by Joanna Blake
It was going to be a long day.
Tabby
I stared at the ceiling for twenty minutes before I got out of bed. I knew I wasn’t going in to work today.
I was never going back there again.
I forced myself to call the service and let them know I wasn’t going back. I didn’t offer any explanation and they didn’t ask. At this point, I wasn’t asking for references anyway.
I’d be long gone, as soon as I could figure out where I was going.
Far, far away from here.
As far from Gabe Jackson as humanly possible. I thought if I ever saw him again, I’d shatter into a million pieces. And there would be no putting me back together again.
I’d been tempted, so pathetically tempted, to take him up on the scraps he was offering. That he’d ‘take me back’ if I behaved myself.
No mention of love. No talk of the future. All of that was gone- but why? Because something had finally convinced him that the rumors about me had been true all along.
A knock on the door had my heart pounding. I realized I was wearing one of Gabe’s shirts and yanked it off. I must have put it on in the middle of the night.
Yeah, I was that pitiful. But I still had my pride.
If he was back- if he saw me wearing his shirt- I couldn’t bear it.
I pulled on a dressing robe and opened the door. No one was there. But I’d gotten a delivery.
Boxes and boxes. And all of them said Bloomingdales.
I frowned, thinking there must be a mistake. I’d never ordered anything that fancy before in my life. I checked the name on the shipping label and sure enough, it was mine.
All eight of them.
I dragged the boxes inside and opened one. I knew I would have to send it back. Maybe it was a prank or- my breath caught in my throat when I saw the note attached to the receipt, with all the prices crossed out.
Only the best for my girl. Love, Gabe.
And that was it. The slim shred of control I had left just snapped. I slid to the floor, unable to stop the tears from falling.
I didn’t know what I had done to have lost his love, but I knew it was gone.
He had loved me. I knew it.
And now, he didn’t.
I wasn’t going to let it destroy me, dammit. I could feel the will to leave town slipping away. I could feel the urge to go to him, to beg his forgiveness for something I had never done.
To beg him to love me again. But that wasn’t how love worked.
To hell with that.
I loved Gabe. I didn’t know if I would ever stop loving him. But this was bullshit. He was being an ass, and for no good reason.
If being loved by him had taught me one thing, it was that I deserved better than this.
And I was going to get it. No matter how long it took, I would find a way to stand on my own two feet and know that I deserved to be loved again.
Even if I never got over him, I would not be second best, or something he ‘learned to live with.’
He could take his ‘forgiveness’ and shove it up his ass.
I pulled the envelope of tips out from under my mattress and started counting. I had a couple thousand bucks. Plus, a few more in the bank.
I spent the next few hours cleaning and boxing the last of Grandma's trinkets. Maybe I’d just take it all with me, deal with selling it wherever I landed.
I didn’t need to stay here after all.
I could work a few more shifts and-
No. I sat down hard again. Gabe could come in. He probably would. And he’d make me the same callous offer, and I’d find it hard to say no.
I didn’t think I could bear to face him. Not for a minute. Or any of his buddies.
Once his friends knew we weren’t together anymore, they’d be even worse than usual. I’d be fair game again.
Or worse, I’d have to see him with someone else. If I was fair game, so was he. Right? He could just move on and get a new girlfriend. Or two.
Even though I knew what a cruel bastard he could be, he was still a catch. Any girl would bend over backwards to be with him.
Just like I had.
No. I would just leave. I’d been planning to go in six weeks anyway. I’d just move up my exit date and put in my notice.
I called the U-Haul place and my friends. I didn’t go into details but I did tell Jacks that things had gone spectacularly wrong.
Dennis invited me down to Florida. Maryann invited me to Denver. Jackie invited me to Paris.
Well, I couldn’t take the damn cat to Paris with me.
I decided to get a truck and hit the road. I could check out a couple spots on the way to see my friends. And then maybe when I found a place, I could start saving up money for school again.
Maybe I could even begin to heal my heart.
But none of that was going to happen if I didn’t start prepping. I loaded Gabe’s car with stuff for the thrift store and got to work.
Gabe
“You look like shit, man.”
I grunted and handed Lyle a hundred dollar bill for the booze I’d asked for. A whole fucking case of it. He waved me off but I insisted.
I wanted to get mind numbingly drunk with a clear conscious.
Well, mostly clear.
I couldn’t shake the look of hurt in Tabby’s eyes. The sound of her voice as she’d told me she loved me… and when she’d told me to get out. She’d looked absolutely crushed when I left her place.
Crushed and innocent. And so damn beautiful it hurt to think about it.
Remember Gabe. Remember the betrayal.
What a deceptive little liar she was. Everything about her was a sham. Except her looks. Those were natural. And the kindness she’d shown me. Even if she was just doing her job.
And her loneliness.
Shit, I was talking myself back into loving her again, not that I’d really stopped. But I knew I couldn’t trust her. I cursed and grabbed a bottle. I couldn’t open it fast enough.
“It’s a little early isn’t it?”
“It’s five o’clock somewhere.”
He laughed and shrugged, pouring himself a drink too. He talked and I listened, not saying much. Not until he mentioned the ’T’ word.
“How’s Tabby liking the car?”
I shrugged. I did not have a clue what to say. I’m sure Lyle was in on the joke along with everyone else. I didn’t blame him for not telling me. He probably didn’t realize how far deep I was.
“We split up but I told her to keep it.”
He raised his eyebrows and sipped his drink. I was already refilling my glass.
“That’s an expensive parting gift.”
“Small price to pay for escaping matrimony.”
“Matrimony? No shit!”
“Yeah well, I wised up before it got to that point. Apparently I’m the only guy in town who didn’t get a taste.”
He gave me an odd look.
“That old shit? I don’t believe it.”
I stared at him.
“You don’t believe what?”
“Pete and his crew. They are always making up stories about this girl or that one. They act like they’ve fucked the whole damn town.”
“Yeah, well they weren’t making this up.”
“How do you know?”
I looked at him. I looked at the bottle. I poured another drink.
“Pete’s friend knew about things. Things you would have had to be there to know.”
“There-there?”
“Yeah.”
I drank.
“Oof. That’s rough, man. I always thought she got a bad rap. This town is so boring people latch on to anything.”
“I thought you liked it here.”
“It’s okay. I think about leaving sometimes, like you did. But my old man needs me.”
I drank. He drank. It was a while before anyone talked again. Thankfully, the world was starting to get nice and blurry around the edges.
“What d
id he know, if you don’t mind my asking?”
“He knew about her… body.”
“Like what man? Or is it too personal?”
I laughed bitterly. Everyone in the whole fucking town knew more about her than me.
“No man, it’s nothing gross. He just knew about her beauty marks.”
“What the hell is a beauty mark?”
I snorted and took a deep pull. It didn’t even burn anymore. That’s when you knew you were on the short road to an epic drunk.
“It’s a mole. Mole, beauty mark, same thing. That’s what my mom calls them. I must be fuckin’ drunk.”
I laughed again but Lyle looked thoughtful.
“You’re going to kill me man but I swear to God I know something about that.”
“What?”
“We were one year ahead of her right? And Topher?”
“Yeah? So?”
“Let me call him, see if I’m right.”
He went outside to make a call. I finished my drink and poured another one. I was so fucking miserable I didn’t think I could stand it. I was getting plastered and it was barely early afternoon.
And it still wasn’t enough.
But if I could blot her out, it was worth it. Besides, its not like I had anywhere to be.
“He’s coming over after his shift. I told him to bring beer and pizza.”
“And more whiskey.”
Lyle shook his head.
“Whatever you want man. You’re the war hero.”
I snorted.
“It was a fucking valve malfunction. I didn’t do shit.”
“You shoved some guy out of the way didn’t you?”
I stared at him.
“Yeah.”
He poured us each another drink and toasted me.
“So, you’re a fucking hero. Deal with it.”
Tabby
I stared at the two sets of keys in my hand. I had done everything even faster than I’d imagined. The thought of staying in this town one more second had lit a fire under my butt.
I was ready.
And I didn’t need Gabe’s pity-mobile anymore.
I swallowed and stuck the keys in an envelope. I could have kept the car and paid him back eventually. But that didn’t sit right.
Besides, I didn’t want anything to remind me of him. I knew I’d be thinking about him anyway. Why make things worse?
He had burned a hole in my soul. He had opened my eyes and my heart to love. And then he’d smashed it.
I still didn’t understand why, but it didn’t matter.
It was time to move on. I couldn’t stop myself from crying, but I wasn’t going to let anyone around here see me do it either.
Especially not Gabe.
I stuck the envelope in the mailbox and shut the door. That was that. He’d get the keys in a few days. And I’d be long gone.
I hoped Lyle could take the car back. It was still new. Maybe they’d consider it an extra long test drive.
I slid my hands against each other. There, that was done. Now all I had to do was finish loading the van and say goodbye to Shortie.
I felt bad about that. I’d quit abruptly but he wasn’t mad. He’d always had a soft spot for me.
I guess that sort of thing happened a lot in the food service industry anyway.
Either that, or he’d heard the absolute misery in my voice when I called in. I might be able to hide my tears, but the rest of me was clearly heartbroken.
The handoff was pretty easy. I drove through town and pulled in to the back of Garrity’s. I’d brought my apron and he’d brought me my last check.
Then we hugged and said goodbye.
I climbed into the van and locked my seatbelt into place. A loud mewling made me roll my eyes.
“Oh shut up. I’d be on a plane to Paris if it weren’t for you.”
But I smiled a little. At least I had Petunia for company. Right now it was just the two of us against the world.
I drove to the edge of town, not glancing right or left. No need for last looks. I had enough bad memories to last me a lifetime.
I pulled onto the highway and never looked back.
Gabe
“Toph! Toph! Toph! Toph!”
I opened a bleary eye as Lyle chanted and pumped his fist into the air. Topher took one look at the two of us and laughed.
“Jesus, what the hell have the two of you been up to down here?”
“Glory days, man. Relivin’ the glory days.”
I moaned, rubbing my head. I felt like shit. And not just from the booze. A few days ago I’d had it all figured out. I’d had the girl of my dreams on lockdown.
Now, I was drunk in a rec room with two dudes.
And she was… well, God knows where she was. Or who she was with. I’d basically told her I’d give her a second chance if she stopped seeing other guys.
I knew it was stupid, but I couldn’t help it. Even with all her lies, I wanted her.
“Gabe got dumped. He’s commiserating. No- convalescing!”
“Dumped? I didn’t know you had a lady.”
“Tabitha Peterson.”
“No shit? That was a long time coming. That’s why you wanted this?”
He held up a yearbook in one hand and a twelve-pack of beer in the other. Then he jerked his head over his shoulder.
“Pizza’s on its way.”
“You rock, man. Sit down. Try not to make the G-Man dizzy.”
Topher sat and placed the yearbook on the table. I squinted at it, accepting a cold beer and twisting the top off.
“What is that?”
“You wanted this right? That picture of her? Heads rolled over this one, let me tell you. I think the yearbook editor lost his scholarship for sticking that picture in there.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
He laughed.
“That sexy ass mole. Man, that thing went down in history at Heckam High let me tell you.”
“Mole?”
“Yeah. Here, let me show you-“ He picked up the yearbook and started flipping through it. Towards the back were the candid shots of seniors. He held up the book and grinned at me.
There was a huge picture of Tabby and a couple other girls. She was sitting on the bleachers, staring over her shoulder with a look of annoyance.
She looked so young and sweet. Absolutely stunning as usual. But that’s not what caught my attention. No, it was her clearly visible lower back. Someone had lifted her shirt to snap her bra at the exact second the picture was taken.
The shot was sexy as hell. She looked like a pin up girl, surprised as a puppy tugged her bikini strap down. Except she’d just been a girl minding her own business and someone had bothered her.
I felt sick as I stared at the photo.
Her entire lower back was exposed, right down to the dimples above her ass. You could see the graceful line of her spine, the side of her breasts, and yes, the famous mole.
She was wearing a pony tail. So you could see the mole on her neck, too.
“This photo was ripped out of every guy’s yearbook when they went off to college, let me tell you.”
“Not yours Toph?” Lyle was cackling and sipping a beer. Meanwhile, I felt like I was cracking in two.
Toph shrugged.
“No man, I’m a gentleman. Besides, I didn’t go to college!”
My heart slammed in my chest.
I was an idiot. I was a fucking idiot. The biggest fucking idiot on the whole damn planet.
She hadn’t fucked that cretin. She hadn’t fucked anyone. She hadn’t done a damn thing except be the sweetest, most loving girl I’d ever met.
And I’d treated her like shit.
Like worse than shit. Like she was a thing- an object to be used for pleasure. An object that I hadn’t wanted anyone else getting their hands on.
I closed my eyes, seeing her lying beneath me. Hearing her tell me she loved me. And I had just… used her to get off.
“O
h fuck.”
“You okay G-man?”
“No. I’m not fucking okay.”
I grabbed my phone and called her. No answer. I texted her.
Where are you
I need to talk
I’m an idiot
No response. Not that I was surprised. I was sure she hated me.
Hell, I hated me.
“Pizza’s here!”
I dragged my wallet out and paid the guy. Then I whispered in a ragged voice.
“Coffee. Water. Gatorade.”
“You want to sober up man?”
I nodded and Lyle slapped my back.
“Alright man, we got you. Why don’t you start with a shower?”
I was careful as I used the walker to get into the bathroom. I was almost ready to graduate to the cane but now was not the time.
My mind was racing as I tried to figure out what to do. I needed to go find Tabby but I was in no condition. If she saw me like this, she wouldn’t even give me the time of day.
Not that I blamed her.
But I did need to find her. Start the ball rolling. I had to make things right. I stared at my bleary eyes in the mirror.
I had to fix this.
I leaned my head out of the bathroom as the steam started to fill the room.
“You okay?”
“Call Garrity’s. Find out if she’s working tonight.”
When I came out, Lyle was brewing coffee at the breakfast bar. Topher was eating a slice and flipping through his old yearbook. Actually, they’d found mine somewhere too.
“Holy shit, were we ever this young?”
I shook my head and took a slice. If I ate, I might sober up faster. I might be able to think straight.
“Hey man.”
“I need to get into town. I need to see her. Is anyone sober enough to drive?”
They exchanged a look and I put my pizza down. I knew it was something bad without even having to ask.
“What is it?”
“I called the bar, man. They said she..” Lyle’s voice drifted off and I started imagining all sorts of things. She refused to come to the phone. She had a restraining order. She had a new boyfriend already.
“She what?”
“She quit man. They said she, uh, she left town. She’s gone.”
