Floyd & Mikki (Book 1): Zombie Hunters (Love Should Be Explosive!)

by Tatner, Joseph

  Floyd moved through the lobby to the inside double doors. There was a small window in each, but it was dark and he could see nothing inside. He signaled for Mikki to pull one of the doors open and almost immediately, Floyd popped off a round into the head of a shambler standing in the corner. Thanks to the silencer, the only sound was a puff of loud air. He turned to the left as he entered the hallway and fired off three more rounds. Another head blew to dust on the first shot but he had to fire twice to get the next one.

  Floyd cursed his aim and prayed that Santa would bring him a laser sight next Christmas. That would have come in real handy right about now in such a dark hallway.

  Mikki let the door shut slowly and silently behind her as she took a position at Floyd’s right and the two moved slowly down the hall as quietly as possible. The door to the stairway was up ahead on the right. Mikki stood to the side and took aim at the door as Floyd tried the handle. It was stuck, so he tried again. He pushed down with all his might and it finally gave, but with a loud grind that echoed down the tiled hallway.

  Floyd opened the door and peered intently inside the stairwell. He was just about ready to jump inside, barrel first when, he was grabbed from behind. The female zombie with long matted hair wrapped her hands around him and tried to sink her teeth into Floyd’s neck. Fortunately, she only got a mouthful of leather neck brace. Mikki maneuvered around Floyd to bring her pistol right up to the creeper’s forehead before firing. Another jumped out at her from behind Floyd and she fired a couple of rounds into that one, too. Floyd let go of the door, crouched into a kneeling position at Mikki’s right, and steadied his aim, firing at anything that moved in the dark. That’s when the moaning started.

  The moaning was low, so at least it wouldn’t be heard beyond the confines of the building. Floyd briefly thought about ducking into the stairwell, as brain-eaters were too stupid to turn a door handle, but he had no idea what was in there yet and he couldn’t be sure the door would open again. Better to clean out where they were first.

  Suddenly, Mikki threw open one of the double doors they had just entered. She propped it open with a trash can. Floyd wanted to yell, “What the hell are you doing?” but he didn’t dare move or make a sound. Then he realized what she was up to. She was giving him enough light to see down the hallway. As he hid in the far corner where it was still dark, Mikki propped open the other door.

  “Hey! Over here! Fresh meat! Bargain prices!” Mikki yelled down the hall.

  Another stupid move, as far as Floyd was concerned! He had hoped to take this slowly, methodically, but that idea was shot to hell now. The moaning increased and he could hear the rapid shuffling of feet approaching from down the hall. Mikki perched herself just inside the double doors where she was well lit, hoping to draw attention. Sure enough, a zombie conga line came creeping down the hall. They were picking up speed as Floyd and Mikki opened fire.

  Bullets, spent cartridges and zombie brains all suddenly went airborne. The gunpowder smell also helped camouflage their body odor, giving Floyd the element of surprise as he hid in the corner. They both had emptied their clips before it was over. Then at last, there was silence.

  After reloading, Floyd pulled out his flashlight to briefly survey the hallway. About 10 more bodies lie twitching on the floor. He fired a few more rounds into a few more heads, just to be safe. The doors to the next room at the end of the hall were open, but the beam of light didn’t reach far enough to see what was inside. Still, it was probably empty since the moaning had stopped and there were no more signs of movement. Probably.

  “What the hell was that?” Floyd whispered angrily to Mikki.

  “What?”

  “Yelling down the hall like that! We need to be quiet!”

  “Oh, you mean like when that creeper grabbed you from behind when you was bein’ all secret ninja and stuff? Yeah, that worked out real good.”

  “That…that was different,” Floyd stammered.

  “Sure was. Your plan failed and mine worked.”

  Floyd wanted to smack the smug smile of Mikki’s face but there were two problems with that. First, she would kill him. Second, she was right. He would never admit it, but she was right. And she had saved his life. And she was still wearing her football helmet, so he couldn’t smack her face. OK, four reasons.

  “Let’s just get going,” he finally said. “But do what I tell you to, for God’s sake!”

  “Yes, sir! Mr. Man, sir!” Mikki gave him a salute.

  Floyd just rolled his eyes as he opened the door to the stairwell. The noise wasn’t quite as loud as before, and more importantly, nothing reacted to the sound. Just to be safe, he pulled a small roll of duct tape from one of the big pockets in his pants and taped over the locking mechanism in the door jamb. He shut the door and pulled it open again to verify it wouldn’t lock behind him, then he headed up the stairs with Mikki following. All the way up, the stairwell was lit by small rectangular windows with wire embedded in the safety glass.

  The stairs went up to the second floor, but the dome would be on top of the roof, so there had to be another access somewhere. According to the signs, the courtroom was on the second floor, and there was no telling how many “people” might be in there.

  The door to the second floor opened silently. Floyd looked around through the opening to see if anything was nearby. This first hallway was dark but clearly empty. Two other hallways branched off from this one. The first was about 20 feet down on the right and the other was at the end of the hall. The stairwell had led them to the northeast corner of the building and they were facing south, so nothing was behind them but wall.

  After taking care to disable the door lock with duct tape again, Floyd and Mikki moved silently to the first opening on their right. Light from the windows reached only partway into the gloom, but as Floyd crouched to peer down the hallway, he could see the glow of light from windows on the opposite side. This hallway ran through the middle of the building to the other side. He could clearly see three forms standing in the passage, silhouetted by the glowing windows behind them. After three well-placed shots, the forms were standing no longer.

  That was when Floyd discovered what he would later call the Zombie Zoo. Three clerks behind three enclosed service windows. The living corpses just stood there with vacant stares turning in slow circles or shifting from side to side with nowhere to go. There was no point bothering with them.

  As Floyd was taking all this in, a patron appeared at the end of the first hallway. Ever alert, Mikki expertly popped it in the head almost as soon as it rounded the corner. She made her way down there as Floyd followed. There was one more wandering the halls. Floyd and Mikki fired simultaneously and another body hit the ground.

  A long, gently sloping wheelchair ramp twisted its way between the first and second floor in about the center of the building. God bless the Americans with Disabilities Act! The federal government had ensured that all Americans—living or undead—could access the courtroom. The ramp fit perfectly into the plan. Floyd peered in through the small windows of the courtroom doors to see several figures slowly shambling about inside. The doors pushed open easily and silently and stayed open without giving them away. As he had hoped, Floyd could see the opening to the dome above the room.

  Mikki pointed to a sign on the wall of the west corridor that read, “Roof Access.” Floyd followed the little arrow down the hall to a small door that opened into a closet-sized room with a metal ladder. He led the way up and across a couple of catwalks. From here they could exit onto the roof or enter the dome. Choosing the latter, Floyd looked down and, sure enough, they were right above the courtroom and could see down into the area. They were clear to begin their preparations. Later, they would drop a rope down the outside of the building to reach the ground. They would execute the rest of the plan tonight.

  Chapter Eight

  It was 9:57 PM. Everything was ready, and Floyd and Mikki had taken long naps to be fully rested and ready for tonight. If this wo
rked, Mikki would have the town all to herself and Floyd would be rid of her. If not, they would run like hell to Floyd’s truck and never see this place again. Or they’d be dead. Or worse.

  Floyd couldn’t worry about any of that now. There was work to be done. There were eight buildings in the town that seemed to be “occupied,” including the city hall/courthouse. Three were small and the pair had cleaned those out earlier in the day, as well as half a dozen small homes. Floyd was outside one of the remaining five buildings and Mikki was outside another at the far end of town. At exactly 10 PM, he heard the firecrackers going off. That was his cue.

  Floyd opened the door and threw a lit string of firecrackers inside. He quickly propped the door open as he heard the moaning begin. He and Mikki had already dropped a trail of glow sticks, lighting the way to the city hall from each of the remaining buildings. He lit another string of firecrackers with his lighter and threw it toward the city hall steps as he ran off to the next building on his list.

  Floyd repeated the procedure at two more buildings. Mikki hit two of the buildings herself, then ran ahead to the city hall. She ran into no opposition along the way but was ready with her modified shotgun if anything went wrong. The time for subtlety was long past. Soon, she had climbed to the roof up the rope she had left earlier.

  Floyd moved silently to his truck, looking back several times to see if the plan was working. Sure enough, the brain-eaters were streaming out of the buildings, following the sound of the firecrackers and attacking the string of lights as they went. Of course, they couldn’t make the chemical lights go out, so they stomped on each one repeatedly as others moved on to the next ones, becoming more frustrated as they went. There were more than a hundred of them by now, moaning and shuffling quickly into the city hall, where the lights and noises led them up the wheelchair ramp to the second floor. The smell of gasoline in the halls did not deter them, as the scattered glow sticks called them in through the open doors of the courtroom.

  Once inside, they crowded together, confused and cornered as more kept entering the room, pushing into the center. Mikki lowered a walkie-talkie down on a rope from the inside of the dome to the courtroom, just above their reach. Then she started calling to them through her own handset. Responding to the loud voice emanating from the dangling radio, the rotted remains of Humanity rioted.

  “Callin’ all creepers!” Mikki taunted.

  The moaning began in earnest and was picked up by every brain-eater. Like a midnight rave of teenagers, every creeper in town began pouring in to join the party. Mikki started flashing them repeatedly with her strobe light from above, confusing and enraging them even more. It looked like some kinda crazy Zombie Disco. Mikki wondered if John Travolta was still alive somewhere.

  The flashing light in the dome was also Floyd’s signal. He fired up the truck at the top of the hill and started circling the town. He picked off a few stragglers in the woods along the way, slicing them to bits with Freedom’s razor-sharp front grill. He revved the engine to grab the attention of several others, staying just enough ahead to lead them down to the city hall building like the Pied Piper.

  Near the city hall, Floyd gunned the engine and left his faithful followers behind. He skidded to a halt behind the building and turned off the lights, parking just below the fire escape. By now the procession was close enough to hear and heed the call of the moaning brethren. The parade marched into building, up the ramp and into the courtroom.

  Mikki watched as the new crowd entered to join the party. She laughed at the sight of them crammed in together, howling and reaching up for the radio.

  “How ya’ll doin’ tonight?” Her voice came through loud and clear, with only a trace of static. “We’re so glad y’all could join us tonight for the one and only Jackson Town Creeper Farewell Party. Y’all drink responsibly and remember to tip yer waitresses!”

  Steadying the gasoline can on the ledge, Mikki popped the cap and rolled it along the rim to pour out the remaining liquid on the revelers below. When it was nearly empty, she dropped the can over the side, bouncing off zombie heads and spraying gasoline all over the place.

  “So long, suckers!” she yelled, waving goodbye.

  Mikki quickly lit a fuse and was outside on the roof in no time, scrambling down the fire escape and dropping down onto the bed of Floyd’s truck, shotgun clenched tightly in one hand. Glow sticks weren’t the only kind of sticks they had left behind throughout the building.

  “Go! Go! Go!” she screamed, grabbing onto the light bar atop Floyd’s cab. He hit the gas and made it to the top of the hill as Mikki kept making snarky comments into the radio to keep the creepers in the courtroom.

  Floyd jumped out of the cab with Ol’ Faithful. He had a clear view of the city hall. Nothing was moving in the woods and nothing was moving in the town, but the two could hear the furious moaning from below that had risen in pitch to an unearthly howl.

  Mikki jumped down off the truck and joined Floyd at his side just as the city hall erupted in a huge ball of fire.

  Chapter Nine

  The dawn was just breaking as Floyd and Mikki finally opened the storm cellar doors and headed down to Mikki’s sanctuary. Damn! The plan had worked!

  Floyd had stared at the smoking ruins through the scope of his hunting rifle for about 10 minutes from atop the hill before heading down. Mikki covered him in case anything should jump out at them from the woods behind. A few creepers—or a few pieces of them—had survived the initial blast and Floyd dispatched them easily. Then it was clean-up time.

  After scouring the rubble to check for movement, the pair entered each of the remaining buildings. They found a few stragglers and former pets stuck in corners, bedrooms—even a bathroom—and sent them to their eternal rest.

  Cats were the worst. Nothing creepier than an undead cat. Cats have a nasty enough howl when they’re alive. Even worse when they’re zombies. The buggers hide in the tiniest spaces and jump at you from out of nowhere. Floyd had always hated cats. That wasn't likely to change anytime in the near future.

  After clearing out the last few buildings in the town, Floyd returned to his truck with Mikki, circled the perimeter, and drove through the woods, trying to attract anything undead. The town was clean.

  Now they were back at Mikki’s. After crashing for a few hours, Floyd awoke and started gathering his gear. He was hoping to sneak out, but after years of waking at the slightest sound, Mikki heard him and turned on the light. “You headed out?” she asked, alarmed.

  “Yup.”

  “Take me with you!” she begged earnestly.

  Floyd let out a long sigh and said, “Look, we’ve been through this. I don’t have room for you. And besides, you’ll be a lot safer here than on the road with me.”

  “Come on! You know no one is really safe anymore. If you lived here, would you ever let your guard down? Even for a second?”

  Floyd ignored her impeccable logic. “That’s not the point. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’ll run into. I live on my own. I do what I want. I don’t want anyone tagging along.”

  “Come on! We make a great team! Look at what we did last night! That was great! We blew up a whole town fulla creepers. Boom! It was great!”

  “You almost got us killed right off the bat when we first went into the city hall! Why can’t you just stick to a plan?”

  “Oh, that plan was blown to hell when the first creeper grabbed you. And I saved your ass, if you remember! And who else do you know is as good a shot as me. I killed more of those creepers than you did!”

  “The hell you did! I shot more of them!” Floyd retorted, although he knew he hadn’t actually been counting. He had been too busy shooting anything that moved in the dark to worry about counting corpses.

  “Oh, you may have shot more,” Mikki conceded, “But I killed more.” You gotta take out the head you know.”

  “Yes, I know! Of course, I know!” Floyd was really raising his voice now, clearly perturbed.


  “Look, you think this is some kinda game? I been killing zombies for more than two years now, all on my own! All by myself. And I’m pretty damn good at it. You know how I know? Because I’m still alive, that’s how! And I don’t need no snot-nosed teenage girl telling me I’m wrong about every damn thing every damn minute of every damn day!”

  Mikki looked stunned. She froze for a few moments, then burst out into tears. Cataclysmic major-drama tears.

  “You hate me!” she whined, burying her head in her pillow as she wailed.

  “No…I…I don’t hate you.” Floyd stammered.

  “Yes you do! You hate me!”

  “No, really! I’m just used to being on my own. I’m only thinking of you. We argue too much. It would never work out, you know?”

  Mikki sat straight up in the bed again, tears streaming down her face. “Take me with you, please! I swear I’ll be good! I’ll be quiet as a mouse! I don’t take up much room. Honest! I travel light. And I’ll watch your back for you. Just please don’t leave me here all alone!”

  Floyd hung his head. Goddammit! Why couldn’t he have just snuck out when he had the chance?

  “Look, if you come with me, you gotta do everything I say, the way I say it. Got it? No arguing, no complaining, and no more crying! Or so help my I’ll dump you off on the side of the road. Got it?”

  “Mm-hmm,” Mikki sniffled. “So I can come? I can really come with you?”

  “Yeah, fine, sure! Come along!” Floyd was exasperated.

  “Great! What are you waitin’ for, then? Move it lard ass.” Mikki smiled as she grabbed her shotgun and a small backpack and headed for the stairs outside.

  “Whoa! Wait a minute? That’s it?”

  “Sure,” Mikki replied with a big smile, throwing the backpack over her shoulder. “I told you I travel light.” She turned to head out, but stopped and abruptly turned back to say, “And Floyd…thanks. Seriously.”