Chance in Hell

by PATRICK KAMPMAN

  “You sure?” she asked, as if she wasn’t totally convinced.

  Experience had taught me to be careful with the followup. Sometimes they tried to trick you. It was like they were asking you again, letting you know it was okay for you to give a real opinion this time. It wasn’t. Of course, in this case it really did look good, so I wasn’t even lying when I said “Yeah! Seriously, you look great.”

  “Speaking of looking good in a suit, you should join me. The water’s nice. I’m sure Meriwether can find you something to wear.”

  The pool was actually sounding like a really good idea. “All right,” I said.

  “Cool. Hey, do me a favor and bring out some chips and a Diet Coke when you come, okay?” I knew I didn’t look that good in a suit.

  I asked Meriwether, and sure enough, within a few minutes he found me a pair of trunks that fit. I checked, and Bryan was in his room asleep. I changed, grabbed Lacey’s snack, and spent the next couple of hours swimming and enjoying the sun.

  I stayed out another hour after Lacey left, just relaxing. Finally, around four, I got up and headed back in. All of the shutters were closed, and I realized that when I had entered a couple of hours ago, some had been open, letting light filter into the house and making it cheery.

  I got changed and checked my brother’s room. It was empty this time. I had a disturbing thought. I knocked on Lacey’s door. There was no answer and I peered in, but it was empty as well. Strangely relieved, I went in my room, grabbed the bag with Bryan’s present, and headed downstairs to find him. He was in the rear parlor playing video games with Paul.

  “Hey, bro,” he said, as I came in and sat down next to them on the couch.

  “Hey, Bryan.” I waited until his character died on the screen and then said, “Happy birthday!” I handed him the bag.

  He opened it up and said, “Dude! Awesome! I’ve been wanting to try this game since it came out.” This got Paul interested. He had appeared—literally—at our side and looked down into the bag.

  “We should set it up,” said Paul.

  “Hell, yeah,” answered Bryan. I left them to continue their video-game-fueled bromance.

  I went upstairs and knocked on Megan’s door. There was no answer, so I opened the door and looked in. Her bed was empty, but I heard the shower running. I went in and closed the door. The urn was on her nightstand next to the photo album she’d been looking at last night. I assumed Lacey had put the urn there when she had gone out to the pool. I grabbed the photo album and opened it up.

  There were some high school pictures, all black and white, with Megan not looking much younger than she did today. She looked cute in a fluffy strapless prom dress, cheerleading in saddle shoes, hanging out with friends at the beach, laughing in someone’s backyard. Then there were some of her and what could only be her family. She had a younger sister who looked a lot like her, and a baby brother. At least she did once.

  The bathroom door opened and I looked up, closing the album and setting it back down. Megan walked in wearing a towel. She looked over at the album, then back at me. “Chance! Don’t you knock?” She said in mock surprise. I’m pretty sure she had heard me come in.

  “I did!”

  She walked over to her closet. “Still, some people would say invading a lady’s room while she’s in the shower is improper,” she said from her closet, while she rummaged for what I assumed was a cocktail dress. Yup. It was blood red today.

  “So, did you have a nice lunch?” she asked.

  “Uh, it was okay, I guess.”

  “That’s good; glad you enjoyed yourselves.”

  She swung over to her dresser and pulled open a door. “Any favorites?” She turned slightly, looking over her shoulder at me with her brows raised. When I sat there looking blank, she nodded slightly at her open drawer so I couldn’t miss her meaning.

  “Oh. Um…well, no. Okay, yeah, the blue ones.”

  “Dark or light?”

  “Light.”

  “They don’t really match the dress, but who’s going to know, right?”

  She fished around, then pulled a couple of very small lacy things out and shut the drawer. She flipped the matching light blue set over her shoulder where I couldn’t possibly miss them as she walked back into the bathroom, letting her towel drop just as she reached behind her to shut the door. You can’t tell me vampires aren’t evil.

  Chapter 32

  I filled Donovan in about the witches once he woke up. He was about as pleased as Toni had been by the development, which was to say, not at all. He told me the vampires would show up at the church an hour after sunset, and that I would be doing him a personal favor if I didn’t show up with the urn much before that, or he wouldn’t be able to protect me from the others. I think he was more worried about protecting the urn than me, but I’d take what I could get.

  I had wanted to talk to him about what happened last night, and maybe fill him in on my suspicions about Amanda and Gregory, but when I started to try, he wasn’t exactly receptive.

  I got as far as, “About what happened last night. You know I was thinking…I might have an idea—“

  He gave me a “talk to the hand” gesture and said, “I apologize again for what happened to you in my house. That was an unacceptable breach of hospitality. Please rest assured that it is being taken care of.” Not much I could say to that. His vampires, his business, I guess. I hadn’t seen Amanda or Gregory at all that day, so maybe he already knew about them and was dealing with it somehow.

  Lacey came back to the house not long after my conversation with Donovan, having completed her meeting with the coven witches. She was her usual perky self, and told me all about how some of the most senior witches were going to be helping her and how she didn’t think it would be any trouble and all and how we really didn’t even need the exorcism because the coven could just handle it. Then she sat down and attacked one of the pints of ice cream she had brought home, and all was thankfully quiet for a few minutes. Until Bryan came in. Then they were both talking at once.

  Bryan wasn’t happy when I told him he was going to be left behind. I think the only reason I won the argument was because he had gotten really into the new game I had just bought him, and this would give him and Paul the opportunity to play it all night while the rest of us tried hard not to get killed or possessed by a swarm of really irate demons or whatever.

  We all went and hung out in the rear parlor, playing video games and passing the time. I wondered if they delivered pizza or Chinese way out here, but I needn’t have bothered; at 7:30 Meriwether came in with a tray full of sandwiches. They weren’t half bad.

  I was getting antsy, wanting to leave earlier, but Donovan had asked that I not leave too much before the vampires, and Lacey told me we would make it in plenty of time. I voiced my concern about traffic.

  She looked at me like I was an idiot. “At almost midnight?”

  Finally, I gave up on the game, and just sat there fidgeting.

  I wanted to say goodbye to Megan before we left, but she had disappeared. Maybe the vampires were having a pregame huddle. I was feeling forgotten and sorry for myself, even though I knew I would be seeing her at the church in an hour.

  Donovan was kind enough to lend me his Vette again. Between the Vette and Toni’s bikes, I was in serious danger of getting spoiled. I was going to go through some major nice-car withdrawal whenever I got my old Miata back.

  And so we pulled out and headed down the mountain, the urn sitting in Lacey’s lap. I had brought along my Kimber, of course, loaded with silver bullets. And, just to hedge my bets, one of the AKs. I wanted to bring one of the crossbows too, but given my present hosts I didn’t see how I could pull that off without looking really rude.

  Lacey was right: traffic was light, and we pulled into the back lot of the church and got out of the car with time to spare. The tension in the air was pretty crazy. At one end of the parking lot, half a dozen people stood around their brightly-colored street bik
es. I recognized Toni, Mike, and Lisa; the other two I didn’t know.

  Not far away were another half a dozen Harleys with five bikers; three guys and two girls. I might have recognized some of them from the Deli or Midnight Cycle, but I couldn’t be sure. Each group talked amongst themselves and shot wary glances at the other.

  Both sets of bikers were heavily armed, not bothering to hide it. Handguns and shotguns were visible. I wondered if they literally changed into ginormous snarling beasts, or if they always looked human but had animal senses or something. Toni saw me, smiled, and waved. Her other hand was down by her side and held an HK MP5 machine pistol.

  In the middle of it all were Father Allen, Rodriguez, and a good-looking Asian man who looked like he might abuse steroids, whom I assumed was Quan. They were arguing.

  “Six each—we agreed,” said Quan. “You brought seven!”

  “No, man, Padre doesn’t count! Like I said, he’s going to be doing his thing with the demons.”

  “Like hell he doesn’t count!”

  While they debated the technicalities, a light blue Buick land yacht pulled into the parking lot. Four women got out; three were elderly, including Mrs. Brewer, wearing floral-print dresses and comfortable shoes and carrying large handbags. The fourth one was a chick around my age dressed all in black and wearing way too much makeup. She carried a backpack shaped like a coffin. I could only assume was this was Mrs. Brewer’s apprentice, Vivian. I felt obligated to call her a bitch for Lacey. Bitch.

  The familiar black Mercedes pulled up a few minutes later, and all four doors opened simultaneously to let out Donovan, Paul, Megan, and a grumpy-looking Amanda. This group didn’t look as uniform as the others; Donovan sported cargo shorts, sandals and a T-shirt; Megan was overdressed in her blood-red cocktail dress; and Amanda wore a dress that topped Megan’s in its amazingly-inappropriate-for-the-occasion formality. I swore. Amanda—that was all I needed. At least there was no sign of Gregory. And then Bryan climbed out. He gave Amanda a smile. The look she returned was not as cordial.

  I swore again. Megan saw me and headed my way, Bryan in tow. I glared at her, then at Bryan, and then back at her.

  “What the hell?” I took my anger out on her, because I knew Bryan’s thick skull made him immune to it. And Megan was, by decades, the adult here, and should have known better than to bring a kid along. I didn’t count Lacey or myself as kids, even though we were only three years older than Bryan, because, well, I just didn’t.

  She flinched. “Sorry. He found out Paul was coming, and that was the last straw. We couldn’t make him stay.” I somehow doubted that a bunch of vampires couldn’t restrain a single seventeen—er, eighteen–year-old kid. They could have used their mind control trick, or just sat on him. I guessed they’d decided to stick with only verbal persuasion, and with Bryan that was a futile effort. As the saying goes: never argue with an idiot. They’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

  “Relax, bro—I can handle myself.” He raised his shirt and I saw the Ruger Super Redhawk .44 Magnum tucked into the front of his pants, ready to blow his nuts off. Proving, of course, that he couldn’t remotely handle himself.

  I sighed.

  “I got the Bushmaster in the trunk, too. That fucker shoots nice.”

  “Wonderful.” This couldn’t have gone any better. But wait—trust me, it did.

  Bryan wandered off and Megan said, “Look, I’m sorry. I tried, honestly. But there was no keeping him back with Lacey here.”

  I looked at her. Lacey? And then I looked over to see Bryan heading straight over to Lacey so he could show off his big gun. I bent my head down and sighed. “You could have tried duct tape. That stuff can do wonders.”

  She smiled. “He really wanted to come. He even wore down Donovan, and that’s pretty hard to do.”

  Donovan probably caved just to shut him up. “Yeah, okay. I’m just worried about keeping him safe.”

  “We’re vampires, not babysitters, but I’ll see what we can do.”

  “Thanks.” And I meant it. “So what about Amanda? Did she beg to come too?”

  I looked over to where Amanda stood, managing to look pissed off and bored at the same time. Paul loitered nearby, sitting on the hood of the Mercedes and playing a handheld video game.

  Megan looked worried. “No. I’m not sure why she’s here. Donovan must have ordered it for some reason.”

  Donovan had joined Father Allen and the two pack Alphas so he could be part of the argument. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Toni heading for me; she must have seen that I was alone with Megan. Really, it just kept getting better and better.

  Toni walked up to us and came to a stop beside me, her body touching mine in an obvious claim of possession.

  “You must be Toni, right? I think Chance might have mentioned you once,” Megan said.

  “Yup! And I assume you’re Megan? It’s hard to recognize you in clothes; you don’t seem to wear any in your pictures.”

  “Only the ones Chance takes.”

  Toni tensed, moving slightly forward, but despite Megan’s four-inch disadvantage—well, three, given the extra inch of heel the pumps gave her over Toni’s boots—Megan stood her ground.

  I tried to slink away and see what was going on with the meeting of the egos around Father Allen, but both women turned to glare at me, so I stopped and slinked back. This time Toni stood slightly ahead of me. Her body pressed against mine exactly like a protective dog would.

  “Uh, yeah, look. It’s great you girls are getting to know each other and all, but we should probably get ready for the demon-banishing thing. Find out what’s going on, you know?”

  “What’s to find out?” Toni said. “There are a bunch of demons stuck in a jar and the Padre’s going to get rid of them while the rest of us stand around and make sure no one does anything stupid. Like wear a light-blue bra with a burgundy dress.” Toni snickered, glancing at where Megan’s bra strap clearly clashed with the spaghetti strap of the dress.

  Megan winced. “Yeah, I tried to tell Chance, but this set is his favorite, and you know, he begged me to wear them tonight.” I could feel Toni tense against me. I thought of the machine pistol she was holding, and how I wanted to be farther away from it.

  My brother must have been watching, because he headed over, probably wanting to make sure he got a front-row seat to the show.

  “Going for the threesome! Nice, Chance!”

  Fortunately, Lacey had seen what was up as well, and hurried over with a slightly panicked look on her face. “Hey, Chance—Father Allen wants you! Uh, I think they want to ask you about the urn or something? Like now.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be right there.” Then, to Megan and Toni: “Sorry, I gotta go. Y’all don’t kill each other or anything, ‘kay?” And, like a coward, I left Lacey to get them sorted out.

  “Looks like a foursome now, ladies!” was the last thing I heard as I made my way to the group surrounding Father Allen.

  “So, you wanted to see me?” I said, interrupting the heated discussion and doubting that they really had asked for me.

  As one they turned to look at me.

  “Hey, kid,” said Rodriguez. Quan jerked his chin up, acknowledging me. Father Allen said, “Son.” Donovan didn’t say a thing. Mrs. Brewer said, “No, dear, we’re just going over the logistics for tonight’s event,” in a tone that suggested she would like to add, “Now why don’t you go run along and play while the adults finalize our plans.”

  I couldn’t be gotten rid of that easily. “Uh, okay, so what’s up?”

  Donovan spoke. “Father Allen will perform the exorcism, inside a protective circle laid by the witches. One representative from each of the other groups will be present to watch the ritual and make sure nothing unexpected happens. Everyone else will stay outside of the church in case Powers makes an appearance.”

  Despite Donovan’s authoritative tone, the discussion apparently wasn’t over, because Father Allen turned toward him and
continued the argument I had interrupted. “No way am I letting a vampire in my church. Ain’t going to happen. It’s bad enough I have to let all of them in.” He nodded over toward the gaggle of witches pulling supplies out of the trunk of the Buick.

  “I already explained, dear, it can’t be done with just one of us,” said Mrs. Brewer. “We need at least five, one for each of the points of the pentagram.”

  “Well, I don’t like it. I don’t like what you practice. It’s unnatural. Having one of you in the church is bad enough, but five?” He looked genuinely disgusted.

  “Nonsense. I’ve attended church every week of my life since I was four. I don’t see what the problem is now.”

  “Yeah, but were you summoning demons during these visits?”

  Mrs. Brewer harrumphed, and Father Allen looked unhappy, but he finally gave in. “All right—the witches can come in, but no vampires. I draw the line there. No vampires are setting foot in my church.”

  “One is,” I said, “Megan’s coming in with me.”

  Donovan gave me a funny look, and then shrugged. “That choice works for me.” I realized he should have been the one selecting which vampire went in, but I didn’t really care. There was only one vampire I trusted, and I wouldn’t do this without her.

  “Well, not me,” said Father Allen. “I can’t let one of those things in the church. It’s unholy.”

  “She’s coming in one way or the other,” I said.

  “’Fraid not, son. See, a church is like a residence. A vampire can’t come in unless invited by the owner, and in this case I represent Him. And I’m not going to do it. A vampire hasn’t been invited into a church in I don’t know how long, and I’m not going to break with tradition.”

  But werewolves and witches were okay? To be fair, he was unhappy about the witches, but they were the needed backup system for the exorcism. I understood all that, but it still sounded hypocritical to me.