by Diana Duncan
Gabe chuckled. "Yeah, and no wonder."
Mel enveloped her in a gentle hug, then drew back, tears shimmering in her eyes. "I love ya, kid."
"I love you, too, Mel." Tessa smiled at her friend. She tried to marshal her scattered thoughts and frowned. "What happened to Peter and Vic?"
Gabe and Mel exchanged a silent communication. Gabe took her hand. "They—" He cleared his throat. "It's all over. They're dead. They didn't leave me any choice."
She nodded. Gabe would have helped Peter escape from Leo, but Peter had sealed his own fate when he chose money and power instead. Considering he'd nearly succeeded in murdering them, she couldn't feel much regret.
"Did you call my mom?"
Gabe's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. "Yeah, Mel called her. She couldn't come."
"Let me guess. Too busy."
"I'm sorry, honey." Gabe scowled. "I know how much your mom's attitude hurts."
It didn't hurt nearly as much as it should, which surprised her. "I should be used to it by now."
"She's the one who lost, sweetheart. She's missing out on you in her life."
She firmly put the final cruelty behind her. She wouldn't waste any more time wishing for Vivienne's affection. Gabe was her future. She channeled every ounce of strength and determination she possessed toward recovery. "I want to sit up."
Gabe pursed his lips. "Probably not a good idea just yet. Give yourself time."
"I'm sitting up, with or without your assistance, Mr. Bond."
"Stubborn wench." He shook his head. "If you weren't so bruised and battered, I'd spank you."
She knew darn well he'd never do such a thing. Unless she asked him to. She grinned at him. "Pervert."
He grinned back. "And don't you love it?"
For the next five days as she recovered in the hospital, Gabe thoughtfully attended her every need. He supplied fresh apricot roses daily. The place looked like a florist's shop. In cahoots with Mel, he brought her snacks, magazines and movies. He joked and laughed and kept her spirits high. But he studiously avoided talking about anything personal.
She ached for his warm embrace. For his tender kisses. For his love. Even though he seemed to be avoiding intimacy, every time he thought she wasn't looking, she'd catch him staring at her with desire so intense, so hungry it made her shiver.
On the ship, he'd told her he had something to confess. She yearned to know, but refused to bring it up first. Pushing him had resulted in disaster before, and she wasn't about to repeat the mistake. He had to conquer his own demons, just as she'd vanquished hers.
She would never again settle for less than complete commitment.
At the end of the week, the doctor gave her a clean bill of health and scheduled her for discharge the next day. She lay awake during the long, empty hours, listening to Gabe's quiet, even breathing from the cot next to her bed. He'd refused to leave her side, even at night. Surely that was a good sign.
But what would happen when she went home?
* * *
Chapter 19
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The next morning, a rumpled, yawning Mel arrived at the hospital extra early bearing a sapphire-blue silk lounging outfit with matching panties and hard-soled dark blue slip-on mules. Tessa warmly embraced her groggy friend and thanked her for the twofold gift. Mel wasn't a morning person under the best circumstances, and ever since she'd lost her job as an attorney, she'd been strapped for cash.
Giving Tessa privacy to change, Gabe steered Mel out the door, promising to return her thoroughly caffeinated.
Dressed and ready, Tessa perched on her bed, the combination of leaving the hospital and the long-awaited chance to be alone with Gabe tying her stomach into conflicted knots of anticipation and dread. A knock sounded on the door. "Come in."
Her favorite nurse, Hailey, entered, pushing a wheelchair. "Good morning. I know I don't have to ask if you're happy to be leaving us."
Tessa eyed the wheelchair warily. "What's that for?"
Hailey's smile morphed into her no-nonsense-nurse face. "It's policy."
Tessa wrinkled her nose. "I'm strong and fit, and can walk just fine."
Gabe and Mel breezed in, Mel restored to her bubbly, cheerful self. Gabe's glance swept over Tessa's mutinous expression, and he laughed. "Causing trouble again, I see." He tweaked a curl that trailed over her shoulder, his knuckles brushing enticingly close to her bare breast under the sapphire silk. "Plant your cute little six in the chair, Houdini, and let's get the hell out of here."
His touch made her breath hitch in her throat. She was going home. With Gabe. She obediently sat, no longer bothered by the wheelchair.
When they reached the car, parked outside the front door, she was surprised and touched to see her doctor and nurses had turned out to see her off. They gathered on the curb, bestowing hugs and encouragement. Everyone voiced amazement at her "miraculous" recovery.
Tessa knew better. Gritty determination and gut-wrenching courage deserved the credit. And she didn't discount divine intervention. She had survived because Gabe needed her. She knew for a fact the Man Upstairs understood that.
The ride went by in a blur. As each familiar street passed, her tension grew. Would she finally be able to get Gabe to talk? What did he have to say? Did she really want to hear it? He unlocked the door, and she walked inside. Mel followed with armloads of apricot roses.
Tessa breathed in the fresh, lemony scent of her apartment. "Home, sweet home."
"Sit down and take a load off, Houdini." Gabe's voice sounded gruff.
"I'm not tired. I'm so glad to be here, I could leap tall buildings in a single bound." She kicked off her mules and strolled to the window to gaze at the dreary winter skyline, her happiness at getting out of the hospital outweighing her anxiety over Gabe. "Have you ever seen anything so gorgeous?"
Mel wrinkled her nose. "I thought you quit the pain meds."
Tessa chuckled. "Days ago, and you know it." She flung out her arms. "It's beautiful. Life is beautiful." She turned just in time to see a crooked grin waver across Gabe's face.
He cleared his throat. "Some chow sounds beautiful to me."
Mel laughed. "Now that he has his appetite back, good luck keeping the big guy here full. That's a project in and of itself." She laid the roses on the counter. "I wish I could stay, but I have to get to work."
Tessa hurried to hug her friend. "I feel guilty about you missing so many shifts at the cannery to be with me."
"Hey, you were there for me in spades when my life blew apart. The cannery can get anyone to stir vats of Hood River peas." Melody returned her hug. "Besides, Gabemeister loaned me enough to get by. I will be paying it back however."
Gabe extracted three large vases from the cupboard. He turned to the sink to fill them with water. "I already told Trixie Tornado that's not necessary."
"And I told you—"
Laughing, Tessa held up her hand. "You two sound like Bert and Ernie."
Mel gave her another squeeze. "I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow, though. You, too, Tyrannosaurus Rex." Waving, she breezed out.
Gabe picked up the roses. "What do you want to do this afternoon?"
She arched her eyebrows at him. "We could play poker."
He laughed. "No way, Houdini. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…" His gaze held hers, and his eyes darkened.
Was he remembering the results of their poker game? Her pulse quickened.
He tore his gaze away and stuffed the roses into the vases. "I rented some videos and we could order pizza."
Her fears and doubts rushed back with a vengeance. She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. "Actually, I'd rather talk."
He stiffened, his expression scared. "Okay."
Even on the ship, when Peter had held the gun to Gabe's head and he was about to die, he hadn't shown any fear. But he sure looked afraid now. Her stomach pitched. "It's time, don't you think?"
The pulse in his throat throbbed rapidly. "Past time."
She leaned against the kitchen door for support. "Spill it."
He sucked in a deep breath. "I'd feel much better if you sat down."
"I've done enough sitting this week to last a lifetime. I'd rather stand."
He swallowed hard. Swallowed again. Stared at his feet. "When I was a kid, my mom abandoned me at the bus depot."
"Yes, I know. I heard. In the hospital."
His head jerked up. "So you did hear me."
"Every word," she whispered. "One minute, I was alone, lost in a pain-filled gray void, then I heard you. I focused on your voice. Suddenly, all the pain disappeared, and I was floating near the ceiling. I could see you by my side, see myself in the bed, you holding my hand. Only a thin, fragile thread bound me to earth. It was about to snap, but I didn't care. I wanted to break free, embrace the peace that beckoned so close."
The color drained from his face. "Oh, God, Tessie." He squeezed his eyes shut, opened them again. "I knew I'd almost lost you, but—"
"I heard everything. You said you needed me, begged me not to leave. Your tears fell on my hand, and then I knew where you were. At that moment, I was given a choice. Go or stay. Peace or pain."
She touched his pale cheek. "I chose to stay. I fought to get back to you, fought hard. I hurtled violently back to my body. The pain was intense, but when I opened my eyes and saw you, I knew even if my body never healed completely, I'd never regret my choice."
With a choking sound, he reached for her and buried his face in her neck. His fists clenched in her curls. "You won't. I promise, you won't."
She stroked his silky hair. "You're afraid of love because she abandoned you. But you don't have to be afraid anymore. I'm not like her."
He trembled in her arms. "Oh, baby, I know about your devotion better than anyone. You willingly gave your life for mine!" He let go of her and eased away to look into her eyes. The torment swirling in the jade depths made her throat ache.
"Remember I told you I lived with my foster parents until I was ten, then bounced from home to home?"
She nodded.
"I loved the Sinclairs, started to feel secure. Then the state removed me, some idiotic bureaucratic mix up. Losing two homes in as many years terrified me. I didn't let myself stay with the next family long enough to get attached. I ran away. When the authorities caught me, I refused to go back."
"Oh, Gabe, I'm so sorry. No wonder you were scared."
"I've been running ever since. I never let myself get close to anyone. You know why I really left the SEALs? When half the team died and Banks and Stevens got wounded, I carried them to the infirmary, then walked away without a goodbye. Half our team had bought it. My buddies needed me. And I deserted them. Because I let myself care, it hurt too much to stay."
Her heart stopped. He'd been through so much. Maybe he'd been scarred too badly. Maybe the damage cut so deep he just couldn't trust, no matter how hard she tried. She clenched her fists against a soul-searing agony far worse than any physical pain she'd suffered. "That's why you kept insisting you weren't the man for me."
He grimaced. "I knew I would hurt you, too. Like good old Mom, I didn't have the guts to stick around. Whenever I started to care for anyone, I ran—before they could walk out on me. I've made a career out of retreat. I was afraid to trust you, and I couldn't trust myself. I was convinced I couldn't do forever. But you don't deserve anything less."
Oh, no. Her chest tight and aching, she stared at the floor. Every muscle in her body tensed as she braced herself for the I care about you so much, I'm leaving for your own good speech. She had to try twice before she could force words past the lump in her throat. "I'm well, now. You can go."
He cupped her face in a shaky hand. "The jig is up. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep you out of my heart, Tessie. You're always with me. In my thoughts when I'm awake and in my dreams when I sleep. I have no desire to run. In fact, if you had slipped into a coma or suffered brain damage—" his voice caught. "I would have provided for you the rest of my life."
Her heart started beating again, trying to pound out of her chest with wild, painful thrusts. Hope ignited inside her. She again raised her gaze to his.
His eyes darkened. "I fell in love with you the first instant I saw you, standing by the vault with your golden eyes all wide. Jumping out of a chopper into a firefight or dodging missiles never gave me a second's hesitation. But loving you scared the hell out of me. I hung onto denial until that night when we almost made love. When you said you loved me, I went into a tailspin."
The flicker of hope burst into flame. She began to shake, too.
He loved her!
But was his love strong enough to overcome his past? She rested a reassuring hand on his chest. Beneath the soft cotton, his heart thundered under her palm. "I was scared, too, Gabe. I've never felt this way about anyone."
"I know what you mean. I never realized how empty my life was, how superficial, how much I was missing until I met you." He covered her hand with his own. "When I saw you tied up inside the Lady Liberty, I knew you'd fought your worst nightmare to help me. I realized I had to face my own fears, meet you halfway, to be worthy of your love." He sucked in a ragged breath, his chest jerking under their joined hands. "Then I nearly lost you. That's when I learned the meaning of real terror."
She nodded. "I had a few awful moments when I thought Peter was going to shoot you."
His expression fierce, he gripped her upper arms, tugged her close. "If either of us had died, we would have been separated forever, without you ever knowing how I feel. Never again. I'm through running. I'll risk anything, risk everything to be with you. Tessie…" He held her gaze. "I love you. I need you. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you."
Relieved, happy tears spilled down her cheeks. He'd done it. He had overcome his fears and freely admitted his love. "I was beginning to think you didn't want me."
"Don't cry. Oh, baby, please don't cry." He wiped away the wetness with his thumb. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want to start our life together without clearing up the past. I was waiting until you got stronger. I needed to confess, and ask for a new start. But I knew you were already dealing with a lot, both physically and mentally, and didn't want to mess with your recovery."
He gave her an unsteady smile. "Constantly fighting the urge to strip your clothes off and make love to you until neither of us could walk didn't help, either. I was trying to be noble and self-sacrificing."
She couldn't hold in a ragged laugh. "Noble and self-sacrificing don't become you, Mr. Bond."
"Can you forgive me?" His wary expression made him look like a stray dog who hoped for a handout, but expected a kick. "I'll love you to my dying day. And I swear on my life, I'll never leave you."
"We've both been hurt. Because, of our pasts, both of us expected the worst. Both of us expected pain. Both of us expected rejection. But the past is over." She brushed a soft kiss across his' lips. "You belong to me, and I to you. You're forgiven. And I'll hold you to that promise."
Still trembling, he dropped to one knee and took her hand. "Tessa, will you marry me?"
She stared into his eyes, the warm green depths overflowing with promises. Joy flooded through her, and her spirit soared. "Yes!"
His trembling increased. His smoky gaze roved over her, and her body tingled under his heated regard. "The day I stole you out of the bank, you stole my heart. You don't know how much it means to me to receive yours in return, freely given."
"My heart belongs to you. It always has." Pure, golden happiness bubbled inside her. She smiled at him tenderly. "Make love to me, Gabe."
Gabe slowly rose to his feet. He stared into Tessa's beautiful, glowing eyes and the desire to make her his slammed into him. He sucked in a shaky breath, fighting for restraint. Ripping off her clothes and taking her against the door would not be cool. He bent his head and kissed her.
Her lips parted, welcoming him inside, and he lost it. The long hours when he didn't know if sh
e would live or die, the torturous week of hospitalization, the silent message of love in her eyes right before she fell off the ship swirled through his mind.
He shoved her against the door, and drank in the heady, drugging taste of her. Mindless with the need to touch every inch of her precious body, to reassure himself after the nightmare of nearly losing her, he arched his hips into her welcoming softness. He ran his hands over her breasts, the small of her back, the curve of her bottom.
Her fingernails dug into his shoulders, and she moaned into his mouth. The pain and the soft sound jarred him out of his sensual haze. He jerked back. Planting his hands on either side of her head, he leaned against the door. Gasping, he struggled for restraint. "Oh, hell. I'm mauling you like a high-school sophomore. My control goes AWOL when I'm with you."
Her lips curved into a sensual smile. "I liked it."
He sucked in more air, trying to regulate his breathing. "I need you so much," he admitted shakily. "I need to be inside you, be a part of you. But this is your first time, sweetheart. We have to go slow."
She slid her arms around his waist and pressed full-length against him. "I need you, too. I've waited so long. I don't want you to go slow."
He didn't dare touch her again until he'd regained a measure of control. He kept both hands on the door. Breathe. "Trust me on this one, Houdini."
"I trust you," she murmured against his chest. "With my heart. My soul. And my body."
A groan slipped out. "Heaven help me." He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her again. Her vanilla fragrance dazzled his senses as he savored her sweet mouth. He turned and began edging them to the far end of the loft toward the bed.
They'd progressed as far as the piano when he had to stop and kiss her again. Locked in the sensual dance, her tongue flirted with his. He threaded his fingers in her hair, drawing her closer, his thumbs stroking in reverent wonder over the baby-fine skin of her temples and cheekbones.
Her hands slipped between them to unbutton his shirt. She hastily tugged it off and boldly explored his shoulders and his chest before moving to his abdomen. At his sharply indrawn breath, she smiled and cupped his buttocks. Then her fingertips brushed over his jeans to tease his straining fly. "I love touching you."
