by Pamela Ann
After eighteen years, I thought I had just made my first friend. Or, at least, I hoped.
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When I came out of the house five minutes later, he was there, just as he’d promised, leaning against the side of his car with his hands in his pocket.
“Ready?” he asked, moving to open the car door for me.
His gentlemanly gesture was unexpected. I had never had anyone open the car door for me, so it was a novelty.
“Looks like I am,” I managed to say, breaking eye contact. There was something in the way he looked at me—like he was probing for something, trying to read my thoughts—and I didn’t want him to see what lay beneath the surface. I wasn’t normal anymore. I was damaged. The once innocent, untried body of mine was now scarred.
Once he got inside, Logan didn’t immediately start the engine. Instead, he glanced over to me while I pressed on my lips, trying not to look at him. His corvette was tinted, therefore the darkness made everything more intimate and intimidating.
After a full minute of not meeting his eyes, he finally managed to speak. “Is there a place you wanna check out?” he asked casually. He wasn’t flirting or anything, he didn’t even try to touch me once. However, there was something about the way he spoke to me, the way he looked at me with that soul-searching look, that managed to undo me somehow.
I shook my head. I didn’t want to reveal how ignorant I was when it came to shops and places. Most of all, my agoraphobia was one thing I had to watch out for as well as one thing I didn’t want him to see, ever. “Do you know a place where it’s quiet and peaceful?”
He glanced ahead, as if mentally running down the places he knew. “Mmm, I think I’ve got a good place in mind.” He hummed for a bit before gazing towards me with a heart-warming smile. He had a dimple on his chin, which only added to his charisma. “You ready to roll?” He sounded teasing, and for the first time after my mother’s death, I finally smiled.
“Sure am.”
We lived in Federal Way, just outside Seattle, and even though Seattle had tons of corporation run places to drink up on your daily dose of java, we had amazing independent coffee shops around.
“You cool if I put the windows down?” He gave me a quick glance before concentrating on the road.
It was summer time, but our weather was nice and chilly, just the way I liked it, as a result it was easy for me to reply, “Go ahead. I’d love that.” My response earned me another toe-curling smile.
Quickly cutting eye contact, I placed my hands in between my legs, trying not to get too overwhelmed with everything. For that night, for an hour, I just wanted to act like a normal girl my age. My worries, as horrifying and mind-numbing as they were, needed to be pushed aside; I had to urge myself to not think of Doug.
An hour of freedom. I was going to savor every second of it, too.
Our silence was comfortable while I got lost in my own thoughts and Logan took the liberty of turning the radio on. As we cruised along, we listened to Imagine Dragon’s “Demons.” The lyrical notes spoke to me; it was as if it was directly singing to me, telling me what I was inside, defining the demon now residing in my soul. I was tainted.
Don’t Get Too Close
It’s Dark Inside
It’s Where My Demons Hide
The song couldn’t have described me better. It reached out to me, bringing me solace, and at the same time, handing me the ugly truth of what my world had become. Feeling sorry and giving myself a pity party wouldn’t do anything to help me get out of this sickening and terrifying situation, though. The only thing I needed was money, then I could run away. Hell, I could even move to a different country where Doug would never ever find me.
Insurance. The word bubbled out of nowhere like a bright light surging into my brain. Did Mom have any? I had no clue. I was almost sure Bob would know if such thing existed, but Bob wasn’t here, was he? I had no one to help me. Somehow, I knew I needed to find a way to find the important documents. I recalled Mom mentioning something about getting a life insurance policy before, however I wasn’t sure if she had gone through with it. Nevertheless, I was going to rummage through their things. Mom wouldn’t leave me defenseless, knowing I didn’t have anyone. She just wouldn’t.
My mind was going one hundred twenty miles per hour, therefore I didn’t notice we had arrived at our destination, the car parked and all.
“You’re a quiet one, aren’t you?” Logan was leaning against the side of the car, studying me like a strange specimen.
Because I was one—strange and scarred. “We’ve been neighbors almost all my life. I’m sure you knew that before you asked me for coffee.”
He remained still, his eyes—yet again—trying to probe into me. “Your mother confided in my mom years back. It’s tragic about what happened to your dad.”
Goodness, Mom had spilled the beans about me? How much information had she spewed? How embarrassing. No wonder the Greens were always incredibly nice to me.
“It was a long time ago. I barely remember it anymore.” Hardly the truth, but I wasn’t going to lay out my life story for this guy. Even though we’d been neighbors for about four years, he was still a stranger to me.
“Don’t be ashamed of the things that happened in your past, Ana,” he murmured while I stared out the window, feeling his words go straight into my heart. “There are things in life that aren’t just out of our control, but have made us, shaped us to who and what we are today.”
The tragic events that had happened in my life had perpetually been out of my control. I felt helpless—useless—but his words touched me; it was as if he really understood where I was coming from.
“Are you sure you’re not older than what I think you are?” I said, lightening the mood. It seemed to have worked; his serious face broke into a smile, and I admit, I liked seeing him do so. Since it was such a hardship for me to find levity, seeing him smiling all the time lightened the heavy weight I was carrying around within me.
“I’m not all that bad. You’ll find out soon enough,” he said as he got out of the car, striding over to my side to open my door for me.
As much as I liked him as a person, I highly doubted I would ever “find out” if he was a good guy or not. My main goal was to save up cash—whenever I could—then leave the hellhole Doug had buried me in.
Chapter 4
“What kind of coffee do you like?” Logan murmured close to my ear, making me freeze in my spot for a second.
I wasn’t accustomed to people, let alone men, whispering in my ear. Holding my breath, I didn’t let it go until his face was at a safe distance from mine. Easy, he’s one of the good guys, I tried to tell myself over and over again to calm my heart rate down.
“House brew for me, please.”
“Gotcha.” He nodded towards the sofas and tables. “Why don’t you go get comfortable and save us a spot?”
“No, wait—” I was pulling out cash from my purse when he shoved it back inside before closing the zipper.
“There you go. This one’s on me. I asked you to come out. Besides, I believe a guy should always pay, so there’s no way for you to win this debate.” He raised his brow, as if waiting for me to say something smart.
“Fine. I’ll go wait.” I pretended to act annoyed, but truthfully, I was relieved I didn’t have to spend a few dollars. Each cent counted towards my survival. His gesture was sweet, and I promised myself, one day, I would return the favor to him.
Logan might not know, however he was the first person to show kindness to me, excluding family. I didn’t take that lightly, either. He barely knew me, and yet, here he was, acting like a good neighbor.
Looking around, there weren’t many patrons, and I liked that very much. The deep crimson-red walls and the dark furniture combined into an extremely comforting ambiance. Something about the smell of coffee, pastries, and a comfortable looking couch made you feel better, even if it was only temporary.
Sitting on one of the linen, musta
rd colored sofas, I watched Logan carry a tray with a cheese Danish and brownies on it along with our steaming hot coffee.
He chose to sit on the opposite side while we talked. He didn’t pry into my business, though. Not once did he ask about why I had been homeschooled. Nor did he ask about Doug or Bob. Instead, since he knew a lot about my mother, we both spoke about her. He let me ramble on about how great Mom had been as a parent, a loving mother. He sat there, listening, as though my stories were interesting. Logan could’ve gone somewhere else that night, yet he had chosen to take me out and let me talk his ear off for a good hour about my mom.
It was good to remember her again. My mother, the woman she was before her fatal accident. Talking about her was therapeutic, and deep down, I think that was Logan’s intention, to help me heal over my recent loss.
After the hour was up, he asked me if I wanted to stay another hour. As much as I loved chatting away, I knew the risk was too great to take. Therefore, with a heavy heart, I had to decline his generous offer.
“I have to get back. I have laundry and some cleaning up to do.”
“Sure, if that’s what you’d like.”
I murmured my thanks as we got up from our seats and quietly exited the door. Once again, he strode to my side and opened it for me.
“Don’t forget to buckle up,” he said as he shut the door.
The drive home was just as relaxing as the one we’d had earlier. Moreover, when he parked right outside my house, I was almost sorry to have ended the night so young.
Before I got out of the car, I paused, taking him in; his gravitating appeal and heart of gold.
“What you did tonight…” I started, trying to find the right words to express how grateful I was for this kind gesture. “I can’t thank you enough. It’s more than what anyone has done for me lately.”
He remained quiet, as if knowing how deep my loss was. Then, sighing, he got out of the car and went over to my door, opening it for me. Out and standing on the pavement, I watched while he shut the door before walking towards me until he was steps away.
“Come here,” he murmured, pulling me close to his body, giving me a big, warm hug.
Through his leather jacket, I felt his warmth, his hard body underneath, and his scent that infiltrated my nostrils like no other. It was heady and masculine, making me aware of my own body. Unlike Doug’s strong, overwhelming smell of cologne, Logan’s was subtle. It just gave you a hint, making you want to bury your nose in his shirt and smell him some more.
“I’m a phone call away in case you want someone to just talk to about anything and everything. I’m up for it,” he spoke into my hair. I could feel the heat of his breath on my scalp. He freely gave away a sense of comfort and security, making me feel like he was my shield by just being around him. It was idiotic to feel that way towards Logan, yet I couldn’t deny what my gut was telling me.
“Have a goodnight, Logan Green.” I broke away from our hug before I started having any more weird thoughts about him. I had never considered a guy’s smell until tonight, and I wasn’t sure what to do or how to react to that.
Placing his hands in his jean’s pockets, he nodded at me. “I’ll be seeing you, Ana.”
It’s never going to happen, I thought as I retreated inside my old home. I couldn’t call it that anymore. It was merely a house I resided within. The moment Doug had tainted my memories with his evil intentions, he had also robbed me of everything, including a place to call home.
Chapter 5
I woke up sometime during the night when I heard the bedroom door being slammed loudly. My relaxed body immediately went on high alert, tensing up at the sight of Doug standing at the foot of the bed, looking enraged.
Pulling the blankets against my chest, my hands bunched on the sheet while I tried to gauge his mood, attempting not to panic.
“What the fuck did I tell you, Ana? Have you not listened to anything I have said to you?” he bellowed, making me lick my lips nervously.
Did he know about Logan? If not, what had I done to deserve his wrath?
“I don’t understand,” I stammered as I moved against the headboard while he slowly walked towards me like a prowling animal.
He shook his head from side to side, tsking, before he stopped next to my side table. “Since when did you become so dumb? Did you hit your head or something?”
“Please—” I started to speak, but all air left me when he harshly pulled the hair on the back of my head before slamming it against the headboard. I yelped out in pain, however he didn’t let go of his tight hold.
Yanking the hair on the back of my skull, he brought his lips against my ear. “I fucking told you not to sleep in your room, didn’t I?” he hissed into my ear, growling. “It’s a simple request for such a dumbass like you! Why don’t you ever fucking listen, Ana?”
The bed. I had forgotten about that. After I had come back from that coffee outing with Logan, I had been so busy recalling our conversations I got side-tracked, completely forgetting about the bed arrangements. My body automatically went to my own, simply forgetting about his demands.
“I forgot. It won’t happen again,” I whispered, flinching from the throbbing pain his hair pulling was causing me. Reaching out, I tried to pry his hand away, but he merely tightened his grip.
“Say ‘Sorry, Doug. I love you. I won’t disobey you again’.”
Closing my eyes, I tried to form the words on my lips, yet it seemed I couldn’t bring myself to say the words he’d asked of me.
A howling sob came out from me when he slammed my head against the headboard for the second time. “Fucking say it!” he screamed into my face, spitting his beer laden saliva all over me.
Dear God, give me strength, I pleaded. It was only words. I didn’t have to mean them. Say them, I urged myself. Somehow, I knew I had to save myself. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of escaping this shithole Doug had carved out for me, and to be able to achieve that, I had to act—pretend to follow his fucked-up needs.
Taking a deep breath through my mouth, I bit back my pride and said it in a whisper. “I’m sorry, Doug. I love you, and I won’t disobey you again.” Love was the last thing I felt for him, though lying between my teeth wasn’t as bad as I had thought it was going to be.
When I saw his ferocious face turned into a pleasing smile, I was still on guard. His mood swings were intense and unpredictable, and I wasn’t sure where his mood would shift to next.
“I love you, too, Ana.” Letting go of my hair, he sat down on the bed, facing me, reaching out to stroke his thumb across my cheek while I tried not to flinch from his touch. “Do you want a bath? I want to wash your naked body against mine.”
Cringing inside, I tried to reason with him. “I was sleeping, Doug.”
His eyes dropped towards the sheet covering my body, his eyes darkening with rabid intentions. “Take your clothes off and suck my cock like a good slut.”
When I stared at him in shock, he gave me a whopping slap on the cheek, burning my face with heat along with instantly giving me a splitting headache.
“Hurry the fuck up! Are you deaf?”
Shaking my head, my hand reached out to massage my heated skin, hoping to rub the tingling soreness away. Slowly sliding off the bed, I stood up and started to take my shorts off, my shirt, and then my underwear.
He instantly stood up, circling me like a hawk orbiting its prey, plotting its destruction before readying to wolf down its meal. When he finally finished his circular view of my body, he stopped before me, licking his lips like the pure maniac he was. “Your body is fucking hot, Ana. I could fuck you every day without getting bored with it.”
My arm tried to cover my breasts, but he slapped it away, growling at my disobedience. He reached out, brutally tugging my left nipple. Yelping in pain, I begged him to stop. “If you stop now… I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
It was a brave statement, knowing that keeping it bottled up would cost me great
ly, but I had to bargain. If there was an ounce of heart left in him, he would see how wrong this was.
He raised his brow, folding his arms over his chest, pure arrogance emanating from him. “And who are you going to tell, huh? The cops? I’ll cut off your tongue and chop your fingers off. So, good luck with that.”
My body ran cold. Was he really capable of hurting me that way? If he could do these abominable things to me, I certainly wouldn’t put it past him to cut off my body parts. “Doug—”
“No more talking!” he yelled, yanking me by the neck with his strong hand before shoving me on top of the bed, face down. “I’m going to fucking teach you a lesson.” He took both of my wrists and pinned them on my back before I felt his weight on pressing against it, as if he was sitting on me.
I heard him pull something out, maybe from his pocket, then I felt his hands on my arm, though he was looking for something. I didn’t know what was going on as I tried to wiggle out of his hold. That’s when I felt a sharp needle piercing through my skin.
“Please stop!” I wailed, but he wasn’t listening.
He gave a light tap on my arm when he had pulled out the needle. Afterward, bending over against my ear, he whispered, “I gave you a low dose.”
“Low dose of what?” I demanded, but just as I finished asking the question, I felt the tingling sensation spreading like wildfire all through me. From the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair, satisfying pleasure racked my body.
Instantly, I felt at ease, feeling good. It was as if I’d hit a euphoric state, numbing rationality and throwing reality out of my grasp… And all I could think or feel was how safe and secure I was.
“You’re feeling it, aren’t you?”
I heard him, but I could barely speak or move. I was sure I was capable of doing so, however my body didn’t seem like it wanted to move. It was like this position—this mental abyss—was where I wanted to be.
“Easy, Ana.” He slowly slid off my body. I then heard him take off his clothes before I felt his eager body against mine. The tip of his hard dick trailed against the crack between my legs, stopping around my ass. “I’m going to fuck your pussy good. By the end of this, you’ll want it as much as I do.” He slid his hand up to reach one of my breasts, massaging it. Hearing him spit, it didn’t take him long to enter me, taking me in long hard strokes. “You’re going to be just as fucked up as I am. You’re going to want me. You’re going to need me. I could give you this beautiful world, baby… One day, you’re going to love it, and then you will be with me. Forever.”
