s the thought that counts. I see you didn’t bring anything.”
Michael laughed. “I brought my winning personality.”
“Grace should make you spend the party out here on the porch then.”
Alex pushed past them and rang the doorbell. “Come on, you two idiots. Gracie invited us to her house, not to her front porch.”
The door opened and Grace appeared, her green eyes twinkling with amusement. “Hey, guys. Thanks for coming.”
Michael stepped forward and enveloped her in a hug. Grace had nearly been Michael and Alex’s sister-in-law, and the Oliver family was as close-knit as they came. As far as the Oliver brothers were concerned, Grace was their sister.
“Welcome home, Gracie,” Michael said.
She smiled and stepped away. “Come on in. We’ve got food, drinks, and a fire out back.”
“Where are the girls?” Alex asked.
“The twin terrors?” Drew appeared from around the corner, smiling as he bounced their son in his arms. “They’re out back with Grace’s dad. They’ve somehow convinced him that they need him to play My Little Pony.”
“Sucker,” Michael muttered.
“Whatever, man. You’re well versed in the pony universe. I’ve seen your Netflix history,” Sully said, laughing.
“Meg likes it. I think it’s the bright colors and music.”
“Sure. Use your little girl as an excuse.”
Michael’s cheeks went pink, but he shook his head and excused himself, probably in search of a beer and food.
As Sully milled around, he took in the framed photos of Grace and her family, of the town she’d lived in with Drew, and the life they’d left behind. What would it be like to make such a drastic move? Dex had done it. But Sully had stayed. Someone had to be here to take care of his mom.
“Carson?” Sloan’s voice hit him like a ton of bricks. How was she everywhere, infiltrating his life?
His breath caught when he came face-to-face with her. He had to let himself take a moment to appreciate her beauty. She wore a blue dress with small, white polka dots, the color accenting her eyes. The form-fitting fabric sent a rush of desire through him. She was all confidence and composure. There was no way he could look at her and see anything but a gorgeous, strong woman.
He’d purposely avoided looking at her grandfather’s house, not wanting to see if she was home. If she was alone. Seeing her at Pete’s last week with that other guy had sent unreasonable jealousy through him. But now, she was here, on her own.
“Sloan. What are you doing here? Are you stalking me?” He forced a note of teasing playfulness into his voice, but he really wanted her to be here for him.
“Grace and Drew are my new friends.” She looked him up and down, making him glad he’d opted for a newer pair of jeans and a deep blue plaid button-down. “How do you know them?”
He gripped the back of his neck and squeezed, glancing at his shoes. “Gracie dated one of the guys on my crew for a really long time. She’s like family to all of us.”
“Oh, that’s right. She told me.”
“So you heard about his death?”
She cast her gaze down. “I did. I’m sorry. I should have remembered your connection to Grace.”
“Don’t be sorry. You’ve been gone a long time.”
“Grace is such a sweet person. I can’t imagine her having to deal with something like that.”
He took a pull from his beer and toyed with the wrapper on the bottle. “My mom always says God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.”
“That’s bullshit. God gave us enough to take down a freaking barge and we definitely didn’t handle it.”
Her words were like ice water poured over him. “You handled it just fine. It doesn’t seem to weigh on you too much that you left me heartbroken.” God, why was he such an ass? He just couldn’t let it be. It was the past, and they’d agreed to leave that buried.
Eyes hard as flint, she stared into his soul, a withering glare that made him squirm. “You know me so well, don’t you?” Then she closed her eyes and sighed. When she looked at him again, her gaze was defeated. “I thought we were moving past this, but obviously you’re not ready to
do that. I don’t want to ruin your night.” She stood and wandered over to Grace. He watched as she said a few words before hugging the brunette. Then, striding past him, she tossed a glance over her shoulder. “Take care, Carson.”
He finished the rest of his drink in one long swallow after he watched her leave. Drew was there with a second beer, his face grim as he leaned against the wall. “That was ugly. Old girlfriend?”
“The love of my fucking life.”
Drew let out a low whistle. “They have the power to take us down at the knees, don’t they?”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “Yes. Yes they do.”
“I suppose the question is, do you want to give it to her again?”
He thought about that for a minute, letting memories of Sloan wash over him. “Maybe.”
“Then it seems to me, you need to get off your arse and be the man she deserves. What I’ve seen of her makes it clear that she’s nothing short of fantastic.”
“Who?” Grace asked as she rounded the corner.
“Sloan. She’s the love of Sully’s life.”
Her eyes widened. “Really? Are you serious? I didn’t know you were dating.”
Frustration rolled through him. He didn’t want to rehash it all now. “It was a long time ago. We were kids.”
“Oh, that makes more sense. I figured she would’ve told me by now if she was dating someone.”
He frowned. “You guys are pretty good friends?”
Grace smiled. “We go running most mornings. I really like her. I’m kind of sad I missed out on knowing her in high school.”
“They solve the world’s problems over coffee after they get back,” Drew added. His wife threw him a disparaging glance and elbowed him in the ribs. “Ouch. I’ll have you know I think it’s dead sexy when you talk about how you’d run the country better than half the politicians in charge.”
