by Pamela Ann
His erratic behavior started around the time I caught him injecting himself with something. Crack maybe? I wasn’t sure because he had hid it immediately. When I had checked for it the next day, it hadn’t been there anymore.
Once we got to the kitchen, he went to grab me some water to drink with the pill. Doug was stroking my hair while he watched me. “Baby, since Dad’s not home, you should be sleeping in my bed from now on.” When I didn’t respond, Doug tugged my hair. “Don’t ignore me, Ana. ‘Say, yes, Doug. I will do it.’”
My scalp burned from his strong grasp of my hair. Sniffing, I repeated what he had just told me, “Yes, Doug. I will do it.” I stammered the words out, scared and defeated.
He spat on my face before spinning around and grabbing the ends of my shorts and then roughly shoving me against the counter, pressing my face flat on the cold surface.
“Spread your legs open,” he commanded before he gave my butt a hard slap.
With no wetness to speak of, he entered me. I sobbed at the chafing feel of his manhood forcefully entering me. Yelping out in evident pain, he continued plowing inside me until he was fully buried.
“There’s no need to cry, Ana. Learn to relax. Your body will take over and you will start liking it. But you have to trust me that I will make it good for you, okay?” he cooed in my ear as he took me roughly, cupping the back of my head and shoving it against the counter, leaving me as helpless as could be.
I wanted to scream at him and claw his eyes out, but I held my tongue. I had to wait this one out until I could outsmart him. Consequently, I tried to relax while I felt his hand snake around my hips. His fingers opened my folds, rubbing my clit.
“Just relax, baby. You have to trust me. I can show you a different world, but you have to trust me. Will you give me that, Ana?”
Trusting him was the last thing on my agenda. “Yes, Doug. I trust you.” Lying was going to be the death of me, yet I had no choice. I had to hatch a plan, and hopefully, at the end of this nightmare, I could still find and remember my old self.
Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine happy memories. Anything to block out the horrifying reality of my life—Doug taking liberties with my body. I wanted to block out the heavy panting sound he was making each time he slid himself inside me. I wanted to erase the memory of his rough hands playing with my breasts. I wanted to forget it all and imagine a world of my own. A world without Doug.
Before I knew it, he was already coming inside me. I squirmed and flinched when he hardened himself, pushing his shaft all the way in as he unloaded his seed.
I sobbed, not in pain, but at the thought of being pregnant with his kid. I was eighteen, and yet, he was taking a gamble with my life. I hated that I didn’t have the willpower to stop him.
He lightly chuckled and tapped my butt. “Now, go upstairs to your new bedroom. I will join you in a minute. Oh, and stay naked.”
Ignoring him, I ran upstairs to the tune of his degrading chuckle as it chased after me, mocking me.
Chapter 3
“Let me give you a nice, relaxing bath. You look like you need it.”
I gave Doug a death stare as I rolled myself to the side. He had just finished using me for the third time tonight, and even though I would have to agree with him, my bath time was no one’s business except mine. It was my only time—my only solace. He need not interrupt that, too.
“I’m fine. I can do it myself,” I heard myself say as I watched him go into the bathroom. I heard the water being turned on before he emerged again.
He gave me a deadpan look as he stood right outside the entrance of my bathroom before making this chilling smile that made the ends of my hair stand at attention. I was very much aware he wasn’t happy about something as he gave me that particular look that made my insides curl.
“You know,” he started saying with a small nod. “A girl needs to learn to follow a guy’s directions.” He started to make his way back to the bed again as I pulled the sheet up to cover me, slightly pushing myself into the headboard until he was glowering down on me with a look of anger only a psychotic man could have—the one that said not to mess with them or they’d kill you. I knew this wasn’t the time to argue or contest him. Maybe I shouldn’t at all if I knew any better… If I want to stay sane and alive. The thought popped in my mind, as if giving me advice.
His dark eyes made my heart stop beating when he lowered them to my level before gripping my chin to look him directly in his blackened soul. “When a guy says jump, you fucking jump! You don’t fucking question it when he offers you something.” He harshly spat on my face. “You don’t fucking question it when he asks you something! You fuckin’ understand what I’m tellin’ ya here, Ana?”
Nodding uncontrollably as I tried to keep my tears at bay, I saw him spread a satisfying grin before he gave my boob a large, thudding slap. “That’s my baby girl. Now move out of bed and get into the water I’ve nicely prepared for you.”
Quickly, I did as he asked, sprinting into the bathroom and hastily sitting in the almost scalding hot water he had prepared for me. Though my sensory was telling my mind and body the temperature was hot, for some reason, I could barely feel it. I wanted to wonder why that was, but then Doug appeared again and that idea was immediately shoved aside.
Closing my eyes, I felt him get inside the bath right behind me before I felt him pull me against his body, massaging my breasts as he languidly sighed and made a satisfying grumble that reverberated all over his body.
“I like having you like this. Just like it’s meant to be.” He pinched a nipple as I flinched, inside and outside, with potent disgust. “You are so beautiful, Ana.”
His voice made my eyes moist again. Because I wasn’t his. I was nobody’s. I was my own. Yet, he didn’t care nor did he acknowledge it.
When I felt his hand snake downwards to stroke me, my thighs were like bands of steel. When he asked for me to part them, they wouldn’t.
His hand immediately wrapped around my neck, choking me slowly as he applied more and more pressure by the second. “You don’t get to fuck with your master,” he painfully hissed into my ear. “This pussy is mine. Open it up before I do it myself. I’m sure I have a knife somewhere. You don’t want it to get ugly, do you, Ana?”
I rapidly shook my head, horrified at the image he had given me, as I parted my legs for his ministrations.
“You’re a good girl,” he cooed, his mood shifting like the tides. “I know you are.” He dipped his middle finger inside me as he started choking me again. “I know some chicks that like this.” He pushed in and out of me as he choked me harder. “You like this, my sex doll?”
I whimpered as I shook my head, wincing from the painful things he was doing to my body.
“You’re cunt is stupid, but it’ll get it smarter soon… Yes, it will,” he disgustingly remarked as he pushed me off him and commanded me to stand up and turn around.
I vaguely watched him as he took hold of a bar of soap and rubbed it on his palms before furiously applying the soapsuds to my pubic area.
“We’re gonna get you cleaned up good.” He made a small laugh before he pulled a razor from somewhere and started shaving me bald. “I want clean, ya hear? All clean. All the fucking time. If you don’t follow the rules, I’ll cut it for you.” He looked up, giving me a cringing sneer. “I will cut, Ana, you understand me?”
I frowned, nodding in earnest. “I understand,” I said in a dry voice, hoping he’d stop giving me these subtle hints about what he’d do to me if I disobeyed his commands.
I held my fists together, hoping I could evoke as much pain as possible to stop myself from shaking, from losing myself to the misery I was living in from here on out.
Hell was this house. Hell was where Doug was… And I had to deal with that.
I wanted to shriek my protest, to bang his head on the side of the wall and demand answers. Why? Why! Why? Why do this to me? He knew I was heartbroken from my mother’s passing. He knew I did
n’t have anything. He knew… He fucking knew!
Yet it had also made me the perfect target. I was vulnerable. A defenseless, meek girl compared to the delusional crazy-like hawk of a man that wouldn’t stop to strike when he saw the opening of a exceedingly good opportunity. An opportunity where he could unleash his demons. His fantasies. His dim imaginary view that could very well come to life on a daily basis without any sort of guilt or remorse.
And he took it—he took me—without a second thought.
People wondered about abuse, thinking it easy to call the police by merely picking up the phone, or to scream at the top of your lungs to ask for help from the neighbors. Little did they know of the battle, the fear that laced itself into every rebellious thought myself and those other people had. Could they advise and point fingers as to what one should do when they themselves hadn’t been in that particular situation? No. No one could understand the defenselessness we had been place in.
We didn’t choose to be nothing. They chose for us, our captors. They took that right from their victims, just like how Doug had robbed me of everything I had known; everything I’d held dear. My life wasn’t his. I didn’t hand it over to him so he could fuck me inside out—no. Of course I didn’t. He took because he felt entitled. He took because he didn’t care about the consequences. He took because a lot of people got away with it without any sort of punishment. He took simply because he could.
I’d been robbed while he got to feel like a king.
But what about me? What happens to me? I had myself, who I constantly beat mentally because of my weaknesses. I berated myself for not having an ounce of power to voice my detest of him. Physically, I was overexerted. Mentally, I had been driven to exhaustion.
So where… Where did I go from here?
+++
The next day, Doug seemed restless and I tried with all my might to ignore him yet failed miserably.
“Are you hungry?” Doug asked while he leaned against the wall.
I was watching TV and hadn’t eaten since yesterday. Hunger and food were the last things on my mind.
Shaking my head, I responded, “No.”
He sighed, as if annoyed. “I grabbed groceries earlier, so you can fix yourself something.”
I nodded, not glancing at him. I felt numb, disconnected, and yet, I still couldn’t fucking cry. Inside, I was breaking, and I needed an outlet… something to take the edge off the pain that was bleeding inside me. Or I would do something bad, and that could only get me into more trouble. Worse yet, he might carry out the threat and cut me.
The chilling memory of how he’d said those words last night in the tub made me dash my thoughts to the side. I admit, I was terrified of what he could do to me. He was going to be worse as time went on, and I just hoped I would have enough of me to tackle each and every test he pounded into me.
Doug strode over to the couch, crouching before me, trying to get my attention. “I have some business to take care of. I’ll be back later tonight, maybe tomorrow morning.”
What business? I wanted to ask, but I bit my tongue. I couldn’t care less about what he did. He had killed any love I had for him. “Okay.”
“Where’s my kiss?”
Is he fucking kidding me? I gave him a slashing glance, about to protest, but when I saw his cold eyes, I knew he wasn’t to be trifled with.
“You fucked me… You keep taking from me… And now you’re demanding that I kiss you, too?”
I was out of breath when he dramatically pushed me against the couch, holding my face with his hand as he kissed me thoroughly—tongue and all. I shivered from anger and wanted to spit his saliva out, but his other hand gripped my neck, somewhat choking me.
When he finally released me, my lungs heaved, and I made a screeching sound, as if all air had left me.
“That wasn’t so hard was it?” He lightly slapped my face. “Next time I ask you something, you say ‘how high.’ Don’t fuck with me, Ana.”
His words sent a chill down my spine. Every day he was becoming worse and worse. How long would I last? How long could I hold out until I couldn’t take any more of his abuse?
“One more thing; don’t go out. Don’t talk to anybody. If you try to leave, I will fucking hunt you down and kill you. Got it?” He didn’t wait for me to say anything before he upped and left me.
Holding my breath until I heard the sound of his car leaving the house, I stared at the TV before curling up into a ball on the edge of the couch, shivering.
With my eyes wide open, I stared outside the window. I watched as the trees danced against the breeze, the bright afternoon turning to dusk. From dusk, I stared at the darkened sky. Nothing comforted me.
I didn’t get up until it was half past eight, walking towards the kitchen as if I weighed a ton, as if I was injured. From the outside, I might be fine, but emotionally and mentally, I was a ticking time bomb.
Taking out the bread from the pantry, I made myself a toasted slice with a slab of peanut butter. Eating it felt like I was chewing on sand, but I knew I had to keep some energy up.
The thought of giving him up to the cops was tempting, but his threat of hunting me down and killing me made me stay put and not do anything drastic.
After I finished my bread, I started cleaning up the kitchen. Before, I had done this with my mother after we’d had dinner together as a family. Memories bombarded my thoughts. The easy laughter, the security of a family, and the love I felt from her… all of them were gone. Bob, who had always been there for me was also gone. God only knew how long it would take him to mourn.
Wishing things were different was a waste of time, though. I needed to keep moving, to think of something to get Doug to treat me properly. Then, maybe—hopefully—I could ask him for money, and when I had enough, I would leave and never look back.
Taking the trash out, I strode towards the side of the house where the black bin was located. Just when I was shoving the garbage inside, I heard someone clear their throat. Shutting the lid of the bin, I looked around at the darkness, alert. When I found a pair of warm, brown eyes, I immediately tensed.
“I’m sorry about your mother,” he said, coming closer.
I waited a beat. Or two. “Thank you,” I responded, not knowing what else to say. Logan Green was the popular guy in school and my neighbor. He and I had never really spoken to each other, but once in awhile, he would say hi and ask how I was. Ever since we were young, he had always been polite, and girls from their school had come in droves, always after him.
“My parents just told me a couple hours ago. I even knocked a few times earlier, but no one answered. I thought you weren’t home or something.”
He knocked? I hadn’t heard him. “I was asleep.” Somewhat.
He nodded, looking like he wasn’t in a hurry to get inside his home or leave for somewhere, which perplexed me. It was a Friday night, after all. People our age usually had plans to party and date around. The thought that I might never experience what it was like to be normal because of my phobia of masses of people around me, saddened me all of a sudden.
Had I been normal, with friends to support me, I would probably have been out of that house the moment Doug had laid his hands on me.
“How are you holding up? You okay? If you like, we can go get a quick bite somewhere,” he offered, surprising and shocking me at the same time.
Logan Green willing to console me. How odd was that?
I shrugged. “I’m fine,” I murmured, not believing my words. “I appreciate the offer…”
If I told him the truth, would he help me? I doubted it. He and Doug were friendly, so if I told him the nasty truth about Doug, he probably would tell him or ask questions. Logan might just put me in more trouble. Besides, I didn’t know him that well, subsequently confiding in him was out of the question.
“Well, if you need anyone to talk to, I’m just a phone call away.” His eyes looked intense in the dark. Even though I couldn’t see him fully, my heart did s
kip a beat. He was too good looking to gaze at. It was hard not to blush.
“I don’t have your number, but that’s okay. I don’t need it.” What made him say that? We barely spoke to each other, let alone exchanged numbers.
“Right.” He nodded, as if thinking the same thing. “Hold on a sec,” he rushed out before completely disappearing in the dark.
I looked around, anxious and uncomfortable, thinking Doug might be back in a second and would gladly punish me for disobeying him. “He’ll be back tomorrow. Calm down,” I tried to tell myself just as Logan appeared again, holding a ripped napkin with his name and number on it.
“Oh.” I took it, staring at it. This was the first time I had been given someone’s number.
I mumbled my thanks, shoving the napkin in my pocket.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go get a quick bite?” he asked again. “Coffee?” He looked unsure. “I know it’s late, but a lot of people these days drink it at all hours.”
I had never been out with any strangers. Coffee would be quick wouldn’t it? Besides, Doug did say he was going to be late coming back. I was sure I could spare an hour. Not to mention, I needed to be out of the house badly in order to forget the nightmare I was living, even if only for a moment.
“I have an hour. Would that be enough?” It would give me ample time, just in case Doug got back early. I didn’t want to risk anything.
For the first time, I saw him smile. And what a smile it was. I could gaze up at him all night. “Only an hour? I’m sure I could work around that.”
I nodded, wanting to smile, though I lacked the energy to. I had nothing to smile about anyway. “Give me five minutes to change and get my keys.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Rushing inside the house, I felt like I was living for the first time. I knew it wasn’t a date, that Logan had asked me out because he felt sorry for me about losing my mother, however I couldn’t help relishing the thought that, had I been normal, this would be a common occurrence; going out with a guy.
