“What?” said Septimus. “I’m wounded that you think it so unlikely.”
“It’s only that…” Nicce furrowed her brow. “You seemed to only enjoy…”
“Inflicting pain?” said Septimus. “Yes, I suppose. I thought so too. But it’s been fifteen years, and it’s rather remarkable how much less anger a man has when he’s not living in constant fear of having a capricious goddess take his head off… or his cock off… and well…” He shrugged, and a shadow crossed his face. “At any rate, I can’t say I don’t enjoy slicing up a nightmare now and then, but I don’t feel many other inclinations to violence.”
“He’s quite domesticated,” said Jonas. “Wait until you meet Diann.”
Septimus snorted at him. “Oh, you should talk. You were married moments after Ciaska was dead, and now you have dozens of children.”
Jonas rolled his eyes. “I have five children,” he said to Eithan.
“Five?” said Eithan, stunned. He turned to look at Lian, who was so grown, and then he looked at Nicce, whose eyes were very wide. “That’s… well… I am happy for you both.”
“We’re sorry, Eithan,” said Septimus. “If we’d known you were alive, we—”
“No, don’t be sorry.” Eithan licked his lips. His voice lowered. “And, um, Philo?”
“Papa?” said Lian. “He has his days.”
“Papa?” said Eithan, sitting up straight.
“Oh, come now, Eithan,” said Septimus. “Look at Lian. It’s been obvious since he was quite small.”
“Yes, I think we always knew,” said Jonas. “Maybe we needed to cling to other things to get through the hell that was the Nightmare Court, but…” He didn’t finish the sentence.
Eithan gaped at Lian, who looked embarrassed.
“Oh, I do see it,” said Nicce in a small voice.
Maybe Eithan saw it, too. Maybe he could have seen it before if he’d looked. Maybe he hadn’t wanted Lian to be Philo’s, because Philo was so damaged. He wasn’t sure what to say.
Lian’s voice was soft. “Absalom has always been as much my father…” He looked at Septimus and Jonas. “You have all been fathers to me.”
Septimus and Jonas beamed at the young man, their pride obvious in their smiles.
Eithan leaned back, trying to absorb all of this. “So, Philo is still…”
“He’s better,” said Septimus. “Much better.”
“But no, he’ll never be what he was before Ciaska,” said Jonas in a quiet voice.
Eithan nodded. Of course not. He couldn’t expect such things to heal, could he? Not after everything that Philo had been through.
“He joins us on the hunts for the nightmares most nights,” said Lian. “And he and I are quite close in our way.”
“We all look after him,” said Jonas. “Just as we always have.”
“And Absalom is the Guildmaster?” said Nicce.
“Oh, yes, I suppose you didn’t know that,” said Septimus. “King Timon wanted the Guild to protect him, and he couldn’t think of anyone better suited than the Knights of Midian.”
“And since we had always protected the Four Kingdoms from the nightmares, why should we have stopped?” said Jonas.
“Why indeed?” said Eithan quietly.
It was so much to take in. He’d dropped out of their lives and everything had changed. He didn’t know how to process it all yet. He found himself seeking Nicce’s hand again, clinging to her, as if she was the one constant in all this.
She seemed affected as well, holding just as tightly to him.
He only hoped that his presence wasn’t going to cause problems for his knights. Septimus and Jonas seemed happier than he’d ever seen them. He didn’t want to bring down the fury of the gods on these men, not when he’d spent his whole life protecting them.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Nicce pressed herself closer and closer to Eithan in the carriage, feeling overwhelmed. Something within her hurt in a way she didn’t want to think about. She wanted closer to him. She wanted to feel connected.
She didn’t want to think about it, but she couldn’t help but feel lonely.
Maybe she’d always been lonely. Maybe she’d never really had anyone, except maybe Rhodes. And then Eithan. But when she’d come into Eithan’s life, he’d had all this. His knights, their son, a family. That was what it was. They were all connected and they all cared about each other.
And she didn’t have that.
It hurt.
She tried not to think about it and to tune in to the conversation between the others, but their words started to swim in her ears, and she felt bereft. All the history between them, and she and Eithan had what? Weeks together? She could count the number of times they’d made love on her fingers, and just that morning, they’d argued, and she’d been terrified he would leave her.
It didn’t help that all the knights seemed to be married and procreating either.
She looked out the window of the carriage at the scenery going by, so familiar and so different at the same time. She knew this road, but so many years had passed that nothing was quite the same. She thought about being pregnant, and she wondered what it would be like.
Would it be horrid and strange, something alien moving inside her, or would she like it? She thought of Eithan’s hands on her swelling belly and a pleasant dart of sensation went through her. She pressed even closer to him.
He obliged her by putting his arm around her shoulders, tucking her against his body.
She belonged here, didn’t she? With him? What would she do if she were really alone? She didn’t want that.
The carriage climbed the mountain toward Castle Brinne, but it didn’t go all the way to the castle. Instead, they stopped at a building that had been newly constructed. It was just outside the castle walls, and it was apparently the new Guild keep. It was smaller than the old keep, but it still had a wall around it and a courtyard in the center. The courtyard was a hilly, stony grassy area, though, and much smaller than the large flat area where Nicce had trained.
They were met by Xenia, who looked the same—none of them aged, did they—who hugged Nicce, even though Nicce didn’t think Xenia had ever liked her. Revel was there too, but she only shook Nicce’s hand.
Xenia fussed over them. She’d heard that they had been locked in a dungeon, and she wanted to know if they needed to wash, if they wanted food, if they wanted clothes.
Nicce didn’t know what to say, but she found herself caught up in a whirlwind of activity, anyway, taken for another bath, this one alone, and given clean clothes that hadn’t been hanging in the wardrobes in the Guild for ten years. She actually thought it was strange that so much had been left behind in the keep. Why hadn’t they brought along their blankets and sheets and clothes? She resolved to ask someone about it after her bath.
But when she put on the clothes brought to her and they were of such better quality than anything she could remember from the Guild, she wondered if the answer wasn’t simply that. King Timon had wanted the Guild closer and he’d enticed them with promises of small luxuries, like fine clothes and thick, fluffy towels.
They were all together for dinner, and Eithan had trimmed his beard, but he hadn’t shaved it, and she ran her fingers through it approvingly, telling him that he looked handsome. He was amused that she liked the beard, but he was pleased, too. She could tell.
At the old Guild, everyone ate in a large dining hall, and it was a solemn affair, no one speaking under Diakos’s strict orders. There were three tables set up in a U-shape, and everyone ate together.
Here, the dining room was full of smaller tables, all of which were filled by groups of boisterous men and women. There seemed to be so many more women than before, and Nicce gathered that some of them were wives of the members of the Guild. That was another change. Guild members used to have to be celibate, but apparently, no longer.
“That was a dreadful rule,” said Absalom, kissing her on the cheek, engulfing her in a
tight hug. “I abolished it the minute I took charge.”
She smiled at him.
He winked at her. “You’re a vision. How do you manage it, staying so lovely after fifteen years underground?”
She laughed. “You haven’t changed.”
“No, you haven’t,” said Eithan, giving him a pointed look. “Must you flirt with my…” He glanced at her. “My, er, my Nicce.”
She looked away, and it was awkward, and Absalom noticed, so he filled the silence with more compliments aimed at her, extolling her bright eyes and shining dark hair.
Truly, her hair was a bit of a disaster. She had tried to take a proper comb to it and had given up after running into more than one clump of impenetrable tangles. Eithan had cut his hair short, and she thought about her intention to hack her hair off, something she’d never done, even though she thought it would be more convenient. Maybe she would. Her hair was currently in a braid, and she fingered it, thinking.
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to meet you,” said Absalom. “My new position as the Guildmaster keeps me busy.”
“Ah, so you weren’t bedding some lady of the court?” said Eithan. “Jonas and Septimus seemed to think—”
“Does that sound like something I would be doing?” Absalom said, with a dismissive wave.
“Honestly?” said Nicce. “It does.”
Absalom laughed. “What can I say? A man has needs, and I like variety. But there is no reason to talk of me, let us talk of you both. Let us celebrate your return.”
There was food, and there was wine, and everyone was talking again, but Nicce didn’t feel as lonely this time. Absalom was her friend, she thought, a real friend, and maybe she could belong here. Maybe if she let herself, she could be as much a part of this family as Eithan was.
She was exhausted, however, and she left the dining room early, sneaking out without a word. Eithan was busy talking to Jonas and Absalom, and she knew he didn’t need to sleep, but she did, and she hadn’t rested properly in far too long.
Yawning, she moved down the hallway and Xenia was there.
“Are you all right?” said Xenia, intercepting her. “Do you need anything?”
“I’m quite all right, just very tired,” said Nicce.
“Of course you must be tired,” said Xenia. “Do you remember the way back to your room?”
“Yes,” said Nicce. She noticed these sorts of things. She had been trained to notice them. She wondered if it would ever stop bothering her when these memories of her relentless training surfaced in her brain. “I’ll be fine. I can make it there on my own.”
“All right,” said Xenia, smiling at her.
Nicce started to walk away from her.
“Nicce?”
Nicce stopped and turned back.
“I wanted to say thank you,” said Xenia.
“For what?” said Nicce. “Truly, I should be thanking you. It’s quite comfortable here, and you’ve made sure that someone has seen to our every need—”
“For what you did with Ciaska,” said Xenia. “I know it couldn’t have been accomplished without you. If it weren’t for you, we’d all still be there at the Nightmare Court.”
“Oh,” said Nicce. “Well…” She shrugged, feeling helpless. “Is anything really better? The nightmares are still out there. None of you got away. You’re still stuck on this continent, still trapped by Phir’s crystals. And I hear you worry about your daughter, so she’s in danger. In the end, I don’t suppose I did anything at all.”
“That’s not true.” Xenia took both of her hands. “No, Nicce, everything is better. I have my daughter. I have seen her grow up, and I have a partner in Revel, and I don’t live in fear of that horrible goddess. Everything is much better. Please believe that.”
Nicce managed a smile. “All right. You’re, um, you’re welcome.”
Xenia smiled too. “You’re simply tired. I always see only the worst when I need rest. Go on and get some sleep.”
“I will,” said Nicce.
She got to her room and climbed into her bed, and was stunned at how soft the mattress felt, how wonderful it was to have a pillow. She hadn’t had a bed in so long. She slept long and deep, and when she woke up, Eithan was climbing into bed with her.
“Go back to sleep,” he said, fitting himself against her like they were spoons in a drawer.
It was still dark. She sighed, snuggling into his firm body.
“You didn’t say goodnight,” he said, kissing her neck. “But Xenia told me you were tired and went to bed. I was worried when I couldn’t find you.”
“Sorry,” she mumbled sleepily.
“You’re so warm,” he moaned, wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her tightly against him.
She sighed. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said.
She slept.
* * *
Xenia blinked against the torch in her face. She uttered a low groan in the back of her throat. “What?”
“It’s the king,” said a voice. She couldn’t see the face of the person who was holding a torch in her face.
“In the middle of the night?” came Revel’s voice from the other side of the bed. “You know, I think you should tell the king to go and suck on a rotten egg.”
“That would go over well, I’m sure,” muttered Xenia, pushing aside the covers. She addressed the torch-bearer. “Very well, I’m awake. You may wait in the hallway for me to dress.”
“I’m to escort you to the king,” said the torch bearer.
“But not to watch me put on my clothes,” said Xenia.
“My apologies, no, of course not.” The man scurried out of the room.
Xenia groaned again, stumbling to the wardrobe.
“Just because he’s the king, he doesn’t have the right—”
“Oh, not now, Revel,” said Xenia. “I’ve barely gotten any sleep, and now I’ve got to go and deal with him. The last thing I need is to argue with you while I’m barely awake.”
“I’m only saying—”
“I know what you’re saying,” said Xenia, turning to glare at the bed, hands on her hips. “Shall I summarize for you? You think that the king expects some kind of intimacy from me since we were once lovers. You think I’m far too free with him, that I don’t set enough boundaries. You’re threatened and jealous—”
“I’m not jealous of that wrinkled old man.” Revel flopped back on the bed, pulling the covers up over her head.
“He is free with me,” said Xenia. “He tells me things and he listens to me. My closeness to him is an advantage. We have to continue to exploit it. Otherwise, there is no one he consults besides Feteran.”
“Go, then,” said Revel in a sulky voice. “Go to the king. Smile at him and bend over so he can look down your dress. I couldn’t care less. Why should I? I’m only your wife.”
Xenia sighed heavily. “I won’t keep him waiting.”
“Of course not.” Revel was sarcastic.
Xenia yanked a dress out of her wardrobe and put it on. She hurried out of the room and joined the man with the torch.
He escorted her out of the Guild keep and through the gate to Castle Brinne. They went inside the castle and up several flights of stairs to the king’s bedchamber. She used to spend nights here when she was the king’s mistress. She remembered that time, even though it was a long time ago.
It was strange, because she had not aged, but the king had. That was very difficult, watching everyone she knew grow older and older. She should be nearly forty years old now, but she still looked like a young woman, and her daughter was already a woman. It had been hard enough watching her mother die, but at least that was the natural order of things. In another fifteen years, her daughter—
Oh, she didn’t want to think of that.
The king was sitting in front of a fire, even though it was summer. He was frail now, and he seemed to always be cold. His hair was white and wispy on his head. He clutched a mug of w
arm spiced wine.
Feteran was standing behind him, at his shoulder, as usual.
The son of Sullo had appeared just after Sullo had attacked Castle Brinne, claiming that he could protect the king from his father and that he would be happy to advise the king in all manner of things. It wasn’t long until the king relied on Feteran for everything.
“You were going to join me for dinner tonight, Xenia,” said the king by way of greeting.
“You haven’t been waiting up for me, have you?” She curtsied, giving him a knowing smile. Did she flirt with the king? Yes, she did. Revel didn’t understand anything. With the king, she had always played a role. He knew her as a certain kind of woman, and it didn’t make any sense to pretend to be otherwise now. Besides, there were advantages.
“No, no,” said King Timon. “I woke and asked for you. Feteran came instead.”
“Of course, my king.” Feteran placed his hand on King Timon’s shoulder.
King Timon patted Feteran’s hand affectionately. “He told me not to send for you, but you have told me that I should, whenever I wish to see you.”
“Yes,” she said. Especially because Feteran wanted the king all to himself. She didn’t know what she thought of Feteran. Perhaps he had never done anything to make her assume he was a bad man, exactly, but then he’d never done anything to recommend himself to her. She didn’t trust him, and she thought it was better if the king’s circle of confidantes was as wide as possible. The king should not be under the influence of only one man. She crossed the room and pulled up a chair, sitting opposite him. “What can I do for you?”
“Oh, just talk,” said Timon, smiling affectionately at her. “You are beautiful, have I told you so lately?”
She pretended to be flattered and embarrassed. “Oh, Timon, come now.”
“Always so beautiful,” he said, gazing at her wistfully. It was the king’s fault that she had been changed as a bride. If she had not been with him that night, the knights might never have found her and demanded to be taken to Nicce. They might not have made her the substitute bride. The king felt guilty because he had not protected her, but he was also envious of her eternal youth. “What kept you from me tonight? There seemed to be quite a lot of merriment at the keep.”
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