Redeem Me

by Jennifer Foor

  I didn’t return home permanently until I reached the age of seventeen. For my senior year I was sent to an all girls catholic school locally in Pennsylvania. Just like my first year at boarding school, I was the outcast. My GPA was well above normal, and with little effort I breezed through their curriculum.

  One of the books that were on the syllabus I’d read when I was around nine. I liked it so much that I perused through it until the spine started to wither away. In my honest opinion I believe that I knew more about it than the teacher herself.

  By the time I graduated in the top of my class with honors I’d already been accepted to several colleges. My plans were obvious – prelaw, and then on to Harvard. I knew the drill, as it had been the topic of many dinner conversations at home.

  That was all altered when my mother was diagnosed with lymphoma. They immediately started a vigorous treatment, making her extremely ill. With the firm doing so well it was incomprehensible for my father to be at home often.

  As reluctant as I was to offer, I’d settled to make the decision to stay local until she was recovered. My father was not contented with my deferring our plans, but he loved my mother enough to know that it was the appropriate resolve.

  Even with my abnormal upbringing, one thing remained in my family. We loved each other, and this was something that could rip us all apart.

  My mother had treatment once a week at the local hospital near the campus during my freshman year. I made sure not to have classes on that particular day. Her driver would bring her, and I’d sit with her the entire time.

  As opposed to telling her about my new boyfriend, we’d run out of conversations quickly. It was enlightening to see a spark in my mom’s eyes as I explained my relationship with Parker. For the first time in my life I could convey that perhaps her beliefs weren’t all the same as my father’s.

  With IV’s stuck in her hand, she reached over and put her palm over mine. Through her pain, she smiled, speaking softly. “If I’m going to die from this, I want to see my daughter happy.”

  Right away I knew I had to be optimistic. “Mom, please don’t say that. You’re going to be fine. You’ve got the best oncologist in the state. He studied at Hopkins.”

  Her eyes were painstaking. “The odds are against me, Cameron. We all know it. This strain is too advanced.”

  I had to turn away as my eyes filled with warm fluid. It burned as I fought for it to go away. The idea of losing this woman, especially when she was so acceptant to it happening was beyond heart wrenching. This was my mother; the one who I’d missed out on so many years with. I needed her.

  She went into remission in the beginning of my sophomore year, exactly around the time when I’d been with Parker for a whole three hundred and sixty five days. We celebrated our anniversary in Boston, watching the Phillies take on the Red Sox. It wasn’t exactly romantic until afterwards, when Parker took me to Salem, giving me a tour that included the purchase of a magic wand. Since Harry Potter were the only books Parker had ever enjoyed, I was inclined to read them all, this beginning my love for magic. He’d gone into a store while I waited outside. When he came out, he dropped down on his knee, and presented me with a fancy leather box, in which he opened up revealing the wand. Knowing about my lack of childhood, he knew how much I’d love it. “I present to you, my love, your first wand. Now, this particular wand is very powerful. It inhibits many magical qualities. Use caution when operatin’ it, unless of course you want to influence my grades positively this semester.” There it was…the sense of humor that made me crazy for him.

  I knew it was just a silly magic wand, but it meant everything to me. I’d gotten plenty of jewelry and fancy gifts growing up, but nothing so sentimental. Parker knew what I needed, and the fact that he was giving it to me only reminded me how much I’d fallen in love with him.

  Just imagining that brought me back to our current conversation.

  “Parker, what am I going to do with you?”

  “As long as you still love me, we’ll figure it out.” His southern drawl sometimes gave me chills.

  “Of course I love you. I just wish you’d grow up a little and be more responsible. I can’t keep watching you make such juvenile mistakes.” I knew I sounded like a nag, but looking at him from my point of view only made it obvious he was barking up the wrong tree for friends. I suppose it was easier for me since I never had any myself. Parker was an overachiever in that department. He had more friends than he could probably count. Where I excelled in being educated, he outrivaled me with social skills. I think together that’s one of the reasons we meshed so well together. Parker was everything that I’d never been.

  It seemed like everything in our lives was the exact opposite. Parker wanted to get done with college and become a famous football player, while I would be working my ass off in a courtroom. He had a slew of friends. I felt all right with being a loner. I had an admirable relationship with my parents, as Parker struggled with his. We’d been together now for over two years, and I’d watched his relationship with his family crumble, while mine prospered. Even though he wouldn’t speak about it much, I could sense that it was difficult for him. Since family was all I ever had, it was important for me to help him see that he needed them. I didn’t know how I was going to approach it, but my determination would enable it to happen. When I put my mind to it, there was nothing that I couldn’t resolve. That’s why I knew that I’d be a great attorney one day. My ambition to succeed was my drive. No matter what obstacles came my way I’d face them head on and seek out the best resolution.

  I was going to aid my boyfriend in getting back what he’d pushed away, because at the end of the day I knew it was important to him. I know I nagged him too much at times, but it was only because I knew he could be better. He didn’t have to stoop to everyone else’s immature levels to be accepted. Parker was handsome, strong, and above all a good man. It didn’t take a genius to see that. Since he was the only man I’d ever loved, it was important to me to keep him around. It wasn’t just a law degree that I aspired for any longer. A part of me longed to know what it was like to be married and have a family.

  Chapter 3

  Parker

  Feeling like I was going to be punished like a child, I persevered to the cafeteria to meet my girlfriend. She greeted me with a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting down in front of her large tray of breakfast essentials. Of course, the food was mostly for me, since she usually only ate a piece of fruit, and a yogurt.

  I dug right into my egg and bacon sandwich, praying that it had enough grease to relieve my ever-growing hangover. I closed my eyes as I chewed, making a moaning sound before swallowing. “This tastes fantastic.”

  “Apparently. So, have you gone in and untagged yourself from all of the photos yet?”

  I put my hand down on her leg under the table. “Cam, can I enjoy my breakfast before you get on me about pictures that I had no knowledge of? Please?”

  I wasn’t angry with her. The last thing I wanted was to give her father another reason to hate me. Apparently my hopes of being a professional football player were juvenile. Since it was all I ever wanted I didn’t see a problem with it. I worked hard to keep my GPA afloat, and spent all the rest of my time training to be the best athlete possible. I think since the whole falling out with my family I’d been even more focused. Several major league scouts had come to watch me play, and I was sure that in no time I’d be selected for at least a minor league contract to start with.

  Cameron’s father still disapproved. Being married to a lawyer himself, I understood exactly what he wanted for his daughter; everything that I wasn’t.

  She spooned another bite of yogurt in between those supple lips. “Don’t forget that we’re going to your sister’s baby shower this weekend coming up. I’ve already ordered her the cutest gift.”

  “I won’t forget.” Peyton wasn’t just my sister. She was my twin, who was pregnant with her first child. As reluctant as we all were to accept
her boyfriend in her life, he’d done everything he could to prove that he was worthy. At any rate, Peyton’s happiness was all that mattered to me. For so long she’d run around with the wrong crowds, sleeping with random guys at parties, and probably doing worse. There were just some things that I refused to ask about. Jamey had stopped all of that anyway, and although their relationship began very rocky, it was apparent they’d both grown up. I don’t know if I’d say they were ready to be parents, but we couldn’t plan out our perfect futures without obstacles.

  My sister’s shower was to be held at my father’s shop. I think my brother Shayne had offered, but they’d changed their minds when they figured I’d be joining them. I can’t say I didn’t blame him for keeping me as far away as possible. Every time I saw those twins it was like a kick to my heart. I knew that I’d fathered them in that one drunken night. Nothing could change that. I was content to sign over parental rights, and get on with my life. What I hadn’t bargained on was my brother stepping up and taking full responsibility for them, raising them as his own. Not only did I have to see them, but his wife that I’d obviously slept with.

  The worst part of it all was the fact that my entire family knew the truth. How awkward was it for me to bring my clueless girlfriend into the mix and pretend that everything wasn’t so fucked up?

  I thought about playing the sick card, opting out of traveling with some lame ass excuse. Cameron liked nothing more than to be able to take care of me in my time of need, but knowing about the secret only reminded me that she wouldn’t approve. Hiding something so powerful would send her packing, and I’d lose the only part of my heart that was left.

  “Are we able to stay at your parents? I could always message your sister and make up a story that we’re in town.”

  I tried to smile. “It’s fine. I already called Pey to tell her we were coming for a visit. She probably already knows about the shower anyway. It’s not like any of them are good with secrets.” I almost choked on those words. It couldn’t have been further from the truth in my case. “We’ll leave after class on Friday, grab a late lunch, and be there in time to help with dinner. I think she said somethin’ about cookin’ on the grill.”

  “That sounds like you have everything planned out. Good for you.”

  I swallowed another lump of my grease sandwich. “I’m a work in progress, baby.”

  She rolled her eyes and giggled. “That you are.” Her hand extended, reaching up to wipe something that was apparently stuck to my chin. Our eyes met and I smiled back at her. “One day I’ll teach you how to get all of your food in your mouth, instead of all over your face.”

  “I was savin’ that for later,” I teased.

  “You’re sick.” She started to get up from her seat. I held onto her arm and pulled her back down to sit next to me.

  “Wait. You’ve got a little somethin’ on your face.” I didn’t wait for her permission to lean in and kiss the side of her lips. Her eyes closed immediately, and I knew without a doubt that she wasn’t going to fight me. “There, I think I got it all.”

  As I pulled away I noticed her cheeks had blushed. “That was smooth, but inexplicably obvious, Parker.”

  I lifted her chin and planted a kiss directly over her lips. “I wasn’t tryin’ to hide anything.” With a quick wink I stood up and grabbed her book bag off the table. She followed my lead and we started on our way to our first classes. Each day I would walk her to hers, and then head over to mine. We’d hold hands, and talk about what we’re doing afterwards. It had become almost habitual.

  Once we stood in front of her first class, I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, beautiful.”

  She cocked her head to the side, and I appreciated that after dating for more than two years she still got giddy over things I said to her. “Okay.”

  “I hate when you have to go, but that ass is sure nice to watch walking away.” Some random guy held up his hand and high-fived me after I’d said it. Cameron turned around and shook her head. Deep down she enjoyed my sense of humor, whether she’d admit it or not. Besides, it wasn’t like I was lying. I’d seen that fine piece of ass naked, and it was most definitely a blessed attribute.

  Friday came sooner than I would have wanted. While Cameron yapped in the passenger seat next to me, I drove her Mercedes to Maryland. Sure, it was nice to be able to flaunt to people that my girlfriend came from money, but it was most definitely not why we were together. I hadn’t even become aware of her parent’s wealth until we’d been together for months. By that time I was too head over heels for her to even care what that could mean for my future. Besides, I’d never been raised to seek out some kind of assistance from someone with money. Sure, if I needed a good attorney I knew who to call, and probably wouldn’t have to pay a dime, but that’s as far as it went.

  Cameron’s dad didn’t like me. It was no secret. If he had it his way he’d make sure his daughter wore a chastity belt until she was made partner of the firm. Fortunately for me, she willingly gave me her body with no regard for his set of plans for her. When we were together it was apparent that I became her number one, which left him to be pushed aside. No man of power would accept that his little girl had replaced him. It also didn’t help that I was not an aspiring lawyer, but instead a football player, with no real goals except for that. It wasn’t surprising that he lacked enthusiasm when it came to me. It was also not surprising that he took every opportunity to pull me to the side and let me know I was just a temporary fix in his daughter’s life.

  Needless to say he was wrong.

  I wasn’t just some college kid trying to get into his daughter’s pants. I wasn’t after her for the resources that her family held. I sure as hell wasn’t in it for any other convoluted reasons. I was with her because I loved her. We were together, because we loved each other.

  End of story.

  Except it wasn’t the end of the story; of our story. I was prepared to fight with that man until he knew for certain that she was my future. I knew, feeling it deep inside of my bones. Nothing anyone could say or do would ever change the way I felt about her, and I’d be damned if my stature in life was judged by how much money I made.

  Just thinking about it made me grip the steering wheel extra hard. That man got under my skin even when he wasn’t trying.

  Cameron got my attention when she nestled her head against my arm. “Are you still with me? I’ve been saying your name for the past minute.”

  “Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about your dad.”

  “I told you he didn’t say anything about the photos that we were tagged in. He has no idea. I don’t even think he checks that page anymore.”

  I turned to look at her before bringing my eyes back to the open road we were driving on. “That’s just it, Cam. You’re an adult, and he keeps you on some leash like you’re a child. He’s got your education hanging over your head, like he can take it away at any second. The man treats me like shit because I’m followin’ my dreams, but yet he can’t let his own daughter live her life.”

  “What are you talking about?” I could tell this was out of nowhere, and I hated myself for bringing it up, but with the impending weekend planned with my estranged family, it was all coming full circle for me.

  “I’m sorry, babe. Forget I said anything.”

  Cameron fidgeted in her seat before responding. “Parker, this isn’t about me at all. It’s about you. I’m terrible with reading people, and even I can see that you’re freaking out over being around your family. I don’t get it. All you did was tell the truth. How could they shut you out and make you feel like an outsider for doing the right thing? Do they all just lack some kind of compassion? Are acts of kindness over sighted in your family?”

  I wished that I could explain to her why they lost respect for me, but it was never going to happen. Cameron was never going to find out that I was the real father of my brother’s twins, or that I’d done everything in my power to have those childre
n aborted before they were born. She’d see me as a cold-hearted snake; something I’d never be willing to let her view me as.

  “Can we just drop it? I’m sorry for zonin’ out, but it ain’t about my family. We were clearly invited to attend the shower, and everyone will get along. There’s nothin’ goin’ on that you don’t know about. To be perfectly honest I was thinkin’ about how to convince your family that I wasn’t a piece of shit. You’d think after more than two years they’d see that I was serious about being with their daughter, but nothin’s changed. I’ll never be good enough in their eyes.”

  “Are we really going to do this right now? Honestly, I don’t care what they think. You’re my boyfriend, not theirs. The choice is mine to make.”

  “The same could be said about your career choice, you know?”

  I’d hit a sensitive spot. She froze. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that you don’t have to be a lawyer. You don’t have to go to Harvard, spending the next eight years or so behind books. We could get married when we graduate, and start a family. When I make it big we’ll travel to all of my games as a couple. Can’t you just see it?”

  “Don’t do this, Parker. I’m not in the mood. The last time you tried this it ended badly. How about we focus on our visit, and not this madness. I’m going to Harvard, and I’ll be an attorney, because it’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  I didn’t believe her.

  What I believed is that my brilliant girlfriend had been brainwashed since birth into only one scenario. She’d follow in her parent’s footsteps, without fail. She didn’t even know what real love from a parent felt like. It was sad.