Return of the Jed

by Scott Craven

  “Spike bolted out of here to chase him, but the doctor got a pretty good head start seeing as how he vanished as soon as the lights went out.”

  The power outage had brought me blessed relief. As the electromagnetic field died down, I felt so much better.

  I also was pretty sure the outage wasn’t a fluke of the power grid. I glanced at Luke.

  “That’s where you and Marisa and Ryan disappeared to,” I said. “To find the circuits and switch them off.”

  “Pretty much,” Luke said. “We figured Dr. Armendariz’s goons would stop anyone who tried to interfere on stage, but they probably wouldn’t notice three kids running away. We’re just sorry it took so long.”

  “Luke thought it would be in the kitchen, so we went there first,” Marisa said. “But I told them no one is going to put an electrical panel around grease and running water. So then we went to the janitor closet, which is right back there. Boom. Right again.”

  I followed Marisa’s gaze to a door at the back of the room, one that Ryan was closing. “Sorry it took a while to get the power back on, but it’s a pretty old system, and things had to warm up again. I think, anyway. Who really knows?”

  I slipped my hand inside Anna’s. “Why are you here? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

  “I’ll answer your second question first,” she said. “If I’d told you I was coming, you’d have told me not to. As far as the first question, why wouldn’t I be here? Especially after our talk a few days ago. I knew you needed a little additional support.”

  She squeezed my hand. “Besides, it’s not every day I get to beat up a mad scientist.”

  The side door burst open, and Spike walked in, chest heaving.

  “Lost him,” he said. “Sorry.”

  Marisa and Ryan ran to their father, holding on to him for dear life. No one said a word as they walked toward the stage.

  “I chased him for maybe five blocks, but he ran into an alley and just disappeared,” Spike said.

  “I just hope he learned a lesson,” I said.

  “I know I did,” Spike said. He reached out to shake my hand, noticed my stump, and gripped my left hand instead. “I messed up,” he continued. “I came here thinking that being a zombie was like having an uncurable disease. All I wanted to do was make it right. Make you right.”

  I nodded. “Because of Bob. That was him, wasn’t it? In the denim jacket?”

  Spike’s jaw dropped, although remaining firmly attached. “You saw him?”

  “I wasn’t sure that was him at first,” I said. “But I saw him get up when the experiment started. At first I thought he was going to come up on stage, maybe to stop everything. Or be a part of it. I don’t know. Then he turned around and was gone.”

  “Bob the zombie was here?” Luke said. “Oh, man. I was right.”

  “Right about what?” I asked, beating everyone else to the punch.

  “He felt a tremor in the zombie force and came here to see what was going on. You’re all part of a hive mind, sharing brainwaves. Or it’s more like brain-dead-waves.”

  “And maybe,” Marisa said, “I called him.”

  “That could work too,” Luke said, falling silent.

  Marisa looked at Spike, and the two shared a silent moment.

  “Dad, I’m sorry, but Bob has the right to know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you he was coming.”

  “Hon, I knew Bob would be here,” Spike said. “He called me last night and told me his plans. He also set me to thinking about some things.”

  “Wait, Spike, is that why you fought to stop the experiment?” Dad asked. “Because I thought you were totally on board with the whole zombie-cure thing.”

  “Maybe I should just start from the beginning, straighten this whole thing out,” Spike said, noticing the nods all around. “Yes, my eldest son is what you call undead, and I worked with Dr. Armendariz a long time ago to cure him. There were two problems. First, Dr. Armendariz never found a cure. Two, my son didn’t think he needed a cure. He ran away.

  “I dropped the whole thing until I found out a very strange dog had been confiscated at the border. Agents figured it for a chupacabra, which is just silly because they don’t exist. I had a friend send me a photo, and I noticed a few things. Especially the way the tail seemed stapled on. I needed a closer look. When I got one, I knew what it was.”

  “Tread,” I said. “He’s not a what. He’s Tread.”

  “Right, Tread. I didn’t have the authority to take Tread. You know, just for further inspection.”

  “No, it was more than that,” Marisa said. “Dad, you have to tell them the truth. This has to be over once and for all.”

  Spike nodded. “My daughter may be young, but she has more smarts than a field has corn. I didn’t just want to get a closer look. I wanted to give him to Dr. Armendariz. As a guinea pig. See if the doctor could really cure the undead.”

  I reached out to Tread, petting him reassuringly. “I can’t believe you’d do that.”

  “I know, but I was desperate. This was all about my son. I thought if there was something that could be done, that you could cure …”

  Tears formed at the corner of his eyes, and he wiped them away with a quick swipe.

  “Anyway, the dog led me to you, and I knew you’d want to get your dog out, making it far easier for me. But the more I learned about you, well, it was like finding that zombie needle in a haystack of normal. I sure as heck didn’t care about your dog anymore.”

  “I was your new guinea pig.”

  “Son, it ain’t that simple, not at all. I know you’re as mad as a skeeter among zombies, so to speak, but I did want the best for you, I truly did. It’s what I wanted for my own son, after all.”

  “The surveillance photo,” I said. “The one taken at the kennel when we broke in. Did you set me up to be arrested? Is that how you were going to catch me?”

  “That was a huge mistake,” Spike said. “I had no idea the place was rigged with robot shutterbugs. My source neglected to mention that, and it was a danged nuisance. I wanted to make sure you were going to be OK, which is why I followed my kids to meet you.”

  “How did you know they were meeting me?”

  “Not too many people own a zombie dog,” Spike said. “I saw Tread in our shed. I put two and two together and realized my two adventuresome younger kids had gotten wind of a strange creature and decided to make a visit. They get their curiosity from me. I waited behind that wall to keep an eye on you and stepped in when it seemed you needed some help. I was going to tell you everything then, but you disappeared.”

  “I was sure you’d put the cops on us,” I said.

  “Just the opposite, Jed. I made sure people stopped looking for you. I’ve got some friends in high places, which is why you haven’t been bothered by the policía since then.”

  Dad stepped in, right fist rising. “That does not forgive you for everything you’ve done to my son. I oughta kick the living—”

  “Dad, it’s OK, really,” I said. “I get it.”

  “But Jed, he had me convinced this … change … that it was the best thing for you,” Dad said. “So much so that I was able to convince your mom it was worth a try. All that stuff about colleges and jobs and future families. Those things had never occurred to me until Spike put it in my head. And it was all for his own purposes.”

  “I am ashamed of myself,” Spike said. “But all I could think of was my son. I am so sorry. If I could turn back time …”

  “You should use any time travel to help your own son,” I said. “Where is Bob, anyway?”

  Marisa spoke up. “I talked to him before he left. Jed, he hated what he was seeing, but he thought it was your decision. As he said, ‘Every zombie has to choose his own path, whether he’s knocking on doors or crashing through them.’ I’m pretty sure he meant that last one figuratively.”

  I completely understood. It took me a lot of soul-searchi
ng (zombies have souls!), but I knew in my barely beating heart I was meant to remain just another kid with detachable limbs. At least for now. I would never force that decision on another zombie.

  Oh my gosh, there was another zombie. It was as if a whole new world had opened.

  “So Bob is gone?” I asked Marisa. “Not coming back?”

  “He’s not ready for any of this yet,” she said. “Remember, he too thought he was the only zombie on Earth. I gave him your number. He may text you someday.”

  “As long as your phone isn’t in a dead spot,” Luke said. “Get it?”

  I was so tired. I just wanted to go home. Not to the hotel, but back to my real home with Mom and Dad and my bedroom, and Tread burying his tail.

  But no, Tread’s favorite activity had been stolen from him. With my help. I let go of Anna’s hand and slipped between Spike and Dad, the two still uncomfortably close. I popped my right hand back on, where excess Ooze held it loosely in place. I offered it to Spike.

  “I forgive you,” I said. I’m not sure that I did, really, but Spike needed this to move on, to do the right thing by his son.

  Spike shook my hand and broke down sobbing. Marisa and Ryan hugged him.

  “Let’s give them some privacy,” Dad said, turning away. “Tough to kick a man when he’s down. Maybe later.”

  We stepped off the stage and headed outside into oppressive heat. Dad, Luke, Anna, Tread, and I found shade at a bench under a large ash tree.

  “Ironic, isn’t it?” Luke said.

  “What, that you think you know what ‘ironic’ means and are about to show us otherwise?” Anna said.

  “Think about it,” he said. “Movies have convinced us of two things. First, that popcorn is incredibly good, and people are happy to pay twenty times what it’s worth. I could go for some popcorn right now. Is there a popcorn stall near here?”

  “Luke,” Anna said. “The second thing?”

  “Right. Movies also have shown us that zombies, in an attempt to kill and feed, actually make other people zombies.”

  “How is that ironic?”

  “Today, Jed was almost ‘cured’ with another zombie’s Ooze. So instead of creating an army of the undead, zombies can actually make each other un-undead.”

  “Dang, Luke, that is ironic,” Anna said, high-fiving my best friend. “Look at you getting all grown up.”

  “I knew that when I got this.” Luke tapped his phone a few times and turned the screen toward us. On it was a photo of Marisa and her number.

  “Long-distance relationship?” I said. “Very mature.”

  “I know, right?”

  “Looks like at least one of us is cured,” Anna said, winking at me as the insult flew over Luke’s head.

  “So how do you feel?” Luke said. “You still a zombie?”

  That was the question on everyone’s mind, especially mine. My joints felt tighter, but were they resistant to removal? Were the days of eating all sorts of unhealthy foods truly over? Was I looking at a life that would include a lot more time on a toilet?

  Only one way to know.

  “Luke, if you would do the honors.” I said, holding out my right arm.

  “Gladly,” he said.

  Gripping my biceps with both hands, Luke twisted and pulled, grunting with effort.

  Pain flared in the joint as I felt muscles clinging to one another.

  “Dude, that’s enough,” I said.

  Luke let go. “Let me rest up, and I’ll give it another shot.”

  “No, we’re done.” I didn’t want to think about it. Not yet.

  I looked at Dad. “I want to go home.”

  “Back to the apartment?”

  “No, home. I want to go home.”

  Anna held my hand. “Mom and I have a flight out later today. I have to go get her and head to the airport. Jed, I’m glad you’re OK. And I just want to tell you how much I, I …”

  “Really, really like me?”

  “Yeah, exactly. And more.”

  She hugged me, added a peck on the cheek in a way Luke and Dad couldn’t see, and headed to the street where she flagged a cab. “See you at home, Jed,” she called as the taxi swallowed her.

  We stood and headed toward the apartment. I couldn’t wait to pack up and get home. And school started in two weeks. People sure were going to be surprised to see the new me.

  “Hey, wait a minute,” Luke said, looking at Tread. “Notice something?”

  I knelt and patted my hand on my thigh. Tread came over, offering his head to be scratched. I smoothed my hand along his back and …

  Holy crap.

  “His tail,” I said. “His tail’s missing.”

  Each of us looked back at the bench, noticing the slightly furry snake underneath.

  “Seems Dr. Armendariz can’t do anything right,” I said, smiling the biggest smile of my life.

  THE END

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thanks to all who made the Dead Jed trilogy possible. Paula, who encouraged me the moment I worked up the courage to show her the first few chapters of book one, knowing she’d never let me stop. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about her. To Hannah and Ryan, the first kids to tell me it wasn’t half bad. To my father and to my son, because family offers unconditional support. To my agent Gina Panettieri, the first professional in the publishing business who thought Dead Jed had chance in the market. To Courtney Koschel, whose editing turned halfway decent stories into extremely entertaining novels. To Jim Head, who had faith enough in the books to pitch a Dead Jed TV movie (which I hope will happen one day). And to Melissa, a woman who has brought much joy to my life. She delights in the books’ successes and offers a shoulder when things don’t go well.

  As you can see, Jed and I have been in very good hands. Nor will those hands detach in any way.

  SCOTT CRAVEN

  Scott Craven has been a reporter for more than 35 years, starting when typewriters outnumbered computer terminals and the White Out ran like wine.

  In that time he’s covered sports, the police beat, civil and criminal courts, and assorted fact-based tales of people with adventures to share. He’s seen newspapers evolve from a trusted source of news to a trusted source of news that doesn’t make much money. And for the most part, he’s really enjoyed it.

  “Dead Jed: Adventures of a Middle School Zombie,” is his first book but not his last, as he is contractually obligated to write another two in the series. That keeps him busy, as does his full-time job with The Arizona Republic in Phoenix. Check out his work, and that of many talented journalists, at azcentral.com.

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  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Cha
pter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Chapter Fifty

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

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