Like Falling

by Jaden Wilkes

  She closed her eyes, stood on her toes and tilted her face up for his kiss. She felt his lips on hers, hot and urgent. She parted hers and opened her mouth to him. He slid his tongue along her lower lip and found her tongue, waiting. She fell into it, their tongues swirling around each other, her heart pounding in her chest and a single desire coursing through her body. She wanted to be his, she wanted him inside of her, in her heart and her body.

  She pressed herself against his muscular body and felt his hardness through his jeans. Oh wow, he’s huge, she thought, alarmed, way bigger than Adam. I hope he doesn’t hurt as much as Adam did. She knew it would be worth it, any hurt from Tyr would be sweetened with these overwhelming feelings and sensations she had racing up and down her body.

  She ran her hands up and down his back, feeling his muscles ripple as he moved his hands through her hair. She wondered if his tattoos extended to his back, and how far down they went. She wanted to run her tongue and lips along every complex pattern and find the end, hoping it was near his hot hard dick. She let out a small whimper of longing and he grabbed her hair, holding her tight against him. His hard body curled over hers protectively, she melted into his, wondering when they could get naked.

  She pulled away and said “Let’s go inside.” She took his hand and took him along with her towards her bedroom. She stumbled slightly, he stopped and said “Sarah, look at me. How much have you had to drink?”

  “It doesn’t matter, does it?” she replied and grabbed his head, trying to pull him down to her for another kiss. He held himself back and said “It does matter, I like you sober.”

  “What’s the problem Tyr? I know what I’m doing, I feel pretty good actually. I’m not drunk!”

  “Did you finish that entire bottle tonight?”

  “No,” she replied and laughed, “I had some tequila too!”

  “That’s not ok, you are tiny, you shouldn’t drink that much. You can hurt yourself,” he said. Did he call me tiny?

  “Tyr, I’m here, and I want you. I’ve wanted you since the first day I waved at you like a total dork, ok? So have me, take me, let’s just do this!” She grabbed his hands and tried to drag him to her room.

  “I will not have you like this, I never thought our first time...” he trailed off.

  “Our first time? You’ve thought about this?” she asked breathlessly.

  He pulled her close, leaned over her and looked into her eyes. “I’ve thought about it from the moment I saw you in class that day. You sat there glowing with this innocence and beauty, and when you blushed...” he said in a low voice, “I wanted to rush down and pull you into my arms and tell you everything was ok.”

  “Why didn’t you?” she gasped, surprised by this confession. “Why have you never mentioned it?”

  “You were with Adam, whatever that was. I didn’t want to get in between you and your man,” he said, pushing her up against the wall with his body. "It drove me crazy, to think of him taking what should have been mine, of his body on yours. I could barely look at you because when I thought about it, I wanted to fucking smash his face,” he said, his voice a growl by now. He put one hand against the wall next to her head, the other held her waist. He looked pained when he continued, “I'm not used to this, I usually fuck with no strings attached...but you're different Sarah. I want to fuck you, to own you, to love you and never leave you and I don't know what to do with that."

  “Oh," was all she could manage to say. "I was never with Adam, not really,” she added quietly.

  “So yes, to answer your question, I’ve thought about it, and this is not how it’s going to go down. I don’t want to fuck you drunk, ok? That’s now how we are meant to be together,” he said, his eyes full of passion and something else. Love? Does he love me? she thought. Do I love him? I know my body craves him, I want him inside of me and covering me with his body, but is there more than that?

  She needed to break the tension, her foggy mind couldn’t process what he had just said. “Are you sure I can’t tempt you?” she smiled and wiggled her hips.

  “You can always tempt me, but right now you need to go to bed and I need to go home. I think I’ll be taking a few cold showers tonight,” he smiled, brushing her hair off her cheek and turning to leave.

  She was crushed, she felt rejected, but she could also see his point of view even in her drunken haze. She still had her back on the wall, her palms resting against it as if holding her up. She suddenly felt vulnerable and exposed. It was an emotional night, maybe he’s just trying to protect me, she thought. Then her inner critic had to add maybe Tyr is just being nice and trying to let me down gently, he’s just not that interested after all. She didn’t know anymore, and she wanted to go to bed.

  He paused a couple of feet away and turned back. “I’ll see you soon Sarah, ok?” he walked back to her and lifted her chin with his finger. She smiled sadly and felt tears coming to her eyes. “Ok,” she replied. He ran his hand through her hair again, settling it on the back of her head. He leaned close and whispered into her ear “When we do have our first time, and I assure you it will happen, it will be perfect. You deserve perfect Sarah, and I want to give that to you.” His lips brushed her cheek, he got his shoes and jacket on and was gone.

  The apartment felt lonely and dark after he left. Sarah gathered the drinks from the balcony and poured the rest of hers down the drain. She felt the weight of his departure on her heart, climbed into her bed, curled up in the dark and cried herself to sleep.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Sarah started the semester in a bit of a fog. She had gotten all the courses she wanted, another English class, two Archaeology, another Biology and Anthropology.

  Tyr had been distant since New Years Eve. She texted him on and off and he replied immediately, but his answers were always succinct and impersonal. She tried to draw him out with no success. She was saddened and yet hopeful. She had a feeling of calm when she thought about him. She believed it when he said they would be together eventually, she just didn’t know how long she would have to wait. He was a complicated and frustrating man, but thinking about his hardness pressing her thigh made her knees wobbly and the wait worthwhile.

  A couple of weeks into the school term and she found her sea legs again, so to speak. It was always a juggle at first, trying to remember what days each class or lab was on. She was walking to her Thursday afternoon Anthropology course when she saw Adam strolling down the long concourse near the cafeteria. Shit, did he see me? She looked around for somewhere to hide, nothing. Dammit. He waved at her from a distance. Yup, he saw me...can’t escape now.

  “Sarah! I was hoping I’d run into you,” Adam said, a broad smile on his face. Of course you are, you need your dick sucked, she thought, instantly guilty at her crude thought. How come I never noticed how big his teeth are? He has horse teeth. My god I lost my virginity to a guy with horse teeth. Ok, they weren’t that bad, but still, Adam almost repelled her now.

  “Hey Adam, what’s up?” she replied, trying to look like she was on her way somewhere important.

  “How were your holidays? I wondered why you didn’t keep in touch,” he smiled and touched her arm. “I was starting to feel a bit used actually.” He laughed at his own bad joke, she did not.

  “That’s doubtful,” she replied, deadpan.

  He looked nervous, tugged at his ear and said “Are you ok? Are we ok? What happened? You disappeared after your final and I didn’t know where you went.”

  “I went home for Christmas, I needed to see my family and reconnect with my roots,” she said.

  “Oh yes, I guess that makes sense. I think I’m trying to say I miss you, I miss our talks...I miss your...your attention,” he shifted from one foot to the other. Sarah couldn’t believe she had once seen him as so suave and dashing, he was in front of her now like a guilty little school boy.

  “I was going to say goodbye, but I saw her Adam,” she was starting to feel angry thinking of that elegant woman leaning on his arm.


  “Who are you talking about?” he asked, eyes widening, then he said “Oh, you saw us. Let me explain, it wasn’t what it looked like...” his voice trailed off as she walked away.

  After a few steps she stopped, turned around and said “You know what? It doesn’t even matter at this point. What we had, what we did...it was sad Adam. I just hope you get your life together, I really do.”

  He smiled and said, “Oh it’s ok Sarah, I have my life exactly where I want it,” his voice full of his usual confidence. He raised one eyebrow, smirked and walked away.

  Fuck, I wanted to walk away from him. I just lost the upper hand, she thought, oh well, I guess Tyr was righter than he’ll ever know, Adam is a douche extraordinaire. Good riddance, I just hope the next girl isn't as nice about it as I am.

  She shrugged it off, turned and continued to her class, her step felt lighter and she had a heart full of hope for the future.

  *****

  It was almost the end of January before she was able to get Tyr alone. She had heard that Tiff was history and was dying to have him all to herself. Throughout the month he had come along for a dinner here and there, but always in the group. Tonight the four of them had gone for Greek food, an amazing place on Davie Street in the West End of Vancouver. Afterwards they had driven Tyr’s Jeep to Stanley Park and were walking along the seawall at Third Beach. Nic and Naomi had run off somewhere, and Sarah was left with Tyr alone at last. They found an empty bench under a streetlight overlooking the ocean. She loved the salt smell in the air and the soothing sound of the waves. It was like a gigantic noise machine, it made her calm and almost sleepy. She wiggled close to Tyr and hooked her arm in his. Her body responded with immediate desire, her pussy felt warm and wet and she wondered if his dick was reacting to her. Naomi would be so proud of me, I’m calling it my pussy without even thinking, she smiled to herself, now if only I could call his penis the C word. Cock. Ok brain, I said it. Cock. She actually made herself blush and felt like a bit of a flailer.

  She heard him sigh and he pulled his arm away, her heart dropped and she looked at him. He had his arm up and motioned for her to snuggle in, she did and he wrapped his arm around her, holding her tight against him.

  “This is nice,” she said finally. They had been watching the boats on the water and the distant lights of West Vancouver.

  “It is, it really is,” he said and pulled her tighter. She felt secure against his muscular hard body, she knew he would protect her from anything, he would make sure nothing bad ever happened to her.

  She laid her head on his shoulder and imagined for the hundredth time what his body looked like naked. She knew she was attracted to him, his exotic look and demeanor, but his tattoos added an air of mystery. She thought about his muscles moving under his skin, his ink jumping as he flexed, his arms straining as he held himself above her, thrusting and panting. Oh my god I have to fuck him before I go insane and end up dating some weirdo biker just for the tattoos!

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked her.

  “Nothing much, just how pretty it is,” she replied, feeling guilty.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you Sarah, I just wanted to say that.”

  “I wasn’t aware that you were actually,” she said, now intrigued. Why would he be avoiding me?

  “I have been going through some family stuff, it’s dramatic and shitty and I don’t want to bring you into it,” he said, his face expressionless. She glanced at his profile in the artificial light, she could see fine lines around his eyes, he did look strained.

  “I’m here for you Tyr, please don’t ever feel like you have to shield me from anything, ok?”

  “You’re so innocent Sarah, I mean I know you’ve been drinking and shit, but nothing weighs you down. You have this gorgeous radiance that lights you from within…I don’t know, I sound like a creep,” he laughed, “I don’t know exactly what I’m saying. I guess you deserve something perfect, and I don’t think I can give you that.”

  She didn’t know what to say, she needed a moment to process all he had said. Finally she looked at him and said “You know what Tyr? I appreciate what you’re saying, but it’s bullshit. I’m not perfect, my life isn’t perfect, and I don’t need to be protected from any of the stuff you’re talking about. Give me a chance, let me in. You might be surprised at how ok I am with everything,” she breathed in and looked at him.

  He looked down at her and said “I think I’m guilty of one thing.”

  “What’s that?” she asked, meeting his gaze.

  “Underestimating you Sarah Miller,” he smiled, cupped her face in his hands and tilted her back for a kiss. They were deep in the middle of an incredible kiss when Naomi came out of nowhere. She sat down on the bench next to Sarah, laughing her head off.

  “Hey hey hey lovebirds,” she said, short of breath. She looked back at Nic and yelled “I told you we’d catch them, you owe me twenty bucks!”

  “Oh my god you guys, get a room!” Nic laughed. “Sorry for interrupting by the way!”

  “What are you saying?” Tyr asked, pulling away from Sarah. “You decided to ruin our make out session for a bet?” He was laughing now as well.

  “I guess it’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?” Sarah added, happy that he was ok with their mutual attraction being out in the open.

  On the drive back home Naomi leaned over the back seat and asked Tyr to stop at 7-11.

  “What do you need?” Sarah asked.

  “We just want to stock up on some munchies, we scored some wicked weed today and can’t wait to smoke up and watch cheesy movies,” Naomi explained.

  Tyr seemed annoyed by this, but stopped for them anyways.

  “Well I guess we know what they spent their money on,” Sarah laughed.

  “Yeah, I suppose we do,” he replied, his voice wooden.

  “Come on, they’re just having fun.”

  “I don’t think it’s very funny though, I think it’s sad,” Tyr said, refusing to budge from his opinion.

  “Well, I’ve never smoked up so I wouldn’t know, but it looks kinda fun to me,” she admitted. “What’s your deal with it anyways?”

  He looked at her, hesitated and finally said “My mom’s a junkie. She was an alcoholic, she always smoked weed, every single day when I was a kid. And eventually that changed to meth. I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but I vowed I would never walk that path.”

  She had to think about his revelation for a moment. His mother a junkie? What does that even really mean? She had never known a drug addict before and was only vaguely aware of what meth even was. “Where does she live?” she asked finally, just to break the tension. She tried to picture Tyr as a young boy with an alcoholic mother. It was a dismal image.

  “She’s sometimes in Prince Rupert, sometimes down here. I spent Christmas looking for her. My aunt called and said she had been spotted somewhere down on Hastings Street. It was a rough holiday.”

  “Oh my god Tyr, I can’t even imagine, I’m sorry,” she wanted to reach out to him, but was unsure of what to do.

  “And that’s it, there it is,” he said, she could see him shutting down again. “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t want sympathy, it’s her life and she doesn’t have anything to do with who I am anymore.”

  “I’m not being sympathetic to be condescending, I care. I care that you have pain in your life and I wish you would let me shoulder some of it,” she said. “And your mom must have done some good, you are a pretty awesome guy. She must have had something to do with that, there must be some good you remember.”

  “A bit maybe, when I was really small. I spent most of my childhood cleaning up her messes, looking after my brother and sister.”

  “You have siblings? How old are they?” she asked. She was intrigued by his nurturing side. She briefly thought of him as a father and husband and thought he’d fit the bill. I wonder what mom and dad would think though, he’s certainly not Mennonite enou
gh for them. They’d probably start praying the moment they saw his tanned skin and black hair, then faint when they discovered his tattoos and terrible childhood.

  “I have just the two, my sister is Anna, she’s 14 now. She lives with my grandmother in Prince Rupert. My brother is Jarrod, he’s 9. He lives with my aunt in Bella Coola.”

  “That’s up the coast, right?”

  “Yeah, right on the water. It’s a wild place, really pretty. I’m glad they’re both safe and with people who are caring for them.”

  “I would love to go one day, maybe we could go see your family,” she glanced at him, gauging his reaction.

  “I would like that, I would really like that,” he smiled at her. She looked up at him and willed him to kiss her. He leaned over and did. I must be getting good at this mind control thing, she thought, he kissed me exactly when I wanted him to. Now if I could just get him naked.

  They remained like this, kissing and talking for hours. At ten past four, she almost fell asleep against him and he helped her upstairs. She was drowsy and dreamy when he tucked her into her bed, kneeling next to it and kissing her softly on her forehead.

  “Sleep well, I will see you tomorrow,” he whispered as she drifted off, wishing he would climb under the blankets with her. She didn’t hear him leave.