Redeem Me

by Jennifer Foor

  “I don’t even want to discuss it. Please, can we just be here together?”

  It would have been nice if I was able to do anything but think about another man’s hands on my girlfriend. I thought about the way he’d touched her, and how she’d responded to him. I imagined her lips on his, getting a bad taste in my mouth like I was going to hurl. Then I went straight to seeing her naked in bed with him. I cringed and let go of her, looking away from the distaste of it. “How could you do it? How were you able to walk in that room with him? Who is he, Cam? I’ve seen that guy before. He works for your dad doesn’t he?”

  She nodded, but cried harder, scrunching up her face and concealing it with both hands. “Yes. He works for my dad. I’ve known him for years.”

  “So, is this the first time this has happened, or did you lie about me bein’ your first?” Since she’d bled after our first time I knew I was overstepping. From the immediate pain in her eyes I could tell I’d hit a nerve.

  “How dare you say that to me. You know you were my first, Parker. I’d never lie about that.”

  “But you’d lie about other things? He was in a fuckin’ towel, and the guy wasn’t wet. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he wasn’t in the fuckin’ shower.”

  “He was getting in. I swear.”

  That just made it worse. “Oh really? Were you plannin’ on joinin’ him?”

  She shoved me alongside the tile wall. “How dare you! You have no right to come in here insinuating what I’ve been doing with my time. You broke up with me, remember? I can see who I want.”

  “Oh, and I guess you can fuck who you want now too?” I wanted to hear her say it. I needed to know if that was how she felt. Our emotions were heightened, and this was the worst time to discuss something so important.

  “Just get out. Leave me alone. You can’t come here and control me. Your opinion doesn’t matter anymore. Don’t you get it? You’ve torn my heart out, Parker. You took our love and you threw it away. Do you have any idea how much it hurts?”

  I shook my head, annoyed that she’d assume it was easy for me. “Are you serious? I feel like I’m dyin’.”

  “Then why did you do it? Why couldn’t you trust me? What the hell are you afraid of?”

  There it was; the reason this conversation had to end. “Just forget it.”

  I climbed out of the shower, grabbed a towel, and walked out of the bathroom to get dressed. She’d never be able to understand what I was going through, because I’d never be able to tell her.

  I was a coward, afraid to face the truth, and determined to keep her away from it, even if it cost me our future.

  While pulling my pants back on, I heard her slipping down to the floor in the shower, and sobbing so loud that I knew the people in the next room could hear. As much as it broke my heart I couldn’t stay. She needed some kind of closure, and if finding it in the arms of someone else was the answer, I had to let her. She was right. I’d ended our relationship. I had no right to ask questions, or to judge. The person that Cameron was becoming was a direct reflection of what I’d done to her. Her actions were desperate, and probably well-thought. She wanted to forget about me, because it was her only way of coping.

  I couldn’t blame her. If there were some way for me to forget how much I loved her I’d have done it by now. Nevertheless, I had a little more experience than Cameron, so I knew it wasn’t the solution. All I could hope was that time would heal our wounds.

  Her cries continued, becoming even more unhinged than before. If her parents were in the next room they’d lose their shit. Since they already hated my guts, it was best if I didn’t give them anymore reasons. I finished putting on my shoes and peeked into the bathroom. “I’m sorry I upset you, Cam. I’m just goin’ to head back to school. I’ll do my best to keep my distance. For what it’s worth, I love you. That’s never goin’ to change. I’m not even goin’ to bother lookin’ for someone else; because I know they’ll never be you.”

  I closed the door and rested my head on it for a second. The last thing I wanted to do was walk in public with tears streaming down my face. It was bad enough that I’d turned into such a pussy. I didn’t need the whole world knowing it.

  Chapter 14

  Cameron

  It was killing me knowing that he’d caught me red-handed in such a compromising position. I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it after feeling so ashamed. I never should have even gone along with that idiotic plan of mine. Now I’d messed things up more. Parker was never going to forgive me. He’d never want me back.

  When I heard the door closing I knew he’d really left. Panic struck me, and I rushed toward it, frantically hoping that I could make him stay. I managed to grab a towel before trudging out into the hallway completely naked. Parker turned around when he heard me calling his name.

  A couple things transpired all at once.

  Parker had tears running down his face. “Why should I?”

  Seth came out of his room, curious to know who was yelling.

  My father came out of his room across the hall.

  I pulled the towel over all of my appendages, trying my best to ignore all of their stares, and focus on Parker. “Please just come back inside.”

  He looked at my father, and then to me. With his head down to the ground, he walked past me, entering the room. Before I could join him, and get over my newest catastrophe, I felt my dad grabbing my arm. “Cameron, what’s he doing here? Why are you standing in the hall this inappropriate? You know better, young lady.”

  I had to think of something, so that Parker wasn’t asked to leave. For a second I turned my attention down the hall, where Seth was still standing. Loud enough so they would both hear I addressed his question. “I invited him. Sorry for the interruption. I’ll just go inside now.”

  “Cameron, get back here.” I could see the anger in my father’s eyes, and knew I wouldn’t hear the end of it in the morning, but it didn’t stop me from walking away. For the time being, I had to convince Parker to talk to me. He had to know that I was sorry for my actions.

  Once inside my room, I found him sitting on the bed. His hands were up to his face, but I already knew he was upset. I walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He didn’t look up, or push me away, which was a good sign. At least he was letting me touch him.

  After a few seconds I felt his hands over my waist, making their way behind my back. He pulled me closer, holding me as he sniffled. It was obvious that he was heartbroken, and the shock of seeing him that way was devastating to me. It wasn’t just the fact that we’d broken up, it was the idea that I’d been with another man.

  My actions triggered these most recent complications to our already severed relationship. It killed me seeing him react this way, knowing he’d come so far to prove my intentions were false. I hated myself for bringing Seth into my problems, especially now when I knew the repercussions. “Parker, I need to tell you something.”

  “I don’t want to hear it, Cam. I can’t take it. Picturing you with someone else is makin’ me sick.”

  “I don’t want you to leave.” It was the truth. I didn’t care if I’d made out with another man, or come so close to sleeping with him. I wanted to be with Parker. “Please don’t go.”

  He pushed me to the side and wiped his face with his arm. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state was still getting to me. I began to break down uncontrollably. Before I could even listen to his response I was falling onto the bed beside him, losing restrain over myself. Parker didn’t tend to me like he normally would have. We were side by side, me lying down, and him sitting up. He’d seemed to calm down, while I was steady sobbing.

  Then he reached out and touched my hand with his. “I don’t want to leave either, babe. It’s killing me to be here, but I don’t want to walk out that door, because I’m afraid it will be the end of whatever we still have left.”

  I sat up and looked at him, even though it was difficult. “I know.”

&nb
sp; He took his hand and rubbed the back of it over my cheek. I closed my eyes, appreciating his touch more than he could ever know. “Do you like him?”

  Like was such a juvenile word. “He’s a nice man.”

  “That’s not what I was askin’ you. Are you interested in that guy, Cam?”

  “What does it even matter? Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean it’s going to change what’s happened.”

  “Yes or no.” He still wouldn’t let it go.

  “I can’t like anyone when I’m still in love with you. Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted; to break me down and make me feel like shit?”

  He sighed and turned to look away from me. “Did you fuck him?”

  His choice of words weren’t what I would have selected. “Do you think I did?”

  My lips were trembling even before he answered. “Yeah.”

  “I wanted to.” I wasn’t going to lie. “I wanted to be with someone who didn’t push me away.”

  “Good for you.” He stood up and walked toward the window. In one swift move he shoved everything off the dresser, sending things flying all over the carpet. “This is just fuckin’ great!”

  I’d seen Parker lose his temper, but never been the real cause of it. “I didn’t go through with it,” I whispered.

  He turned slowly, his eyes full of anger. “What?”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t sleep with Seth. I could have, but I didn’t.”

  His shoulders relaxed, and I watched as he slowly calmed down. “Why not?”

  “You know why.” It was okay that he wanted a reason, but I was sure he already knew what it was.

  Parker closed the distance between us, coming to stand directly in front of me. He lifted my chin and repeated the question. “Why not?”

  I never flinched when I responded. “Because you showed up, and I felt like I was betraying you. Because you’re the only man I want to be with.”

  He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me again. I began to cry again, losing it for the umpteenth time. He had to know how much all of this was hurting me. I, at least, hoped that he did.

  “I can’t be without you, Cam. I can’t do it.” He held both sides of my face and looked into my eyes once more. “We’ve got to find a way to make this work.”

  Just hearing him offer that brought more feelings to the table. I became overawed with hope.

  “I’ll do anything.”

  He took two steps back, releasing his hands from my face. “Anything?”

  “Yes. Just tell me what you want.”

  “Cam, I need you to forget about the shit with my family. You’ve got to let it go, and never bring it up again. I get that it’s askin’ you a lot, but it’s got nothin’ to do with you and me. I made a promise to certain people, and I won’t go back on it. I’m sorry, but it’s got to be this way.”

  “Okay.”

  He seemed shocked that I was so aggressive with my answer. “Are you sure?”

  I nodded. “I’m positive. I won’t ever ask you about it again. I won’t meddle in your family drama. Parker, I’ll do anything. I’m serious. These days without you have been torture. I miss you so much.”

  He held out his hand. When I offered mine, he pulled me close. Our lips brushed. “I won’t ask about you and that guy anymore. We both need to leave the past alone and move forward. You’re all I need in my life. All the rest of the shit is irrelevant.”

  After being so confused I finally had Parker back in my life. It was going to be difficult, but I was determined to get over whatever he was keeping from telling me. No matter what it was, I did believe that it had nothing to do with our relationship. Maybe one day he’d want to let me in, but for the meantime, I had to respect his wishes.

  I never did get dressed. Instead I climbed in bed next to Parker and let him hold me. It was surprising that he didn’t want to be intimate. I think in the back of his mind he was still disgusted over me messing around with someone else.

  It felt like I’d cheated, even though I knew it wasn’t the case. It didn’t matter anyway. Being with Seth didn’t keep my thoughts of Parker away. They’d only made me feel worse inside.

  It was nice to be back in my lover’s arms, having him hold me tight. Every once in a while we’d kiss, and I’d feel so overcome with joy. Our time apart had only proven that our love was real. The intense feelings that I shared with Parker had brought us back together. I was fully aware of the saying ‘sometimes love isn’t enough’. We didn’t just have love though. We had friendship, and trust. I knew he had secrets, but in my heart I understood why. He’d never hurt me, and I needed to make sure I never hurt him.

  Parker fell asleep shortly after we’d climbed into bed. As exhausted as I was, I stayed up for a while longer staring at him. I didn’t mean to gawk like a teenager, but it’s exactly what I was doing. I’d gone from falling apart to being utterly ecstatic. Those kinds of mood swings weren’t something I was privy to.

  I was going to need to apologize to Seth for my actions. I had no idea what I’d say to him, or even if it mattered. He’d probably lost any desire to befriend me anyway. Not only had I rejected him, but I’d probably humiliated him as well. I was so glad that we hadn’t had sex, because I knew I would have never been able to forgive myself.

  Once I’d finally settled down, I closed my eyes and found peace. Tomorrow was another day, but at least I knew I wouldn’t be doing it alone.

  I had Parker back, and although things were far from perfect, I was going to take what I could get.

  Chapter 15

  Parker

  Nothing was really solved.

  I still had a huge secret that I was keeping from Cameron, and she’d messed around with a guy, which rubbed me the wrong way. The damage was done, but I couldn’t let her go. There was no way that I was going to let her slip away from me, not after feeling what it was like to be without her.

  I woke that morning next to my naked girlfriend. She was nestled up close, her arm flung over my chest. I climbed out of bed to relieve myself, and returned, hoping that I hadn’t woken her. In just those few seconds I found her sitting up looking around the room. She messed with her hair, trying her hardest to settle down the mess from sleeping. “Hi.”

  It was easy to get back into the warm bed since she was in it. I pulled off my shirt before letting her climb on top of me. “My dad’s going to freak out on me. We should probably leave before he gets up.”

  I didn’t see the problem with me being there. I’d come on this trip with her for two years. The first time was the worst, since we weren’t allowed to sleep in the same room. We still managed to sneak anyway, but it wasn’t the point. She was over eighteen and still being treated like an adolescent. In many ways I hated it, but knew I couldn’t complain. I had my girlfriend back, and we’d owed no one any explanations, because nobody else mattered when it came to us being together.

  “I’m not afraid of your dad, babe.”

  “Can we just go before it causes a scene. He obviously knows something happened last night. I’d rather get out of here, and avoid seeing him altogether.”

  I wasn’t going to fight with her since I couldn’t stand the guy. My beef with him stemmed from the way he’d brought his daughter up. They sent her away, never showing her the kind of love that every child needs. Cameron was the smartest person I’d ever met, but she had no social skills. She didn’t even have street smarts. It was unfortunate, because she’d need them when she got that law degree.

  We packed up her things and headed out without being spotted. Cameron was going to have to face him at some point, and I honestly didn’t want to be in the room when he addressed his concerns. There had been too many times where I wished I could punch him in the face for being a douche.

  It felt nice having her beside me as I drove back to campus, and even better when we headed back to my room together. Cameron stayed in the dorm, but I’d since converted to live at the frat house. I had my own room. It wasn’t
anything to write home about, but it was private, and she could finally stay the night.

  Since it was so new to us to be able to sleep in the same bed without really sneaking around, I planned on taking full advantage of it. I’d been reluctant at first to bring her around. I think I wanted to know it was okay, before pissing people off. After seeing several of my frat brothers having guests overnight, I was certain that it was acceptable.

  It also made Cameron feel better about my current living conditions. She wasn’t too keen on me being around so many women, and the ladies seemed to love hanging out every night. Of course, I wasn’t interested. I already had the hottest chick for myself.

  Her phone started ringing off the hook as soon as we climbed into bed. Each call was from the same number, and I watched her cringe every time she checked. “Just turn it off, Cam. He’s not going to stop callin’ until you answer.”

  “If I don’t answer he’ll come looking for me.”

  “So what if he does? You’re an adult, and it’s time he learns to deal with it.” I was tired of watching her living under his rules. “Look, if we’re goin’ to be together than I don’t want him breathin’ down our backs. He needs to be engrossed in something else besides you.”

  Finally I watched her turn off the phone. She giggled and snuggled up next to me. “Fine. You win. Next he’ll probably start calling you.”

  “My phone’s been off since we left the lodge. It’s not like anyone would be callin’ me anyway. The only person I need to hear from is you.”

  That would have been the truth on any day, except on this particular one. Not even an hour later someone knocked on my door. He had the fraternity landline in his hand. “Dude, your mom is on the phone. She said she’s been trying to reach you. Your sister is in labor.”