Sisters of the Heart - 03 - Forgiven

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “I know.”

  “At first I was going to wake you up, but I heard you yelling. And then I didn’t know what to do. I was too afraid to come out of the shadows. So…I ran.”

  With a heavy sigh, Jonathan stood up. “It’s a blessing you weren’t hurt. Things would have been verra bad indeed if you hadn’t gotten out in time. Oh, David. What would have happened if you had died in the fire?”

  David had never thought of that. It had never even occurred to him to think about what would have happened if he had really gotten hurt.

  It had never occurred to him to be grateful for anything.

  Surely the Lord hadn’t spared him for a reason. But, the Lord never did things without a purpose. Did He?

  Continuing the story, he murmured, “I jumped from the loft just as the flames spread and your horses started screaming. I meant to go get them, but then I heard you coming and…and I was scared.” As two tears slid down his cheeks, he whispered, “I was so afraid.”

  “I would have been afraid, too,” Jonathan said softly. After a moment, he said, “And then, you went home?”

  “I did. When I got there, my daed was already getting ready to go to your place. I knew he’d never forgive me if he knew what I’d done. If he knew I’d been careless and a coward. If he’d known that I’d run. So…so I hid. When he left, and the house was quiet, I washed up the best I could, got into bed and pretended to sleep.”

  “Only pretended?”

  “All I could hear in my head was the roar of the fire and the horses screaming.” Lowering his voice, he confessed, “When I closed my eyes all I could hear were my faults. That’s still all I hear.”

  With a weary expression, Jonathan nodded. “Now I know the truth.”

  David wiped his cheeks and tried to prepare himself for what had to come next. They had to tell his father. Next, of course, would be to tell the authorities.

  His voice husky, Jonathan asked, “Have you prayed for forgiveness?”

  The question surprised him. “No.”

  “Maybe it’s time you did.”

  “I…I will.”

  Jonathan gazed at him again, his eyes almost looking regretful. “I think you’ll feel better for that.”

  Perhaps it was Jonathan’s own sad expression that gave him strength—perhaps it was hearing that God already knew what he’d done. But from somewhere deep inside, David finally found the strength to do what he’d wanted to from the moment the first piece of hay ignited.

  Closing his eyes, he spoke from his heart. “I am sorry, Jonathan. I will do whatever I can to help make things right.”

  After saying the words, David found he could breathe again. The horrible burden that had been suffocating him seemed to have lifted. With that weight lifting, he felt almost normal. He opened his eyes. The world around him was still the same, but it seemed brighter. He felt stronger, too. He’d done it. He’d followed the Lord’s will, he’d faced the worst, and was prepared to accept the consequences.

  Jonathan sighed. Then, to David’s surprise, he stepped forward. Holding out his hand, he gently shook David’s. “I accept your apology.”

  And then he turned and walked away. Around them, the fine droplets created a kind of hazy mist, blurring their surroundings. The haziness seemed to fit the moment—it blurred everything, which was how David was feeling.

  What was going on? Surely after everything that had occurred, Jonathan wasn’t just gonna leave? After a slight pause, David rushed after him. “Jonathan, Mr. Lundy. Wait. Please.”

  He stopped. “Yes?”

  “What are you gonna do now?”

  Still without turning, Jonathan replied, “I need to get back to work.”

  “I mean…I mean about me.”

  Slowly, he faced David again. “I expect you might help out with the barn raising. There’s a lot to do and I’ll need every able man.”

  “But—”

  “Don’t even think of getting out of it. Even men with hurt hands can contribute. I expect to see you with your family.”

  “But what about the authorities?” he sputtered. “What about my father? Aren’t you going to tell on me? Don’t you want me to be punished?”

  “To be honest, for days and weeks, I have sought vengeance. I wanted someone to blame. I wanted to be able to understand why such a thing would happen to me.” He rubbed a hand along his beard. “See, I was only thinking of myself, I’m afraid. You know I lost a wife. I thought surely that was enough pain for a man to bear. The fire was terribly hard for me to understand.”

  “I see.”

  Jonathan shook his head. “No, I don’t know if you do. I didn’t want to forgive, but after hearing your story, I realized I have been wrong. See, sometimes, accidents happen.” Looking out beyond David, he murmured, “Fear and pride can take over in a heartbeat. It can make even the best of us do terrible things. Making you hurt more will not make me feel better.”

  “But I did a terrible thing.”

  “David, what happened was terrible. But you didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident. You’ve apologized to me. That is enough.”

  “But my father—”

  “You’ve discussed things with the only Father I care about. He is the one who guides my life. He is the one I have to answer to. Because of that, I am satisfied.”

  Jonathan stepped away, then, after turning and spying David standing there, did something truly amazing, he stepped closer and pulled David into a hug. “You will be all right, David. The next time we see each other, all will be good. I promise you that.”

  David could only nod as tears slid down his cheeks, mixing with the mist. Sometime during their conversation, he, too, began to realize that there was only one Father in his life as well. That although his own family situation wasn’t as he’d hoped, he could bear it, because it was only a temporary circumstance. Soon he would be a man with his own family.

  And one day he’d be in the eternal kingdom, and that would be the nicest place of all.

  Chapter 19

  Instead of going back to the house or to work, Jonathan took a detour and drove his buggy along some of the small, windy roads that had connected various plots of land with each other—and had for generations.

  The crisp air held a touch of warmth behind it, reminding him that time, as always, moved on, no matter what the circumstances.

  That thought had never felt more true. His conversation with David had been revealing, indeed. But, if he were honest, it was also God’s whispers in his ear that had been the most telling. During that hour, Jonathan had never felt closer to the Lord, never more open to His will.

  Lost in thought, he slowed Blacky’s pace. When the horse restlessly bobbed his head, Jonathan parked the buggy to the side, near a thicket of fresh spring grass that the horse could easily munch on if desired.

  Then he got out of the buggy and walked a ways up. Scanning the horizon, he could just see the faint outline of the Brenneman Bed and Breakfast. To the other side, he could see the shadows of the Hostetler barn.

  Jonathan knew the family well—it was impossible not to know all the surrounding families well, their community was so tightly knit. And while his had never been a perfect life, Jonathan had always known that the Hostetlers’ circumstances were difficult, indeed.

  They were not well liked.

  Oh, Jonathan figured he could have tried harder to reach out to them. They all could have tried harder. But Amos Hostetler was a somewhat difficult man, without humor. His wife was cowed and meek to the point where it was difficult to have even the most simple of conversations. Their children—all eight of them—were good enough, but a little standoffish. Jonathan’s Mary had put it best—they weren’t good playmates.

  Rumors had circulated that perhaps Amos was too hard on the children. Some blamed his farm’s continual financial problems for Amos’s short temper.

  Jonathan had a feeling that Amos was just that way.

  And empathizing with David—hearing
the admission in his voice, seeing the fear and resignation as he told his tale—was like a blow to his belly. Jonathan felt that nothing positive would be accomplished by involving David’s father.

  When the Lord had guided him, whispered in his ear, Jonathan had suddenly known what to do.

  It was time to forgive.

  He’d been so caught up in his anger, so determined to seek justice, that he’d neglected to realize that there were other feelings and viewpoints involved.

  Seeking retribution from David and his family would not bring his barn back. It would not erase the all-encompassing fear that had engulfed him when he’d worried about Winnie.

  When he’d been afraid for his animals’ lives.

  The memories would still be there. And perhaps that is what needed to be. Those memories were strong. Not only of the bad things, but of the good things, too. Of how all their neighbors pulled together and offered support.

  Of how his boss Brent was offering to give him the wood for the barn, and offered to shut down the mill for a half day so everyone could help. That was a gift greater than he could have imagined.

  So was the gleam of hope in David’s eyes. Jonathan had no doubt the boy would help build the barn as much as he could. He also knew that the guilt and weight of his actions would be with him forever.

  But perhaps the memories of Jonathan’s forgiveness would be there as well. And perhaps that forgiveness would ignite a new flame in his heart and lead David to be the man he wanted to become, instead of the one he thought he had to be.

  Winnie looked, then looked again when she saw who was driving up the long, winding road to their farm. The buggy was definitely Eli’s, but the form in the front seat certainly was not the lanky body of Eli Miller.

  Who could it be?

  She was even more curious when the buggy horse sidestepped a bit near a patch of bushes. Something had spooked it, and the driver was having a difficult time finding his bearings.

  Or so it seemed.

  “Who’s that?” Hannah asked as she came to stand beside Winnie at the front window.

  “I’m not sure.” As she’d done more times than she could count, Winnie picked Hannah up and sat her on the kitchen counter. “Someone’s comin’ in Eli Miller’s buggy, but I don’t think it’s him.”

  Hannah scrambled to her knees as she peered out. “Jah. It don’t look like Eli.”

  Mary joined them. “Isn’t that a courtin’ buggy? Eli doesn’t drive that around, does he?”

  “Not for some time.” Glancing at her niece in some surprise, Winnie said, “I’m surprised you knew about courtin’ buggies.”

  “I like them. They’re prettier, don’tcha think?”

  “I do.” Winnie always enjoyed riding in the fancier, sleeker buggy with its open top. It was far more enjoyable than the sedate, closed-in buggy. Staring at the driver again, she murmured, “Could that be Caleb?”

  Little Hannah clapped. “Oh, I hope so! I like Caleb.”

  “That man’s not Caleb,” Mary stated without a bit of doubt in her voice as the buggy approached. She squinted and pressed her nose to the windowpane, creating a smudge that would need to be washed off with vinegar. “It looks to be Samuel.”

  As the buggy stopped and the driver alighted, Hannah held out her arms for Winnie to help her down. After Winnie complied, she ran to the door and scampered down the front steps before Winnie could say a word. “Samuel!” she cried, loud enough to startle all the animals in the barn.

  In a moment’s time, Mary joined her sister.

  Sam greeted both girls with friendly hugs, then helped them climb up to the bench of the buggy; they so obviously wanted to try out the seat.

  This time it was Winnie who wanted to press her nose to the pane and watch more closely, because she certainly did not want to miss a moment of what was happening.

  If she wasn’t mistaken, Samuel Miller was dressed Amish and had just arrived in a courting buggy. “What in the world?” she murmured. Stranger things had happened, but not for some time.

  When the girls got off the buggy, Mary turned to the window. “Winnie! Winnie, come out, why don’tcha?”

  Winnie knew her cheeks were likely blazing red. She was mighty thankful neither Jonathan nor Katie were around to comment about that. But still, she waited.

  “Winnie? Winnie!” Hannah sung out. “Come on!”

  Well, it looked to be out of her hands now. “I’m on my way,” Winnie murmured, though she knew no one could hear her. Carefully, she made her way through the kitchen and did her best to meet them, glad that she hardly needed help anymore.

  In a flash, Sam was up the steps, stepping behind her and gently closing the door. She could hardly do a thing besides stare at him.

  He seemed to be enjoying every bit of her surprise. “Hi.”

  “Gut-n-owed,” she said formally.

  Hat in hand, Sam looked amused. “Good afternoon, to you, too.”

  Darting a look at Mary and Hannah, she was pleased to see they were off playing with their dog near the garden. Since this was one of their favorite activities, she wasn’t worried about them. Not near as worried about them as she was about her beating heart!

  The only thing to do was to offer Samuel something to drink. “Would you care for some lemonade?”

  “I would.” Already walking to the kitchen door, he motioned for her to sit on one of the many chairs decorating the front porch. “I’ll get it.”

  She sat. Not because she needed the rest for her foot, but because she couldn’t believe what was happening.

  In no time at all, he was back with two glasses in his hands. After passing her one, he sat down next to her. “This drink is a blessing. It sure is hot.”

  “It is most pleasant—” Oh, she couldn’t do this. “Why are you dressed Amish?” she blurted. “Why did you arrive in a buggy? In a courtin’ buggy, of all things? What is going on?”

  “It’s like I told you the other day. I’m going to join the church.”

  “Yes, but I didn’t think you would do it so suddenly. Where’s your truck? Your Ford?” She’d liked his shiny black truck. She’d always thought he looked right fittin’ in that bold vehicle.

  “I sold it.”

  Lemonade sputtered everywhere. “Samuel Miller, you start talking this minute. When do you plan to be baptised?”

  “On Sunday.”

  “Are you sure you don’t need more time to consider things?”

  “I’m positive.” Then, sheepishly, he grinned as he lifted one leg. “Well, I might need more time to get some proper clothes. The pants are Eli’s and they’re mighty short.”

  Turning serious, he said, “Winnie, now that my decision has been made, I’m anxious to return to the community. I’ve missed my family. I’ve missed our community and the strength and comfort it gave me. And, then, there was a certain mouthy dark-haired woman with the prettiest dimples I ever saw. I’ve started thinking about her quite a bit.”

  Winnie couldn’t believe her ears. This was really happening. All the feelings she’d been trying to stifle unsuccessfully could now be brought to light. She could begin to hope again.

  “I still hate to think of you giving up everything.”

  “I’m ready. When I was younger, it felt as if my brain was too big for my head. All I wanted to do was learn and learn and ask questions. I was never more sure in my life when I asked my family to let me go study. I needed to learn as much as I needed to breathe.”

  “And then?”

  “I followed where I thought the Lord was guiding me. I was sure there was a reason he made me so smart. I felt it would be wrong not to see where it all led me.” After a sip of lemonade, he continued. “I loved going to university. I loved the challenge. But, Winnie, there’s more to me than this brain of mine. And, there’s more in my head than just a desire for knowledge. I want family and love and my faith.”

  “I know you love your family. I’ve never doubted that. I don’t think anyone has.”


  Looking almost boyish, Sam tilted his head. “Oh, but you’re going to make me say this, aren’t ya? All right, I will. I care for you, Winnie.”

  For once, Winnie couldn’t think of a single response. Her lungs felt out of breath, like she was struggling for air. For so long, she’d longed to be loved. To have someone in her life who cared about her…and who she cared deeply about.

  For some time now, she knew that person was Sam. But she didn’t want her love to cause him regrets. She didn’t want him one day wishing he’d never left his English world.

  Sam’s hazel eyes glinted. “Don’t make us wait, Winnie.” He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Don’t make me wait another day for you to be my girl.”

  The childish expression made her smile. After all, they were two adults in their twenties. Hardly star-crossed teens.

  Yet, being his “girl” sounded awfully right. But still, scary.

  “I…I don’t know.” Truly, she was still trying to get her head around the fact that everything she’d hoped for was coming true.

  “Do you want to take things slow? We can do that, if you’d like.”

  “I would like slow, if you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t mind at all. You are worth it. And the life I want with you is worth it, too.”

  Oh, so was he. After all the past disappointments in love, Winnie now knew it had been the Lord’s way of preparing her for this relationship—the relationship with Samuel that she could rely on for the rest of her life.

  She’d needed those trials and tribulations to be strong enough to start a life with Samuel. She needed past experiences so that she’d be wise enough to understand Sam’s feelings when he talked about his past. He stood up. “So, Winnie Lundy, would you care to go for a ride in my borrowed courting buggy?”

  Winnie couldn’t help it, she laughed. “I’d love to, but I’m not certain you need an extra passenger just yet.”

  With a grimace, he said, “I forgot horses have minds of their own.”

  “I’m just teasing you. You’ll get the hang of things again soon. But I’m sorry, I canna go. I’m watching the girls for Katie today. She’s over with Anna, helping with some wedding things.”