Family Farm

by Palmer, Fiona

  ‘My plan is to become a farm advisor, if all goes well.’

  Izzy’s soft voice teased him. ‘That’s if the B&S balls and drinking don’t get in the way.’ She threw him a look that said, ‘I know what you Muresk boys get up to.’

  ‘Yeah, something like that.’ He laughed. ‘I’m doing okay so far.’

  A sad tone was clear in Izzy’s voice as she began to speak. ‘I would have loved to have gone to ag school but Dad wouldn’t let me.’ She took a deep breath. ‘He thought it wasn’t the place for me … for a girl.’ Izzy had had her heart set on going to the Narrogin Agricultural College, even for just Years Eleven and Twelve, but Bill had prevented her.

  James shook his head in disbelief. ‘But lots of girls go. Shit, he’s not one of them real olden-days blokes, is he? That’s gotta suck,’ he said when Izzy nodded solemnly.

  ‘Yeah, tell me about it. That’s why I went over east. I got firsthand work experience for a couple of years. It was great and I got paid instead of having to pay schooling fees. The best thing was Dad couldn’t stop me.’

  ‘That sounds like the way to do it. Here, I’ll pull this one.’ James reached down, plucked up the rope, and began to pull the net in.

  It didn’t feel like it took long to pull up all the nets, but as they were heading for the Land Cruiser James pointed to the sunset.

  ‘Wow, time’s just flown.’ James held Izzy’s shoulder and twisted her around to face the setting sun. ‘Izzy, stop and appreciate what’s in your own backyard. It just doesn’t get any better than this, does it? You miss so much of this when you’re in the city.’

  ‘Don’t worry. Sometimes you forget to appreciate it out here too. It’s nice to have people around to remind you how lucky we are.’

  James left his hand on her shoulder and they stood there in silence, watching the orange haze drop from the immense blue sky, as if someone was pulling down a blind very slowly. There was not a cloud in sight and they could see the horizon, all three hundred and sixty degrees of it. It was like being in a snow dome, but with a giant glowing fireball instead of the snow.

  She was just about to say something when James leant over so slowly that she saw his baby-blue eyes clearly and almost could have counted the freckles scattered over his nose and cheeks. She knew what was coming but surprise stopped her from moving. His lips were dry, probably from all the drinking last night, as they pressed against hers. There was no spark and neither of them opened their mouths. James pulled away slowly to see her reaction. ‘Sorry, I just saw an opportunity and I took it. Hope you don’t mind.’

  Izzy screwed up her face. She hated moments like these. ‘Sorry, James. You’re a top bloke but … it’s just I’m in a bad spot right now and I don’t have the time or the headspace to have a relationship. So much is going on here and you’ll be going back to Muresk when it starts up. I just don’t think it would work. I don’t want to stuff you around. I hope you understand.’ She could hear herself rambling.

  James started laughing. ‘It’s cool. I thought I was pushing my luck, anyway. Oh well, can’t blame a bloke for trying. Don’t get too many opportunities like these.’ He gave her a gentle shove.

  Izzy could tell it didn’t bother him that seriously and breathed a sigh of relief. Jerking her head, she motioned in the direction of the ute. ‘Come on. We’d better go and cook these suckers. The copper will need stoking by now, too.’

  The last of the sun dipped below the horizon as they drove off towards the house in the afterglow.

  Izzy walked to the end of the verandah towards the barbecue area with some containers and newspapers balanced neatly in her arms. She laid the items on the outside table while James stoked the fire under a large rusty copper washtub.

  ‘The copper’s raring to go, Iz. I only chucked a couple of small mallee roots on it and it’s just taken off.’

  James lifted the lid off the copper while Izzy dropped the yabbies, still flapping their tails, into the big barrel of boiling hot water. Straightaway, the blue-green shells transformed into a light orange. They stood transfixed, watching the bubbling water slowly push the yabbies to the surface as they cooked.

  A little while later they sat at the outside table with a few beers. Two plastic containers, which had hardly any yabby meat left in them, were in the middle. A growing pile of carcasses overflowed from the two scrap buckets and spilled onto the newspaper. Izzy had also made a sauce to dip the yabbies in – her mum’s recipe.

  ‘Here, Tom,’ said Izzy, throwing him a piece. He’d been waiting patiently at her side for any little scraps. ‘You like them too, don’t ya, mate? You know, I forgot how much fun this is,’ she said, turning to James. ‘It’s been a great day.’ She popped another one in her mouth and then sucked her sticky fingers clean. Now that she’d dismissed any idea of them getting together, she and James had relaxed considerably and were enjoying each other’s company. In a way it was a shame he had to leave the district and head back to uni, as Izzy felt they could become good mates. He even liked her taste in music and she applauded when he put Shannon Noll’s song ‘Lift’ on the portable CD player.

  ‘I know, but I’m just about full. I don’t know where you’re putting it all,’ scoffed James, gazing at Izzy’s trim figure. Empty shells lay scattered across the table in front of him as well as a few empty beer bottles.

  ‘You’re weak as piss. Don’t you know they breed us tough out here?’ She winked at him before continuing. ‘Oh well, more for me. I’m sure I can fit the last couple in.’

  With a hint of amusement James watched Izzy lick her lips.

  ‘ ’Allo, ’allo. What’s going on here?’ A male voice interrupted them from out of the darkness, causing Izzy and James to jump. Will’s tall, athletic body appeared in the light from a small lamp that hung over the table. He casually lifted up the bottom of his blue polo shirt as he tucked his hand into the top pocket of his khaki cargo shorts. ‘I’m not interrupting anything, am I?’ he asked cautiously.

  ‘Bloody hell, Will. Where did you come from? Talk about scaring the shit out of us.’ Izzy took her hand away from her beating heart. Then she remembered last night’s kiss and felt her face flush with heat, but it passed quickly as the memory of Angela intruded.

  Neither of them had heard Will pull up. Not surprising, as they’d been having such a good time and the CD player was now blaring out Jimmy Barnes.

  James was the first to answer Will’s question. ‘No. We’ve finished our feast. I’d invite you to join us, but I’m afraid Miss Piggy here hasn’t left any.’ He turned to Izzy and laughed.

  Izzy pointed to the pile of claws in front of James. ‘Well, I think you better join me in the sty, ’cos you ain’t any better.’ Her laughter was soft and genuine. She brushed her fingers on her shorts and shook her singlet to remove the little bits of yabby shell. They were both splattered with juices but she had to do a load of washing tomorrow anyway so it didn’t worry her.

  Will raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat, which sounded rather dry. ‘Shall I come back another time? By the way, love your new hairdo, James – what’s left of it anyway.’

  ‘Hell, I’m lucky it wasn’t anything worse. Come on. You stay, Will. I’d better be heading off.’ James said as he checked his watch. ‘Yeah, I really must get going. It’s nearly eight and I need to catch up on some sleep after last night’s party. I have an early start tomorrow. Bloody Mondays. Boss has me blowing down the bin so I want to get most of it done before the heat of the day. That means a four or five o’clock start. Hopefully I can get out of bed then.’ He stood up and started to clear the table.

  ‘No, leave it, James,’ said Izzy. ‘I’ll get it. Besides, you need your beauty sleep. You know, it might even make your hair grow faster.’

  ‘You’re a cheeky bitch, Izzy Simpson, you know that? I have had nothing but shit from you all afternoon.’ He threw his stubbie holder at her, hitting her in the chest.

  ‘You know you love it. Come on, I’ll walk you out.�
�� Izzy came up alongside James and walked him towards his ute.

  ‘I’ll catch ya round, Will,’ James turned and called back over his shoulder.

  ‘No doubt. See ya, James.’ Will hung back for a moment before wandering off to his ute.

  The crunching of James’s thongs echoed in the still night air as he and Izzy walked towards the shed. James turned to her once they reached his ute, leant over and kissed her on the lips, quite politely.

  ‘I had a great time tonight. We must do it again soon before I go. Thanks for the feed. It’s been ages since I’ve had a taste of yabbies,’ he said.

  Izzy blushed slightly from yet another unexpected kiss. She was finding it hard not to think he had an agenda.

  He must have read her thoughts. ‘I don’t mean anything by that, I promise. It’s just I really did have a good time.’

  ‘I did too,’ she replied. ‘You’re not a bad bloke, James, even without your hair.’ Izzy playfully punched him in the arm before he got into his ute.

  With one last wave, he was on his way in the dark, crisp night. She stood there in the blackness watching his red tail-lights reach the end of their driveway before returning to Will.

  He was leaning on his ute looking up at the stars when he heard her soft footsteps. He gazed out into the darkness. She appeared slowly, like a graceful ship in the fog, all long legs and beauty.

  Copying him, she leant against the cold metal of his ute. It sent shivers over her skin, causing her to rub her arms. She turned towards Will, faint light from the verandah illuminating the outline of his lean face and chiselled features.

  ‘So, what’s up?’ she asked him, shivering again as she wondered what the hell he was doing here. Hopefully it wasn’t about last night. Her stomach churned with the thought.

  ‘Here, it’s a bit cold out,’ said Will, avoiding her question as he reached into his ute and pulled out a long-sleeved checked shirt for her.

  ‘Cheers.’ Izzy slipped on the thick cotton shirt, which was warm and smelled strongly of Will. ‘You still haven’t told me why you’re here.’

  ‘Just thought I’d drop by on my way home from the tennis club to see how you were getting on,’ Will said casually, with no hint of a hidden agenda. ‘Have you heard any more from Jean?’

  ‘No, nothing new.’

  ‘You and James’ve got a bit of a thing happening, hey?’ Will threw the question into the night air, right out of left field.

  ‘Maybe,’ she replied, leaving him guessing. It was none of his business anyway. ‘How about you? I’m surprised Angela isn’t here with you.’

  ‘Nope, she’s heading home today apparently.’ Will showed no signs of embarrassment about last night’s shenanigans.

  ‘Ah, just a one-nighter then,’ said Izzy, trying not to come across too prudish.

  Will shook his head when he realised what Izzy had said. ‘What? Hey, I never slept with her. God, whatever gave you that idea?’ he spluttered out.

  Izzy just raised her eyebrows and shrugged. Surely he didn’t want her to spell it out. Will continued, trying to explain. ‘I’ll admit she did try to maul me last night, but I set her straight. I wasn’t interested. I’m not like that.’

  Izzy just about choked. ‘What? Since when? Surely not since Claire.’ She turned to face him, waiting for his reply.

  Will sighed. ‘I know there was a time when I was a bit reckless and careless, but I’ve changed.’ He paused before going on. ‘And what happened between Claire and me was different.’

  Izzy tried to study him, to gauge whether he was being sincere, but he was just a murky shape in the dark. ‘How? You still slept with her and then left her, just like the others. I saw how upset she was. She was just a good time until the next one came along, right?’

  He turned to Izzy, touching her arm ever so slightly. ‘It wasn’t like that, Izzy,’ he said quietly. Will sighed heavily as his fingers ran through his hair. It was almost like a nervous reaction as his mind clouded over with memories. Long ago he had been hurt. It wasn’t visible, but he still carried the scars on the inside and he knew it. Taking a deep breath, he tried to explain. He owed Izzy that much.

  ‘It was never like that with Claire. We were great mates. Had been for years. We grew up together, Izzy, you know that.’ He paused. The next bit was going to be hard to say. ‘We ended up totally smashed one night. Everyone else had paired up and left us alone. Next thing we knew, we were waking up in the same swag with blinding headaches. Neither of us could remember much of it and we laughed it off. To tell you the truth, the bits we could remember weren’t that flash and there was no way it would ever happen again. We had never felt that way about each other. We were best mates, and anything else would have been too weird.’

  Will didn’t feel he could adequately explain it – that it really had always been platonic between them. They were like brother and sister. Never once had either of them thought differently. Claire had understood him so well. In a way, they were the same – two rebels out to enjoy what the world had to offer – so losing her was like losing a part of himself.

  ‘That can’t be all that happened,’ Izzy said angrily, traces of confusion slipping into her voice. ‘I saw Claire when I came home from school and she was completely stuffed up. I figured she was desperately in love with you. You two were always together. I mean, everyone thought …’ she trailed off. It didn’t make sense. If they weren’t a couple, then what had caused Claire so much grief? Izzy couldn’t help feeling that there was more Will wanted to tell her. He kept opening his mouth, like a fish starved of oxygen, and he was cracking his knuckles anxiously. She watched him silently, waiting for him to spit it out.

  ‘We did care for each other, but only as best mates. I would have given my right arm for her,’ Will explained.

  ‘So if it wasn’t that… what then? Claire would never tell me much, but I knew whatever it was that was upsetting her was something to do with you.’ Izzy pushed a little more.

  Quietly, Will stood deep in thought, debating whether to tell her or not. But hearing the hurt and confusion in Izzy’s voice caused him to finally blurt it out.

  ‘Claire ended up pregnant. She was going to have our baby.’ There – it was out. It was the first time in ages that he’d discussed it. In a way he had always felt that Izzy had a right to know, but her parents had thought otherwise. Bill had made Will promise to keep it quiet, even if Izzy hated him for it. He hoped Bill would understand that it was time the air was cleared.

  Reeling, Izzy felt her jaw drop. This wasn’t what she had expected. Surely he was joking. She waited for the laugh to follow, for the mischievous glimmer to appear in Will’s eyes, but a quick glance at his face told her it was the truth. Izzy could see real pain sweep across his face. His jaw had tensed as if he was grinding his teeth to powder and his body was rigid.

  For once, Izzy was utterly speechless. Not sure how to react at first, she felt herself kind of gawk at Will and then a funny half laugh burst out. But as the shock faded, it didn’t take long for the anger to build up. The realisation that she hadn’t known about the baby tormented her. Questions bombarded her mind. She felt tears begin to well in her eyes, catching on her lower lashes before tickling her cheek as they fell. Without knowing Will had even moved, she felt his cool, gentle hand on her arm, which caused her to flinch slightly.

  ‘Izzy, say something … You’re freaking me out.’ His voice was soft but broken, almost panicky. ‘I just thought you needed to know the truth.’

  Jerking her arm away from his touch, she spun around on her heels and briskly walked away. She heard Will start to follow her.

  ‘Izzy, wait. Let’s talk about it.’ He stopped. ‘Izzy!’ But she’d broken into a run. With her legs pumping as hard as they could, she ran all the way back to the house and into her bedroom. Sitting on her bed, she grasped at the covers, screwing them up tightly in her hands as silent tears continued to fall. Looking up at the framed picture of her and Claire on the motorbike broug
ht her undone. She flung herself down onto her bed and smothered her face in the pillow as her sobs intensified. Her heart burst with pain. She wasn’t sure what hurt more: the fact that her sister hadn’t come to her with this secret – she’d thought they shared everything – or that she couldn’t talk to her about it. Claire would never get to be a mum or see her child, and Izzy would never meet her little niece or nephew. How different her life would be now if Claire was still alive. It was just so unfair. Life could be so cruel.

  Preoccupied, she never heard Will’s ute start up a few minutes later as he headed back to his house.

  11

  IZZY had cried all night. By late morning she’d climbed out of bed and cleared away the mess from the night before. Her puffy red eyes were the only outward sign that something was wrong. But inside, she was churning. Determinedly she headed out to the shed to busy herself with some mechanical work. The less time she had to think, the better.

  After the last remaining air escaped the tyre she was trying to fix, she placed the tiny valve in a spot where she wouldn’t lose it, grabbed the heavy slide hammer and carried it over to the large-rimmed tyre. Placing the point of the slide hammer under the rim, she lifted the handles up on either side, and crashed it down as hard as she could. The clang echoed throughout the shed and bounced off the walls, making just enough racket to clear her head. Again, she brought it down hard: clang … clang. Somehow the loud noise was almost peaceful.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a reflective flash of Will appearing on his motorbike. Not again! She didn’t bother to look up. He switched off his bike a couple of metres from her as she rammed down the rod again, moved it a bit to the left, shifted her feet and then hammered it down again.

  She could feel his eyes on her for a few moments before he spoke. ‘Izzy, we’ve gotta talk.’

  Izzy glanced his way. Black rings circled his tired eyes and his messy hair showed the signs of a sleepless night, as did the stubble that shadowed across his face. At least she wasn’t the only one not sleeping.