Mates, Dates and Diamond Destiny

by Cathy Hopkins

  As I sat there feeling sorry for myself, I saw TJ come back in. ‘You all right, Nesta?’ she asked, as she took a seat opposite.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Mind if I stay for a while too,’ she said as she pulled out a note pad. ‘I got a few things to go over.’

  ‘Whatever.’

  ‘You’re mad with us,’ she said. ‘I can tell. Why?’

  ‘No, I’m not. I’m fine.’

  ‘Liar. You’ve gone all serious and intense. Come on. Spill. You know the saying, friends listen to what you say but best friends listen to what you don’t say. Well. I’m one of your best friends and there’s something that you’re not saying.’

  ‘Nah, nothing. Just feel a bit weird. It’s probably something hormonal.’

  ‘Is your period due?

  ‘No, but you know me, if I’ve not got PMT, I’ve got actual period pain or post-period pain or mid-period pain or pre-PMT or pre-pre-PMT.’

  TJ smiled and began to sing, ‘Sometime’s it’s hard to be a woman . . .’

  ‘Tell me about it,’ I said. ‘Nah. Just a bit tired, I guess.’

  ‘And that’s all?’ asked TJ. ‘Nothing else bothering you?’

  ‘No. Yeah. Just . . . well . . . I’m not trying to take the credit or anything but sometimes I think that you guys misunderstand me. You don’t get me. I’m only trying to do my best and it’s not good enough.’

  TJ listened patiently as I rambled on and on and finally admitted that I’d like to model in the show.

  ‘Then you should have said, you eejit,’ said TJ. ‘We’re not mind-readers. We thought you might enjoy the evening off to watch the show without having to worry about anything. We do appreciate what you’ve done and thought a night off would be what you wanted.’

  ‘Oh.’ That hadn’t occurred to me. I’d thought they were keeping me out because they thought I was getting too big for my boots.

  ‘And what about William Lewis?’ she asked. ‘Sure he’s not bothering you? Is he coming to the dance?’

  I’d kept to my vow and hadn’t told the girls that I’d totally blown it with William. I still felt such a fool about blabbing Eleanor’s secret request to him and didn’t want to share it with anyone.

  ‘Probably not,’ I said. ‘I think he’ll be with his sister.’

  ‘So what’s happening?’ asked TJ. ‘Why haven’t you met up?’

  I shrugged. ‘Um . . . his sister is his priority at the moment. I think that they’re very close. Before he went to Spain, he told me that she often wants him with her when she’s low because he doesn’t get all emotional. He said that his parents, his mum in particular, finds it hard not to show her feelings when Eleanor is bad and seeing her mum upset freaks Eleanor out. I guess he manages to act more normal which is why Eleanor always asks him to be with her. He can go and stay over at the hospice so that at least she has company.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said TJ. ‘A familiar face. I can understand that. Meeting them has made me really understand what the hospice is about. I mean, it must be scary going through what she’s going through on her own. There must be times when she thinks, why me? And it must be very lonely as no one can have your treatment for you but at least, if people can stay over, there’s someone there.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Like if one of us was ill,’ said TJ. ‘Or one of our family, I’d so want to have a friendly face in there with me and in most hospitals, it’s an hour at visiting time and then you’re on your own.’

  I nodded. She’d reminded me what all our efforts were about. What had I been thinking, seeking credit for what we’d been doing? I felt mean and selfish. Sometimes I really hate myself. Like, why couldn’t I be selfless and nice like Mother Theresa was? Everything I did was wrong or for the wrong reasons. Everything I said was wrong or came out the wrong way. Sudden tears pricked my eyes at the same time as Lucy and Izzie reappeared at the table.

  ‘Hey, what is it?’ asked Lucy as she slid next to TJ.

  ‘I am mean and selfish,’ I said.

  ‘No, you’re not,’ she said. ‘You’re amazing. We all think that you’re amazing. In fact, we were just saying that at the bus stop which is why we came back in. You are one of life’s doers. You make things happen.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Izzie as she slid in next to me and put her arm round me. ‘And we should have told you. You’re right. If it wasn’t for you, most of what’s been happening lately wouldn’t have happened.’

  ‘Yeah, you’re like . . . a warrior queen,’ said TJ. ‘Boudicca, Queen of the Icini leading the troops.’

  ‘Yeah. All hail, Queen Nesta of the Cappuccini . . .’ Lucy started.

  By now, tears were flooding down my cheeks. ‘Oh noooo dooooon’t . . . Sorry, sorry,’ I sobbed as I scrabbled in my pocket for a tissue. ‘Please don’t . . .’

  Izzie began to sing. ‘Oh, darling Nesta, we think you’re so top, you get people going and now we can’t stop . . .’

  And then I began to laugh and then I didn’t know if I was laughing or crying.

  ‘What?’ asked Lucy, looking around in bewilderment. ‘Why’s she crying? Why are you crying, Nesta? Don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry. We were trying to tell you that we do appreciate your efforts, we really do.’

  ‘Thanks but . . . I . . . just . . . before . . . I . . . oh never mind . . .’ I blustered. I was crying because it felt like a dam had burst and I couldn’t stop the tears coming and I was laughing because there they were, my mates giving me praise and credit and I suddenly realised that I didn’t actually want it. I really, really didn’t.

  Friends listen to what you say.

  Best friends listen to what you don’t say.

  ‘It’s show time, folks,’ said Tony as he poked his head around my door, then came into my room. He looked as if he’d stepped out of a limo at the Oscars in a black suit, white shirt and bow tie. ‘Hey, Mum’s gone to bring the car round to take us to the hall. Why aren’t you ready?’

  ‘I am,’ I said and got up to squeeze past him into the hall.

  ‘Excuse me,’ he said as he looked at me in my jeans and T-shirt with disapproval, ‘but where’s the bling? The fab dress? Come on Nesta. This is your night. It’s what you’ve been working for.’

  ‘But it’s not my night,’ I said. ‘Don’t say that. I’ll come and help set up and then I’m coming home.’

  ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake,’ sighed Tony. ‘One boy gives you the silent treatment and you become a recluse. Come on, Nesta, get over it.’

  ‘Boy? What boy? No. It’s not that. And he hasn’t given me the silent treatment, not exactly. You don’t understand . . .’

  ‘No, I don’t but I do know that he hasn’t called here this week and you’ve been going round with a long face. Come on, Nesta. A chance to dress up and strut your stuff and you choose to wear your jeans? Are you hoping that a fairy godmother is going to turn up and wave a wand?’

  ‘No. I’m just not in the mood, that’s all.’

  ‘Suit yourself,’ said Tony. ‘But I can tell you now that the girls aren’t going to like it.’

  ‘Don’t care,’ I said.

  I didn’t. I just wanted to get the night over with and then get back home. I’d been feeling lousy since my last fatal call with William and I’d tried to phone him since, but he wouldn’t speak to me. I’d thought a lot about things since the last meeting in Banner’s when the girls went out of their way to make me feel appreciated. I hadn’t said anything to them at the time but their praise and kind comments had exactly the opposite effect.

  I had realised that on top of being a big mouth that I was also a great big-headed show-off. Always wanting to be the centre of attention. Always wanting recognition. I hated myself. I’d got it all wrong. Wanting to help for all the wrong reasons. So that it would reflect well on me. And now I wanted to be quiet. I’d begun to wish I’d never got involved with charity work. I’d had nothing but trouble since I started it. In future, I would keep my head down, give anonymous donations
and stay out of the limelight.

  Mum dropped Tony and me at the hall and went off to get changed herself, collect Dad and come back later.

  Everyone who was involved was there early and like Tony were dressed to the nines ready for the activities to begin. The doors were due to open at seven, the fashion show was to start at eight and then it would be time for the band and the disco. It was a hive of activity with everyone dashing about and bumping into each other as they went about their various tasks: Ben and the band members setting up the sound system; Lucy in a room at the back putting the clothes for the show on rails in the order they were to be shown; Izzie organising a dressing area of sorts with make-up and hair brushes laid out. Lal and his mates setting out chairs around the main hall. Tony and his mate Stu had put fairy lights round the hall porch and laid out a red carpet from the car park to the entrance so that it would look like an awards’ night in Hollywood. Steve was ready with his camera to take shots of people as they arrived. And TJ was set up to collect tickets at the front door. In every part of the hall, there was an air of anticipation and excitement. Except for me.

  ‘Hey, Nesta,’ said Lucy. ‘You brought your outfit to change into?’

  ‘Er, not exactly. Er . . . later. Hey. You look great.’

  She did. They all did. It was bling city because everyone had taken the Diamond Destiny theme seriously and turned up dripping jewels in fab chokers and tiaras and earrings. Lucy was wearing a gorgeous silver grey sleeveless sheath dress that she’d found on a stall selling vintage clothes in Portobello Road. Very 1920s’ elegant. It was made from the finest silk, cut on the bias and probably only Lucy would have been able to get into it as it was so tiny. It was as if it was made for her. Round her neck she had a wide diamanté choker and her hair was up at the back like a real movie star. Tony looked as if he was going to pass out when he saw her as she really did look Class A. Izzie was wearing one of her old favourites: a long black velvet dress and like Lucy, she also had a diamante choker round her neck. With her hair loose and over her shoulders and wearing a deep red lipstick, she looked like the ultimate glam Goth rock chick. And TJ had let Lucy dress her. She looked absolutely stunning in black trousers and a top that Lucy had made for her and diamante earrings. The top was a purple Basque with a zip down the front and no straps. She looked incredibly sophisticated and sexy. All the boys were ogling her chest as if their eyes were glued to it and after a while, she decided that it was too embarrassing and went and put her fleece on until the dancing started later.

  Seeing them all looking so glamorous made me feel that I was missing out as usually I like nothing better than to dress up. But the feeling only lasted a minute. What was the point when the only boy that I was interested in wasn’t even speaking to me?

  Even Miss Watkins had made an effort and was wearing a long royal blue dress and a tiara. Sadly the shapeless dress resembled a tent and the tiara kept slipping over one of her eyes but at least she’d got into the spirit of things which was more than I had done.

  At seven-thirty, she called me over from where I was helping Lucy run through the order of the clothes.

  ‘Nesta, Star Axford’s here,’ she said. ‘You’re going to look after her aren’t you?’

  I looked over at Lucy. ‘Oh, we didn’t decide? Um . . . who should do it?’

  ‘You go for it,’ called Lucy. ‘We’re all busy.’

  I raced out to the front to greet Star who was chatting to TJ at the ticket table and she gave me a big smile when she saw me.

  ‘Hey you,’ she said. ‘We meet again.’

  ‘Yes. And thank you so much for coming. It’s totally brilliant of you.’

  ‘So where do you want me?’

  ‘We haven’t got a proper dressing room so everyone’s piled into a cloakroom area at the back but I can show you to the caretaker’s room next door to that if you want some peace and quiet for a while.’

  ‘Lead the way,’ she said, then handed me a large Chanel carrier bag. ‘And I brought some cast-offs with me as I’d like to donate something as well as my time. A few clothes for the show. In fact, we look about the same size so maybe you could model them.’

  ‘Wow, thanks,’ I said. ‘I’ll give them to my friend Lucy as she’s in charge of that side of things but I . . . I’m not modelling tonight. I . . . I’m helping organise things and I’m not staying.’

  ‘Oh, shame,’ said Star as she followed me across the hall. ‘I’d have thought you’d have been perfect.’

  Once inside the small office, I showed her a few things we had put out ready for her. Water. A bowl of fruit. A box of tissues.

  ‘Sorry we don’t have much,’ I said as I poured her some water. ‘We weren’t sure what you’d like. Um. Shall I organise someone to go and get you some champagne?’

  She took the water and sat behind the desk. ‘I don’t drink if I’m doing a show so this is fine. Thanks.’

  ‘So what’s it like being a model?’ I asked. ‘I mean, really like?’

  Star smiled. ‘You’d be surprised. Some places don’t offer you anything, not even a glass of water, not even a place to change. So it’s mixed. There are good days and bad days, like most jobs. There’s a lot of waiting around in strange places. It’s not all bright lights and glamour. There’s a lot of schlepping around, waiting at airports – all of that but in the main, I love it.’

  ‘Your agent said that you do loads of these types of events . . .’

  ‘Not exactly,’ she said. ‘Depends on my schedule. I do some.’

  ‘Why?’

  Star shrugged. ‘I guess it’s because . . . I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. I . . . I know I’m in a privileged position. I want to give something back. And this is one way. Simple as that. Why did you get involved?’

  ‘Because I’m a show-off and I want everyone to think I’m great,’ I said.

  Star almost spat her water out as she burst out laughing.

  ‘It’s true. First I got involved to impress some boy but also because I’m a freaking great show off and want everyone to think I’m a fab kind person who cares about others. Nesta Williams. Miss Do Goody Two Shoes. But I’m a fake. I’m rubbish and my motives are purely selfish.’

  Star laughed again. ‘Well, at least you’re honest.’

  ‘Honest about being a mess.’

  Star put her hand on my shoulder. ‘Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself, Nesta. You shouldn’t worry about your intentions too much. You’re doing something and that’s better than nothing. I’m sure loads of people get involved for all sorts of reasons. Yeah, some to impress others. Others so that they don’t feel guilty about what they’ve got. Sometimes I think that’s part of the reason I do it. Because I feel guilty that I have so much. In the end though, I reckon it’s all about balance. Enjoy your life but remember to give something back. That’s all. Don’t think about it too much. Keep it simple.’

  ‘Yeah. Maybe.’ Simple for her, I thought.

  ‘So. Who’s this boy you wanted to impress?’ asked Star.

  ‘His name is William and I really like him . . .’

  Star was so easy to talk to that I found myself telling her the whole story right up to how he thought I was only bothering with him because his sister had asked me to.

  ‘. . . and that’s not exactly true,’ I finished. ‘I’d have wanted to see him even if she hadn’t asked me.’

  ‘So tell him that,’ said Star.

  I shook my head. ‘Nah. He said he didn’t need me feeling sorry for him. He couldn’t have been clearer.’

  ‘Do you have his number?’

  I nodded.

  ‘So call him,’ said Star. ‘Give him a chance. Give yourself a chance.’

  ‘But I have and he won’t pick up . . .’

  ‘Allow for time, Nesta. He may have calmed down by now.’

  I shook my head. ‘Doubt it and anyway, it’s all my fault and I’m probably getting what I deserve.’

  Star shook her head. ‘People say thin
gs they don’t mean all the time in the heat of the moment. People make mistakes. Don’t let that stop you trying to make it right again.’

  ‘It’s too late,’ I said. ‘I heard his tone of voice . . . Brrrrr. It was c-c-cold.’

  ‘Coward,’ said Star. ‘I’ve got a sister your age. Lia. She was really into this guy and thought that he had been messing about behind her back so she wouldn’t speak to him. Actually he hadn’t but she didn’t know that at the time. Thing is, he didn’t give up when she wouldn’t take his calls. He kept trying and trying until she gave in.’

  ‘And then what happened?’

  ‘They got back together. Both realised they were being stupid and were miserable without each other. So call him.’

  ‘But I have . . .’

  ‘So call him again. I dare you. Remember the saying, fortune favours the brave. Don’t let fear of rejection stop you. Anyway, what have you got to lose?’

  That was true. What did I have to lose? Nothing.

  As it got closer to the time for the show, I showed Star where Lucy and the models were getting ready then went out into the car park to call William.

  I took a deep breath, punched in his number and waited. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest as I listened to the phone ring. Part of me didn’t want him to be there as I was scared that he’d give me an earful. And part of me wanted him to pick up and tell me that it was all OK and had all been a huge misunderstanding and that he couldn’t stop thinking about me and that I haunted his dreams. Or something like that.

  A few moments later, he picked up.

  ‘Ah . . . ah . . .’ I stuttered. Oh God, I thought. I’ve done a TJ and gone blank. Wargh! This doesn’t happen to me.

  ‘Hello. Hello?’ said William. ‘Is there anybody there?’

  ‘Ah . . . Yes. Um. Hi, William. This is Nesta.’

  ‘Oh you . . .’