Insight

by Deborah Raney

  “I didn’t realize,” Claire whispered.

  “No. I wouldn’t expect you to. But…we had problems. Big ones. But we were working them out,” she added hastily. “This move…Hanover Falls was supposed to be a fresh start for us.”

  “Oh, Olivia. I’m so sorry. And you never got the chance…”

  “No.” She bent her head, feeling the weight of it all over again.

  “Well, you’re wise to be cautious where Reed is concerned. Give yourself time to grieve, time to come to terms with…everything that happened in your marriage. But Olivia, honey—” Claire smiled and gave Olivia’s knee another motherly pat. “It’s not a sin for you to be attracted to Reed Vincent. He’s a sweetheart of a guy, and mighty easy on the eyes, I don’t mind saying. You could do far worse than to fall in love with a man like that.”

  Olivia felt as if a window had been opened and fresh oxygen rushed in to replace the stale air she’d been breathing. She touched Claire’s hand. “Thank you for that. You don’t know how much I needed to hear it.”

  An impish grin painted Claire’s face. “Oh, honey, yes, I do.”

  Chapter 29

  “You crazy cat!” Reed lurched after Tiger as the cat leapt to the back of the couch. He missed and Tiger’s tail swept a water bottle off the end table. The uncapped bottle tumbled, and Reed caught it a split second before it hit the floor. He juggled it from hand to hand, trying to steady it. But he squeezed too tight, sending a stream of water shooting out.

  Olivia squealed and sputtered as icy water sprayed her in the face. Her screams sent Tiger darting down the hallway for safety as Reed tried desperately to gain control of the errant bottle.

  By the time he finally succeeded, droplets of water dripped off Olivia’s hair and down her face. The front of her shirt was soaked.

  Reed tried to suppress the chuckle that rose in his throat at the sight of her droopy hair and the look of shock on her face, but he had no more control over his emotions than he’d had over the water bottle. Finally, he rolled with laughter, falling into a limp heap on the end of the couch where she reclined.

  Her laughter echoed his until she finally held out her hands in supplication. “Hey, can you help me out here? I’m drenched.” She tugged at her sopping shirt, trying in vain to fan it dry.

  “Hang on, I’ll get a rag.”

  Shaking water from his hands, Reed lumbered up from the couch and took the bottle into the kitchen. He found a dish towel in a drawer and took it back in to the living room where Olivia was attempting to finger comb her hair.

  “Didn’t I tell you cats were nothing but trouble?” he said, still chuckling.

  “Hey, now, watch it. He can hear you.”

  On cue, Tiger peered around the corner from the hallway into the living room with a look of pure guilt on his feline features. Reed and Olivia exchanged glances and fell into another fit of laughter.

  When they finally caught their breaths Reed snatched up the cat and deposited him on Olivia’s lap. “I think you owe your mistress an apology, mister,” Reed scolded.

  Purring, the cat nuzzled her chin while she stroked him and rewarded him with cooing and kisses.

  “Oh, that’s real nice.” Reed plopped back on the end of the couch and feigned a mope. “He drenches you. I risk life and limb to save the day, and he’s the one getting hugs and kisses.” He winced inwardly at the unintended implication of his words. But maybe it wasn’t unintentional.

  For weeks now, he had been a perfect gentleman with Olivia, not pressuring her for more than friendship. But he’d be lying through his teeth if he pretended he was content with the situation. He was impatient as all get out, and he didn’t think he could ever be happy with only being friends. I love her. He started at the thought, wondering for a moment if he’d said it out loud. He’d never let himself bring the thought to completion before, but here it was now, plain and simple. He was in love with Olivia Cline.

  Olivia lifted Tiger and set him on the carpet beside the couch. “Aww…” She tilted her head and gave him a coy smile. “Is somebody feeling a little jealous?”

  She was teasing, but she’d nailed his feelings on the head. “Okay. I feel like an idiot being jealous of a cat, but yes. I am jealous.”

  A look that was part fear, part something he couldn’t interpret, came to her eyes. “Reed…”

  He held out a hand. “I’m not going to lie to you, Olivia. I’ve been patient for a long time. I’m doing my best, but it’s getting old.” Okay. He’d said it, walked right into it with his eyes—and his heart—wide open.

  “Oh, Reed. I don’t know what to say. I’ve loved having you here with me, keeping me company. I’ve appreciated everything you’ve done for me more than you can know. I… You’re the best friend I could ever ask for and—”

  “Best friend?” He felt his jaw tense. “I don’t want to be just your friend, Olivia.”

  She closed her eyes, as if she were staving off some sort of pain. When she finally looked at him again, there was a new determination in her expression.

  His heart dropped like a stone.

  But then her words took him by surprise. “Reed. Oh, Reed.” Her voice dropped to a whisper, but her eyes held his. “I have never felt about any man the way I feel about you. Not…not even my own husband.”

  Her voice caught, and she surprised him by reaching over the blanket covering her legs to take his hand. The effect was electrifying. The heat of their fingers, touching, entwining, seared him. Not taking his eyes off hers, he lifted her hands to his face and kissed her fingertips. He saw in her eyes, felt in her touch, that she was feeling the same sensations. Desire filled him until he didn’t think he could bear it another moment.

  Unknitting his fingers from hers, he leaned across the couch and took her face in his hands. He traced the outline of her lips with his thumb and then he leaned in and kissed her with a tenderness that came with difficulty. What he wanted to do was take her in his arms and crush her to him.

  At first she matched his kiss, but then she gently pushed him away, yet still gripping at the front of his shirt.

  Her hands trembled. “It’s too soon, Reed. I…I can’t. Give me time. Please. Be patient with me.”

  It took every ounce of his strength to disengage himself from her gentle touch, but he took her small hand between both of his and moved it from his face, and with a reluctant pat, placed it back in her lap. “I understand, Olivia, and I’ll respect that. But…I’m not sorry.”

  A puckish grin spread over her face. “Me neither,” she whispered.

  From her perch on the sofa, Olivia looked around the living room. As much as she’d loved the changes she’d made to this house a few weeks ago, after three weeks of staring at the same view, she was sick to death of this room. The very upholstery on the sofa was starting to drive her batty.

  Tonight, however, the luscious smell of popcorn improved her outlook considerably. Olivia inhaled deeply and adjusted the pillows at her back.

  “Here we go…” Reed stepped from the kitchen juggling a giant bowl overflowing with fluffy white kernels, and two cans of Dr. Pepper. He leaned to transfer the icy cold cans to the coffee table, and she reached to take the bowl from the crook of his elbow.

  “Mmm, this looks great,” she said, scooping up a fistful of popcorn.

  “So what do you want to watch tonight?” He picked up three DVDs from the floor beside the sofa. “I’ve got The Sound of Music—again. Or Peter Pan or—”

  “Would you mind if we didn’t watch a movie tonight?”

  He looked up in surprise. “Is something wrong?”

  “Oh, no. It’s just…well, how many times can a woman watch Peter Pan without going absolutely stark raving out of her gourd?” She feigned yanking her hair out by the roots.

  Reed laughed. “We have kind of overdosed on that one, haven’t we?” He held up a hand defensively. “Hey, I’m just trying to follow doctor’s orders. Nothing upsetting for the little lady.” He gave her
knee a proprietary pat.

  “And I appreciate it. Really I do.” She patted him back, letting her hand linger on his. They were hungry for excuses to touch each other these days. Reed hadn’t tried to kiss her again. But oh, that one kiss had opened the door to a new, more intimate friendship between them.

  If she had loved Derek at all, then what she felt for Reed Vincent was something she couldn’t even define. The feelings he evoked in her made her heart soar. And made it ache at the same time with a longing she’d never known. She checked herself at yet another comparison of Reed to Derek, but it was sometimes hard not to compare the two men. She had to keep reminding herself of the man Derek had become in the final months before his death. Why couldn’t she remember the gentler, penitent version of her husband as well as she remembered the man who had called her each evening to lie about his whereabouts?

  Life was so unfair. Why had it been so easy to fall into marriage with Derek, and so difficult once the vows had been spoken? And now, with Reed, it seemed the opposite. It seemed that a host of insurmountable obstacles kept them from being together. She dared not even imagine what rumors were flying around town. The town’s most eligible bachelor taking up with a needy widow who was about to deliver a baby. It was the stuff of supermarket tabloids in a town the size of Hanover Falls.

  Reed had told her about his next-door neighbor’s reservations. He’d said it almost as a joke, but because Olivia knew how much Reed valued Maggie’s opinion, it stung her.

  In the past weeks, Reed had shared so much with her about his life. They’d carefully steered clear of talking about “them,” but in the few weeks she’d been bedfast, they had shared some of their deepest secrets with each other. And still, she couldn’t seem to get enough of him. She wanted to know more about what made this wonderful man tick.

  If she were honest with herself, she was terrified that she would eventually go deep enough to discover that, like Derek, Reed was horribly flawed. That loving him would lead to nothing but grief. That had been her experience with love.

  Instead, it seemed the better she knew Reed, the more she respected the man he was. He wasn’t perfect. But his own awareness of his flaws and his desire to be worthy of her respect made her trust him in a way she’d never trusted another man—another human being—before.

  Reed’s heart had been broken by a woman he’d once loved, and he had trouble trusting women for different reasons than she distrusted men. Kristina, his old girlfriend, had walked out of Reed’s life at a time when it looked like he might lose his eyesight. Reed so seldom spoke of the frightening disease that almost cost him his sight that Olivia had trouble realizing how awful it must have been for him. But apparently Kristina had decided she didn’t love Reed enough to stick with him “in sickness and in health.” Though he shrugged it off, it was obvious that he had been devastated by her rejection.

  It had brought her to tears to realize that Reed’s devotion to her even in her “condition” was probably the result of his own rejection under similar circumstances. Reed had allowed that sorrow to make him a better person. Had she become more compassionate because of what she’d been through with Derek? Or had she only become bitter? It was a question that weighed heavily on her.

  “Hey you?” Reed’s voice shook her from a reverie that had grown melancholy. “Where are you?” he asked, putting a finger under her chin and tipping her face to meet his gaze.

  She shook off the heavy thoughts. “Sorry. I was far, far away for a minute there.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “I’d rather watch Peter Pan.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Just not a place I want to stay right now.”

  “Sometimes it helps to talk about it, Liv.”

  She shook her head. “Not tonight. Maybe some day.”

  “Okay.” He gave a Tinkerbell grin. “Tonight we’ll only think happy thoughts.”

  Chapter 30

  Olivia flipped the car radio to a country station and adjusted her rearview mirror. She caught a flash of her reflection and even though her eyes and forehead were all that were visible, the crinkles in the reflection told her she was smiling to herself. Again. There were no words to describe how wonderful it was to be out of the house. Off that hideous sofa. But her smile was for more than that. Far more than that.

  These days, the mere thought of Reed Vincent had the power to bring a smile to her lips. Something precious had grown between them these past weeks while she’d been restricted to bed rest. She lifted a hand to her throat, expecting to touch the silver locket Derek had given to her. But she’d forgotten to put it on when she’d dressed this morning.

  She had begun to admit to herself—though she dared not voice it to anyone else—that she was in love with Reed. And she suspected that he felt the same about her.

  It was a knowledge she treasured in her heart. But for now, her energies had to stay focused on this baby. As much as Reed had made the downtime a joy, it had been difficult in many ways, too. She’d had far too many hours to think. And far too frightening thoughts to think.

  She would soon be a single mom to a tiny infant. She needed to get the house on the market. But even if the doctor took her off of bed rest today, as he’d hinted, she couldn’t think of trying to make a move at this point in her pregnancy.

  She pulled into the clinic parking lot, her mind reeling. With all her worrying, she’d probably spiked her blood pressure to the point where Dr. Bennington would send her straight back to bed. After he chewed her out for driving herself to the appointment.

  She took a deep breath and willed her heartbeat to slow. After a minute, she turned off the ignition and mentally prepared for the doctor’s verdict.

  Dr. Bennington closed Olivia’s chart and smiled. “I think you can resume normal activity…within reason,” she said. “You haven’t had any bleeding or cramping for over two weeks now and the baby’s vital signs—and yours—are all good.”

  Olivia let out the breath she’d been holding. This must be how a prisoner felt when the parole board signed release papers. She’d been on bed rest for just over four weeks, but it had felt like eons. She remembered when Jayne, in the sixth month of her first pregnancy, had been ordered to bed for the duration. She’d had little sympathy for her friend at the time. In fact she’d felt a little envious. Now she understood how difficult that must have been for Jayne. With her freedom returned to her, Olivia felt like running a marathon.

  As if Dr. Bennington had read her mind, she narrowed her eyes and shook a finger at Olivia. “Just because I’m taking you off bed rest doesn’t mean you can go crazy. You say your work isn’t too strenuous, so I’m going to let you go back, but I want you to put your feet up whenever you can and let somebody else do the bulk of the housework. No heavy lifting, no jogging or other strenuous exercise. And if you start cramping or bleeding again, call me right away.”

  “I will.”

  The thought sobered her and later, as she drove away from the clinic, she mentally adjusted her plans for the afternoon. Still, she couldn’t wait to tell Reed that she would be back to work tomorrow.

  Reed whistled an off-key tune under his breath as he unclamped a painting from the easel. It was a good one. He’d have to get it sent out the minute the paint was dry. The gallery in St. Louis had sold three of his nautical pieces to a new office park and he was having trouble keeping them supplied.

  But his happy whistling had far more to do with the lovely woman seated at the worktable in his studio than it did the lovely painting he’d just completed. Olivia was back at work, doing well, and he felt like a light had come back on in his studio.

  Funny, he’d had similar thoughts all those weeks ago when the gift of his sight had been returned. Now that seemed to pale in comparison. He loved her so much. He’d given up even trying to pretend to himself that he didn’t. He hadn’t spoken the words to her yet. She said it was too soon, and he meant to honor her opinion. But sometimes he was afraid h
is love for her would spill over into words.

  He watched her as they worked. If she knew how constant his thoughts toward her were, she would probably quit tomorrow.

  Over the weeks that she’d been at home on bed rest, he had learned to know her so well. And he liked what he saw. Olivia had deep hurts from her marriage, but she was a caring, giving woman. He wasn’t sure she had come to terms yet with the pain her husband had caused her, let alone come to an acceptance of his death. She especially struggled to understand why her husband had died just when things were looking more hopeful for them. He didn’t understand it any better than she did.

  And he felt guilty feeling grateful that Olivia was free.

  But was she really free? Until she could let go of the grief and anger, she would not be free to love him. He had to keep reminding himself that it had only been seven months. Olivia was right. It was too soon. Far too soon. He’d read somewhere just the other day that the grieving process after losing a spouse could take two years or more. He honestly didn’t know if he could wait that long. He also knew plenty of people who’d remarried, happily, within a year of losing their spouse. He clung to those examples. Oh, Lord, you know I’m not a patient man.

  “Hey, is that finished?” Olivia’s voice broke through his thoughts.

  In answer, he held up the painting for her approval.

  “I like it. Very nice. Except I’ll be glad when you go back to the landscapes. Those are my favorite.”

  He shrugged. “Gotta give 'em what they want.”

  “Does that ever bother you?”

  “What?”

  “That you’re getting so popular that now you can’t paint what you really want to.”

  “Um, excuse me—” Amusement gathered in his eyes. “Aren’t you the one who wants me to go back to painting landscapes?”

  She blushed and hid a sheepish grin behind one hand. “Oh. Yeah.”

  “I’m enjoying doing the nautical stuff. I’m just happy to be selling my paintings at all.”