Family Farm

by Palmer, Fiona

  There was no denying how she felt – she was falling for him. From the moment he gasped for life after being dragged out of the gully yesterday, she knew she could no longer lie to herself. It made leaving him so much harder. What she really wanted was to wake him with her lips. Oh, but she couldn’t – he needed his sleep. She knew a part of her had always loved Will, right from when she was young, but her childhood crush had grown into something more the moment she’d got to know the real Will. Claire was no longer around to dominate all his spare time, and Izzy was no longer the kid he’d done his best to avoid.

  She couldn’t deny the fact that Will was an amazing bloke, but what if it wasn’t meant to happen? What if it was a mistake, like it had been with Claire? Now that her feelings ran so deep, she didn’t know whether she could handle the rejection. How could they be friends again after that?

  Reluctantly, she opened his wardrobe and pulled out one of his warm checked shirts to wear. Izzy knew it would probably be best if she wasn’t here when he woke up. It would hurt too much if she had to watch him make his excuses and say that it had been a heat of the moment thing. She couldn’t put herself through that, not now. Will Timmins feeling as strongly about her as she did about him? She doubted it. Izzy wasn’t going to embarrass herself. It would be best to move on with a bit of dignity. If she snuck out now, it would give them enough space so that the next time they met, things would be back to normal. They could pretend it hadn’t happened.

  Izzy quickly pulled on a pair of track pants, which she found folded neatly on a chair, then quietly snuck out, glancing back at Will lying sprawled out on his bed. Taking a deep breath, she moved on to the bathroom to pick up her wet clothes before rushing out of his house and trying to erase the feelings the last few hours had aroused.

  Tiptoeing back into her house, she hoped to avoid her parents. At least until she was in her own clothes. To her dismay, they were both sitting by the sliding door with a cup of tea and a plate of scones. They stopped chatting and looked up, their eyes full of questions.

  ‘Izzy, you’ve been gone for ages. Is everything all right?’ Jean probed.

  ‘Have you been with Will all this time? What were you doing?’ said Bill, twisting his body around in his wheelchair to face her.

  ‘Yes, I have. We … ah … had a big rescue mission to save Clyde,’ said Izzy, itching to get to her room and be by herself.

  ‘What happened to your clothes?’ Those hawk-like eyes of her mother never missed a thing. She watched her dad’s eyes open in awareness; he’d only just realised she wasn’t wearing her own clothes. Think quickly. ‘Um … we got drenched saving Clyde and I got changed back at Will’s.’ She tried to make it sound light, like it was no big deal.

  ‘Why didn’t he drop you off home to change? What’s going on with you two?’ No doubt Jean’s mind was ticking over, so the last thing Izzy needed was her face to start heating up. Luckily, her dad seemed to be struggling to understand the implications.

  ‘I had to drive Will home. He was completely buggered. It was really serious – he nearly drowned. We were soaked to the bone after crawling through the creek.’

  ‘What do you mean, nearly drowned? What in blue blazes were you doing?’ Bill barked, fuming as he waited for answers. His complexion had changed to a brighter shade of red.

  Izzy sighed. She’d hoped to avoid this.

  ‘Clyde was stranded and we had to get him out – the gully was filling up fast. Will slipped and got stuck under the water. Not before Clyde had belted him, mind you. I managed to drag him out and got him breathing again,’ Izzy rattled off quickly before taking a deep breath.

  ‘What? Bloody hell! Is he okay?’ It was all her dad could say, as he was still seething.

  ‘Yeah, he’s fine now. It was just a bit of a shock, that’s all. Clyde got out okay, too. We saved him, Dad.’

  ‘Forget the bloody ram. You could have killed yourself by the sound of it, and Will too. How many times have I told you not to get mixed up with farm work? It’s too friggin’ dangerous.’ His voice was doubling in volume.

  ‘Dad, I have a bigger chance of being hit by a bus than being killed doing farm work. You have to let me live my life at some stage. Being here on the family farm is what I want to do. If I do die here, at least it’s where I want to be.’

  ‘Over my dead body,’ he screamed, waving his arms about. Bill had never felt so cross in all his life. To think it could have been her lying at the bottom of the gully. How could he bear to see another daughter of his dead? His little girls, both gone. It’d kill him. No, he was tough on Izzy for a reason. It was for her own good.

  ‘Urgh.’ Izzy threw up her hands and began to plead her case. ‘What do you think I was doing at Rob’s place? He taught me everything he knew about farming. He didn’t care that I was a girl – he just treated me like any other worker. I just wish it were you, my own father, who’d have been proud enough to give me a go. If only you gave a damn about what I wanted,’ Izzy finished, her cheeks flushed with anger.

  Bill shook his head violently. ‘Well, you don’t seem to give a damn about what I want! I don’t care what you know. There is no way in hell that you are working this farm, and that’s final.’

  ‘Well, just so you know, I have been. The last couple of months it’s been all me, not Will. Me! I did it all and I bloody loved it. Can’t you see that’s what I want? I want to be a farmer, just like you. I bet if I had balls, you’d be there patting my back, like you do with Will.’

  Bill shook his head again and Izzy thought she saw a vein pop in the side of his neck. ‘Well you don’t, so that’s that,’ Bill replied, but she knew she’d hit him hard and he’d been offended.

  Izzy stared at him in disbelief. ‘When Claire died you only lost one daughter, not two. I’m standing right here in front of you and you still don’t see me.’ Her eyes set firm on her dad’s enraged face. ‘Seeing as I’m not wanted here, I’ll go work on another farm somewhere else, somewhere I’m valued and appreciated.’

  Jean moved forward and took a protective stance in front of Izzy. ‘Bill, can’t you see how important this is to her? She’s going to do it whether you like it or not. Bill, please, I’ve only just got Izzy back and you’re not going to drive her away …’ She stopped herself from adding the word ‘again’, just in time.

  ‘She’s not working on this farm, or anywhere else around here if I can help it,’ Bill spat.

  Fury erupted inside Izzy’s head. She couldn’t believe that he still wouldn’t budge. Damn it. Well, if that’s the way he was going to be, he left her with no choice. ‘Fine. I’m outta here. Enjoy running the farm from your chair, Dad. You’ve made it crystal clear that you don’t want a daughter like me.’ She was already heading to her room to pack.

  Randomly she threw things into her bag, still bubbling with rage, as she listened to her parents’ argument continue. She’d never be able to change his mind. She must have been dreaming to think the old fart would welcome her back with open arms. Now she knew once and for all that she’d have to move on and leave this dream behind.

  Storming out past her parents, she said, ‘Goodbye, Mum.’

  ‘Izzy, wait,’ pleaded Jean.

  Izzy stopped, standing in Will’s clothes and bare feet as her mum came rushing up to hug her.

  ‘Please don’t go, love. Give him time to cool down,’ she begged as she used her finger to put Izzy’s loose hair back behind her ear. It was not quite dry and was starting to curl.

  ‘It’s no use, Mum. How much longer do I have to wait? I need to be out there working. I have a life to live. Men like him can’t change. I was deluding myself to ever think he might.’ Sighing, Izzy said, ‘I’ll call you when I get settled … somewhere.’

  Tears welled up in Jean’s eyes and threatened to spill. She stood with slumped shoulders in her blue fleece jumper, track pants and slippers. The pained expression on her face pulled at Izzy’s heart. ‘I love you, Mum. This isn’t your fault, and I know you
tried. But this is something I have to do,’ said Izzy, giving her one last hug before turning away and heading out the back door.

  Bill’s wheelchair didn’t move.

  The rain had finally stopped as Izzy tugged on her boots and stepped outside with her bag. The clouds were still dark and gloomy, mirroring how she felt. Negotiating the muddy ground, she made her way to her faithful ute, scanning the land she so loved as she went. She made a mental picture and took a long deep breath to steel herself.

  Her foot was on the pedal hard as she sped down the driveway, through the gum trees, and finally past the Gumlea sign. Izzy felt as though she was leaving some part of her heart behind, and that she wouldn’t be whole again. Mud flicked off the wheels and hit the mud flaps as the ute slid over the slimy road. As she pulled out of the driveway for the final time, her mind flashed to Will. She pictured him asleep on his belly with his hair hanging over his face and the doona cover skewed at his waist exposing his taut brown back. Should she call and tell him? Would he even care? Perhaps, after everything that had happened between them, it was too soon. He didn’t need to be burdened with this. He was probably still asleep anyway, the lucky bastard. She needed to talk to someone else. Automatically she turned towards her passenger seat, which was cold and empty. Tears streamed down her face. She realised she was facing this new journey on her own – without Tom, without her family, without Will, and without a clue where she was headed.

  24

  WILL felt like he had springs on his feet as he headed towards the Simpson house. He’d held off for a whole day before visiting Izzy. All the excitement of the day before – the ordeal at the gully, as well as his incredible afternoon with Izzy – had left him with a lot to think about. He’d woken up late that night, and after fixing himself a quick sandwich had gone straight back to bed, really wiped out. It had been strange waking and instantly feeling for Izzy, but the bed had been long cold. He could still picture her lying on her side, his cover pulled up under her arms and her hair framing her face. He realised she’d gone home, but that hadn’t worried him. He knew where to find her. He just didn’t want to seem too eager.

  Opening the flywire door, he called out, ‘Hellooo.’ Jean’s voice beckoned him in.

  ‘Oh, Will. We were going to call you,’ she said, somewhat anxiously.

  ‘Why? What’s up?’ Maybe he was going to get the third degree for keeping their daughter out for most of yesterday. He wondered if Izzy had said anything to Jean. Did she know already? Would she be happy?

  ‘Have you heard from Izzy?’ Jean asked.

  ‘What?’ He must have looked as confused as he felt.

  ‘Izzy and Bill had a huge fight yesterday and now she’s gone. I’ve tried everyone I can think of and I tried you a few times but you didn’t answer. Brian hadn’t seen you either.’

  ‘Oh, I was probably out getting the ute. But she’ll be back … won’t she?’ he said optimistically. As he floated down off his big white cloud, he began to notice the terror on Jean’s face and the teary glaze that had crept across her eyes. It was clear that Jean had been pinning her hopes on Izzy being with him. A weird panicked sensation spread through his body and his muscles tensed. His hands balled up into fists as he tried to control himself. This was bad.

  ‘After what happened at the gully yesterday, I assumed she’d be with you – that’s why I wasn’t worrying too much. I figured maybe she just didn’t want you to answer your phone.’ When Will shook his head, Jean continued, ‘I’m sorry Will, I’ve been so worried about Izzy, but I must ask how you’re doing? Izzy said you nearly drowned?’

  ‘Nearly, but not quite. I’m fine now. I was just a bit tired, that’s all.’ Will tried to hide the anxiety in his voice.

  Jean nodded in an absent-minded way, only half taking it in. ‘Bill’s gone and done it this time. I’ve no idea where she’s gone and I don’t think she’ll be back any time soon. She was so angry. You have to talk to him, Will. He won’t listen to me.’ Jean’s hand shook as it went to her mouth.

  Will placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently, trying to give her some comfort. ‘Where is he?’ he asked.

  She pointed to the dining room. ‘He’s been there all day, just staring out the window.’

  Leaving her behind, he headed towards Bill, his walk broken and uneven. Anger began building up inside, filling every crevice like gas before an explosion.

  He got straight to the point. ‘Bill, what did you say to Izzy?’ he said accusingly.

  ‘Hey, Will. How are you? I hear you saved our ram yesterday. Much appreciated, mate,’ Bill said in a kind of a daze. His face was set hard like a concrete slab, avoiding the main issue.

  ‘Don’t thank me. Thank your daughter. She’s the one who did most of the work. Not to mention saved my life,’ he said, putting his hand to his chest. It set off a vision of Izzy’s wet mouth working its way up to his neck. He trembled momentarily. ‘Bloody hell, Bill. What have you gone and done?’

  Bill’s battered body sat slumped in his wheelchair as if nothing had happened, but he looked as if he’d aged ten years.

  ‘She’s even left her mobile behind,’ Jean volunteered, clutching the tiny silver mobile as if it was the last thing Izzy had touched.

  Taking hold of the metal frame of Bill’s wheelchair, Will spun him around to face them, then he went off like a pyrotechnics display. ‘I never thought you’d take it this far, Bill. You’re telling me you’d rather lose another daughter than spend the rest of your life working beside her? God, you’re an idiot!’ He took a deep breath to calm himself down before continuing.

  ‘The way you lost Claire was just a freak accident. Nothing you could have done would’ve prevented it. We’ve talked about this before. It was her time to go. And that’s life, Bill. But Izzy, she’s got her whole life ahead of her, and she wants to share that with you. What the bloody hell’s wrong with you?’

  Bill was about to speak, his eyes wide with shock, but Will jumped in again.

  ‘No. Just shut up and listen. You’re so hell bent on trying to keep her off the farm that you haven’t noticed how much it’s a part of her. I’ve seen it first hand. Who do you think ran this place while you were in hospital? It sure wasn’t me. You’ll never be able to take that away from Izzy.’

  Bill resembled one of the open-mouthed clowns at the fair as he shook his head in disbelief.

  ‘And let me tell you, she’s one hell of a worker. Dad and I would have her work for us any day. Any farmer in this district would. You should be bloody proud of who she is and what she’s become.’ Will paused for a breath. ‘Don’t you see? You could have it all, but you’re pushing her away, hurting her and everyone else in the process.’ Even me, he thought, as his body ached at the emptiness she’d left. Trying to get through to the old man was hard work. Now he understood how much Izzy had endured.

  ‘I just couldn’t stand to go through it again.’ Bill finally spoke.

  It was barely a whisper, but Will heard him. Bill looked small and weak slumped in his chair. For a moment, Will even felt sorry for him. He ran his hand through his hair, hoping this was a breakthrough.

  ‘Well, what other options do you have? What if something happens to her on someone else’s farm and then she’s gone for good? I don’t know about you, but I’d never forgive myself. I’d rather spend every moment possible with her while I could. If you would just open your eyes, you’d see how remarkable she is. Claire’s gone – but you still have one incredible, smart and beautiful daughter.’ Will stopped, Izzy’s image plainly visible in his mind. ‘You don’t know what you’re missing out on,’ he finished passionately.

  ‘My God, Will. You’re in love with her.’ Jean shocked herself with her own words. Quickly she clamped her hand over her mouth and blushed at her indiscretion.

  Two pairs of eyes watched Will carefully, waiting for his reaction.

  He stared out through the sliding door and felt a wave wash over him. It was as if it had cleaned away
the sand in his mind and left something clearly visible. Silently, he laughed at himself as the realisation dawned. ‘Maybe I am,’ he replied quietly. Saying it out loud made him feel like he’d finally grown up.

  All three stood quietly absorbing this new information.

  Will realised he had to tell Izzy, but not knowing where she was hurt like hell.

  Bill just sat there wearing a grin from ear to ear.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ Will asked, anger still rippling inside him.

  ‘You know, I always hoped that you’d marry one of my girls, but I never thought of my little Izzy. Will, you’re the closest thing I have to a son. Nothing would make me happier than to see you two together.’

  Will rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah, well, we still have to find her. And let’s get one thing straight,’ he said, pointing to Bill. ‘If Izzy will have me, she can do as much farming as she wants. It’s who she is, and I don’t want her to change for anyone.’

  Bill nodded vigorously. A sparkle had returned to his eyes. The old man suddenly looked alive again.

  ‘You might be right, Will. I know I’ve shut myself off from Izzy.’ He thought for a moment. ‘I guess in the process I’ve missed out on seeing my girl grow up.’

  ‘Let’s just hope it’s not too late,’ Jean said. ‘Hopefully she’ll be back after she’s calmed down a bit. Till then, all we can do is wait.’

  25

  ‘WHICH way now?’ Izzy said to herself. Closing her eyes, she felt the rumble of the ute pulse through her body as she waited for a sign. ‘Come on, Claire. Help me out.’

  Her hand fell off the steering wheel in her relaxed state and accidentally hit the indicator lever. When she opened her eyes, the right arrow flicked wildly as if saying ‘pick me, pick me’. She didn’t know if that was a sign or not, but it was as good an indication as any. ‘I guess it’s north, then,’ she said aloud and laughed. People would think her strange if they could see her talking to herself, but she’d always talked to Tom. He’d bark back every so often just to let her know he was listening. A part of her liked to think he was still listening.