“You don’t want me to?”
“Is it itching you?” She shrugged, not meeting his gaze. “If you’ll be more comfortable…”
“I could just trim it.” He touched it self-consciously.
She smiled. “Whatever you want.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You like the beard?”
She got up and leaned across the table to kiss him.
He kissed her too fiercely and for too long, and when they broke apart, he gazed at her with his heart in his throat. Some part of him had been afraid he’d ruined it all somehow. He didn’t want to let her go. He didn’t care about having children. He could… they could live out their endless lives together, killing everything in sight for all he cared. He thought of who he’d been before her, how he’d been hopeless, and how he’d fallen apart when he’d been convinced she wouldn’t come for him in the dungeon. He needed her.
Maybe he was pathetic now. Maybe he was a shadow of whoever he’d been, Sir Eithan of the Knights of Midian. Maybe he was broken. But if she still had use for him, he’d give whatever there was left of him to her.
Or he’d take whatever she could give him. Maybe it was that way. Maybe he was selfish to ask anything of her.
How dare he, anyway?
It wasn’t nothing, what he was saying, having a child. That was… her body. It was an enormous thing to undertake, and it was disgusting for him to draw a line in the sand, to demand that she give herself over to him like that—
Haven’t I always done that to her?
He remembered demanding she surrender to him in the courtyard that was just through these walls, demanding that she allow him to drain her blood and turn her.
But that was for Ciaska. That wasn’t for me.
Something inside him chuckled darkly at him, as if it was amusing that he wanted to try to convince himself of something so ludicrous.
Maybe everything about it was selfish, and that was why he was so destroyed to think that she could have some other ambition outside of wanting to let him impregnate her. Hadn’t he used her and taken advantage of her from the moment he’d laid eyes on her?
He got up from the table.
“Eithan?”
He shook his head at her, wandering toward the doorway.
“What are you thinking about?” she said. “Is it… Are you seeing Ciaska?”
“No,” he said, his voice terse.
It was selfish, because she was the only thing he’d ever wanted for himself.
At least the only thing since he was a boy. He was sure there were things he’d wanted for himself then, toys and the hat that his father wore when he rode horseback and…
He turned to look at her.
She was coming out from behind the table and walking toward him. “Eithan, something changed in your expression.”
“We’re not talking about this anymore,” he said, gazing at her.
He’d been a soldier, and then they’d given him men, and they’d made him take them into battle, and all those other soldiers—and it was stupid to call them men, because they’d all been boys, really—had relied on him, their lives in his hands, and that responsibility, it was so big that he couldn’t want things for himself. How could he have desires when he had the weight of those lives on him, when he could save them or kill them, when every decision he made was so godstaken important?
And then Zeffir killed that nightmare, and then… Ciaska.
So, no, he hadn’t wanted anything for himself until her.
Her in that see-through dress in the top of the tower in the fortress, her with his own dagger against his throat, her…
If he hadn’t wanted her, he’d still be in thrall to the goddess of nightmares. There could be no doubt of that.
But maybe it was time for him to try to think of wanting other things. Maybe now, he was free to do that, and maybe she couldn’t be the only thing he wanted. Maybe that was too much to ask of her. She couldn’t be everything to him.
He closed the distance between them and put his hand on her cheek. His voice came out scratchy. “I’d never leave you, not if you wanted me close. I need you to understand that.”
She turned her face, kissed the middle of his palm. “If it’s too much for you, Eithan, I won’t push you. If you really need something quiet—”
“I don’t,” he said. “Or… whatever I need, I don’t need you to change whatever the essential part of yourself is in order to give it to me. It was wrong of me to ask you to… to be an incubator.”
She smiled. “I know you didn’t mean it like that.” She stepped closer, wrapping her arms around his waist, and offered him her lips again.
This time, when he kissed her it was soft and slow, with none of that panic behind it.
The kiss went on a long time, and it only broke because they heard voices.
They pulled back from each other, both with creases in their brows, and they moved closer to the doorway.
The voices were getting louder, as if they were approaching.
The library was on the bottom floor of the keep, and it opened into the courtyard, but there were stone pillars blocking their view.
Eithan peered around one of the pillars and he saw two people, a man and a woman, moving through the courtyard. They had swords strapped to their belts and they were heading towards Nicce and Eithan.
The woman was laughing. She had long, golden wavy hair and she was moving ahead of the man, looking at him over her shoulder and saying something Eithan couldn’t quite make out.
“Get back here,” said the man, reaching out for her, grasping her fingers, and pulling her back to kiss her.
Nicce peered over his shoulder. “We shouldn’t be watching them.”
But Eithan was staring at the man, because he was… recognizing him. A shudder went through him, and the name came out, tumbling out of his lips, too loud. “Lian.”
The man and woman in the courtyard stopped kissing.
Lian looked up. He saw them in the shadows behind the pillar. “Who is that?” He yanked out his sword, brandishing it as he warily approached.
Eithan held up both of his hands and stepped into the sunlight.
Lian dropped his sword. “Gods. It’s you.”
Nicce stepped closer to Eithan. “That’s not Lian, is it? Eithan, he was seven years old. He’s got to be…” She was horrified.
“Eithan,” said Lian, lurching towards him.
Eithan didn’t know what to do. There was a time when the boy would have run into his arms. Maybe he didn’t hold him as much as his fathers did, but Eithan was still one of Lian’s playmates. But this… this grown man was a different person than that little boy.
They stopped, a foot from the other, looking each other over.
The girl with Lian was trailing behind. “Is it really Sir Eithan?”
Eithan stuck out his hand.
Lian gave him a smile that lit up his face and made him look like a little boy again. He took Eithan’s hand. They shook.
And then Eithan pulled him into an embrace, gods take it all.
“We thought you were dead,” said Lian.
“So did I,” said Eithan, pulling away.
Lian’s gaze fell on Nicce. He said her name and moved to embrace her too. “You two look exactly the same.” He looked back and forth between them. “Gods, where have you been? What happened?”
“How long?” said Nicce.
Lian rubbed a hand over his face, thinking about it. “Uh… maybe fifteen years, I think?” He pointed. “This is Pati.”
The blond woman stepped up, giving them a shy smile. “It’s nice to meet you. I have this very vague memory of seeing you both here once, before we tried to cross the ocean, but I don’t remember that. My mother says it’s traumatic and I must have blocked it out. I was only three years old.”
“You’re Xenia’s daughter,” said Nicce in recognition.
“Yeah, that’s my mother,” said Pati. “Speaking of which, can we come to
an understanding about whatever you think you just saw?”
“Right,” said Lian, nodding. “Uh, you definitely didn’t see us kissing.”
“Definitely didn’t,” said Pati. “And you won’t say anything about it to my mother.”
Eithan exchanged a glance with Nicce.
“Please?” said Lian.
“Sure, of course,” said Nicce. “But why would your mother care?”
“She doesn’t like me hunting the nightmares,” said Pati. “Says it’s too dangerous. But Lian’s happy to have me watching his back, right?”
Lian winked at her. “Right.” He turned back to Eithan. “She’s good with a sword. She’s really good.” He nodded at Nicce. “Like you.”
Nicce looked them both over. “Fifteen years,” she whispered. “We missed so much.”
“You two should come with us,” said Lian. “I know everyone will want to see you again.”
“Of course, we only have two horses,” said Pati.
“Yeah,” said Lian. “It’ll take longer on foot, that’s for sure.” He thought about it. “Pati, you ride out first and go and find Absalom. He can bring a carriage from the castle.”
“All right,” said Pati. She turned to go, and then hesitated. She looked up at him, and then at Nicce and Eithan.
Lian reached out, took her hand, and squeezed it. “Tomorrow. We can sneak out tomorrow.”
Pati grinned at him, her eyes full of adoration, and then she left.
“The castle?” Eithan asked.
“Oh, right,” said Lian. “About ten years ago, King Timon finally convinced the Guild to leave the keep and set up right outside Castle Brinne. He’s getting more and more paranoid as the years pass, and he wants his guild of assassins close by for protection.”
“What does Jennix think about being so closely under his thumb?” said Nicce.
“Jennix?” Lian gave her a confused look. But then he nodded in recognition. “Oh, yes, I remember her. She headed the Guild when I was a kid. But, um, she died.”
“Oh,” said Nicce.
“A nightmare killed her,” said Lian. He shrugged. “It’s always a nightmare.”
This was the second time that fighting nightmares had come up. Eithan grimaced. “So, the nightmares are free, roaming all over the Four Kingdoms?”
“It’s not quite that bad,” said Lian. “We keep a lot of them in the other realm, beyond the portal. Some get through, but very few make it out of the dark forest. Absalom says that the Guild does a good job keeping them away from the people of the realm.”
“Does he?” Eithan thought of his old friend. “How is Absalom?”
“Cheerful, usually,” said Lian with a smile. “Sometimes he gets frustrated, I suppose, being the Guildmaster, but he’s usually in a good mood.”
“Absalom’s the Guildmaster?” said Nicce.
“Yes,” said Lian. He gestured behind him. “Listen, we can talk while we walk, if you don’t mind. We might as well start walking in the direction of Castle Brinne. I’m sure that Absalom will send a carriage to intercept us on the road.”
“Of course,” said Eithan. “Lead the way.”
He and Nicce followed Lian out of the courtyard. Lian untied his horse from where it was waiting, but he didn’t mount it, only led it along as they all three walked on the road.
The way to the Guild was in disrepair, straggly plants growing up through the stones in the road, but when they reached the main road, everything was clear and well cared for.
As they walked, Lian began to ask them questions about where they had been, and Eithan and Nicce explained to him about their failed attempt to kill Sullo and their failed attempt to cross the oceans. They spoke of being imprisoned in Aitho’s dungeons.
Before they had quite finished their tale, a carriage did appear on the road, and it pulled to a stop as it approached.
The doors opened and a huge, lumbering man got out, coming straight for Eithan and Nicce with a huge grin on his face.
“Jonas,” said Eithan, hurrying over to greet the other knight.
They embraced.
Jonas pulled back, shaking his head. “It is you. I could hardly believe it. We were convinced you were dead.” He turned to Nicce. “Both of you.”
Behind Jonas, Eithan could see that there was someone else coming out of the carriage.
“Septimus?” Eithan was surprised. He wouldn’t have expected Septimus to come out and meet him. And he was even more surprised when Septimus was embracing him, just as Jonas had, when he was smiling with a very un-Septimus-like smile.
Usually Septimus’s smiles seemed cruel and calculating. Eithan didn’t think he’d ever seen such an open look on the other man’s face.
“Eithan’s alive, and all is well,” said Septimus, and then he took his turn hugging Nicce, who had been hugging Jonas. Septimus turned to Lian. “Of course, you’d find him.”
Lian shrugged. “Oh, it was nothing. It was just a coincidence.”
“Mmm,” said Septimus. “And why exactly were you and Pati at the old Guild keep together?”
Lian shifted on his feet. “What reason did she give?”
Septimus shook his head at him. “So that you can confirm her lies? I think not. But you needn’t worry. I think it’s all very silly. However, I am terrified of Xenia, and so is Absalom—”
“We are all terrified of Xenia,” said Jonas. “Still, it seems odd to me, don’t you think? They are quite grown.”
“You can be assured of our silence,” Septimus said to Lian, as if he was sharing a conspiracy.
Lian laughed. “Thank you, Septimus. There was nothing really happening, anyway.”
“Oh, no,” said Septimus. “Not like the last several times that the two of you have been gone overnight hunting nightmares. Wonder what you were up to then.”
Lian shot him an annoyed look. “Mostly hunting nightmares.”
“I’m sure.” Septimus was amused. He turned back to Eithan. “But why are we discussing this? We should know all about where Eithan and Nicce have been?”
“Locked in Aitho’s dungeon,” said Lian. “It’s apparently not far from here. It’s tunneled into a cliff in the mountain.”
“For all these years?” said Jonas. “How horrible. You look remarkably well, I must say.”
“We knew that something had gone wrong with Sullo,” said Septimus.
“Yes, we found the jewels all burned out,” said Jonas.
“I can’t believe they didn’t kill you,” said Septimus.
“It was because of Nicce,” said Eithan. “Sullo didn’t want to kill his own daughter, and she begged for my life.”
“I don’t think he was interested in doing me favors,” said Nicce. “I don’t know why we both weren’t killed. It was a dangerous thing we did.”
“Let’s go to the carriage,” said Septimus. “I can’t wait to see Absalom’s face when he discovers you’re back, and he didn’t even come to meet you.”
Lian started for the carriage. “Where is Absalom?”
“Well, that’s what no one knows,” said Jonas, starting after him.
“Probably between the thighs of some woman at court,” said Septimus, who was also walking.
“Probably,” said Lian.
Eithan shrugged. Absalom didn’t seem to have changed. He took Nicce’s hand and they went to the carriage together.
“And I suppose Pati stayed behind because there wouldn’t have been room for all of us?” Lian said as he climbed inside.
“Precisely,” said Septimus. He made a gesture with flourish. “After you, sir.” The sir had too much emphasis on it.
Eithan smirked at him. Maybe Septimus wasn’t so changed after all. He and Nicce climbed inside and sat down next to Lian, leaving the opposite side of the carriage for Jonas’s large frame and Septimus. Even so, it was a tight fit.
They pulled the doors closed and Septimus rapped on the ceiling to signal to the driver.
The carriage lurched
forward.
“So, tell us more about what befell you both,” said Jonas.
“There isn’t much to say,” said Nicce. “You seem to have discovered it all. It went badly trying to kill Sullo, and then Aitho appeared, and then we went on the run, but they found us. Since then, we’ve been in that awful dungeon.”
“If we had known where you were, we would have come for you,” said Septimus.
“Of course,” said Jonas. “You must realize that.”
Eithan shook his head. “You mustn’t think of it that way. You couldn’t have known. And we are out now, so it hardly matters.”
“But we don’t know if Aitho or Sullo will be coming after us,” said Nicce. “We certainly didn’t hide the fact that we’d escaped. We left quite a few bodies in our wake.”
“There hasn’t been a bit of interference from any one of the gods since Sullo’s appearance at Castle Brinne,” said Jonas. “It’s as if they’ve disappeared.”
Eithan glanced at Nicce. “Well, you remember what they were speaking of, some policy of leaving humans alone?”
“Yes,” said Nicce. “I don’t know if we can rely on that for our safety, however.”
“No,” said Eithan. “I suppose that would be too much to hope for.” His shoulders sagged. “We don’t wish to bring down the anger of the gods on your heads.”
“Oh, none of that,” said Jonas. “I thought we agreed a long time ago that you would stop treating us like children and trying to protect us.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” said Septimus. “If the gods arrive, we’ll fight them together.” He smiled. He did seem lighter, so much lighter.
Nicce must have noticed it too. “What’s happened to you?”
Septimus turned to her, eyebrows raised. “What do you mean?” He was amused again.
“You’re different,” she said.
“Married life agrees with him,” said Jonas.
Septimus’s smile widened. “You will have to meet her. There is some ridiculous practice at court that women who are in the latter stages of their pregnancy are supposed to hide themselves away, but I don’t hold with it, and I won’t force her to stay in our rooms. Preposterous, truly.”
“You…” Eithan gaped at Septimus. “Married?”
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