No One to Hold

by Arell Rivers

  “Yeah, I do. It’s not my first rodeo. But they’re calling it The Slap Heard Round The Ice Lounge. There are a bunch of reports that say you got trashed and macked out on countless women. There’s even a video of you licking some half naked woman!” His voice is getting higher by the word.

  “Whoa there, cowboy.” I hold my hand up, even though he can’t see me. “This was all planned. Well, mainly. It’s fine.”

  “They’re also saying that Brandan rubbed your nose in it and acted smug. They’re calling him arrogant. It’s Team Brandan versus Team Cole, with your team winning.”

  “Shit.”

  “Guess that wasn’t planned, huh?”

  “No. Brandan was supposed to get a boost from this. Rose needs to rehabilitate his image after the DUI and whole punching the photographer in the nose incident.”

  “She’s got more work to do, then.”

  “Fuck. She’s on the phone with Gruesome right now. I hope she’s not getting chewed out.”

  “So, you and Rose are rockin’ it?”

  Despite my dismay at hearing the plan has backfired, I have to chuckle. “We’re, uh, dating.”

  “Cole, you’ve never dated a woman in your entire life.”

  “Well, I’m dating Rose now,” I growl.

  “Oooohhhh. Rose and Cole sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

  “Shut up, Jayson. What are you, like twelve?”

  “Hey, did you see the photos of our little baby that I texted you? T-Rex is the best in her obedience class.”

  God, if he’s starting in on that Shih Tzu, I’m never going to get off the phone. I better take control fast. “So, you and Carl are good?”

  “Yuppers.”

  “Great.” I mean that. “And Dad. How’s he holding up?”

  “He’s doing all right. Carl and I go over for dinner every Tuesday, and there are Sunday afternoon dinners at Aunt Doreen’s, of course.”

  “That’s good. I’ll give him a call today.” After I meet with potential private investigators, but there’s no need to worry the family with that. “Listen, I better go find Rose and figure out what’s going on. Thanks for the heads up, even if I was still sleeping.”

  “What’s family for?” With that, I disconnect the call.

  I check my missed calls, and see that both Dad and Aunt Doreen have left messages. I dial my father.

  “Hi, Dad.”

  “Cole, what the hell were you up to last night?” Patiently, I explain the events at The Ice Lounge to him. He seems to get it. “So, you and Rose are dating?”

  “Yes, she’s great. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”

  “Glad to hear it. Rose is very special. Your mom always used to rave about her.”

  I collapse back into the pillows. “I know.”

  “Do you have any idea when you might come back out to Jersey?”

  “Well, right now I’m recording my album. When that’s done, we have to do prep for the tour and record the first video for Mom’s song.” I kick the comforter off my legs. “I think I mentioned this before, but we’d like to include pictures of Mom in the video. I’m planning on coming home sometime in the next couple of weeks to sort through photographs.”

  “That sounds good, Cole. I’ll get the photo albums out. Will you bring Rose?”

  “I’ll ask her.”

  “It would be good to see her again. I’ll prepare the guest room for her.”

  “Dad, we’re adults.” I’m thirty-two and Rose is twenty-nine. Seriously?

  “So? You’re not even engaged. She’ll stay in the guest room. Mom would expect it.”

  How can I argue that? “I’ll let you know, okay? Oh, and before I forget, Aunt Doreen called me this morning, too. Can you explain what happened last night to her for me? I need to take care of a couple of things here.” Namely, interview PIs and give Ro another screaming orgasm or five before heading over to Dan’s.

  “Oh no. I’m not doing your dirty work,” he responds. I actually hear him laughing at me. It’s good to hear him laugh, so I can’t even be mad.

  “Fine. I’ll text her,” I grumble.

  “She’ll appreciate it.” We finish up our conversation and say our goodbyes. Once I disconnect the call, I immediately shoot a text over to Aunt Doreen.

  Now that I’m finally off the phone, I get out of bed and put on my jeans from last night, going commando. From the pocket, I pull out a piece of paper. There’s a phone number on it scribbled in red lipstick. The chick on the dance floor must have stuck it in my pocket last night. Shaking my head, I toss the paper into the garbage and make my way to the spare bedroom suite, which I’ve dubbed Rose’s Command Center. She’s still on the phone with Gruesome, notebook out and pen tapping. I give her a thumbs up and thumbs down sign, which she returns with a thumbs up. Well, that’s something.

  Nodding, I leave her to her boss and wander down to the kitchen to start the Keurig. Figuring that Rose needs the coffee even more than I do, I select a dark roast, extra bold for her and set it to brew while putting two slices of bread into the toaster. I dig out a breakfast tray, and arrange it with a jar of Nutella, a banana and a plate and knife for the toast. Once all of the gadgets have done their work, I complete the tray with sugar and cream, and bring it up to her. She offers me a grateful look and immediately reaches for the jar.

  After kissing her cheek, I return to the kitchen all proud of myself. I can take care of my woman.

  My eyes land on the mess from yesterday’s breakfast omelets. Not even this can dampen my spirits. I busy myself with cleaning up while more coffee brews, although I do take breaks to place calls to the two private investigators recommended by Russell and Dan. They’ll come over later this morning to talk in person. I also text Dan to thank him for the recommendations and confirm that Rose and I will be joining them for their BBQ later.

  As I’m putting the last dishes into the dishwasher, Rose enters the kitchen. “Everything okay, Ro?” I can’t read her expression.

  “Well, there’s a bit of unexpected fallout, but I think we can play it off without too many problems. I told Greta that you went home alone.” I give her a wolfish smirk.

  I walk up behind Rose and my arms encircle her waist. “That’s not entirely true, sweetheart. I happen to have a thing for one particular publicist.” She giggles. “Can you take a break? Or do you have to deal with Team Cole?”

  She turns in my arms. “What do you have in mind?” Her eyes widen, and she gives me a broad smile. “I think I can spare an hour.”

  “You might want to make that two.”

  “SO THE COPS THINK that you have a stalker?” Dan asks.

  I nod. “Tommy’s ex-girlfriends’ alibis all checked out. It’s just that we’ve been so careful out in public. If I have a stalker, she must be watching us pretty closely if she’s figured out Rose and I are together.”

  Dan’s eyebrows go up. “She?”

  I shrug. “The cops think it’s a woman.”

  “Did you have a chance to interview any of the PI’s I sent you? It sounds like you need someone to get to the bottom of this, pronto.” He presses the spatula down on the tops of the steaks.

  “Yes. You and Russell sent me some of the same names. Ro and I interviewed two before coming over here, and we hired Nolan Kates. We gave him copies of the latest letter and a photo of Rose’s car window. He’s going to hire bodyguards for us for twenty-four-hour surveillance, starting tomorrow. We’ve also got him looking into the break-in at her place, which seems to be unrelated to the stalker.”

  Dan shakes his head. “Man, this sucks. There’s no telling how a stalker might escalate things once she realizes you’re serious with Rose.”

  “I have to make sure she’s safe. Rose is my number one priority.”

  Dan flips the steaks. “I take it things are going well?”

  I glance over to the patio where Rose and Suzanne are chatting while watching Emma in her baby swing. Pitching my voice lower, I reply, “Grea
t, Dan. I mean, really fucking great.”

  He smiles at me. “I’m happy for you, buddy. She seems like a nice woman. Level headed, just what you need.”

  “She can’t be too level headed if she’s with me, huh?”

  Dan barks out a laugh, causing Emma to giggle in her swing. “I’d say that you have it bad.”

  “I know that we’ve only been together for a short time, but we’ve known each other for years.” I pass him BBQ sauce and a brush, which he slathers on the steaks.

  I continue, “She’s the last thing on my mind when I fall asleep and the first thing I reach for when I wake up. I think about her constantly while I’m recording, and I even wrote her a song.”

  Dan glances at me. “You did? Have you played it for her yet?”

  “No. It literally came to me as a fully-formed song yesterday, lyrics and music together.”

  His eyebrows raise. “That’s a first for you, isn’t it?”

  “Pretty much.” Silence hangs between us, commemorating the momentous occasion.

  I clear my throat. “Maybe I’ll play it after dinner.”

  Another silence.

  Barely above a whisper, I utter the words that have been rolling around my head recently. “I think she’s the one for me, Dan.”

  Dan gives me a mocking look. “I could’ve told you that last Sunday when you were so mad at her.”

  “You’re a douche, you know that?”

  “The fun is only beginning. I am so looking forward to the fall of the mighty Cole Manchester.”

  Grabbing the platter filled with steaks, sausages and corn on the cob, Dan leaves me standing at the grill trying to compose myself. After a moment or two, I follow him to the table. Once there, I kiss my beautiful goddaughter on the forehead, causing her to squeal in delight. Next, I kiss Suzanne on the cheek and say, “Thanks for having us over.”

  Finally, I pull Rose up to a standing position and dip her dramatically, kissing her on the lips. She’s flushed and giggling as I return her to her chair.

  I walk over to Dan, who is desperately shaking his head. “No way, buddy, don’t even think about it!” I put my hands on his cheeks and pretend I’m about to kiss him on the lips, but I turn his head at the last moment and give him a loud raspberry instead. Emma mimics the sound and we all laugh.

  Settling down, we enjoy the wine, delicious food, beautiful weather and excellent company. This is one of life’s perfect moments. Dan and Suzanne include Rose in the conversation, asking about her work and family, and Emma smiles at all of us. She seems to have taken a particular shine to my girlfriend.

  Grinning, I say, “I have a surprise for you all. I wrote a new song for the album yesterday. I want to play it for you guys first.”

  Dan looks at me with approval. I often play my new songs for him, and in the past he’s offered some great suggestions that ended up making the final cut. Suzanne claps in excitement, causing Emma to clap as well. Rose looks surprised and excited.

  “Let me get my guitar.”

  When I return to the backyard, the table has been cleared, so I grab my chair and strum my guitar. I put my notebook on the table.

  “Dan’s been through this before, but I need to warn you that the song isn’t in final form yet. Feel free to give me your feedback at the end. Right now, I’m calling it ‘Taboo.’”

  While I’m setting up, Suzanne shoots a warm smile at Rose, whose blush makes me smile. Before I start, I sneak one last kiss with my girl, whispering, “I hope you like it, Ro. It’s about us.”

  Taking a breath, I begin:

  I see you there

  Where you’ve always been

  Only now, now, I really see you

  Were you always there?

  Will you always be here?

  I need to know you

  I need to feel you

  It doesn’t matter that it’s taboo

  ‘Cause everything’s so right

  When we’re together

  Were you always there?

  Will you always be here?

  People only see what they want

  Illusion, fantasy is everything

  Hiding in plain sight

  I want to scream your name

  Now that I’ve found you

  Were you always there?

  Will you always be here?

  I know I will

  I play the last chord and open my eyes. Rose is staring at me with tears streaming down her face. Suzanne has her hand over her mouth, and Dan is looking at me with approval. For her part, Emma is kicking her feet and banging her little fists on her swing.

  No one says anything. I’ve never felt so vulnerable, even with “No One to Hold.” I place my guitar back into its case. The noise brings everyone to life all at once.

  Dan starts, “Cole, that was amazing. Honestly, your best.”

  Suzanne vigorously nods her head in agreement. “It’s beautiful. I’m so honored you shared it with us first.”

  I’m happy to hear their praise, but Rose hasn’t said anything yet. It’s her opinion that matters most, especially for this song. “Did you like it, Ro?”

  Her eyes meet mine. Deep emotion swims in their watery depths, but there’s an undercurrent of what looks like fear. Oh God.

  “Cole, that song is . . .” A couple of seconds tick by, and she starts again, “The song is so . . .” Closing her eyes, she sucks in her breath and tries again. “It’s beyond words. Spellbinding. Haunting.”

  Haunting? That’s not the emotion I was going for. I quirk an eyebrow at Dan, who shrugs. Suzanne makes a big show of getting Emma out of her swing, then brings her around the table for goodnight kisses. Tactfully, Dan offers to help her put the baby down, leaving Rose and me alone together.

  “Did you hate it, Ro? Tell me. I’ll never play it again.” I pull our chairs around so we’re facing each other, knees almost touching but not quite.

  Swiping an errant tear from her eyes, she looks at me. “Hate it? Are you kidding? It stole my breath away. It’s beyond anything anyone has ever done for me.”

  She wraps her arms around my neck as she speaks, which makes it easy for me to lift her onto my lap. I bury my face in her neck and hold her. She’s trembling.

  “I take it she likes it?” Dan’s voice floats from somewhere near the grill.

  I smile up into Rose’s face and then we both look over at Dan. He’s holding Suzanne’s hand. I know in this moment that we’ll overcome whatever obstacles are thrown in our path.

  I TAKE ROSE’S HAND and lead her to the pool. Even though the sun set hours ago, the lighting provides an inviting ambiance that complements the warm night air. She was pretty quiet on the ride back from Dan and Suzanne’s. I bend down and take off her sandals before removing my own shoes and guiding us both to the edge of the pool.

  When both of our feet are in the water, I ask, “What’s on your mind, Ro?”

  Blue eyes look directly at me. They’re not revealing any of her emotions, which is concerning because I can usually read her pretty well. “I feel a little overwhelmed, to be honest.”

  “What do you mean?” Make me understand so I can fix whatever’s bothering you. Once again, the depth of my feelings—of our connection—catches me off guard.

  “I could lose my job because we’re together, yet I can’t stay away from you. Mom thinks all wealthy men are untrustworthy, and she always tells me the guys out here are playboys. I know, for a fact, about your previous, umm, liaisons. Plus, I seem to have acquired the wrath of your stalker. All of this is telling my head to run and never look back.” She tucks some loose hair behind her ear. “But my heart won’t let me.”

  “I’m scared too.”

  In response to her incredulous look, I admit, “I am. Mom was worried that I was getting too involved with the rock and roll lifestyle. She told me that more than once over the years, but I never gave it much thought until I lost her. But with you, I’m starting to understand what she was trying to drum into my thick sku
ll. Life is better with a partner to share it. You’ve helped teach me that, too.”

  “Have you been pining for your high school sweetheart, the cheerleader, all this time?”

  Rose has a good memory. “No way.” My lips curl downward in disgust. “When she used me like that, I just decided that love wasn’t worth pursuing. That is, until I found you. Again.”

  She gives me a small smile. I’m curious about one thing. “Why’d you choose me that night in college?”

  She blushes and looks down. Clearing her throat, she says, “You were a senior and I was a freshman. Everyone on campus knew you—your talent was undeniable. When you noticed me that night, well, I jumped at the chance.”

  “And I was too dumb back then to realize how amazing you are.” She smiles at me, and I pull her to me for a kiss.

  Against her lips, I breathe, “Teach me how to love you.”

  “You’re doing a pretty good job of sweeping me off my feet,” she admits.

  “I want to make love to you.” I kiss her hand. “Will you let me?”

  In response, she nods her head and leans toward me for another kiss. “You’re so beautiful,” I say just before our lips meet. It’s a different kiss. There’s passion, certainly, but it’s tinged with something else, too. Something more.

  We sit with our feet dangling in the pool, connected by our lips and tongues for a long while. Then I place my right hand on her cheek and pull back, smiling. She returns my smile with a dazzling one of her own.

  “Yes. Please, Cole. Make love to me.”

  It’s hard to breathe when I hear her use those words. Despite the many sexual encounters I’ve had, I’m not sure I’ve ever made love. But that’s exactly what I want to do with this woman. I nod. “Let’s go upstairs.”

  I help Rose to her feet and then kiss her with all the emotion raging in my body. She responds passionately, which feeds my need for her. Impatient, I sweep her into my arms and carry her up the stairs to our room.

  After I shuck my clothes, I stand before her naked, silently offering her all of me. Her eyes roam my body, stopping to look deeply into my eyes. She takes the proffered condom and rolls it onto my throbbing shaft, then shimmies out of her own clothing.