Thank You For Loving Me

by Lori Ryan

  Devlin laughed but clutched her ribs. “Stop,” she cried. “Laughing hurts.”

  “I’m sorry.” Max felt awful enough, leaving her for two days without checking in on her. But he had things he’d needed to take care of. Decisions to make that could no longer wait.

  He leaned down and gently scooped her in his arms. “It’s getting cool out here. Let’s get you inside.”

  Devlin didn’t argue. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head against his chest. Something tightened in his gut. This strong, vibrant woman was in pain and it had all been because of him.

  He walked her through the huge house and into the master bedroom, pulling back the covers and gently laying her down on the king-size bed. He stacked pillows behind her until she was comfortable then propped more pillows under her foot.

  “Is that okay?” he asked. “Do I need to put your ankle higher?”

  “No, that’s good, thanks.” She wiggled against the pillows behind her. “Could you just toss me that small throw pillow on the chair? I need something under my knee.”

  Max snatched up the pillow, upset he didn’t realize that she needed it earlier. He’d had tons of injuries as a football player and knew how to properly elevate a foot.

  He secured the pillow under her knee and straightened the covers. “You’ll probably need some ice soon.”

  “In a bit,” she said. “Sally just gave me some Tylenol so I’m okay.”

  “Is that all right for the baby?” Max knew a lot about injuries but nothing about pregnancies, or babies. That’s what had scared him the most when she’d first told him.

  “Yes, I can have Tylenol.”

  “Is it enough?” Max thought back to his battle with narcotics for his own pain.

  “It will have to be,” she said quietly.

  He nodded, not surprised that Devlin would sacrifice her own pain for their baby.

  Their baby.

  It was still such a foreign concept to him.

  “When do you go to the orthopedist?” Max asked.

  “I made an appointment for Wednesday. The ER doctor said it’s a clean break so there’s no rush, for surgery I mean.”

  “I can come with you, if you want.”

  “Maybe,” she said quietly.

  There was something in her voice that told Max she had no intentions of taking him. She didn’t want his help.

  He wanted to ask when she would see the obstetrician. She’d probably want him in that room even less, he would guess, but he’d be damned if he was going to miss that appointment. He had tons of questions of his own.

  She patted the side of the bed. “Sit, you’re making me nervous, staring down at me.”

  “Sorry.” He hadn’t meant to intimidate her but hadn’t wanted to assume he had the right to be near her, even though she was carrying his child.

  Something had changed between them. It was as if they were meeting for the first time. No, it was worse than that. If they were meeting for the first time, he could flirt. He could charm her. Right now, all he could do was hope he didn’t screw this up any more as he tried to explain where the hell he’d been for two days.

  “They say the baby is about the size of a pea right now,” she said.

  Max’s gaze went to Devlin’s still-flat stomach before his eyes traveled up to meet hers. “It’s incredible.”

  “I know, right?”

  They sat in silence, an ocean separating them, and Max didn’t know how to swim.

  “What’s going on, Max? You seem…”

  “What?”

  She smiled but there was a sadness to it. “My normal, cocky, confident Max Sumner is gone.”

  “My Max?” He laughed but the guilt still wrapped around his shoulders like a vice. He leaned back on the headboard with a sigh, crossing his ankles, trying to figure out where to start.

  “I’m sorry, Devlin.”

  “For what?”

  “For the things I said, the way I treated you before you left the wedding.”

  Devlin tried to turn to him, but stopped, wincing in pain.

  “Don’t move.” Max adjusted himself in the bed so they could face one another.

  “I’m sorry too, Max. I shouldn’t have left the way I did.”

  “No,” he shook his head. “it was me, Devlin. I said all the wrong things. I handled the news horribly.”

  “I should have chosen a better time to tell you than your brother’s wedding.”

  “Devlin, I accused you of lying, of getting pregnant on purpose for money.”

  She tilted her head. “Yeah, you did, didn’t you? Okay, you were worse than me. Continue with your apology.” She smiled, and this time her expression was playful and warm. Max’s anxiety eased, slightly.

  He dragged in a deep breath, gathering his words more cautiously this time. He wanted to explain exactly how he felt now that he’d had time to digest the news that she was pregnant.

  “First, I’m so glad you and the baby are okay. I swear I lost twenty years off my life when I saw Maggie’s car crumpled on the highway.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, please, it wasn’t you. It was me, remember?”

  She smirked. “Yes, it’s all your fault. Go on.”

  “I talked to Maggie and she told me a little more about your past.”

  He could see Devlin stiffen. She’d told him some about her mom and dad, but he had a feeling she would hate the idea that he and Maggie were talking about her. Damn, he should have kept his mouth shut. He rushed on.

  “I know you’re probably worried that I’m going to try and control you,” Max said, “control your life now that you’re carrying our child. And the way I talked to you at the wedding probably didn’t help matters.”

  “It had occurred to me.”

  “Well, I’m not, Devlin. I don’t want to change you. I love the person you are.”

  Her brows raised in question but Max went on.

  “I know you love your job, you love to travel. I don’t want you to give that up just because we’re having a baby. I mean, if that’s truly what you want to do, I’ll support you any way I can. Or if you don’t want to travel, I’ll support that, too. Whatever you want. I just want you to be happy.”

  She sat quietly. Max didn’t know if that was good or bad but he continued anyway.

  “I just want to be a part of your life Devlin, a part of our baby’s life, whatever that looks like, wherever that is. Here in Colorado or in Timbuktu, it doesn’t matter to me.”

  Tears welled in her eyes and his gut clenched. Crap, he was upsetting her.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

  “No, no,” she dashed at her tears, “it’s all right. I’m not upset.”

  Max’s eyes focused on the window beside them, unable to look at her. “Ever since I came home, I’ve been struggling to figure out my place in this world, since I left football, you know.”

  “I do,” she said quietly.

  He turned at her voice and saw her nodding.

  “I mean, football was my life,” he said, “my passion, the only thing that made me feel good about myself. What did I have if I couldn’t catch a ball?”

  She reached out and touched his arm. “You’re so much more than football, Max.”

  “I’m figuring that out but it’s taken me a while to find my place, off the field. I had a need to be part of something, and my injury took that away. I wasn’t part of a team any more, if that makes sense. I wasn’t needed.”

  “It does make sense. And now, where is your place, Max?” She glanced up at him expectantly.

  “I’m still figuring that out, but I have some plans, some ideas.”

  “What about the University of Colorado?” she asked. “I thought they offered you a coaching position.”

  “They did. That’s where I’ve been the last two days, in Boulder.”

  “Oh.”

  “I went and toured the facility, met with the coaches and staff.” How could
he explain that the sport he’d loved nearly all his life no longer brought him the feeling it once had. He was looking for something more.

  She raised a brow. “It didn’t fit?”

  He shook his head. “Not in the way it used to.”

  “I kind of felt the same way when I was on my last photo shoot. I mean, I love photography and all, but I don’t know. Maybe Maggie’s right, maybe I am running away.”

  Max leaned forward more. “What are you saying?”

  “What are you saying?”

  He laughed. “I’m saying I want to be a part of this baby’s life. I’d love for that to be here, in Canyon Creek but if it’s not, if it’s not where you see yourself, I’m okay with that. This baby needs me, and more importantly than that, I need the baby. If you don’t want to stay here, I’ll follow you.”

  Devlin fell back onto the pillows, her eyes fluttering closed.

  Max moved closer. “What?”

  “I…I, just don’t know, Max. I mean, I love it here, this house is incredible.”

  “It is a great house.”

  “It feels like home in a lot of ways. I’m just afraid that one day it’s going to feel like a prison.” She almost whispered the words.

  Max understood. She wasn’t one to plant roots. They wanted different things. The only commonality was the baby.

  “Look, Devlin, I’m not trying to force you to do anything, but…”

  She sat up, her eyes narrowed. “But what?”

  He could hear the defensiveness in her voice but he didn’t care. He was trying to make concessions but she obviously wasn’t willing to meet him half way.

  “I’m going to be a part of this baby’s life, whether you want me to or not.”

  “I never said I didn’t want you to be a part of this baby’s life, but you can’t expect me to just change everything. For you.”

  “I just told you I was willing to change for you.”

  Devlin shook her head.

  Max slid off the bed, knowing he needed to leave before he said more hateful words that could push her away. “I’m not asking you to change anything for me, Devlin. It’s for the baby. Our baby.”

  “So, what? Is that an ultimatum?”

  “No,” he shook his head, “it’s a promise.”

  “Of what?”

  “I want joint custody of this child.”

  She sucked in a breath and he could see the pain in her face. “After everything you just said about not trying to change me. You’re forcing me to stay here? Is that it?”

  “I just told you I would follow you if you didn’t want to stay here. I’m making every effort, here, Dev, but work with me.”

  “Yeah and two minutes later you were pressuring me to do what you want. To stay here because that works for you.”

  Max could feel the tension building in his jaw, his neck, hell, everywhere. “Look, I want you. I want this baby, and that’s not going to change, wherever you go. I’m willing to commit to you.”

  “Well, isn’t that nice of you. For how long, Max? It’s not like we were in a relationship before.”

  Max laughed quietly. She was right. They didn’t really know each other. Neither of them knew what they wanted. This was a disaster.

  “You’re right. We don’t have a relationship with each other, not really.”

  “Just in bed, right?” she said sarcastically.

  A sharp pain of regret hit Max square in the chest. Was that all he was to her? His blood pounded through his veins. She was purposely shoving him away.

  “We don’t have to be together, sexually or otherwise,” he said sarcastically, “but we do need to make this work for the baby.”

  “What the hell are you saying, Max?” She moved to stand but stopped and grabbed her ankle.

  “Devlin, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

  Her caramel-colored eyes rolled up to meet his. “I’ve already been hurt.”

  “Dammit Devlin, what are you so afraid of?”

  She stilled. “I’m not afraid of anything.” Her voice cracked with defensiveness.

  Max nodded, understanding. “I’m afraid. I’m afraid of hurting you, of hurting this baby. I’m afraid of making the wrong decision, about everything. But I’m willing to try. For you.”

  She sat silently and Max knew in that moment that she wasn’t going to try. She was too afraid of her past to give them a chance at a future together.

  “Knock, knock.”

  Max turned and saw his mother standing in the doorway, her brows drawn together. She’d heard everything, he knew it, and she would be furious at him for pushing Devlin again.

  “Valerie, can you help me up?” Devlin said. “I’d like to go sit out in the garden.”

  Devlin was dismissing him so easily. His mother had given her an out and she was taking it. There was no chance for them, but he would never give up his baby.

  “Oh, Devlin,” his mother said, skirting around him as if he didn’t exist. “You look awful, sweetheart.”

  Devlin reached out her arms to his mother as if she were a small child herself.

  His mother rushed to her side and wrapped her in her arms. Great. Looked like his own mom was going to be working against him now.

  Part of him was happy his mother was here to help take care of Devlin. She needed that, and he wanted her to have the help. But for a guy who needed to be needed, her decision to cut him out of her life hurt worse than any pain he’d ever endured, on or off the field.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Valerie helped position Devlin in the large glider that overlooked the small garden in the back of the house, propping her foot up on a pillow.

  “Is that okay?” she asked.

  Devlin knew Valerie was asking about more than just her foot.

  “For now,” she said.

  “Devlin,” her mother called from the back door.

  “We’re out in the back by the garden, Phyllis,” Valerie hollered.

  Her mother walked toward them, and like a small child, Devlin held up her hands and burst into tears. Her mother rushed to her, sliding in beside her and taking her in her arms. Devlin’s tears came hot and hard.

  “Oh, sweetheart,” her mother rubbed her back, “it’s all right.”

  “I’ll just leave you two,” Valerie said, slipping away.

  “Oh, Mom,” Devlin choked out. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Are you in pain?”

  “Not physically.”

  Her mother pushed her back and looked at her, wiping the tears from Devlin’s cheeks.

  “Well, I mean physically, yes it still all hurts, but it’s more.”

  “Being pregnant just messes with your hormones so much, doesn’t it?” Her mother gave a weary smile of empathy.

  “Yes,” she nodded. Devlin looked into eyes that were so much like her own. For one of the few times in her life, she saw hope shining back from her mother’s eyes. Leaving her dad had been so good for her mom.

  “I saw Max leaving just before I came in but I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself,” her mother said. “He looked pretty upset. Maybe next time I’ll be able to finally meet the father of my grandbaby.” Her mother’s eyes glimmered with tears. “I can’t believe I’m going to be a grandmother.”

  “I can’t believe I’m going to be a mother.”

  She smoothed back Devlin’s hair. “Not exactly how you planned it, huh?”

  “Not even close.”

  “Your Aunt Karen watches football. She tells me Max is very handsome. I noticed too just before he left.” Her mother winked with a knowing smile.

  “Gross, Mom.”

  “You like him, I can tell.”

  “Of course, I like him. I slept with him.”

  Her mother laughed. “Devlin, we both know that for you, the two don’t always go hand-in-hand.”

  Devlin rolled her eyes. “True.”

  “So, tell me what’s going on with you two.”

  Devlin
scooted up on the glider. “You first. You never had a chance to tell me much about what happened with Dad. Spill?”

  Her mom drew in a deep breath and leaned back. “Well, your Aunt Karen called and said she was having shoulder surgery. Neither Robert nor Terri could come in to help her.”

  Devlin nodded. Aunt Karen’s kids were both busy executives at large companies. She could see them saying they couldn’t come help their mom. “What about Uncle Peter?”

  “He’d just left for his six-week stint on the oil rig.”

  “So, she asked you?” Maggie asked.

  “Not really asked but I could hear it in her voice.”

  “So you asked Dad?” Devlin knew her mother always asked her father to do things. There had never been any kind of equal footing in their relationship.

  “No,” she shook her head. “I told him I was going.”

  Devlin sat forward. “Oh, shit. How’d that go over?”

  “What is it you always say? Like a turd in a punch bowl?”

  Devlin laughed but clutched her sides.

  “I’m sorry.” Her mother scooted forward and helped Devlin prop back on the pillows in the glider.

  “So what happened?” she asked.

  “Well,” her mother paused. “He fussed and hollered but I stood my ground. Eventually, he said if I walked out that door, I shouldn’t come back. Then it hit me in that moment.”

  “What did?”

  “That’s exactly what I needed to do,” she said.

  “What?”

  “Walk through the door and never go back. I think it was fate.”

  Devlin cocked her head. “How so?”

  “Maybe God knew I needed to be here for you, so He was giving me a little backbone to stand up to your father. Anyway,” she waved her off, “I packed up and left.”

  “When he went to work?”

  “Nope. I wasn’t going to slink off. I’d had enough. I packed up while he was staring down at me in the bedroom. I bullied past him like he always used to do to me and you.”

  Devlin couldn’t help but smile.

  Her mother’s gaze traveled around the lawn in front of them as if searching for the right words. “I can’t explain it, Devlin. I’d just…I’d had enough. I thought about you, how brave you are, how much you needed me when you were young and how much I hadn’t been there.”