Sing As We Go

by Margaret Dickinson

  ‘I see.’ He was quiet for a moment, though he seemed to accept her explanation and Kathy inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.

  After a few moments, when she had gathered her wits, she asked carefully, ‘You had the flat then?’

  ‘Yes, but not for the reasons that I’m sure you and everyone else is thinking.’ There was a bitter edge to his tone. Then he sighed. ‘I – I have problems at home. Because of my mother’s ill-health. I’m sorry, Kathy.’ He spread his hands helplessly and looked at her with such a ‘little boy lost’ look that quite melted her heart. ‘I took the flat in the first place because I intended to live there myself. Move out from home, but – well – it became impossible. I was still spending more time at home than I was in the flat. Anyway, I kept it on just so there was somewhere for us to go, just – just to talk and be together.’

  Kathy couldn’t quite believe what he was implying – that there had never been anything more than a kiss and a cuddle with his previous girlfriends. And what about Muriel Curtis? Surely that had led to ‘something more’? But it was none of her business. It was what happened from now on that mattered to Kathy. Whatever had happened in the past was just that. In the past.

  ‘You see,’ he went on, as if it explained everything – and in a way, it did. ‘You see, I can’t take anyone home. Mother doesn’t like it.’

  On the Saturday evening Kathy was hurrying to leave work on time. Tony was calling for her at eight o’clock. Now there was no need for secrecy, he came openly to the little terraced house and was welcomed by Jemima. Though Taffy made it very clear that he did not welcome yet another stranger. Whenever Tony appeared, the cat stalked out of the room, his ears flattened and his tail thrashing angrily.

  ‘Miss Matthews, you may go,’ Muriel said as the last customer left the department and the sheets were placed over the displays. ‘But, Miss Burton, could you spare me a moment? I’d like a word.’

  Kathy’s heart began to beat rapidly and she cast a glance at Stella. But the younger girl studiously avoided meeting her gaze.

  ‘Of course, Miss Curtis,’ Kathy replied evenly, though she was dreading what the woman had to say to her. Had Miss Curtis engineered her dismissal to try to separate her from Tony? As other staff called their ‘good nights’, Muriel drew Kathy to one side.

  ‘I don’t want you to think I’m interfering and I want you to know that this is said out of a genuine concern for you . . .’

  Kathy was not sure she believed her, but she said nothing.

  ‘You – you must know that Mr Kendall and I were once—’ Muriel’s lip trembled and Kathy felt sorry for her. But, not trusting herself to speak and afraid that she would say things she shouldn’t, Kathy just nodded. ‘He – he asked me to marry him.’ Kathy stared at her. She hadn’t known that. Maybe no one else knew that much. ‘But – but his mother intervened. She – she didn’t like me. I don’t think she would like any girl – that her son got close to.’ Muriel ran her tongue round her dry lips. ‘He – he took me home to meet her, but she hated me. And no, that’s not too strong a word for it. It was hatred – pure and simple. Of course, we could have gone away and got married. But I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t let him be estranged from his family. I couldn’t let him carry the guilt of making his mother ill, maybe even of causing her death. How could anyone live with that? I couldn’t and I wouldn’t want him to either.’

  Still, Kathy said nothing.

  ‘You haven’t met her yet?’ Muriel asked.

  Kathy shook her head.

  ‘If and when you do, just be aware that she will hate you on sight and do everything she can to break your relationship up.’

  ‘Well, I can’t speak for Tony, but I know one thing. There’s nothing she can do to make me end it. Nothing.’

  Tears trembled in Muriel’s eyes as she smiled sadly and said softly, ‘Are you sure about that, Kathy?’

  Kathy nodded. ‘Oh yes, I’m very sure.’

  ‘Then, I wish you well, my dear. Truly I do. The only thing I have ever wanted was to see him happy. And if you can do it, then I wish you all the luck in the world. Make him happy, Kathy. That’s all I ask.’

  It was a strange conversation to have taken place between a former girlfriend and the current one. Now she had very mixed feelings about Muriel. On the one hand, Kathy admired her for her selfless love for Tony, on the other she rather despised her for not being strong enough to fight for her man. She told no one about their talk. She didn’t even confide in Jemima and certainly not in Stella. She was unsure now just how much she could trust Stella. She had the uncomfortable feeling that the gossip that had spread like wildfire through the store had come not from Muriel but from the younger girl. With her new understanding, she couldn’t believe that Muriel would be the instigator of tales that would include her own broken romance.

  No, in future, Kathy would be careful just how much she confided in Stella Matthews.

  The gossip ran on for another few days, but then something happened that drove all thoughts of Tony Kendall and his latest girlfriend from everybody’s mind.

  On the morning of Sunday, 3 September, Kathy woke with a strange feeling of foreboding. She lay a moment in her bed as if to hold on to the warmth and the security. She had the strangest feeling that once she got out of bed, nothing would ever be quite the same again. There was a soft knock at the door and Jemima appeared carrying a cup of tea.

  ‘I couldn’t sleep. The Prime Minister’s going to speak at about quarter past eleven on the wireless, so I’m not going to morning service. Maybe I’ll go along to St Mary’s later.’ She placed the tea on the bedside table and moved across the room to open the curtains. She stood a moment, looking above the rooftops to the blue sky. She gave a soft sigh and murmured, ‘It’s far too nice a day to be declaring war.’

  Kathy sat up. ‘Is – is that what he’s going to do?’

  ‘I’m very much afraid so.’ There was another pause before Jemima shook herself, turned away from the window and said briskly, ‘Now, my dear, drink your tea and get dressed. Breakfast will be all ready by the time you come down.’

  ‘I should’ve—’ Kathy began, but Jemima smiled and held up her hand.

  ‘It’s quite all right. I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been up ages.’

  *

  They sat down, one either side of the wireless set, at eleven o’clock. It seemed an age before they heard the sound of the Prime Minister’s voice and listened to his solemn words. At the end of his statement, they waited in silence until the notes of the national anthem died away.

  ‘So,’ Jemima murmured, stroking Taffy absently, ‘it’s all going to happen again.’

  In a small voice, Kathy asked, ‘What exactly is going to happen?’

  ‘I really don’t know, my dear. Of course they’ll use the regular army first, but no doubt they’ll expect volunteers and, after a while, they’ll bring in conscription.’

  ‘What – what’s conscription?’ Kathy felt very ignorant. She’d never heard her father, or anyone else in their small village, speak about the last war. She knew very little about it.

  ‘Call-up. They set an age range and then all young men between those ages have to go for a medical. If they’re passed fit for service, then – they have to go.’

  ‘Will – will Tony have to go?’ Swiftly, conscious of sounding selfish, Kathy added, ‘And Morry?’

  ‘They may be able to apply for deferment for Maurice because he works on a farm. But as for Tony – how old is he?’

  ‘Twenty-six, I think.’

  ‘Then he may not have to go yet, but eventually . . .’ Her voice trailed away and Kathy shuddered.

  At the store the next morning, there was a buzz of excitement running among all the staff. Stella, red-faced and breathless, came running into the department at five minutes past nine. Muriel opened her mouth to reprimand the girl, but before she could speak, Stella burst out.

  ‘They’re going to close the store for an hour and we
’ve all got to go to the manager’s office at ten o’clock. Mr James is coming in to speak to us all. I’m to go round all the store, Mr Kendall said, and tell everyone,’ Stella went on importantly. Then, without even asking for permission from her superior, she marched off to carry out her mission.

  Muriel turned slowly to look at Kathy, her expression bleak. ‘I wonder how this will affect us all?’

  Kathy’s hands were trembling, but she tried to speak calmly and hopefully. ‘Perhaps – perhaps it won’t last very long. When this man, Hitler, realizes that there are people prepared to stand up to him, then – then . . .’

  ‘Germany’s a very strong nation, very – committed. My father fought in the last one. He was wounded. He’s got medals, you know.’ Muriel’s voice took on a bitter note, ‘But no one remembers the good people do, they only remember their mistakes.’

  Kathy said nothing, but she knew Muriel was referring to the scandal surrounding her father that Tony’s mother had used against her.

  At last Muriel whispered what was really on her mind. ‘He might go. Tony might have to go.’

  Kathy stared at her, miserably. ‘I know,’ she whispered, her voice breaking. No longer could she hide her worst fear.

  Muriel was the first to speak again. ‘Come, we’d better do as we’ve been told. We’d better tell all the customers in the department that the store will be closed for an hour between ten and eleven.’

  *

  At ten minutes past ten all the staff made their way to the manager’s office. Miss Robinson stood beside Tony, and the supervisors from each department squeezed into his office. The rest of the staff crowded into Miss Foster’s office. Kathy was careful to stand at the back along with Muriel and Stella. She and Muriel were quiet and subdued, but Stella’s eyes were shining with an excitement that seemed to rub off on the younger members of staff.

  ‘I shall volunteer,’ a young boy from the warehouse declared.

  ‘You’re not old enough. You’re only fifteen.’

  The spotty-faced youth flushed, but he still vowed, ‘Well, as soon as I am then.’

  ‘Sh,’ someone hissed. ‘Mr Hammond’s coming.’

  Kathy looked round to see the tall silver-haired man, smartly dressed in a dark suit and blue tie, weaving his way through the crowded office. He paused now and again to nod and smile at the members of his staff.

  ‘He’s a nice man, isn’t he?’ Stella whispered. ‘Always has a word for us. Not stuck up and hoity-toity like some owners’d be.’

  Now it was Kathy who, afraid that Mr Hammond might overhear, said, ‘Sh.’

  He stood in the doorway of Tony’s office so that all the staff could hear him. ‘This is an anxious day for all of us,’ he said, his voice soft and deep and full of concern. ‘But we must all pull together and do what we can to face whatever is coming. I want you to know that whatever problems this war brings, you can always come to either Mr Kendall or to me and we’ll do our very best to help you. The Hammonds like to feel that the members of their staff are one big family and, in troubled times, that’s what families do. Help each other. And for those of you who volunteer – ’ the grin on the face of the young boy from the warehouse seemed to reach his ears – ‘or are called up, then as long as Hammonds is still here, your job will be waiting for you when you come back.’

  Though the kindly man used the word ‘when’ and not ‘if’, the thought was in everyone’s mind. How many of those who went to fight would ever come back?

  But Mr Hammond remained positive. He smiled and nodded at the staff in the outer office and then turned to speak to Tony and the heads of department. Knowing they were dismissed, the rest of the staff drifted back to their departments ready for the store to reopen, but Kathy lingered at the end of the corridor, hoping for a brief word with Tony. But it was Jemima who emerged from the office first, white-faced and stiff-backed. She walked towards Kathy, but didn’t seem to see her. She just walked straight ahead as if lost in a trance. Kathy stepped forward, ‘Aunt Jemima – I mean, Miss Robinson,’ she added swiftly, forgetting in the tension of the moment how she always addressed her when at work. But Jemima didn’t notice, didn’t even realize she was being spoken to. She was walking in a trance. Kathy touched her arm and Jemima jumped, startled out of her reverie.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Kathy asked.

  ‘I—’ Jemima hesitated. Her eyes were dark, anguished pools. ‘No, I’m not.’ For a moment she sagged against Kathy and the younger girl supported her weight. Then she felt and heard Jemima let out a long, deep sigh.

  ‘Let me take you to the staff restroom and make you a cup of tea. You’ve had a shock.’

  With a supreme effort, Jemima straightened up. ‘Thank you. I think I need one. Pity we’re not allowed a little medicinal brandy. I could certainly do with—’

  Suddenly, Mr Hammond was at the other side of her, taking her arm and helping Kathy to support her. ‘I think that’s an excellent idea. We’ll go back to Mr Kendall’s office.’ He smiled at Kathy above Jemima’s head. ‘But don’t tell the rest of the staff.’

  Together, one either side of her, they helped Jemima back into Tony’s office.

  ‘Miss Foster, would you be so kind as to get us some tea? Miss Robinson is feeling a little – well, like the rest of us – shocked.’

  ‘Of course. At once, Mr James.’ And the fussy little spinster hurried off to do his bidding.

  Inside the office, Tony placed a chair for Jemima and Mr Hammond and Kathy helped her into it.

  ‘Tony, my boy, I hope you still keep a bottle of medicinal brandy in the bottom drawer like I always did.’

  ‘Of course,’ Tony smiled as he reached for it, but his concerned glance was on Jemima.

  Miss Foster returned with the tea and James Hammond poured a generous measure of brandy into it. ‘We’re all in a turmoil, not quite knowing what it’s all going to mean for us.’ Standing by her chair, he looked down at her with a serious expression. ‘But we do, don’t we, Miss Robinson?’ he added gently. ‘We know exactly what we’re all in for.’

  Jemima looked up at him sadly as she murmured, ‘I’m afraid we do, Mr James. I’m very much afraid we do.’

  Fifteen

  As soon as they arrived home that evening, Jemima said, ‘Go and light the fire in the front room while I get the tea ready.’

  ‘The – the front room?’ Kathy gaped at her. ‘But – but you – we – never sit in there.’

  ‘Well, we will tonight. Go and light the fire and then make yourself pretty.’ Jemima had fully recovered from her brief moment of doubt and uncertainly. Now she was her old self once more, full of determination and fortitude. Her eyes were full of mischief as she added, ‘Not that you’re not already, but you know what I mean. Tony’s coming round later, isn’t he?’

  ‘Yes, but—’

  ‘I’ll explain when Tony gets here, but first let’s have our tea,’ was all Jemima would say, but Kathy was thankful that she seemed almost back to her old self. And yet there was something strange about her, something resolute and determined. She’s up to something, Kathy thought, as she laid sticks and paper and pieces of coal in the grate. Although it was only early September and not exactly cold, she understood Jemima’s desire for a comforting fire this evening of all evenings.

  Once the fire was well alight, Kathy ran upstairs to change into her dress and brush her hair. As they sat down at the table together in the kitchen, Jemima picked up the heavy teapot and poured out two cups of tea, passing one to Kathy.

  ‘Help yourself to sugar,’ she murmured. ‘And make the most of it. I expect it will be on ration soon enough.’

  ‘Ration?’ Kathy stared at her. ‘What do you mean?’

  Jemima set the teapot down carefully. ‘Towards the end of the last war, certain foods were put on ration. I expect they’ll do it even sooner this time. Of course,’ she went on, musing aloud, ‘they’ll be all right out on the farm, but in the city we’ll all have to start queuing for whatever
we can get.’ A little smile twitched the corner of her mouth. ‘You might want to go home.’

  ‘Never,’ Kathy declared as she buttered a piece of bread, spreading it thickly. ‘I’d sooner starve.’

  ‘Bravely said, my dear,’ Jemima said, sipping her tea and looking as if she was relishing every drop. As perhaps she was. ‘But not so easy to do.’

  ‘This war changes everything,’ Jemima said as, a little later, the three of them sat in her front parlour before the blazing fire. Kathy and Tony sat side by side on the battered sofa, Jemima in the armchair to one side of the hearthrug. The room was cosy, the fire casting a warm, flickering light around the room, illuminating briefly Jemima’s heavy old-fashioned furniture. ‘I’m guessing that there won’t be conscription for a while. They’ll depend on the regular army and volunteers. And I expect there will be plenty of them – just like last time.’ For a moment she was pensive. Kathy could only guess at her painful memories and her fears for the immediate future too.

  Jemima pulled herself out of her brief reverie. ‘But if it goes on for some time, then they will bring it in. I’m sure of it.’ Her glance now rested on Tony. ‘And if they do, you’ll undoubtedly be called up.’

  He nodded, not in the least surprised, though Kathy could not help a startled gasp. She hadn’t thought it would happen so soon.

  She clutched at Tony’s hand and held onto it tightly, as if by her willpower she would physically stop him from going to war.

  ‘You must make the most of the time you have together,’ Jemima went on. ‘And you can meet here. This room can be your haven from the world.’ She looked hard at Tony. ‘But I’m going to be very blunt. I’m trusting you not to bring shame upon Kathy.’

  The young man blushed, seeming for a moment nothing like the competent manager of the big city store, but a rather boyish and shy young man. ‘Of course I won’t. I – I do care about Kathy. Truly, Miss Robinson, despite what you might think because of my – well – because of my past.’