Bound Together

by Marie Coulson

  “Wrong answer!” My arms swung back and in a heavy swoop I crashed the wrench hard into his side mirror, knocking it clean off and flying through the air. He stared at me with the same wounded and devastated expression on his face as before; as though I hadn’t just fractured his expensive and beautiful Jag. His silence fueled my anger. “Last chance Jared. Who is she?!” He shook his head again and stared at me. “I can’t tell you.”

  My blood boiled and all my hurt, pain and grief was now flooding through my body as tears streamed down my face. Uncontrollably, I smashed the wrench into his car sending the other side mirror hurtling across the driveway and landing at his feet. The windshield shattered as I struck a devastating blow right into the center. Dragging and slamming the wrench over the car, scratching and denting the body work, I growled and sobbed as the aching in my heart consumed me.

  Dropping the weapon, I dropped to my knees and cried shamelessly. My head in my hands, my body shook with every deep and agonizing sob. Falling to the ground in front of me, he took my hands from my face and held them in his. “Please Layla, you have to believe me, I can’t explain but you have to trust me. Please don’t do this to us.” Snatching my hands away, I ripped the ring from my finger and hurled it at him. “I didn’t do this to us. You did! You can take back all your promises because they don’t mean a thing to me anymore and they obviously never meant anything to you. You tell me she’s not what I think but won’t tell me who she is or give me an explanation. I’m done!”

  Pulling the pendant from around my neck, I held it in my palm and dumped it harshly onto the concrete. His own was hanging heavily around his neck and as he looked deep into my eyes I could see the tears pooling. “Please Layla, I love you. I’d give up everything to hold on to your heart. Please don’t do this.”

  Resting my forehead against his, I let out a heart wrenching sob. “You had my heart Jared. I gave it to you willingly. And you just ripped it out and threw it against the wall.”

  Scrambling to my feet I strode to my car and climbed in, tears falling down my face I looked back one last time. Broken and on the ground, he held my pendant in his hand as his own salty, self-pitying tears slid down his cheeks. Turning the key, I started the car and pulled out of the driveway without looking back. Driving home to my friends, my grief, my shattered heart and my lonely bedroom, I cried and cursed myself for falling in love. I’d jumped off the cliff, soared through the air and now I had finally slammed straight into the ground. The pain was debilitating, paralyzing and my heart felt crippled from the devastating blow.

  * * *

  The drive went in a blur and I couldn’t even remember how I got back. Sitting in the car I couldn’t move. My body felt weak from the crying and I could hardly find the strength to breathe. My cell had continued to buzz in my purse all the way from his house to the dorm but I couldn’t even bear to look at it as his name flashed on the screen. My heart shattering into a thousand pieces, I stared out of the window at the dorm entrance. Taking a deep breath, I found the strength to stand and got out of the car. The cool morning air hit my face, stinging my cheeks which were sore from the river of tears I’d cried.

  Standing outside my room, I could hear Amy and Mel talking through the door. I couldn’t face their endless questions as yet; I just wasn’t ready to relive the pain. Stepping back, I pressed my back against Ollie’s door and slid all the way to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees. Just when I thought I was all cried out, tears fell like a waterfall over my swollen, red cheeks. Sobbing into my knees, I heard footsteps approaching and as they grew nearer, they broke into a run. Skidding down onto his knees beside me, Ollie’s strong warm arms wrapped around me protectively. “What the fuck Layla? What happened? Are you hurt?” Panic plagued his voice and lifting my head to look at him, I nodded.

  “Where? Are you in pain?”

  Sobbing, I took his hand and placed it over my heart. “Oh baby girl.”

  “You were right Ollie. He was just using me as a pastime between trips to New York. I went to his house to try and work things out and...” a gulping sob escaped me, “…there was a woman there. He tried to deny it but I saw her Ollie. She’s the reason he was in New York. The secret phone calls. Everything. I’m so stupid.”

  Holding me tightly to him he rocked me gently, pressing his lips to my head. “No, you’re not stupid Layla, he’s an asswipe. You’re worth a thousand of him. He’s a fucking idiot.”

  Pulling me up with him, he opened his door and took me inside. Nick had obviously spent the night elsewhere, which left us alone and I was glad for the silence. I couldn’t think straight. Sitting on Ollie’s bed, I held my head in my hands as he crouched in front of me. “Layla, I know you don’t want to hear this, but it’s better this way. At least now you have the truth and you can cut him out of your life. He’s a tumor and you need to completely remove him.”

  I shook my head. “How will I ever get over him Ollie? I love him. Even after all of this. I just can’t stop loving him. I hate myself for ever falling for that man.” Holding me tight, he stroked my hair.

  “You’ll get through this. You still have me, Amy and Mel. We love you so much. We’re right here with you. It’ll be ok. Just give it some time. Here, why don’t you lie down and try to get some sleep.” Gently pressing me down onto the bed, he brushed a strand of hair from my face. The sound of knocking made my head pound and the moment Ollie opened it, Amy and Mel rushed past him to my side.

  Jared had called Amy in a desperate plea to reach me but telling him to drop dead, she and Mel refused to help him. Lying on either side of me on the small bed, they hugged me as I cried and sobbed myself to sleep.

  Mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, I must have slept for at least six hours and waking up, blurry eyed and alone I scanned my surroundings. Posters, a guitar and a drum set reminded me that I was in Ollie’s room. And then, the stomach churning realization that it hadn’t all been a horrible dream. Running to the bathroom, I heaved and vomited violently. Sitting there hugging the toilet, I rubbed my sore and pounding head. The sound of yelling echoed outside the door and I could hear Mel’s high pitched screaming and the low growling of Jared’s voice followed by Ollie’s. Gripping the sink, I hauled myself to my feet and staggered to the door. Pressing my ear to it firmly, I listened to their harsh words and Jared’s desperate pleas to see me. “Drop dead shit streak! She doesn’t want to see you ever again. So why don’t you just turn around and go back to the sewer you crawled out of.” Ouch, Mel sure did have a poisonous tongue when she needed it. “Please Mel. I just need to see her. I’m in pieces here. I swear I never cheated on her I couldn’t, I wouldn’t. I just want to see her.”

  Opening the door, I stood staring at the group of people in the hallway. All eyes darted to me. Jared’s face was pale and etched with worry as he gazed at me. “Layla, please, I swear I just want to talk. Just give me ten minutes and I swear I’ll leave but you have to hear me out.” Ollie squared up to him practically spitting in his face. “What don’t you understand about get fucked jizz stain!?” Jared ignored him as his eyes pleaded with me for a chance, for hope. Holding the door open I stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. Ollie stared at me in disbelief.

  “Are you fucking serious!?” Closing the door in his face, unwilling to discuss my reasons, I walked to the bed and sat down staring at the floor, window, door, anywhere but at Jared.

  Slumping down next to me, he exhaled loudly. “Layla I swear I didn’t sleep with her. I…” Cutting him off, I asked again.

  “Who is she?” He shook his head ruefully.

  “I can’t tell you. But please Layla you have to believe me that I could never be unfaithful to you. I love you. Please come back. I can’t be without you. You promised I’d never have to.” Now I was the one being icy and distant. “No Jared. I never thought you would ever hurt me the way you have but every time you open your damn mouth I just get another painful reminder that you don’t trust me and I definit
ely don’t trust you anymore.” He grimaced and I could see the pain in his eyes as he gazed at me. Tears fell slowly from my red puffy eyes. Scanning my face for any glimmer of hope he shook his head. “What are you saying?” Gulping a sob, I gazed back at him. “It’s over Jared. I just can’t do it anymore.” Nodding gently, he exhaled loudly.

  Tears were stinging my eyes as I rose to my feet and opened the door. Ollie, Amy and Mel were still standing in the hall and with concern on their faces they watched as Jared stood and walked out. Giving me a final heart-breaking look, he turned and walked away. I watched him go, away from me, from us and out of my life and it hurt. My legs gave way and if not for Ollie holding me up, I would have been lying in a heap on the floor. My body trembled and my blood ran cold as the three of them carried me into my room and laid me on my bed. There was nothing left. I had nothing left but to grieve and mourn for the love I’d lost. Closing my eyes I let my misery consume me.

  Chapter 36

  Numb

  The next few weeks passed in a hazy blur. Shutting everyone out, I went into auto pilot. It had always been my way of coping and when my parents divorced, I’d spent six months just wandering the school halls, going from class to class like a zombie. When Mel told them what had happened, my parents called almost every hour making sure I wasn’t about to hurl myself under a bus. Mel had begged me to come back to Pasadena and transfer to be nearer to her but my life was here with Amy and Ollie now. It consisted of waking up, going to classes and sleeping; albeit not very well. I stayed away from social events and I hadn’t been to the bar in over a month. Respecting my need for space, Amy and Ollie hadn’t pressed me about it. I’d tried to continue working in the coffee shop but the painful memories of Jared were a constant reminder of my broken heart. Lorraine was visibly upset when I gave her my notice but understood why I felt I couldn’t stay. She’d pulled me into the office and begged me to reconsider but my mind was made up. “He’s a good man Layla and I’ve never seen him so broken. I can’t help but wonder what it was that came between you, you seemed so happy together.”

  Resting my hand on her arm, I gave her a weak smile. “Our problems started from the word go and we only have ourselves to blame. We just couldn’t be honest with each other. And now we have to live with the consequences. I really loved working here Lorraine.”

  Taking my hand she smiled. “Then stay, please.”

  I shook my head regretfully. “I can’t. I’m sorry. Thanks for everything. I won’t forget what you’ve done for me.”

  Promising Kate we’d keep in touch, I left the place I had once loved like a second home behind me, feeling it was now a painful reminder of everything I’d lost. Without work to distract me I focused on my studies and spent most of my time hauled up in my room. It was quiet, empty and lonely; just how I felt inside. Desolate. Days were just melting into one long depressing month. For weeks Jared had bombarded me with calls, texts and sent me dozens and dozens of bouquets. The last one had been considerably impressive. As I sat in psych class, a courier had wandered in with a very large bunch of long stem white roses. The note that accompanied them was a typical ploy from him to provoke warm and loving memories of our time together. This one was a doozy. Reading it aloud to Ollie, who was practically foaming at the mouth over the gesture, I winced. “Baby since you left me I’ve found a new place to dwell. It’s at the end of Victoria Street, the heartbreak hotel.”

  Ollie snorted and shook his head. I knew that Jared was referring to our morning together the first time I stayed with him. The morning I’d caught him singing Elvis, making him blush with embarrassment. I remembered how I’d picked up a spoon and belted out the song myself, just to ease his embarrassment. Annoyed that I’d allowed myself to dwell on such a painful memory I took a pen, wrote on the back of his note and handed it to the courier. “Could you be sure he gets that along with his flowers. Thank you.”

  Ollie eyed me curiously. “What did you write?”

  Smiling a little, for the first time in weeks, I was pleased with myself. “Return to sender. The truth unknown. Gifts unwanted. Leave me alone.”

  Staring at my notebook, I suddenly felt the familiar feeling I always got when Jared crept swiftly and silently back into my life and my thoughts. Nauseous. It didn’t matter how hard I tried to forget him, I couldn’t. I was in love and he still grasped my heart in his hand. The pain was raw and I gulped as a sob threatened. Ollie draped a supportive arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him. Resting my head on his chest, I swiped at my eyes as tears slid silently over my cheeks. After weeks of being apart, I still couldn’t forget. Would I ever stop fucking crying?

  Friday came around quickly and I sat melancholy on my bed and watched as Amy dashed about the room getting ready for a night out at the bar. Turning to face me, she leaned into her hip and tilted her head at me. “You sure you won’t come? You can’t sit in this room for the rest of your life. You need to get out there Layla. You’re a delicate flower and you need food, fluids and TLC. That’s where Ollie and I come in. I promise you can just sit there all night and not say a word if you want but you have to get out of this hell-hole! You’re going to end up rotting in that bed soon.” I shrugged nonchalantly. I didn’t care anymore. Life had no meaning for me. Days were long and nights were longer. “That’s it, you leave me no choice.” Picking up her cell she hit speed dial. “It’s me. Plan B.” I watched her curiously as she stalked over to the door and pulled it open.

  Standing in the hallway shaking her head at me was Mel. I hadn’t seen her since Jared and I had broken up and she was a welcome sight. Leaping from the bed I ran to her, throwing my arms around her neck and crying softly on her shoulder. “Shhh, I know baby girl but you have to snap out of this. How long are you going to torture yourself Layla? You have to get on with your life. Come on, you’re coming out with us tonight. It’s open mic night and you are coming to that bar even if I have to drag you by your hair, and you know I will.” A slight smile grazed my lips as she fisted her hands on her hips and stared me down. Rolling my eyes, I nodded weakly. “That’s my girl. Now go shower. You look like a hermit in those sweats. I swear you need a babysitter.” I began walking towards the bathroom listening to her go on about me needing supervision. “That’s why I’ve decided to transfer here.” I turned around quickly and gawked at her. Grinning, she nodded. “As of Monday I’ll be a Cali State student!”

  I couldn’t believe it. My eyes darted to Amy who was giving me a knowing smile. “You knew about this?”

  Nodding she giggled. “We were talking the other day. Mel called to check how you were and when I told her how bad you were handling everything she said she couldn’t stand being so far away anymore. So first thing Monday I went to admissions and picked up the necessary paperwork. Mel came down on Tuesday, filed it and hey presto college changeo!”

  Taking their hands, I pulled them into a warm hug. “You guys are the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Mel chuckled in my ear. “Right now I’d be happy if you would just shower.” Laughing lightly, I left them in my room and headed for the bathroom. For the first time in weeks I was feeling ok again, a little more normal, a little more Layla. And I really had missed her; the feisty, independent and take no prisoners girl I was when I first came to college. Would I ever get her back permanently?

  * * *

  Sitting at our booth, I scanned the bar. The usual aroma of sweat and bitter ales was rancid but in my current mood it seemed so comfortably familiar. Ollie, Amy and Mel had executed operation ‘Don’t leave Layla on her own’ expertly for the past two hours. I was constantly in the company of at least one of my friends. Finding myself alone with Ollie, I suddenly felt awkward. Gazing at me from across the table he bit his bottom lip, making his piercing pinch as it caught on his teeth.

  “How you feeling?”

  I shrugged and took another sip of my drink. “Same old. You playing tonight?”

  He nodded and slid his fingers up and down the glass
he’d been nursing for the past twenty minutes. “I spoke to my brother today. He wants me to go stay with him over winter break, but I’d rather not. He’ll just use it as an excuse to try and talk about our parents and I am not willing to open that fucking can of worms.” My stomach twisted as a realized through all my own hurt and heartache I’d forgotten about his. Giving him an apologetic look, I placed my hand over his on the table. “I’m so sorry Ollie. I’ve been so caught up with my own crap, I completely neglected you and everything you’re going through. If you’re not going to be with your brother where will you go?” Winter break was only a week away and I was spending the first two weeks at home in Pasadena with daddy and Mel before driving to San Francisco to spend a week with mom after Christmas. Staring at the table Ollie shrugged. “I don’t know. Stay here on campus I guess.”

  My eyebrows furrowed as I thought about him being alone over the holidays. Amy was heading home too, so there would be no one to keep him company. Without thinking I blurted word vomit right at him. “Come with me.”

  His head snapped up and he looked at me confused. “What did you say?”

  Leaning forward, I repeated my statement. “Come with me. Come to Pasadena. You can stay with us for Christmas and then come back here after when I go to San Francisco. Say yes Ollie. Please, I don’t want you to be alone.”

  He gawked at me, clearly taken aback. After everything that had happened between us, I’d thought that Ollie and I were through. But on the floor outside his dorm room that fateful day, he scooped me into his arms and picked up the shattered pieces of my heart. I was in his debt. I’d put him through hell and yet he continued to take care of me, support me and be a constant pillar of strength. He truly was an amazing person with a heart of gold and I owed him.