Redeem Me

by Jennifer Foor

  Once we arrived back at the college Cameron announced that she needed to go back to her room to study for an anticipated test. I wasn’t too concerned about seeing her off, since my mind was in disarray. We kissed goodbye and I watched her walk into her building before driving her car over to where the frat house was located. Cameron didn’t care since we drove everywhere together anyway.

  My room seemed entirely too empty without her around, so rather than beg her to come spend the night, I decided to go to sleep. Rest would make me feel better, and hopefully get over the strange feelings that I couldn’t seem to shake.

  Cameron

  It didn’t matter how many times he’s reassured me. Parker was acting weird again. I knew it all stemmed from that secret he was keeping, and as much as I’d promised myself not to pry, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something I could do to make it all better.

  I’d told a little lie to Parker to keep from spending the night. I’d already pretty much memorized the topics on the upcoming test. The only reason I wanted to go back to my room was because I felt irritated. My head was pounding, and I knew I’d have to deal with my parents before I could even think about actually going to sleep.

  After changing into some comfortable clothes I turned on my phone and listened to the slew of messages left by them. To say they weren’t pleased with my decisions would have been an understatement. I believe one of their threats included them taking my car away.

  Now I realize that they paid for the vehicle, but Parker had been right to say that they were in total control over me. I was an adult, and they were still punishing me as if I were a child. It made me wonder if they were ever the adorning type of parents that I’d imagined them being when I was an infant. I wondered if they’d ever swooned over me, or talked like a baby just to see me smile. For as far back as I could recall I only remembered them being serious. It saddened me to think about my childhood like it was a military camp, as if their only reason for getting pregnant was out of some long-term business decision.

  Who does that?

  With great regret I dialed my father’s number, prepared for his wrath.

  “It’s about time. Do you mind telling me what the hell is going on? We didn’t teach you to have this kind of behavior, young lady.”

  I pinched my nose to relieve the pressure. “I’m sorry. Parker and I resolved our problems, and then his sister went into labor.” I may have lied about the reason for leaving, but she did have the baby that night.

  The line was silent for a second. “This doesn’t excuse your actions at the resort, Cameron. You are aware that you were in public wearing nothing but a towel. A member of my firm saw you. Do you have any idea what kind of damage that can do to your future?”

  I was so angry that he’d brought Seth into the conversation. “If you’re talking about Seth then I can assure you he won’t say anything.”

  “What gives you that impression?” Leave it to my father to not take my word for it.

  “Because he’s the reason I was naked in the first place, Dad. Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear? Did you really want to know that before Parker showed up I was in Seth’s room?”

  “Seth Anderson asked me if he could court you a long time ago, so no, it doesn’t surprise me. What surprises me are your actions. What made you invite Parker to the lodge?”

  I had to find an idea that would bring it all together. “I wanted to make him jealous, so I used Seth to my advantage.”

  “I’m very disappointed in you, Cameron.”

  “Really, because I learned to be sneaky from watching you win cases. I think you’re just surprised that I’m being honest about it.” Which I certainly wasn’t.

  “This is unacceptable. I will not have my daughter whoring herself around a ski resort.”

  I let out a sigh. “I didn’t sleep with your associate, and I didn’t sleep with Parker that night either. It’s sad that you’d throw your own daughter under the bus, calling me with such ridiculous threats to get your way. Parker was right. It’s time I stand up for myself, and do what I want with my life.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked.

  “I’ll let you know once I have it all figured out. Goodbye, Dad. Tell Mom I’ll be calling soon.” I hung up the phone shaking so bad that I clapped my hands together to keep from noticing it so much. I didn’t know whether I wanted to laugh or cry.

  What had gotten into me?

  Apparently I’d had enough. I was sick of being controlled. This was my life and I was going to live it the way I wanted. The question was, if I was on the right path already.

  I probably should have called Parker to tell him about my phone call, but I was still having a hard time dealing with his actions. Since I didn’t want to break up again, I decided that it was best to sleep on it.

  That night my head continued to pound. It became so excruciating that I took more than the normal dosage of medication to try and relieve it. By the next morning it had only worsened. Fear struck me when I thought about Ashley, and what she’d gone through. Had stress caused me to have a tumor in my head?

  When I got up to go to the bathroom, I discovered that my underwear were soiled in blood. While steadily freaking out, I managed to get Parker on the phone.

  “Good morning, babe.”

  “Parker, there’s no time for that. Come get me. We need to go to the hospital immediately.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “There’s blood everywhere,” I cried.

  “I’m coming now. Stay where you are.”

  “I’m standing in the middle of my room. I’m so scared. I sat down to use the bathroom and it was everywhere.”

  “Hang tight. I’ll be there in two minutes.”

  Parker stayed on the phone with me until he was knocking on my door. He held my hand on the way to the car, even though it wasn’t necessary. The whole way to the hospital he tried to coax me to calm down. I knew he was just as concerned, after seeing the amount of blood on my sheets and down my legs. Once we pulled up at the hospital I was hunched over with pains so excruciating that I thought I was going to throw up. Parker offered to call my parents, but I’d pissed my dad off and didn’t want him badgering me until I knew what was wrong with me.

  Two hours later I was seen by a doctor. I’d changed into a hospital gown, and had several tests done as soon as I’d arrived, including blood and urine. They asked me a million questions, including if I thought I was pregnant. I responded by letting them know that I was on birth control, and had gotten my period last month.

  Behind the doctor came a technician with a large machine on wheels. The doctor felt my stomach, before letting the tech step in. I was scared they were going to tell me that something was terminally wrong with me. I’d never gotten sick like this. She put the device up to my stomach and started pointing to objects talking in medical terms. Parker held my hand, just as confused as I was. She then wrapped this device around my belly and a constant thumping filled the room. “Well that’s strange,” the doctor said as he turned to address his concerns. “I think I’ve figured out what’s causing the bleeding. I’m sorry to say that you’re having a miscarriage. I ordered this test to make sure we didn’t need to do a procedure, but in doing so we’ve discovered a second fetus. That sound you hear is your baby’s heartbeat. It’s very strong. It appears as though you were carrying twins, and one of them didn’t survive. The test revealed that fetus number two is intact. Many women have this occur, and we’ll just need to keep you monitored overnight to make sure the bleeding stops. You’re going to need to contact an OB/GYN to set up an appointment as soon as possible. For the first few months he or she may categorize you as high-risk. They’ll have you come in more frequently, and probably do some extra tests to ensure the pregnancy is going as scheduled. Do you have any other questions?”

  At this point I’d lost my ability to communicate. Tears were streaming down my face, and I couldn’t even look at Par
ker, who at some point had let go of my hand. This couldn’t be happening to me. “I’m not pregnant. I had my period last month. I take my pill every day.”

  “The monitor doesn’t lie, ma’am. You’re about ten to eleven weeks along according to the measurements. Some women do experience what they think is a light period during the first few months. If it becomes heavier you’ll need to come back to the ER.”

  I wasn’t trying to discredit his medical knowledge. I think I was in such shock that I needed him to repeat what he’d just said. “I haven’t even been sick.”

  “Again, many women don’t experience any changes. Some have breast tenderness, headaches, nausea, vomiting, and even head colds. The symptoms of pregnancy aren’t always what people would expect. Every woman’s body is different.”

  We spoke for a few more minutes until I literally ran out of questions to ask. The bottom line was that somehow I’d gotten pregnant, and the man sitting next to me was as white as a ghost.

  “Parker, say something.”

  He wouldn’t even look at me.

  “Parker, please. I need you to say something.”

  He reached up and covered his face with his hands. “This can’t be happenin’.”

  “Parker, we’re having a baby. I know the timing isn’t what we would have liked, but we can’t change that.” I leaned up on my elbows, concerned about his choice of words.

  “We just talked about this, Cam. I just said that I wasn’t ready to be a father. How can you sit there so calm knowin’ how I feel? Did you expect me to jump for joy? This isn’t somethin’ to celebrate.” Before I could respond, or break into a cry fit, Parker got up and walked out of the room, leaving me there vulnerable, and all alone.

  Chapter 18

  Parker

  This couldn’t be happening to me; to us.

  It was a nightmare that I swore I was going to wake up from. My sister’s birth must have still been on my mind so much that it was now playing tricks on me. There was no way that my girlfriend could be pregnant. She was adamant about taking her pills and being so responsible.

  As the time lapsed I was coming to the realization that it wasn’t a dream at all. Cameron was pregnant, and I was the father.

  It was the wrong decision to make, but I had to get out of that room to get some air. The cool wind hit my face as soon as I was outside, giving me more proof that I was wide-awake. Out of all the things that could have happened in my life this was the last thing that I ever expected. I’d already been through this ordeal once. If my parents found out about it a second time they’d disown me. The worst part of it all was not being able to explain my reaction to Cameron. She was never going to forgive me for walking out of that hospital room, not that I could blame her. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness. At the scariest moment in her life I’d abandoned her, and I absolutely hated myself for it.

  Knowing that she was in there probably staring at the door, waiting for my return, I had to figure out what I was going to do. The unfortunate shock had left me scatterbrained.

  My hands became sweaty, and I could feel bile rising in my throat. My head began to spin, so much that I had to sit down to steady myself. For those few moments I felt like my life was going to be over.

  Then I called my brother. He’d been there for me before, and I was hoping he’d know what I should do now. It was hard to imagine what to say to someone who I’d almost ruined their life, but I couldn’t think of one other person that would listen. I didn’t have friends that I trusted with this kind of information, and I certainly couldn’t call Peyton. She’d just had a baby, and was settling into having a family. Her opinions would be biased.

  Shayne answered after two rings. “Hey, Parker. What’s up?”

  “I fucked up again, bro. I fucked up so bad that I don’t know what I’m goin’ to do.”

  “Slow down. What are you talkin’ about? What happened?”

  It was ridiculous to try to sugar coat it in any way. Shayne wanted the truth. “It’s Cameron. She’s in the hospital.”

  “What the hell is goin’ on? Did you hurt her?”

  “No. Of course not! I’d never lay a hand on a woman. It’s nothin’ like that. She’s in the hospital because she was havin’ a miscarriage. I didn’t know she was pregnant, man. I swear to God.”

  “Shit. Is she all right? What do you need me to do, man?”

  “Shayne, it was twins.” I couldn’t believe that I was going to say it, so I paused to make sure I could go through with it. “One of them survived. Cam’s in shock and I just had to walk away. I’m losin’ it, bro. I can’t handle this. What am I supposed to do now?”

  “I can’t believe you called me with this, Parker. It’s messed up in so many ways. I hope you know that.” The line went silent. When he spoke again his voice was calmer. “There’s only one thing you can do.”

  I was almost afraid to even ask. “What’s that?”

  “First you’re goin’ to need to go in there and beg her to forgive you for actin’ like an ass. Then you’ll need to face the fact that the woman you love is carryin’ your child. The timin’ may suck, but shit happens. You’re goin’ to be a father.”

  “I’m not ready for this shit, Shayne. Cam and I talked about this already. Hell, we just got back together.”

  “Parker, you know as well as I do that life takes us in directions we don’t plan.”

  “Mom and Dad are never goin’ to forgive me this time. There’s no way they’ll understand.”

  Shayne laughed at me. “Do you hear yourself? You’re an adult now. It’s not their decision to make. Besides, they’ll forgive you, just like I have. We all make mistakes. Look, Mom and Dad are going nuts over Peyton’s little one. Don’t think for a second that they wouldn’t welcome another grandchild into the family. We’re all blood. You can’t ever forget that.”

  Something Shayne said caught my attention more than anything else. “You really think they’d forgive me?”

  Shayne snickered on the other end of the phone. “You’re their son. Dad might be a hard ass, but he talks about you all the damn time. Parker, he just wants you to learn from your mistakes. He wants you to be responsible. This is your chance. Show them you can be a father to your kid.”

  As soon as he said it I knew he’d get upset with himself. There were still certain things that were so touchy to talk about. I hated that every conversation reverted back to the twins, making my brother feel absolutely vulnerable that I’d one day want to take them from him. That alone left me wondering how my family could ever deal with this latest bout from my life. It was as if everything I touched turned to shit. “Shayne, I know what you meant. Look, I didn’t call you to get you upset about the twins. I told you before, and I’ll keep tellin’ ya, I’m never goin’ to take them away from you. I’m content watchin’ them grow up under one roof with two parents that love them.”

  “I know. I appreciate you remindin’ me. I guess we all have issues that we need to get over. Yours is learnin’ how to accept that we can’t change our future. You need to learn that sometimes life gets in the way. I’m sure Cameron’s freakin’ out right now. Have you considered how hard this is for her, especially with how strict her family is? They’re goin’ to flip out.” Shayne was right. Her dad was going to go ballistic, because having a baby put a huge damper in her future plans.

  “Shit. I need to go.”

  After saying goodbye to my brother, I rushed back inside of the hospital. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to her, but first I needed to apologize for running out. We weren’t in this alone, because we had each other. We’d figure it out together.

  Cameron

  This couldn’t be happening to me. My life had been so strategically planned out. I’d taken my pills every single day, and made sure to mark my cycle on my calendar. There was no way this was even possible.

  Parker and I had just reconciled. He’d made it clear that he wasn’t ready to be a father. Immediately after making that statement
he was finding out that I was pregnant with his child. Not only was it horrible timing, but the lowest blow of bad news to someone that had no desire to procreate.

  The worst-case scenario happened as I watched him walk right out of the room without saying anything to me at all. It didn’t just hurt my feelings, but made me worry that he might not ever talk to me again.

  I knew that inclination was ridiculous to imagine, but more bad thoughts continued to blind my judgment of the man I loved. I’d never seen Parker speechless before, and the pain in his eyes told me more than I think I even wanted to know.

  It wasn’t just Parker that was upsetting me. The idea of being pregnant and losing a child was devastating. What was even more surprising was the fact that I hadn’t even known I was with child. How could something hurt us so much when I never had any knowledge of it?

  I couldn’t hold back the tears once they started. My life was never going to be the same. All of the aspirations that I had for my future were going to be over with. If my body carried this child to term I was going to be a mother in less than seven months. That wasn’t enough time to prepare mentally for a life-changing event. It didn’t give me a chance to break my parents’ hearts, and regain their love. I didn’t yet know if it was enough time to convince Parker that we could be good parents. The truth was that I didn’t even know if it was possible. He didn’t want to have a child, and I knew nothing about them. How could two people like us steadily begin to fathom being responsible for an innocent life?

  In every book I’d ever read love prevailed, bringing happy endings to those who deserved them. I needed a storybook ending or else my whole life was going to fall apart.

  I’d worked so hard to get the best grades, and stay focused with my studies. How was I going to be able to manage school, and a newborn? How was I going to deal with Parker if he left to travel with football? Would he even want to come back to his college girlfriend who got knocked up by accident? I couldn’t stop worrying about everything surrounding this predicament. I wondered if I could ever make a choice like abortion, and if it would make all of these issues go away.