by Jenny Hayut
There’s no way to avoid him. He’s right in front of me. I can almost feel the anger rolling off him from across the parking lot, burning my skin.
You can do this.
I suck in a deep breath and, before he can get the upper hand and approach me, walk straight to him.
When I reach him, I clearly see he’s not mad, he’s a ticking time bomb ready to explode.
Scary.
“Holt, look, I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. Last night was a mistake. I should never have agreed to go to dinner with you. There’s nothing you can say that will make me understand why you left like you did. That was a long time ago. I’ve moved on. I can learn to deal with the fact that you’re back in town, if you are, and that we’re going to run into each other. We’re both adults, and I don’t see why we can’t be civil to one another.”
“Are you done?” Holt growls.
Oh yeah. That stiff, tight jaw. Those eyes deadlocked on me. Just like Cass said. Shit.
“Um, yeah. There’s not much more I need to say.” I take a few steps back from him, in the direction of my car.
“Good. Now get in the car.”
Should’ve known it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“Did you not just hear what I said?”
He slides off the hood and crosses his arms across his chest, grinning. “Yeah, I heard it, babe, and now I’m telling you to get in the car. You owe me dinner.”
“Holt, I’m not going anywhere with you.” I put my hand on my hip as I let out a nervous breath. “I’m meeting Clay.”
Why the hell did I tell him that? I’ve just sealed Clay’s fate of sudden death or, at the very least, a trip to the emergency room.
“Call him and tell him why you have to cancel on him, Nicolette. That you forgot you made plans with me.”
Fucking hell, there it is again. My face must show my reaction to the sound of my name, as he lifts his hand to my shoulder and strokes it.
God. Stop. Just stop. I can’t do this.
When he touches me, I’m so fucking weak. No willpower. Nothing.
His tone is softer now as he continues to stroke my arm, sending a trail of sparks up and down. “It’s just dinner. Give me a chance to talk, to explain things to you, to tell you what I should have, but couldn’t, before I left.” He backs away from me, leaning up against Sex on Wheels, waiting for my answer. “If, after you hear me out, you feel the same, you can walk away.”
I watch as he shoves his hands into his pockets. He’s fighting for control too. I know it. He’s trying to stay calm. I can see it in the stiffness of his body.
“I won’t try to follow.” He nods his head back and forth. “You have my word. This has to be all you, Nicolette. I know what I want.”
I know even with his calmness, he’s not going to take no for an answer, and I don’t want to put Clay in front of his anger again.
“Okay, just dinner.” I look away from him, but I’m very aware his gaze is still on me.
I quickly dig for my cell in my purse and call Clay to stop him from coming to the diner. No way in hell I want him near Holt. His actions have been totally and utterly unpredictable since he came back, so I have no clue what he might be capable of.
Chapter 8
We drive in silence to the only twenty-four- hour diner in town: Sammy’s, a small Mom and Pop place where the food is hot and the coffee strong. It’s pretty much a given I’m going to run into somebody I know, I just hope it isn’t someone from the hospital. Not wanting to have to explain why I’m out after midnight with a client… Not that it matters, really. I just don’t want anybody to see us. Together. Then would come questions.
When we walk in, I glance around the crowded diner. Thank God. Nobody from the hospital. I spot a booth in the back, where we sit across from each other. I wave a friendly hello to Laine, who eyes the two of us as we sit down. She’s Sammy’s daughter, who normally works nights. When I’m covering the night shift, I stop here for a coffee and an apple turnover (melt-in-your-mouth good) before heading home.
Laine walks over to us and, not having a shy bone in her body, immediately turns to Holt. “Well, hello, handsome. You must be someone special, seeing as my girl here never brings anybody in here when she comes for her cup of Joe.”
He grins. “I am. She just doesn’t know it yet.”
Oh my God, really?
Laine turns to me, giggling, and says, “Honey, grab ahold of that one and have fun on the ride.”
My cheeks burning, I bury my head in the menu. I don’t know why I bother, because I can’t hide from their laughter. How fucking dare he laugh? None of this is a joke. I’m not laughing. I don’t think a damn thing is funny.
Please get me the hell out of here.
Why oh why did I allow myself to be alone with him...again?
There’s no way in hell my nerves are going to let me eat, so I order a coffee, and Holt does the same.
I take in what he’s wearing tonight: a navy blue fitted shirt that shows off his toned upper body, and a pair of dark denim jeans. His scent was teasing me inside Sex on Wheels on the ride here, and it’s still in the air now. I almost caved, remembering how utterly euphoric it was to wake up with traces of him on my body. My willpower when it comes to Holt is about equivalent to me being able to say no to that fourth pancake. A shame to let such a tasty treat go to waste...
Damn it. Check it, Niki.
“Nicolette, I don’t know how much you remember from what I told you before but—”
Really? If he only knew how I clung to every tiny detail he’d shared with me. “Yeah, Holt, I remember Sid.” I instantly wish I hadn’t blurted it out, considering the fierce look it gets me.
“Yeah, right, like Sid. He’s not the only person I work for, though. I contract out to whoever needs my services. I’m not going to tell you the specifics of my jobs, because if you haven’t figured it out yet, I don’t exactly follow the law. I deal with people who live in the shadows, and all the ugly shit they bring into the world. I get the fuckers off the street, and justice is served one way or another, just not necessarily in the ways the law sees fit.”
Has he killed before?
“I followed a mark to Coral Springs. I didn’t know when I took the job just how personal it was going to become for me, but it did. So I couldn’t quit until I had the fucker. Because of other shit that was going down with him, I had to follow him out of state, away from Coral Springs. That’s where I’ve been all this time, trapped until I could finish the job.”
He shifts his body, leaning toward me across the table that separates us.
“I couldn’t tell you I was leaving or where I was going. These people, the men I do business with, and the fuckers I’m hired to track, they have ways of finding shit out. Shit about me, shit about my life. It was for your safety and your safety alone that I cut all ties with you. It was the hardest fucking thing for me to do, to just leave you like that, but I had no choice. I had every intention of coming back to you, but I didn’t know I’d be gone that long. No fucking clue.”
His eyes are on me, watching as he speaks. Trying to read my thoughts?
“I remember so many fucking nights being on the verge of picking up the phone to call you, but I didn’t want to risk it. I knew by then you hated me anyway, with the way I left, and I couldn’t offer you anything, couldn’t make any promises to you, so I convinced myself to forget about you so you could get on with your life.”
If he only knew.
“After the job was over, though, I couldn’t keep myself from driving back here. I had to see you again, to see you were okay, and then I was going to leave. But after seeing you at The Rox that night, I couldn’t go. I had to talk to you, to touch you again, to claim you back for myself.” He leans further in and whispers, “You are mine, Nicolette. Always have been. From the first night I laid eyes on you.”
I ignore the rush of his breath tantalizing my skin again. Yeah, my plans of just sitting and listening.
..gone. I can’t help myself. He needed to know how fucked up wrong he’d been. No matter how worried he was about my safety, he should’ve found some way to let me know. And shit, he hasn’t even brought her up yet.
“Holt, when you left the way you did, I had nothing.”
I lift my face to him to see his eyes are dead on me. Listening. And intense as hell. I fight back a shiver as I feel it come across my spine and look away, focusing on the window, looking out into the darkness.
Get the words out, Niki. Just do it already. You’ve wanted this for so long, don’t mess this up. Remember.
I take a deep breath, fidget with my hands, holding them so he doesn’t see how much they’re trembling. Funny how one minute I can be so angry at him, ready to charge, and then the next minute end up a blustering mess.
“When you didn’t show up for dinner like you promised that morning, I went through all the emotions. First came fear, thinking something had happened to you. That you’d been shot or killed. That you were lying in an alley somewhere. I called all the hospitals in Georgia. I called your cellphone, left you message after message. Every time, nothing. Then I started thinking. And that’s when the reality of what had happened dug itself into my skin. You left, and you weren’t coming back.
“Nicolette,” Holt whispers, almost under his breath.
I put my hand up, glaring at him, finding the courage to stand up to him. “Save it! I don’t want to hear it. Doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.”
He has no fucking clue what him leaving like that did to me. And he never will. Clay hit the nail right on the head when he mentioned my shield. It’s there. I just didn’t realize people could actually see it. The few guys I did try to date after Holt didn’t work out. He ruined them for me. No other man could match the fire he set off in me with a simple touch. And no man could bring back the trust I’d lost, because of him. I’m damaged goods, without a doubt. So I just gave up. Some people were meant to be single. Forever. I’m one of them, so I stick with the one thing I know can’t hurt me: my animals.
“Holt, what you said last night, how things have changed, you’re right. You just don’t realize how much. But you know what, there’s no need for me to even go down that road with you. It serves no purpose now. It’s in the past, and it’s a past I don’t want to relive.”
Tears are starting to well up, because these are words that I’ve wanted to say to him for so long. Words that have haunted my thoughts, my dreams. Words that have controlled me, consumed me. Being able to confront him like this, feeling a sense of closure, of finality, it begins to overwhelm me. Damn it.
“Nicolette, watching you cry, it fucking kills me. I can’t take back the time that’s been stolen from us…and, believe me, it was stolen. But I’m here now, and I will make you remember how good it was with us. I will give you back every single night you were in bed alone.”
“What makes you think I was alone, Holt?”
Why the hell did I say that? He looks at me grimly, his jaw suddenly tight. But he doesn’t question my words.
“It didn’t look like you had come back for me when I saw you at The Rox.” I scrub away my tears, determined not to give him any more.
“Nicolette.” He reaches out to grab my hand, but I quickly pull it away, dropping it to my side.
He looks down at the table and lets out a sigh. “I’m not going to lie and tell you there was no one else after you.”
Seriously? So it’s true.
“It was just sex. None of them could cure my hunger for you. Not even fucking close. I woke up so many nights after dreaming of you, but you were with someone else. You were laughing. You were happy.”
God. He was dreaming about me.
“When I turned from the bar and saw you standing there, I knew then you hated me for sure. I could see it in your face. Standing there, stiff like you were, it was clear you never expected to see me again. And I could tell you wanted to run as far as you could away from me. I couldn’t mess your life up again. Make promises to you I knew I couldn’t keep.” He lets out a sigh that almost tempts me to turn his way. But I don’t. I keep my gaze out into the darkness.
“When I saw you with Clay, you looked happy. I couldn’t ruin that happy for you. I came so fucking close to pulling you out of his goddamn car that night, though. Fuck. But after what I’d done to you, you deserved to be happy.”
I have to get away from him. I have to stop this. None of this matters. It’s the past.
“I asked around town about you and found out you were doing exactly what you’d planned. I know it doesn’t matter to you, but that makes me proud, babe, to know you made it happen. Kilo took one for the team that day, letting you poke him so I could see you, talk to you. When you acted like you didn’t know who the fuck I was, I almost lost it. It took everything in me to not pull you down in that chair on me.”
A sudden wave of heat hits me at the realization that he was having much the same fantasy as I was that day. I catch my breath at the thought of straddling Holt in that chair, our bodies grinding up against one another. The wetness and throbbing ache between my legs increases at the thought of it.
“But when I saw how you tensed up when I said your name, I knew. I knew, babe. I just didn’t understand what was with the game.”
I sneak a glance in his direction.
He’s watching me. Waiting for me to speak.
I shift my eyes away from him to see Laine approaching with our coffees. She sets the two piping hot mugs on the table and glances from me to Holt then back to me again.
“Everything okay, honey?” She looks concerned. I’ve been coming here so regularly that she and I have become friends. Not outside the diner, but whenever I come for my coffee and turnover, if it’s slow, she’ll sit with me. We talk about her beloved Pip, a beagle, and her always-emotional boyfriend, who, she says, cries more than should legally be allowed for a man.
“Yeah, thanks, I’m good. Thanks, Laine.” I force a smile.
“Okay, honey. Well, just holler if you need me.” She looks back at Holt. “You good, handsome? Just the coffee?”
“Yes, sweets. I’m good, thank you.”
Relieved to find something to do with my mouth, I lift the mug to take a sip. I need to get away from him. I can feel myself caving, wanting to give in to him, to give him what he wants. Shit, what I want. Bad.
“I need to go to the ladies’ room. I’ll be back,” I say, trying my best to hide my now-trembling voice.
If someone had told me two weeks ago that I would be in Sammy’s, in the middle of the night, in one of the cramped stalls in the bathroom, fucking myself, I would’ve laughed. This is not something I do. I’m not that desperate for sexual gratification that I would resort to such a thing, at least not in a public place. But the thought of Holt only feet away, sitting in that booth, overcomes me with such raging desire that I can’t help but thrust my fingers in and out of my wetness to ease the pain. I moan, unable to control the sound of my pleasure, praying to God no one walks in at that exact moment.
After a few more minutes of snuck pleasure, I get myself together, clean myself up, and glare at my reflection in the mirror. The flush is still in my cheeks. Maybe he won’t notice...
I keep my head lowered as I make my way back over to the booth. I’m almost past the counter when I hear my name. Shit. I reluctantly lift my head and look over my shoulder to see Beth, my technician, sitting at the counter. Great. Just great. Not only is she going to see that I’m with a client, but that it’s Holt, the one person I told her I didn’t know.
Damn it, Niki, don’t you have any fucking self-control?
I push away my anxiety and hope she can’t see what I’m hiding. Sheer bliss. Still. “Hi, Beth. How are you?”
“I’m great, Dr. Stringer.” She turns to her left to speak to the girl sitting beside her. “Christy, this is my boss, Dr. Stringer.”
“Nice to meet you, Christy,” I say, dying to walk right out the damned door, r
ight past Holt, and escape far, far away. Damn it, I let him drive me here. I’m fidgeting. I can feel it. Still coming down from my climax. I want more again already.
“I heard it was busy tonight, and that Miffy came through after getting hit by a car.”
Beth was dating Joe, one of our kennel staff, who’d worked shift tonight too, so I didn’t question how she knew.
“Yeah. Thankfully, no major injuries, and after a few days in observation, he should be able to go home.”
“That’s good.”
After the exchange, there’s an awkward silence. I’m shifting back and forth, uncomfortable in my now-soaked panties. I catch her gaze lingering in Holt’s direction, and I turn to look his way. He’s sitting there, arm stretched across the booth, staring at me, and with a look I remember. Sheer desire. I instantly heat up again. My body trembles, perhaps a leftover spasm from my work in the bathroom. I turn back to Beth, who’s already looking at me again. Shit. She saw me staring at him.
“So, umm, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, Doctor,” Beth says, breaking the silence.
“Yes. Have a good night, Beth. Nice meeting you, Christy.”
I walk away before they can say anything, but instead of making my getaway, my feet lead me straight to the table where Holt is waiting. The closer I get to him, the warmer my cheeks feel. God, there are even butterflies in my stomach. Just like that first night, when I watched him make his way over to me.
I get to the booth, sit down, and grab my coffee, taking a sip. I almost spit it out when Holt says, “You good?”
He knows. He fucking knows. I look at him, pretending to be puzzled and sit, speechless.
“One of your coworkers, right?” he asks, pointing in Beth’s direction.
I don’t dare turn around to see if Beth notices.
“You looked a little nervous talking to her, and I’m guessing it’s because you don’t like the idea of her seeing us together.”
