Jumping Puddles

by Rachael Brownell

  “She would be.”

  “I think I’ll pass, then.” Real mature, Charlotte. Way to prove to him you’re the adult you claim to be.

  “Please don’t be like that. I really want you to meet her. I think you’ll like her if you give her a chance.”

  “What makes you think that?” The nastiness in my voice won’t go away. I’m producing word vomit right now. I need to slow down and think about what I’m going to say before I actually say it, or this is going to get ugly.

  “She reminds me of you in a lot of ways.”

  “Seriously! So you don’t want to date me, but you’ll date someone who reminds you of me. Does she know this?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that, Charlie. I’m not trying to replace you.”

  “Does. She. Know.” Anger is clouding my judgment right now. No amount of inner strength is going to keep me from spewing the first thing that comes to mind.

  “I’ve told her about you, and she wants to meet you.”

  “Does she know she reminds you of me?”

  Blake stands and walks to the door, answering my question without saying a word. He stops and turns just as he’s about to disappear around the corner.

  “My parents are having their annual Christmas party tomorrow night. I’d really like it if you’d be there. It won’t be the same without you, Charlie.”

  Going to the party means I’ll have to interact with my replacement. Not going means I miss out on the party, and I’ve come to love the Collins’ Annual Christmas party. It marks the beginning of break from school and is the one time a year I feel a part of a big family. I look forward to seeing Blake’s cousins and his grandparents. I haven’t missed the last two years, since the Waterman’s have taken me in, and this may be my last one if I go away for school.

  Taking a deep breath to try and calm the raging storm, I let it out before answering Blake.

  “You know I wouldn’t miss the party. Does she have a name so I don’t look like an idiot when I meet her? She knows all about me, but I know nothing about her.”

  “Emily.”

  “I guess I’ll see you and Emily tomorrow night, then.”

  The grimace on Blake’s face gives away his uncertainty about wanting me to meet her. He should be scared about it. Depending on what exactly our similarities are, he should be very concerned. She may know about me, but I’m sure she only knows the bare minimum. Blake would be an idiot to share too much, especially if we’re that much alike.

  I DON’T ASK SCOTT and Alice for much, so when I do, they always find it in their heart to say yes. In fact, Alice was over the moon when I asked if she would take me shopping for a new dress for the Christmas party.

  “What kind of dress are you thinking you might want, Charlotte?” Alice asks as we walk through the entrance to the mall. The noise makes me cringe, the sounds from the hustle and bustle of holiday shoppers assaulting my ears.

  “The first thing that fits will work,” I reply.

  “If you want to impress Blake, we may need to try on more than one.” Stunned, I turn to find Alice grinning at me. “I’m very observant, Charlotte. Not to mention the phone bill is half as much as it used to be.”

  “We had a fight,” I confess, “and he brought someone home with him for Christmas. Emily. I just want to look pretty.”

  “Pretty won’t cut it. We need to find you something that shows him what he’s missing. Well, it can’t show too much. Scott would kill me.”

  I can’t help the giggle that escapes. I may be turning eighteen next month, but you wouldn’t know it by the way Scott acts sometimes. He’s protective, over-protective, and most of the time, he treats me like a little girl and not an adult. At first, I thought it was because he wasn’t sure how to handle a teenage girl, but after a while, I realized it’s his way of showing me he cares. I hope after I leave, Scott and Alice decide to foster other kids. They are amazing parents, and I’m so lucky to have found them.

  Two hours after our arrival, Alice and I are on our way back to the house so we both can start getting ready for the party. After trying on more dresses than I can remember, one finally stood out to me, and Alice agreed. It’s an electric blue strapless mini-dress. At first, I thought it was rather plain until Alice offered to sew on the sash from the dress I wore last year. There’s no way Blake won’t notice me at the party, and that was the entire point of me braving the mall this afternoon.

  I’m engulfed in a huge hug as I step through the front door of the Collins’ home. Blake’s uncle Mark is a big man, towering over me by almost a foot and weighing in at close to three hundred pounds, I’m sure. The air is forced from my lungs, and I struggle to take a breath. When he finally lets me go, he kisses me on the cheek and walks away as if nothing happened. No, “hello.” No, “nice to see you, Charlotte.” Nothing.

  I catch sight of Judy laughing from her seat in the living room. The same thing happens every year. Uncle Mark isn’t much of a talker, but he likes to hug. I shake my head and point up the stairs.

  The music from downstairs fades as I reach Blake’s door. I knock twice and wait patiently for him to answer. If Emily is in there, the door is more than likely locked. When he doesn’t answer after a few beats, I knock again, getting impatient.

  “You look irritated, Charlie,” Blake says softly, causing me to jump.

  Regaining my composure, I turn to find him holding the hand of a stick-thin, brunette standing behind me.

  “What was your first clue?” Sarcasm is my standard cover when I’m nervous, and Blake knows this, yet his eyebrow shoots up in surprise.

  “Well, where should I start,” he replies, dropping Emily’s hand and walking around me. “You were tapping the toe of your heels against the carpet, not that you even realized it.”

  Nope. I didn’t realize.

  “Or, maybe it was the fact your hands were balled into fists and resting on your hips.”

  Slowly lowering my hands to my side, I shoot him a dirty look. I didn’t realize that, either.

  “No. That wasn’t it, either. It was the way you blew your bangs out of your eyes. That was it.”

  “Don’t sound so smug. I know the same shit about you, Blake.”

  “I know you do, but it’s fun to point these things out from time to time,” he says, coming to a stop in front of me. “Don’t you agree?”

  “I can’t say I do. That is unless you want me to start listing all your nervous ticks?”

  “Go for it. Let’s see how many you can name,” Blake challenges me.

  “Blake.” Our banter is interrupted at the perfect moment. I almost forgot Emily was here.

  “Sorry,” he replies, turning to Emily and stretching out his hand. When she places her palm in his, he pulls her to his side and continues. “Emily, this is Charlotte.”

  It’s been years since he’s used my full name. In fact, I can’t remember the last time. My curiosity is piqued. I wonder exactly what he’s told her about me.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you, Charlotte. Blake has told me a lot of wonderful things about you.”

  “Likewise,” I say, extending my hand toward her but not taking my eyes off of Blake’s. I want to make sure he can see I’m going to play along as nicely as possible.

  “You look different than I imagined. Your dress is pretty rad.”

  “Thanks,” I reply, directing my attention to her and away from Blake. The dress was for him to notice, not her. “Yours is pretty rad, too.”

  It’s almost the same exact style as mine, only it’s gold and much shorter. I hope she doesn’t drop anything on the floor tonight, or she may give Blake’s family a free show when she bends over. I knew they made dresses that short, but I never thought I would actually see someone wear one. At least not at this party.

  We make our way downstairs to join the rest of the family. Blake abandons me, leaving me alone with Emily to get better acquainted, while he gets us drinks. I don’t want to like her, but the more I talk to her, t
he more I do. She’s relatively level headed. You’d never know by the way she’s dressed she’s a pre-med major. These are things I wish Blake had told me in advance. I can see now why he didn’t.

  When Emily excuses herself to the bathroom, I take the opportunity to pull Blake away from his parents, and we head upstairs.

  “I like her. She’s nice.” Coming to stop outside Blake’s bedroom, I lean against the wall and cross my arms over my chest. Blake mimics my actions, resting against the wall across from me.

  “I knew you would.” There’s a smug grin on his face, an “I told you so” kind of look.

  “So why didn’t you tell me about her then?”

  “We were fighting, Charlie. I didn’t want you to hate her because you were mad at me.”

  Fair enough, but not a good enough answer.

  “I get that, but you didn’t even bother to call. Not once, Blake. In fact, I’m still a little bit pissed at you for the way we left things.”

  Pushing off the wall, Blake steps toward me, stopping mere inches away from my trembling body. “I picked up the phone at least a hundred times, but I didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry. I really am.”

  There’s a pleading sound in his voice as if he needs me to forgive him. I will, but he needs to hear me out first. He needs to understand exactly why I’m still angry and how much he hurt my feelings. If he doesn’t get it, I’m not sure things can ever go back to the way they were.

  “It’s not even about that. You let me down. You were the one person who had always been honest with me—the one person I could count on. Aside from Alice and Scott, you’re all I have. Then, it turned out I didn’t actually have you after all. You left me for almost the entire summer, and when you came back you were a different person. Then, you fell off the face of the earth for four months, and now, here you are, acting as if nothing ever happened. I don’t know who you are anymore, Blake. You’re definitely not the person I fell in love with.”

  I snap my mouth shut as realization sets in. I just shouted at Blake that I love him. I don’t know who may have heard. I’m not sure where Emily is right now. This isn’t the conversation I brought him up here to have. I didn’t want to fight with him. More than anything, I didn’t want to profess my love for him right here and now. I’m such a stupid girl. Not an adult—a girl. Blake was right.

  Snapping myself back to reality, I feel the sudden urge to leave. If I don’t allow him time to respond, I won’t be let down again. I’m not willing to risk it. At least not tonight.

  “You look beautiful, Charlie.”

  Halfway down the hallway, Blake’s words stop me dead in my tracks. On the inside, I’m celebrating a victory. I’ve been waiting all night for him to say something nice about my dress.

  Closing my eyes, I feel him approach. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me back into his chest. There are so many things I want to say, but I can’t seem to find the right words. I’m sick of fighting with him, and I’m ready to start fighting for him. With Emily in the picture now, it looks like it’s time for me to put on my big girl panties.

  Our moment doesn’t last long enough for me. I hear footsteps on the stairs and pull out of Blake’s embrace just as Emily’s head pops into view. Nodding my head at her as I pass, my feet carry me down the stairs, out the front door, and onto the sidewalk. I can still hear voices and music from where I’m standing. Watching as Blake and Emily enter the living room, I say a little prayer. I pray for the strength to fight for him and the will to move forward if things don’t go my way.

  My relationship with Blake is a puddle. I’ve been dipping my toes in it for years, afraid to step in, the fear of being completely consumed too real to imagine. If I want this to work, I have to jump in. Screw fear. Screw the unknown. As long as I remember how to swim, should the puddle pull me completely under, I’ll survive.

  ONE. MORE. DAY.

  Alice and Scott are taking me out to celebrate tonight. There are things we need to discuss according to them. I’m not sure what’s up, but I have a bad feeling about it. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook, but Alice has been different for the past few weeks. I’m sure everything is going to be fine. Plus, I’ll legally be an adult tomorrow. Finally.

  We’re shown to a booth at the back of the restaurant. Normally, Alice and I will share a side but tonight she scoots in beside Scott. I try not to think too much about it, but it’s nagging at me. After the waitress takes our order, I break the tension that’s surrounding our table. I’m pretty sure the waitress even noticed.

  “So what’s going on? Both of you are acting weird.”

  Looking to Alice before speaking up, Scott says, “There are some legal things we need to discuss, Charlotte. I know this is bad timing, but we have to get it all taken care of before tomorrow.”

  “What kind of legal stuff?”

  “Tomorrow, the state will consider you an adult. Technically, you won’t be a part of the foster care system anymore. Unless you want to be.”

  “I don’t understand. Are you kicking me out?” I push down the lump in my throat as the last word slips off my tongue. I don’t know what I’ll do if they kick me out. I have no money, nowhere to go, and an entire semester before I graduate. What do they expect me to do?

  “No,” Alice practically shouts. Lowering her voice, she continues, “You are always welcome in our home. It’s your home now, too.”

  “I don’t understand, then.”

  “Well,” Scott begins, clearing his throat, “we need you to sign a few papers saying you would like to remain in our care until you graduate. It also means you will remain a ward of the state until then.”

  “Okay. Where are the papers?” I don’t have to think about it. I want to stay with Alice and Scott. Even if I had somewhere else to go, I would want to stay with them.

  “It’s not that easy, Charlotte. We have to meet with Beth in the morning to review your case, and you need to make a decision by then.”

  “I don’t need time to think about it. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

  “Because it is a big deal. You’re free to do as you wish now. You don’t have to stay with us, and we don’t want to influence your decision.” Scott’s voice cracks, giving away the fact he’s concerned I may change my mind.

  “Okay. I’ll let you know in the morning, then.” I smile at Scott, but he doesn’t seem to get my sarcasm. “I’m kidding. Let me make myself clear. You are stuck with me as long as you’ll let me stay. I love you guys, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  Scott breathes a sigh of relief, and Alice lets the tears fall. The conversation turns lighter as our food arrives followed by a group of singers with our dessert. As embarrassed as I am that the attention of the entire restaurant is on me while a handful of people sing to me, I couldn’t be any happier, either.

  After our meeting with Beth in the morning, Alice takes me out for a girl’s day, letting me skip school, a tradition, now that it’s happened two years in a row. We go to the salon, where we get our hair and nails done, before Alice drags me to the mall and forces me to pick out a few new outfits. The place is almost empty, so it’s not nearly as scary as it was the last time we went shopping.

  Thinking about it makes me realize Blake hasn’t called me yet to wish me a happy birthday. I check my cell phone to make sure the ringer is up just in case he does call. We’ve talked a few times since he and Emily went back to Santa Barbara after Christmas. A few short conversations here and there. I’ve managed to avoid talking about anything important. Important meaning us or my declaration at his parent’s Christmas party.

  After stopping for ice cream, Alice and I head home to start dinner. She’s cooking my favorite tonight, spaghetti with homemade meatballs, and she’s letting me help. Actually, she’s going to teach me how to cook. I’ll need to know how when I leave at the end of the year. I’m still not sure where I’m going to end up, but I know, for sure, I’ll have to eat. Eating out is expen
sive, and I probably won’t be able to afford it.

  I’m surprised to find Blake sitting on the front porch when we pull in the driveway. So surprised, in fact, I blink a few times, expecting him to disappear. When he doesn’t, I leave my bags and run to him, jumping in his arms. He wraps them around me tightly, lifting me off the ground and spinning us in circles.

  “I see you were able to keep my secret, Alice. Thank you,” Blake says as Alice walks past us and up the steps.

  “You’re welcome. I expect her home at a decent hour.”

  “You knew! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” I holler at Alice, and she walks away from us.

  “He wanted to surprise you,” she replies, turning around. I see Blake smiling at her out of the corner of my eye just before Alice winks at him. “Now, you two, go have fun. I’ll leave your bags in your room.”

  I mouth the words ‘thank you’ to Alice as Blake drags me away. I have no idea what he has in store for us, but I’m sure it’s going to be a blast.

  “I can’t believe you’re here.”

  “It’s your birthday. Where else would I be?” His smile warms my heart. After everything we’ve been through, the ups and down, I’m so lucky to be able to call him… Damn! I still can’t answer that question.

  “Did Emily come with you?” I tread carefully as I climb in the passenger seat of his mother’s car.

  “Um, no.”

  He’s hiding something from me. I can tell. He’s avoiding eye contact, and his grip tightens on the steering wheel the farther we get from the house.

  “Does she know you’re here?”

  “Who?”

  “Emily!” I exclaim. I hate it when he plays dumb with me.

  “Oh. Probably not.”

  He broke up with her. He’s not going to tell me. He’s going to make me ask.

  “When did you two split?”

  “What makes you think we split?”

  “Well, for starters, she doesn’t know you’re here. Then, there’s the fact you were surprised I asked if she was here. Or it could be the fact you seem so carefree about all of it.”