Bound Together

by Marie Coulson

  Thursday’s letter took me completely by surprise and brought a lump to my throat. It was deeply emotional and I could feel the passion in his words as I read them.

  My Princess Layla

  I cannot express how much I am looking forward to returning to you tomorrow. My heart feels heavy even as I write this letter and I haven’t even departed as yet. You left my company only moments ago and yet my body, heart and soul is yearning for you to return.

  I’m afraid you have to work today but at least it will distract you from counting the hours, minutes and seconds as I will be doing until I am reunited with you.

  I’m not sure how you will feel about what I say next but I hope that by the time you get this letter our relationship will have moved forward as I so desperately want it to.

  Layla Jennings I’m in love with you. Deeply, truly, madly and endlessly I love you. I want to devote my every breath to making you happy and give you everything your heart desires.

  You’re my sunshine, my rain and my evening stars. I feel as though I was living in the shadows and you have entered my life in a blaze of color and light which has illuminated my very existence.

  As for me, to love you alone, to make you happy, to do nothing which would contradict your wishes, this is my destiny and the meaning of my life - Napoléon Bonaparte

  Until tomorrow….Jared xxxx

  A deep pang of sadness jolted like electricity through my heart. He’d written these words only moments after I had been with him and yet felt he couldn’t tell me in person how he felt about me. It had only been after I had argued with him and stormed out on Amy that he had finally revealed he was in love with me. I had acted like a child and though I felt exactly the same about him, I found it painfully difficult to discover the right words to express how profoundly, intensely and genuinely I loved him also. I made a conscious decision to tell him precisely how I felt about him when he returned. I needed him to know that I was in this relationship just as much as he was and that my feelings ran equally as deep. I lay there for a while and read the letter over and over, reveling in the sweet sentiment.

  A loud crashing pulled me from my hazy daydream. Leaping to my feet, I ran out the door and over to Ollie’s room. It was unlocked and I let myself in cautiously. I stood there in total shock as I saw the remains of his precious white electric guitar scattered across the floor. Ollie was rock and roll but he’d never have smashed his baby in the name of art. Something was seriously wrong. The bathroom door swung open and he froze when his eyes met mine. His hand was wrapped in a scrap of material and I could see the blood stains seeping through. “Oh my god Oliver. What the hell did you do to yourself?” Hurrying to his aid, I took his hand and led him to the bed. Pulling him down beside me I unraveled the cloth from his palm. He hissed and winced as I removed the make-do bandage. There was a long shallow cut across his palm and it was bleeding slowly. Leaving him for a moment I ran to my room to fetch a first aid kit my mother had insisted I carry at all times.

  Taking out an antiseptic wipe, I went to work on his wound. He watched me in silence as I cleaned and dressed his hand. Packing up the first aid kit I glanced at him. “So, want to talk about it?”

  His eyebrows pinched together and he let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s a family thing.”

  Ollie had never talked about his home or family before and I’d always assumed it was because he found it painful. Looking at the expression on his face I felt I was probably right. Taking his hand, I held it reassuringly. He raised his head and stared into my eyes.

  “I didn’t have a great childhood Layla. My mom took off when I was a kid to live with her junkie boyfriend. The state handed me and my older brother over to my deadbeat father and I spent the next ten years of my life cleaning up empty bourbon bottles. My brother left the moment he turned eighteen, leaving me alone with a man who was more than happy to dish out his frustration on me with his fists. When I was sixteen I ran away when he was passed out on the couch. I went to find my mom but she’d moved leaving no address. I wasn’t going back home so I hitchhiked my way to California where my brother was. Anyway, he didn’t want me either but he did find me a place to stay and I ended up crashing with a friend of his for two years before I got into this place. I never heard from my mom or my dad and honestly I really didn’t care. Until this morning.”

  Leaning across me, he grabbed a letter from his bedside table and handed it to me. I gasped and pressed my hand to my mouth as I read it. “Ollie, I, I don’t know what to say.”

  “What’s to say? My waste of fucking oxygen father decided to write to me and let me know he’s in prison and that my mother is looking for me. What else is there?”

  He got to his feet abruptly and snatched the piece of paper from my hand. I sat there and watched him as he paced up and down frantically, growing angrier by the minute. “I mean why the fuck would he think I care? I haven’t seen that abandoning bitch since I was six years old and she didn’t exactly qualify for mother of the fucking year! And now that asshole is in prison for armed robbery. Big fucking surprise there. He was always going to end up banged up for something. He’s asking me to go see him and he actually expects me to go. Is he serious?” I walked over and gently wrapped my arms around him.

  My friend was in pain and it pained me to see it. He stood ridged in my arms and made no attempt to hug me back. Releasing him, I placed my hand on his shoulder and shook my head. “I don’t know Ollie. Do you want to see him?”

  Pulling away from me he snapped. “Fuck no! I don’t care what he wants! There is no way on earth I will ever be in the same room as that man ever again in my life.” Tossing the letter on the floor he rolled up the sleeve on his sweater, revealing his snake tattoo. “You see this ink here? I got that to cover up the scar he gave me with a broken bottle. Yeah. I’d come home without his fucking booze one evening and he pinned me down and carved the words little prick into my skin. And you really think I want to see him? I hope he gets fucking shived and dies in there.”

  Trailing my hand over his shoulder, I gently traced his tattoo with my fingertips. I thought about the poor child inside him. The child who had been abandoned by the woman who should have protected him, who’d been brutally scarred by the man who should have been taking care of him and then left fending for himself by the brother he looked up to. He gripped my wrist and moved it away from his arm, dropping it by my side. Seeing my sympathetic and hurt expression Ollie shook his head. His bandaged hand cupped my face and he sighed, pressing his forehead against mine. “I don’t want pity. I’m the man I am today because of all the shit I went through. Don’t ever feel sorry for what happened to me because I’m not. Please, forget about it all, ok?”

  How could I forget? Everything I knew about him had changed and he wasn’t just Ollie anymore. He was a hurt, damaged little boy who’d been forced to grow up unloved and frightened of his own father.

  I felt deeply ashamed of my inability to be strong for him. This was his time of need and there I was falling apart in front of him. Wrapping me in his arms, he rocked me side to side gently. I pressed my face into his neck and held him tightly.

  “I really am alright you know. This whole thing just dug up a past that I thought I buried three years ago. I hate that man with every bone in my body and I will never forgive him for what he did to me. But I will not let it own me. This is my life, my future and my decision now. He can’t control me or tell me what to do. I’m not going to see him and I am not interested in why my mother is looking for me. She didn’t care about me enough when I was a kid so why should I care about her now that I’m a man. I just want to forget this whole thing. Ok?” Lifting my head I nodded weakly. “Ok Ollie. But you know if you ever change your mind or you want to talk, I’m here for you.” He gave me a halfhearted smile and let me go.

  Scanning the room, Ollie ran his fingers through his long dark hair and sighed. Crouching down to the floor he picked up a piece of his shattered guitar and rubbed his thumb over t
he jagged edge before casting it aside. “Great, good going Ollie. Where the hell am I going to get another guitar by tomorrow night?”

  Bending down beside him, I took his hand and pulled him up with me.

  ”I don’t know, but I don’t think you’re going to feel any better if you keep looking at all this. Why don’t you take a walk, cool off and I’ll have this all cleared away when you get back. Go on.” Giving him a playful shove I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him towards the door. Stopping in the doorway he turned and placed a peck on my cheek. “You really are the best person I know Layla. You’re amazing, everything a man could ever dream of. He’s a really lucky guy. I just hope he knows that.” Giving me a rueful smile, he turned and left.

  Clutching my hand to my chest I pushed the door closed and pressed my palm against the hard wood trying to catch my breath. My head hurt as I tried to process everything I had just learned about my friend as I searched for a box or bag to dispose of the guitar pieces. Gathering them up, I glanced at Ollie’s night stand and dropped the sack of broken plastic and metal. A white frame sat directly opposite his pillow. Picking it up my jaw dropped in astonishment. There, caressing a microphone was me. He must have taken it that first night at the bar. My hair was swept around one side of my face and I was clearly caught in a moment when he’d snapped me mid note. A ghost of a smile was on my face and my eyes were tightly closed. Clasping the frame in my hands, I stared at the photo. Ollie was clearly not moving on and I had the distinct feeling that as time went on, things were going to get more and more complicated. Dropping the photo on the bed I finished cleaning up and left in a hurry. I needed him to know I had found his memento but I didn’t want to be there when he returned.

  Closing my door behind me, I leaned against it and massaged my temple, trying in vain to relieve the throbbing headache that was forming. The sound of my cell phone buzzing distracted me and I searched my purse for it. Without checking the caller I.D, I answered. “Hello?”

  “Hey sweetheart. Missing me?” Veins flooded with electricity as my body reacted immediately to the gentle growl of Jared’s voice on the line. A tingling ran up my spine as he spoke my name.

  “Layla? Baby is everything alright?”

  Taking a calming breath, I tried to seem unflustered.

  “Yeah, sorry. Everything’s fine I was just busy cleaning when you called that’s all. Of course I miss you. I’ve been missing you ever since you left for the airport and I’ll miss you more every second till you’re home. I could really use a hug right now.” I could hear concern in his voice as he responded to my last statement.

  “Why? Layla what’s going on? What’s happened? I’ll come back right now if you need me. I can be there in a few hours.” Cutting him off, I sighed. “No Jared, don’t do that. You have business to see to and I’m fine, honest it’s just been a bad day that’s all. Class dragged and then Ollie had this crisis and I had to be there for him, it was really emotionally draining.”

  There was a moment of silence and my stomach lurched as I realized my mistake.

  “Oliver who lives across the hall? The same Oliver who practically accused me of abducting you the other night? The Oliver who is desperately trying to get into your panties? That Oliver? Well, how fucking convenient. Oh, I really under estimated him didn’t I. Seizing his opportunity as soon as I’m out of the picture to have a sudden melt-down and then there you are giving him a shoulder to cry on. Sounds very fucking cozy, Layla. Truly, I hope he feels better for it because when I get back I’m going to give him something to cry about!”

  Irritated at his assumptions I snarled at him furiously. “How dare you accuse him of being deceitful! You have no idea what he’s going through. I’ve seen for myself firsthand and it’s not something he could or would have made up just to get to me. Besides it was me who urged him to talk about it. He was more than happy to go along living in his hell alone. He’s my friend Jared and he needs people around him who care. I will not just abandon him like everyone else in his life has. You need to accept that or this, me and you, is never going to work. I told you before, you don’t have to like him and you don’t even have to trust him but you have to trust me! I would never cheat on you Jared and I thought you knew me well enough to know how I feel about you, that I want you and only you!”

  “Oh come on Layla you really think he won’t use this sudden crisis to his advantage? Take that opportunity to get closer to you? He’s a guy Layla, he doesn’t think like you do. And how can you think I’d know how you feel when you never tell me how you feel. You say you love me but those three words begin to feel really numb sometimes. It’s like I never know what you’re really thinking or feeling when you say them. I’m totally devoted to you Layla. I think about you constantly and can’t imagine my life without you. You’re the air in my lungs, the blood in my veins and the constant beat of my heart. I love you so much, I can’t think straight. As long as you walk this earth, no other woman even exists to me. That’s how I feel Layla, every minute of every damn day since I first laid eyes on you. But how you feel about me is a total fucking mystery and I get the feeling you’re holding back on me. If this, us, isn’t what you want then just cut the fucking cord already. Don’t keep torturing me.”

  Fury was coursing through my body as I yelled into the cell phone I held in my now shaky hand. “Just because I find it hard to express my feelings, it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel anything! I’m not some ice queen with a heart of stone. I feel exactly the same about you and I can’t understand how you could ever doubt that. I love you with every breath in my body. I have never felt so totally out of control in my entire life and it scares the hell out of me. I’m terrified by this awesome power you have over me. With one look, one word, one spine tingling touch, you can bring me to my knees and at the same time lift me so high I feel like I can fly. I’ve never felt this way before about anyone and knowing that you actually question my feelings about you, about us, breaks my fucking heart. I don’t want us to be over and if you ever really knew me you’d know I love you Jared. I didn’t realize I had to say it every damn minute for you to know that. You say you love me Jared but you clearly don’t trust me.” Breathless and shaking with anger I dropped the phone onto the floor and launched myself onto my bed in a fit of rage. Growling in frustration I lay staring at the ceiling. I could hear his yelling coming from the phone which lay abandoned on the floor but I didn’t care. I wasn’t willing to speak to him while I felt so utterly outraged. I wasn’t going to cry over Jared Garrett and his stupid jealousy. It wasn’t worth the energy.

  A key turned in the door and glancing over, I saw Amy come in. Seeing me on the bed and my phone on the floor she rushed over to pick it up and moved away from me. She spoke in hushed tones and I knew Jared must have been frantic on the other end because she repeatedly asked him to calm down and let me have some space to cool off. Hanging up, she hurried to my side and slid behind me on the bed, draping a protective arm over me. The emotional exhaustion of the day was catching up with me and I felt so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open. But I still had a shift at the coffee shop to get through, a thought that made me feel completely drained.

  “Oh honey, I don’t know what happened between you two but he sounded completely devastated when you wouldn’t talk to him. Is it really that bad?”

  Turning to face her I nodded. “It’s this whole Ollie thing and the fact that apparently, I can’t express how I feel properly. I never wanted to hurt him but I’m scared of letting myself get so consumed by what we have. What happens if it all ends? I don’t think I’d survive it Amy. I spent a long time building a wall around myself when Josh broke my heart and now Jared has taken a sledge hammer and brought it crumbling down around me. He doubts everything I say and is constantly accusing Ollie of being some kind of woman stealing ass-hole. Ollie was in a bad mood earlier and I offered him a shoulder to cry on and some support. Is that so wrong?” She shook her head but remained silent, allowing me to continue.<
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  “Jared hated it when I told him about it and accused Ollie of making it all up to get close to me. We had a fight and he said he never knows what I’m thinking or how I feel because I never tell him. But I show him all the time Amy. How can he doubt me?”

  Pulling me to her tightly, she stroked my hair. “Oh sweetie, you two are so crazy about each other and you’re both such passionate people you’re bound to get this way sometimes. Maybe Jared is just scared of losing you and this is the only way he knows how to deal with it? He’s a business man Layla; they’re used to people being underhanded and sneaky, trying to get what they want and he probably thinks Ollie is the same. Try and cut him some slack honey. He’s miles away, missing you like crazy and here you are in the arms of another man. Ok so it’s only Ollie, but still, how would you feel if it were reversed?”

  My heart ached at the thought of him in the arms of another woman, stroking her face and their lips touching. Pushing it from my mind, I lifted my head and looked at her. “You’re right. I’d hate it. But I would never question how he feels about me.”

  “No but you question everything else he does.” I raised my eyebrow at her and rolled my eyes. She was right but it didn’t excuse his jealous outburst.

  “Look sweetie, you know he loves you because he tells you constantly how he feels and showers you with his affection. Maybe you need to find a way to show him you adore him too? In fact I think I have an idea, but you have to be totally open-minded. Alright?” Intrigued, I nodded and listened intently to her plan.