by Pamela Ann
At the age of eighteen, Ana Walters lost her mother, her home, and her freedom. Within a week after her mother's burial, she was sexually abused by someone close to her. A few weeks after the assault, she was still trapped. Then, one day, she managed to escape her living nightmare.
With all the never-ending hurdles, will Ana be finally free of her demons?
Havoc
Pamela Ann
Havoc
Copyright © 2014 Pamela Ann
All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
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WARNING:
Please be advised that this book contains violence, graphic sexual acts, drugs, consensual and nonconsensual sex, language, and situations intended for MATURE readers only.
This novel is not for the faint of heart. So, if you have any strong aversions about such triggering subjects, this novel isn’t for you.
From The Author:
This novel contains trigger-inducing situations that aren’t suitable for people who may not be able to handle such scenes. If you were a victim of assault or any form of violence, including drugs, consensual and non-consensual sex, please consider it a moment before reading along.
The plot and the heroine’s actions, basing from her inner battles, have been created due to stories that were told and heard around me, from close friends to mere strangers through the years. Some people might find Ana, the heroine, meek and weak, but this is how most victims—that I know—have reacted when under duress. Each victim goes through their horrors differently, and horrors that will always leave an ugly scar, which may or may not heal. It stays with you. It sticks to you—forever.
Therefore, please read the story with an open mind. Cast off the stereotypes and feel the story through Ana’s eyes, her words, and her fears.
The world is full of blackened hearts, but with even darker fantasies. We chat, we smile, we converse with these people… And, at times, little do we know that we live with monsters.
It is our world. A world where monsters truly lurk everywhere. They don’t hide from the dark. They walk with their proud heads in broad daylight.
It could be anyone. A stranger. A friend. Or the person you’ve trusted your life with, thinking they wouldn’t hurt a hair on your head…
“When the world says, ‘Give up,’ hope whispers, ‘Try it one more time.’”
-Author Unknown
Prologue
When I was ten, my father was shot in a gunman’s rampage in the mall’s food court. It had been a Saturday, and since my mom worked weekends, it had become our ritual to spend time shopping, eating out, and then watching a movie afterwards.
It had started out as any other day, nothing peculiar in the hustle and bustle of the usual weekend packed with families and kids everywhere. Then, out of nowhere, just like in the movies, a sound of a gun fired from somewhere echoed across the domed-glass food court. There had been that eerie, sudden sound of people frozen as they realized what that blast of sound was before the cacophony changed to that of people screaming for help, and pure terror took its place. People had begun stampeding all over the place. It had suddenly become havoc and chaos everywhere I had looked.
Dad had taken me in his arms, holding me against his chest tightly before he started to join the mass chaos. We were barely moving because people were pushing against each other, and someway, somehow, Dad dropped me from his hold.
In the blink of an eye, the rounds of deafening noise from fresh bullets being released without mercy rattled the place as people screamed and ran away from the scene. Blood, dead people, and the injured had been scattered before me while I had stood there with my pink, frilly dress, wide-eyed and scared but frozen in fright. It was then when he’d found me, the dark eyes of the masked man had zeroed in on me as his next target, as if in slow motion.
I had seen the steely determination in the unforgivable depths of his soul as my heart pounded in the back of my ears, my eyes focused on his forefinger, inching to the trigger to shoot me on the spot. My father had pushed me with great strength, screaming my name as he shoved me past the garbage bin so hard I blacked out.
There had only been one thing I was certain of before darkness took me, the last shot that rang in my ears had been directed towards my father.
I was never the same after that.
It had been traumatizing to go through something absolutely horrendous and try to live like a normal kid again because, let’s face it, I wasn’t normal anymore.
I secluded myself from any human contact as much as possible. I couldn’t be in a place where there were too many people around me without having a panic attack seize me to unconsciousness.
Therefore, my mother decided to have me homeschooled.
Five years later, Mom remarried. Bob, her husband, had a son who was about my age named Doug. He was nice, friendly, and very attentive. He became my best friend after only a month.
For years, I had never thought one of those people would hurt me. After all, I loved them like they were my real family. Little did I know, sometimes even good people had dark thoughts—desires—to get what they wanted at any cost.
Chapter 1
A week ago…
I had woken up parched and went down to get some water at four in the morning. It was exactly a week since we buried my mother. The house had the veil of death hung around it, and I hadn’t seen my stepbrother or my stepfather, either. It was like they both had disappeared.
Finishing my water, I placed my empty glass in the sink. When I spun around, I was surprised to see Doug behind me, looking as haggard as ever.
“Hey!”
“You can’t sleep? I can’t, either.” Doug looked at me sadly. He and Mom had been quite close as well, as a result it didn’t surprise me he was mourning her loss, too. “Come on, baby sis, you need to sleep.” He gathered me in his arms and guided us both towards our bedrooms.
After a week from initially meeting Doug, he started calling me baby sis, and the nickname had stuck ever since.
Once we got to my room, I was surprised when he followed me in. After I was in bed, he sat on the opposite side. “Do you mind if I sleep here, too? I’m having a hard time being on my own. We can talk if you like.” He yawned through his words.
Since I was nowhere near ready going back to sleep, I agreed. I guessed talking would be helpful to both of us. I mean, we were in mourning, therefore it should be normal for family to seek solace from one another.
Doug and I had never shared a bed, but really, it was no big deal. He was practically my brother, and besides, Doug and I were close. “Sure, I don’t mind.”
When he slid inside my comforter, he sighed comfortably. “I love your smell. It helps me relax. Did I ever tell you that?”
I laughed. “Yes, you did; a few times, actually.”
Doug laughed at that.
“The house feels so empty now, especially since Dad is drunk all day. I think he’s actually planning to quit working and just retire early. He doesn’t really need it since he has my grandparents’ life insurance money.”
Turning on my side, I faced him. “But why would he give up his life? He should go back to work. I understand that he’s mourning, but he ca
n’t just drink his way through life forever.”
“Dad can definitely drown in a bottle. It was always his weakness. Why do you think my mom left? You and I are on our own.” Doug’s tone was edged with something I couldn’t pinpoint. It was sadness, but with something else.
I rolled on my other side again and faced the wall. “Yeah, I guess so. I wish Mom was still here, then everything would be okay again.”
Thinking about my mother made me sad. Each time I did, I always ended up crying. It seemed like it was just yesterday I had kissed her good morning when she was making breakfast, and now she was gone… forever.
Sobbing, I felt Doug pull me against his body, spooning me, but in a non-sexual manner. “Let it all out. I will hold you. I won’t ever let go, Ana.” His words were comforting to me, and I simply cried until I couldn’t anymore.
A hand pressed down on my mouth, pushing my head down into the mattress. I instantly woke up panicked as a man’s hard body came down on top of my frozen state.
Fluttering my eyes open, I took in the dark room and the hard pounding of my heart against my chest before I saw Doug’s glittering eyes looking down on me, murderously.
This was the second time he’d done this in a week.
The thought of what he wanted again made me want to scream and ask for help. The fleeting thought vanished when he finally spoke, though. “Don’t you fucking move or say a fucking word, Ana. I will make your life a fucking living hell if you scream. Don't fuck with me.”
My tears started to pool in my eyes as I looked in fright at Doug, my stepbrother. His brown eyes seemed dark and haunted as he pulled my shorts down and hastily yanked my underwear off. With his palm still pressed on my mouth, I silently wept while I heard him undo his pants and the sound of the zipper being pulled down.
Doug immediately parted my legs as he positioned himself in between them. He roughly entered me in my dry state, which burned and pained me, yet that didn’t deter him. He grunted once he had fully entered me as he started to pant like a possessed maniac.
“You don’t know how long I have wanted to fuck this sweet, tight pussy and pop your cherry. I used to jack off watching you sleep. But now it’s all mine to have anytime I want to, Ana. Your pussy’s gettin’ wet; you’re starting to like this, aren’t you? Don’t worry, baby. I have more coming.”
I squirmed when he lifted my hips and made himself go deeper in me. He then released his hand from my mouth as he sought for my breasts, though before he let go, he didn’t fail to warn me again. In my confused and messed up state, I didn’t even think twice; I numbly followed Doug’s order.
As he slammed in and out of me roughly, I winced from each and every onslaught. His hand and mouth manically bit and sucked my breasts, which I found weird and uncomfortable. Then Doug’s pace started to pick up.
“Ana, I love you. I love how tight you are. I love you, Ana.” He instantly sought my lips, and when I tried to dodge the kiss I knew was coming, he grabbed my chin and made me open my mouth.
I noticed that, the longer the strokes, the less painful it got for me. I also noticed that, when I just tried to be still and not fight him off, I wouldn’t feel the burning.
So, I did just that. I lay there and waited for Doug to finish.
Doug had taken my virginity two days ago, just a week after we buried my mother. My mom had been Doug’s stepmother, thus making him my stepbrother. His father, Bob Mitchell, was beyond heartbroken and had found solace in the bottomless depths of Jack Daniels.
I had never really known my father. Mom had met Bob in Hawaii, our home, when he was on a business trip and they’d married a month after. Of course, Mom had moved to Seattle with Bob and his son, Doug. I had been fourteen and Doug had been fifteen. Doug had always been a good stepbrother. He had been sweet, always looking out for me. That was why, when he’d attacked me two days ago, I hadn’t seen it coming.
Doug hissed as he grabbed my hips and pounded into me harder, making my queen-sized headboard bang loudly against the wall. Even with the loud noise, I doubted if Bob would be woken up. Bob had been passed out by that time on a nightly basis.
I felt Doug still before he pulled out of me and came all over my stomach. After he was through, he bent over and kissed me then grabbed his shirt off the floor and wiped my stomach clean.
Wiping my tears away, I curled up in a ball. How long will Doug keep doing this to me? I wanted to run away, but there was nowhere to go. I didn’t have any other family to speak of. Doug and Bob were my only family.
I stilled when I felt Doug slide next to me on the bed. Fuck, was he planning to sleep here from now on?
He pulled me close and whispered into my ear, “We have to get you on a birth control soon. I don’t like wasting my nut like that. I will get you some tomorrow, ‘kay?”
I closed my eyes and prayed for mercy. “I don’t want this, Doug. I don’t want you to keep using me. Please, stop this. I know we’re all in pain with Mom’s passing, but please, you have to stop.”
“You just think that now, Ana. But you love me, too. You just don’t know it yet. Besides, you have nowhere else to go, baby. If you want to stay in this house, you have to let me have you. Dad is passed out drunk all day, so I get to choose the rules in this house. You got that?”
I reluctantly nodded.
“Good. Now go to sleep, Ana.”
He was right; I had nowhere to go.
I was at his mercy.
Chapter 2
Back in the present
The following morning, I was grateful when Doug wasn’t next to me or that he hadn’t awakened me again after he’d used me last night.
Walking was uncomfortable, and even with the use of a hot shower, the raw feeling of my overly used muscles down south was still present. I felt dirty and used—ugly. What surprised me, though, was that I couldn’t shed any more tears. I cried and cried after that first time. I did, too, last night. In the light of day, however, as much as I wanted to cry, none came.
It was ten in the morning when I checked the time. I slowly changed and went downstairs to get something to eat. Walking past the entry hall, I peeked to see if Doug’s SUV was outside, but it wasn’t there. In fact, there were no cars outside.
Sighing, I guessed I was all alone for the time being.
When I got to the kitchen, I stilled when I saw something on the counter. It was a note from Bob, something I hadn’t seen coming.
Going to the cabin for a while. I’m sorry, but I need space.
Oh, no! Bob! Don’t leave me here! I started to shiver as I stared at the note.
Bob bought a cabin in Battle Ground Lake, close to Portland. If I thought things were fucked up before, things were getting really, really ugly for me. With Doug and me alone in the house, he was going to be much worse.
I wanted to break down and cry, yet I couldn’t. I kept wishing for Mom to come back and make everything all right again. If I had just gone with her to the grocery store, I would’ve died with her during that crash. How I wished I had done that. If this was life without her, I didn’t want it.
I slowly went into my mom and Bob’s bedroom and rummaged through drawers. There had to be money here somewhere. I could leave before Doug got back.
After going through sock drawers, the filing cabinet, and the medicine cabinet, I couldn’t find anything. I found papers, passports, albums and such, but nothing of monetary value.
“Looking for something?”
I cursed when I heard Doug behind me. Where’s luck when you need it?
“I was just looking for some of Mom’s things.” I slowly turned around and found Doug studying me. With his six-foot-three stature and well-built body, one would have never guessed this man was a rapist. Doug had been a popular guy back in high school. He was a player, but he had always threatened men who wanted to go out with me. Everyone thought he was just over-protective of me, as did I. However, last night had proved to me otherwise when he told me he loved me.
&nbs
p; I didn’t know what he wanted to gain from this. I loved the old Doug. This Doug scared the living daylights out of me. What had changed?
It was his eyes. They were full of intense anger and something else. It was like he wouldn’t think twice before committing a crime. To be honest, this Doug had been acting very strange since a month ago.
I blinked a few times when he waved something at me. It was birth control pills.
“Let’s go downstairs, so you can go take one right now.”
I bit my lip as I contemplated what to do. “I don’t want to take birth control pills. I don’t want you to keep having sex with me, Doug. I hate it. Please, I know you love me, but you’re hurting me more. If you’re not going to change, I will call the cops,” I threatened, though he just gave me a smile. He knew my threats were empty because I had nowhere to go. No money, no car, and no job to speak of. Most importantly, no friends to run to.
He barked out a loud, deep-bellied laugh. “I love that you’re innocent, Ana. Let’s just stick to the plan, shall we? Come on, let’s go downstairs and make you take your pill. Well, unless you want to carry my baby, that is? Would you want that, baby?”
The mention of him making me pregnant did it. I reluctantly followed him as he laughed at my ghastly expression. A baby born into this mess would make things much more messed up. I hated to admit it, however it seemed I had to find another way to find money. Only then, could I plan to run away.
I was supposed to go to college this year, but Doug had convinced my family I should stay a year at home so I could figure out what I really wanted to do, instead of going to school and wasting money. Given his ‘golden boy’ status in my mom and Bob’s eyes before this mess, they had believed him.
Even before that, I had been discouraged from looking for a job because I was told I needed to concentrate on school. I didn’t make it a big deal since I was about to graduate high school anyway, and when I turned eighteen, I could go ahead and look for a retail job somewhere. I started filling out applications three months ago, but Doug managed to not get me hired in the process. Every prospective new job, he would call them and make them take me out of their potential candidate list.
