pang and power

by Saintcrowe, Val

They turned their boat in the direction of the Four Kingdoms and they sailed back home.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Eithan smiled, sitting across the sitting room in Septimus’s house. Nicce had a tiny baby in her arms and she was cooing to the little girl, whispering to her about the huge sea animals they’d seen playing in the waters they sailed over. The creatures were truly majestic and awe-inspiring.

  Septimus sat down next to him, holding the other baby, also a little girl. That one was sleeping. “So, you two on the ocean, sailing on a boat, all alone? That sounds so relaxing.”

  Eithan chuckled. “What? You’re not bored here? I understand it’s peaceful and there aren’t even nightmares to kill.”

  “Peaceful.” Septimus snorted. “Shall I tell you about how often babies wake in the night?”

  “Ah, so I suppose raising children is not dull.”

  “Not at all,” said Septimus. Then he considered. “Well, I shouldn’t say that. There are some afternoons that drag on, seeming to last as long as a hundred years, I tell you. Sometimes, life slows to a crawl. For instance, when I am trying to get Jordonn to sleep. He was doing it fine on his own, but since the twins have arrived, now he wants me to stay with him. He’s jealous, you see. Thinks we don’t love him anymore because we have to spend so much attention on the girls.”

  “So, he demands more attention?”

  “Exactly,” said Septimus. “No, I haven’t had a moment to think since they were born. Not one.”

  Eithan chuckled.

  “You laugh, but it’s no laughing matter. I sometimes think of you out on that ship, sailing over the horizon, in the godstaken quiet, and I…” He shook his head.

  “And you what?”

  “Oh, nothing,” muttered Septimus. “I wouldn’t trade places with you for all the gold on the continent.”

  This time Eithan really did laugh, throwing back his head, a full-bodied expression of enjoyment.

  “What?” said Nicce from across the room, although she didn’t raise her gaze from the baby she was holding. The child had its fist wrapped tight around her forefinger, and the little girl seemed as interested in Nicce as she was in her.

  “You know Septimus with the jokes,” said Eithan, still laughing a bit.

  “Septimus jokes?” Nicce arched an eyebrow and gave them a quick glance.

  “Gods take you,” Septimus said pointedly. “I’ll have you know that I’m hilarious.”

  “Mmm,” Nicce said noncommittally.

  Eithan held out his arms. “Well, here, hand that one over and relax for a moment then. You can have a moment to think.”

  “I don’t know about that,” said Septimus. “She’s frightfully easy to wake, this one. If I hand her to you, she might begin screaming.”

  “I can handle screaming,” said Eithan.

  “I suppose you are used to it,” said Septimus. “One hundred and twelve women you changed, isn’t it?”

  Eithan gave him a look. He would bring that up.

  Septimus handed the baby over. “If she does scream, the only thing for it is to get up and walk. She likes bouncing too. That’ll calm her.”

  Eithan felt a moment of trepidation, and then the small sleeping bundle was in his arms. He drew in a breath.

  “There, you see?” said Septimus, pointing at him.

  “What?” said Eithan.

  “Bewitched you, she has,” said Septimus. “It happened to me too with one of Jonas’s brats. I never let on, but if I’d never held that dratted child, I wouldn’t be in this predicament now.”

  Eithan’s lips parted. “She’s very small.”

  “Yes, it’s incredible, isn’t it?” The tone of Septimus’s voice had changed. “Just boggles your mind how something so small could function. She’ll do things like bat her hands around or yawn, and I’m mesmerized.”

  Eithan smiled. “I can see that.”

  “It was like that with Jordonn too, but he’s much larger now. More convenient most of the time. Also, he can speak, which helps. But less small. And so, one night, Diann got all teary about it, and then twins.” Septimus shook his head. “Don’t do it, Eithan. You and Nicce, stay on the boat, float away, stay free.”

  Eithan smirked at him. “You just said you wouldn’t trade places with me.”

  “And I wouldn’t,” said Septimus. “I am devoted to these strange, small people. But I must say, I like to dream about peace and quiet sometimes. I really do.”

  As if on cue, the little girl in Eithan’s arms began to wail.

  His heart lurched, and he remembered what Septimus had said and got to his feet right away. “Bouncing?”

  “Bouncing,” said Septimus. “Really, I can take her back.” He made no move to retrieve his daughter.

  “I can… bounce,” said Eithan and began to attempt to do so. It was a kind of magic. The small little bundle in his arms quieted, and her eyes fluttered back closed. In moments, she was asleep again. Eithan started to sit down again.

  “I wouldn’t,” said Septimus. “Keep bouncing.”

  Eithan shrugged and bounced some more.

  “What did bring you back, anyway?” said Septimus. “Are you going to look for crystals buried in Kemulia? Do you have some plan to find the last of the nightmares hiding in a cave by the river and cut them to shreds? What needed your attention?”

  “We came back to see you with twins,” said Eithan.

  Septimus blinked at him. “I am going to skewer you with a sword and leave it in there and watch you bleed out.”

  “I missed you too,” said Eithan.

  * * *

  Nicce spent too long holding the babies, but no one seemed to mind. Diann took two long baths, one right after the other, and told Nicce she could hold them as long as she wanted. Nicce had fallen in love with them.

  She’d never been around babies before, never at all.

  There were no babies at the Guild.

  Once there had been a very small foundling, a little boy of only three years old, and he had been rather like a baby, but Nicce hadn’t spent much time with him, because she had been busy training morning, noon, and night. She’d seen him, though, and he’d seemed incredibly small and adorable, with chubby cheeks and chubby elbows and wrists.

  She’d seen him here at the new Guild keep, but now he was grown up, older looking than her, because she didn’t age. He wasn’t nearly as cute anymore.

  Anyway, the babies were so much smaller and so much cuter than three-year-olds. They were tiny little miracles, and she had never felt anything for another human being like she felt for them.

  And they aren’t even mine! she thought.

  How much more intense would it be when it was her child, one that had grown in her body, one made from pieces of her and Eithan?

  She couldn’t stop thinking about such a thing. Suddenly, she badly wanted it, and she didn’t want to wait until they had found the cure for immortality. She wasn’t even sure how they were going to do such a thing. They didn’t seem to be having any luck across the seas. She thought they could sail for years and years more and never find out anything.

  Besides, maybe the answers lay here, somewhere in the Four Kingdoms. If the immortality had come from the gods, certainly the gods’ power must be the key to ending it. Perhaps she and Eithan should stay here for a while and seek the answers on this continent.

  She thought these sorts of thoughts all through a boisterous dinner with everyone they loved. Absalom was happy to see them, and he winked more than three times, each one a punctuation to some joke or other, and everyone roared with laughter. Even Philo laughed. He seemed better, and Absalom told her in a quiet voice that he thought it was because Philo didn’t have to fight nightmares anymore. Apparently, Philo had been tortured by the creatures, and Absalom was ashamed of himself for letting the man go out and engage with the creatures at all. He should have saved him that terror for all these years. Nicce reassured him. How could Absalom have known?

  And then Se
ptimus made some kind of joke at Absalom’s expense, and everyone was laughing again.

  Xenia seemed pleased and content. When she looked at her daughter, she beamed, and when she looked at Revel, her eyes softened.

  Jonas had always seemed easy going, but he never stopped smiling throughout the meal. And Pati and Lian seemed more in love than ever, their gazes snagging on each other throughout the evening, and whenever they did, they didn’t seem to be able to look away.

  Nicce could feel herself buoyed up by all of it. Belonging here, with these people…

  She wanted it.

  The voice spoke up in the back of her mind, but she told it to shut up. Why did she have to do this, after all? Why did she have to fix the world? Hadn’t all her other attempts proved disastrous?

  After dinner, she and Eithan climbed up to the top of the Guild keep and looked out over the mountainside, at all of the Four Kingdoms spread out in front of them. The moon was full that night, and it cast silvery light over everything.

  The air was cool. It was early autumn.

  It was a night like this that they had met for the first time, Nicce thought.

  She reached for his hand in the darkness, and he curved his fingers around hers.

  They didn’t speak.

  They only stood together in the cool silvery breeze, and they soaked in the beauty around them.

  Eventually, they decided—wordlessly—to go back inside, and they climbed down the steps in the keep hand in hand. They walked through the hallways and emerged into their old bedroom.

  Well, it had once been Nicce’s room, but Eithan’s wardrobe was there now, and even though they’d been gone across the seas for years, they still had clothes here, still had belongings and pieces of who they were.

  Eithan kissed her forehead and went to build a fire in the fireplace. There was a damp chill in some of these rooms, and a fire would chase it away.

  Nicce perched on the bed and watched him, kneeling there. She watched the way his broad shoulders moved, watched the way his spine curved around his powerful back. He was beautiful, her husband.

  The fire flickered and caught, casting an orange glow through the room.

  Eithan straightened.

  She went to him. Her hands went to his belt and unbuckled it. She lay it on the nearby writing desk. She grasped handfuls of his tunic and pulled it up to reveal his flat stomach, the trail of dark hair that led to his belly button.

  He made a knowing noise deep in his throat and helped her with his shirt.

  Now, he was bared to her, and she ran her palms over his chest appreciatively. His skin was cold and firm, and he was her beautiful Eithan.

  He kissed her.

  She sighed against his mouth.

  His hands were inside her tunic, on her bare waist, making her shiver and sigh. He pulled on it, and she wriggled out of her shirt. His expert fingers undid her breast band and it fluttered to the floor. He gathered her breasts into his cold hands.

  She let out a strangled gasp, throwing back her head. She reached for his breeches, unlacing them, tugging them down. Then she found him, hard and thick and pulsing, and she squeezed him with both hands.

  He let out an appreciative grunt.

  “I want this,” she breathed.

  He hummed his assent.

  “I want this inside me. Just this. Nothing else, nothing between us.”

  He started.

  She drew in a shaky breath, meeting his gaze.

  “You mean…?” His voice was very deep.

  She nodded.

  He reached up to cup her face with one of his huge hands, rubbing his thumb over her cheekbone. His voice was like dark velvet. “Nicce, if I do that, that means we’re risking getting you with child.”

  “Yes,” she said. “I want that. Get me with child, Eithan Draig.” She used her hand between his legs to pull him even closer.

  He made another noise, guttural.

  They were kissing again.

  She was stroking him, and his fingers were inside her breeches, peeling them over her thighs as he divested her of them, and she was moaning into his lips, and his tongue was sweet and wet and good, and then they were tumbling onto the bed.

  She lay beneath him, trying to catch her breath, and he hovered over her, all shadows and angles.

  He ran his forefinger over the tip of her nose and then down over her lips. He was smiling. “You’re sure about this?”

  She felt as if her entire body was tingling all over, in anticipation. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever been quite this aroused so quickly, but it seemed so natural and so right, and she was nothing but an ache that radiated out from her core, and ache that needed soothing, and only Eithan could do it. “I’m sure. I want you. I want your baby.”

  He made a funny noise, almost a growl, and he pressed himself against her, his hardness against her slick softness.

  There was one more moment of separation, and then they were joined.

  She groaned.

  He groaned.

  It wasn’t long before she was seeing stars.

  When it was over, they clung to each other. He lay half on top of her and half off of her, his face buried in the crook of her neck and shoulder, and she ran her fingers lazily through his hair.

  She basked in the sleepy satiated sensation of it all. His skin was warmed from being close to her, and she was happy.

  “I’m confused.” His voice was muffled.

  She felt like she was made of feathers.

  He raised his face and looked down at her, his expression full of adoration for her. “I’m not complaining, but I thought we were waiting for this.”

  “I…” She sighed. “I’m thinking the answer has to be here on this continent, somewhere in the Four Kingdoms. The immortality comes from the gods, and the answer has to be here somewhere, because this is where the gods were.”

  He arched an eyebrow. “So, you don’t want to go back to sea, that’s what you’re saying?”

  She ran her fingers down his neck and over his shoulder. “Do you remember offering to stay home to raise the children while I went on quests?”

  He laughed. “I see. That’s the way it’s going to be?”

  “I just… I didn’t want to wait anymore. This way, our children and Septimus’s twins could grow up together, and…”

  He rolled off her onto his side. He propped himself up on an elbow and looked down on her. “You’re not giving up on fixing immortality, then?” He smiled at her. He leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Should have figured you wouldn’t.”

  She looked up at him, concerned. “Do you think it’ll be okay? Do you think we can make it work?”

  “We can do anything, Nicce,” he said, his lips finding hers.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  She got pregnant almost immediately, and she was glad but also frightened. This was real. This was happening. This was a person growing inside her.

  The voice wasn’t pleased.

  It grew louder and more insistent, and it plagued her constantly. She woke up to its whispers and fell asleep to its worries.

  You were meant to do something important, it would say. And what are you now? How is this different than Zed and the boat all those years ago? All this time, and your greatest ambition was to breed. It spit the words out, an insult.

  You put Feteran on the throne, and he will never leave that throne. What will happen after generations, when he becomes a tyrant and no one can stop his cruelty? What will happen when Jonas’s children come to Eithan to be changed? What will happen when your own children start to grow old? You were meant to fix this, and you failed, it said.

  She tried to appease the voice by doing research and looking through books in the library at Castle Brinne, but she was tired all the time since becoming pregnant, and it was hard to concentrate. She would read the words over and over and she couldn’t understand what it was they were even saying. After hours of this, she’d slam books in frustration and then come b
ack to the room she shared with Eithan for a nap.

  The voice was not satisfied.

  When she tried to talk to anyone else about it, she didn’t feel as if she could mention the voice exactly. The voice made her sound crazy. She wasn’t crazy. She knew the voice wasn’t real…

  It was only that it was right. She had meant to do something great for the world before she did this thing for herself. She didn’t know why she’d changed her mind, not exactly, but the love she felt for those tiny twin babies was too intense to resist.

  So, she told people about how she kept thinking about going out to search, and they all told her that she’d done enough and to relax for a while.

  She thought Xenia would understand, and she went to her, trying to explain that she was still working on solving the problem, but that she was simply too tired to travel when she was pregnant.

  Xenia only shook her head at Nicce. “You’re still harping on that?

  “It’s still a problem,” Nicce said. “It needs to be solved.”

  “Nicce, sweet girl, some things can’t be solved. Some things are simply bigger than we are. Some things must be accepted and struggled through.”

  “I don’t believe that,” said Nicce, lifting her chin. “It’s just like when I first heard the story of Feteran, and how he was punished by the gods. Let not your reach extend your grasp. Do not dream. Do not try. Well, that’s not who I am.”

  Xenia shrugged. “Perhaps I’m wrong, but haven’t you done enough? You killed a god and cut the rest of them off from our world. You’ve changed everything for me and for so many others. Now, your body is trying to grow a human. It’s all right to only concentrate on that. It’s a lot of work. Aren’t you tired?”

  She was tired.

  But the voice was inexhaustible.

  Soon, she stopped mentioning anything to anyone. She didn’t remember it always being this way. Once, it had had only been an itch at the back of her neck, a whisper that urged her in her dreams. Now, it was as if Diakos himself had taken up residence in her subconscious, and he was torturing her.

  She tried to tell the voice that she would go back and search, she would, but that first she needed to have the baby.